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| You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Monday, February 12, 2007 | [[ELI wakes up on the floor of his squalid new apartment.]]
/ ELI: YAWN! / ELI: All right! My first day of work in my great new apartment! I'm TOTALLY PSYCHED! / [[Eli is at his table, taking envelopes from a pile]]
/ ELI: Time to get lickin', cuz' this smut isn't going to solicit itself! LET'S PAY... http://uglyhill.com/d/20070212.html |
| You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Monday, February 12, 2007 | [[ELI wakes up on the floor of his squalid new apartment.]]
/ ELI: YAWN! / ELI: All right! My first day of work in my great new apartment! I'm TOTALLY PSYCHED! / [[Eli is at his table, taking envelopes from a pile]]
/ ELI: Time to get lickin', cuz' this smut isn't going to solicit itself! LET'S PAY... http://uglyhill.com/d/20070212.html |
| You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Tuesday, February 13, 2007 | [[ELI is at a doctor's office.]]
/ ELI: Please, my ear is KILLING me. How long until I can see the doctor?
/ GREEN RECEPTIONIST: I just need to see your insurance card. / ELI: I don't have insurance. I send people Chinese pornography through the mail. I'm not even sure if I'm getting paid in AMERICAN... http://uglyhill.com/d/20070213.html |
| You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Wednesday, February 14, 2007 | DOCTOR: Looks like you've got a pretty bad ear infection.
/ ELI: Thank God. I thought it was baby rats in my skull. / DOCTOR: Yeah, we ruled that out. We're all out of samples, so I can't give you the antibiotics you need.
/ ELI: What do I do? / DOCTOR: Try mooching off a family member. My parents... http://uglyhill.com/d/20070214.html |
| You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Thursday, February 15, 2007 | [[ELI is at MOTHER KILGORE'S place.]]
/ MOTHER: Is that GLUE? Did you put glue in your ear, young man?!
/ ELI (sweating and quavery): No Mom, that's...pus. C-can you give me the money for the antibiotics or not? / MOTHER: What do I get? One of my sons already left me. YOU'LL probably leave too.
/ ELI:... http://uglyhill.com/d/20070215.html |
| You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Friday, February 16, 2007 | MOTHER: Look at you. Your no-good brother is gone for less than a week and already you're getting infections in all your holes.
/ ELI: "No good"? But he's your favorite. / MOTHER: He betrayed the family, Eli. You remember what happened with your Uncle Jeff.
/ ELI: He moved to Nebraska to be a lawyer... http://uglyhill.com/d/20070216.html |
| You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Monday, February 19, 2007 | [[A bus cruises through the desert.]]
/ CAPTION: Somewhere in the desert...
/ HASTINGS: Maybe my decision was a tad hasty... / [[HASTINGS, on the bus.]]
/ HASTINGS: Mother was being selfish, but did I uproot my life simply out of anger at her immature behavior? / HASTINGS: No, of course not. My decision... http://uglyhill.com/d/20070219.html |
| You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Tuesday, February 20, 2007 | LITTLE KID: Hey scary man! WANNA COLOR?!
/ HASTINGS: I'm not sure a bus is the best place for that. How will we stay inside the lines? / LITTLE KID: You don't HAFTA stay inside the lines! / HASTINGS: Your technique is increasingly erratic! YOU'RE BARELY PAYING ATTENTION! / HASTINGS: FROGS ARE... http://uglyhill.com/d/20070220.html |
| You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Wednesday, February 21, 2007 | [[Day. HASTINGS and the LITTLE KID are at a rest stop.]]
/ HASTINGS: Your abhorrent coloring reminds me of a traumatic event from my youth, young man.
/ LITTLE KID: What's THAT mean? / HASTINGS: What? ABHORRENT? It means atrocious, detestable, repulsive... / [[Silent panel of LITTLE KID not knowing... http://uglyhill.com/d/20070221.html |
| You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Thursday, February 22, 2007 | HASTINGS: I was a precocious child. So full of promise and vocabulary. / [[Flashback: YOUNG HASTINGS at school.]]
/ MRS. OLDHAM: Hastings! What are you doing?!
/ YOUNG HASTINGS: Ms. Oldham, I had just organized my lunchbox the way I liked it when Billy upset the delicate balance.
/ BILLY: OW! My... http://uglyhill.com/d/20070222.html |
| You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Friday, February 23, 2007 | HASTINGS: Up until the incident, I admit I did not have many friends, but at least my professional life was going swimmingly... / [[Flashback: YOUNG HASTINGS is pleased to see his report card.]]
/ YOUNG HASTINGS: An "A+" in sand box! Most excellent and well-deserved!
/ MRS. OLDHAM (offpanel): Gather... http://uglyhill.com/d/20070223.html |
| You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Monday, February 26, 2007 | YOUNG HASTINGS: What we have here is a drawing of an elephant. Our task is to color it. Suggestions?
/ T.J.: GREEN! / YOUNG HASTINGS: NO. No T.J., that is incorrect. Anyone else?
/ HARRISON: Monkey? / YOUNG HASTINGS: No, Harrison, "MONKEY" is not a COLOR. And with that spectacular show of cunning,... http://uglyhill.com/d/20070226.html |
| You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Tuesday, February 27, 2007 | HASTINGS: So you see, all the dumb, ugly children were making me look bad. I had to do something.
/ LITTLE KID: My mom usually knows what to do when I got a problem. / HASTINGS: EXACTLY! I needed to seek my mother's advice. Fortunately, in those days we were allowed to walk home for lunch, so I... http://uglyhill.com/d/20070227.html |
| You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Wednesday, February 28, 2007 | HASTINGS: My mother, bless her heart. Even in those days she was as wise as the day is long. / [[Flashback to a pregnant MOTHER KILGORE smoking and resting an ashtray on her belly.]]
/ MOTHER: Hastings, you're home. Quick, come see what the baby can do! / MOTHER: HA! Lookit him kick! You show... http://uglyhill.com/d/20070228.html |
| You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Thursday, March 1, 2007 | YOUNG HASTINGS: Our teacher has devised a group project at school, and I got saddled with a gaggle of gape-mawed DIMWITS.
/ MOTHER: Losers dragging you down, huh? / MOTHER: Well LISTEN UP, Junior; you need to get rid of them, and FAST. Never ever put up with less than 110%. Anything less is an insult... http://uglyhill.com/d/20070301.html |
| You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Friday, March 2, 2007 | HASTINGS: I told T.J. a PASTE TRUCK overturned on the freeway and he started to salivate like a dog...
/ [[Flashback to T.J. running along the shoulder, licking his chops.]] / HASTINGS: Getting rid of Harrison was harder, until I figured out that he couldn't work the lock on the bathroom stall...
/ [[Flashback... http://uglyhill.com/d/20070302.html |
| You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Monday, March 5, 2007 | YOUNG HASTINGS: My partners left me to finish our project by myself. If you can't think of an appropriate punishment, I have several suggestions. / MRS. OLDHAM: Uh, thank you. WELL! I see you've done a wonderful job on your project anyway!
/ YOUNG HASTINGS: Yes. Elephants are GREY. / MRS. OLDHAM:... http://uglyhill.com/d/20070305.html |
| You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Tuesday, March 6, 2007 | [[The bus is back on the road and it's night again.]]
/ LITTLE KID: So I guess your mom gave you some good advice?
/ HASTINGS: She always knew just what to say. / LITTLE KID: Hey, we're here! There's MY mom!
/ HASTINGS: You CHERISH HER, son. No matter what she says, she always wants what's best for... http://uglyhill.com/d/20070306.html |
| You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Wednesday, March 7, 2007 | [[HASTINGS has arrived at his new office. It's total chaos. We see a chair on fire and knives stuck in the wall and floor.]]
/ HASTINGS: SWEET MERCY! Please tell me this is a pack of coked-out feral gypsies and NOT my new staff!
/ NED GOOSEBERRY (offpanel): I'm afraid it is. / HASTINGS: MR. GOOSEBERRY!... http://uglyhill.com/d/20070307.html |
| You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Thursday, March 8, 2007 | HASTINGS: This is impossible! How am I ever going to whip this staff into shape? What would Mother say?
/ MOTHER (in a thought balloon): NEVER accept less than 110%... / HASTINGS: My God. Deep down, Mother must have WANTED me to take this job, because she taught me the skills I needed to get it... http://uglyhill.com/d/20070308.html |
| You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Friday, March 9, 2007 | Ned Gooseberry: So, your solution is to fire the entire staff? Please explain. / Hastings Kilgore: We need a clean slate. Anything less than 110% efficiency is an insult to you, sir. / Ned Gooseberry: Granted, but have you thought this through? Not all the employees have revolted. What about Billy,... http://uglyhill.com/d/20070309.html |
| You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Monday, March 12, 2007 | [[Peter Wipp eats popcorn and watches TV with Tom Wipp]] / [[Peter gets hit with a snowball]] / [[Peter dances in Hustle competition]] / [[Eli Kilgore and Peter eat ice cream]]
/ Eli: So, what have you been doing now that you're not working for my brother after school anymore?
/ Peter: Living. http://uglyhill.com/d/20070312.html |
| You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Tuesday, March 13, 2007 | Grant Sherman: Peter, this is the third time I've found you here after school. You know I find this place...unsettling.
/ Peter Wipp: Sorry, Grant. / Peter: I've had a lot more free time since I got laid off, and I like to spend it in the art room working on my portfolio. / Pestilence Moresorrow: Could... http://uglyhill.com/d/20070313.html |
| You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Wednesday, March 14, 2007 | Grant Sherman: You're talking to a girl? What's her name? She's paler than milk on a marshmallow.
/ Peter Wipp: Quiet! She'll hear you! / Peter: Her given name is Patricia Merriweather, but she calls that her "slave name". Her chosen title is "Pestilence Moresorrow". / Grant: Ooh! Did you kiss her yet?!... http://uglyhill.com/d/20070314.html |
| You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Thursday, March 15, 2007 | Peter Wipp: Pestilence, I fixed the kiln. Pestilence?
/ Pestilence Moresorrow: Sorry, I was listening to "Frown Brigade". Have you heard of them? / Peter: Heard of them? Is that the new album, "Despair of Aces"?
/ Pestilence: No, "Despair" doesn't come out until next week. / Peter: Not for me. My dad... http://uglyhill.com/d/20070315.html |
| You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Friday, March 16, 2007 | Peter Wipp (thinking): Oh, man! I just remembered I left the album I promised Pestilence at work! / Peter: Hey, listen uh, I got a lot of homework. Could you come over to listen to the album later tonight?
/ Pestilence Moresorrow: My parents don't let me out after dark anymore after "The Incident". / Pestilence:... http://uglyhill.com/d/20070316.html |
| You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Monday, March 19, 2007 | [[PETER is in the office.]]
/ PETER (thinking): So much for my vow never to set foot in this place again. Just get the CD and get out... / PETER: Oh God there's Elliott. What's he doing here so late?
/ [[ELLIOTT is chatting up a young lady as PETER watches from behind a cubicle wall.]]
/ ELLIOTT: Baby,... http://uglyhill.com/d/20070319.html |
| You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Tuesday, March 20, 2007 | PETER: What do you think Elliott meant by that?
/ GRANT: What? That he'd do "anything for a promotion"? Who cares? / GRANT: You're less than 24 hours away from lip wrestling...WITH A GIRL...and you're thinking about some guy from work?
/ PETER: I know, my priorities are screwed up. I just have to... http://uglyhill.com/d/20070320.html |
| You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Wednesday, March 21, 2007 | [[PETER wakes up. Apparently, he spent the night at GRANT'S house. GRANT is eating what appears to be a toaster pastry.]]
/ PETER: Oh no! Is it morning already?!
/ GRANT: Mm-hm. Did you find any websites about making out? / PETER: NO. I spent all night worrying about what ELLIOTT is up to. Now... http://uglyhill.com/d/20070321.html |
| You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Thursday, March 22, 2007 | [[PETER is in the cemetery, leaning against a headstone.]]
/ PETER: I hate this place. Is there a place that zombies can't rise from the grave and devour your flesh on Saturday morning? Where IS SHE? / PETER: Oh, great. Now a funeral's coming through here. Better hide. / [[LADWIG and his daughter... http://uglyhill.com/d/20070322.html |
| You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Friday, March 23, 2007 | PETER: I'm sorry, sir. I'll go wait for my date somewhere else.
/ LADWIG: No no, it's okay. We're done with the service. / PETER: All right. So, uh, how's work been since I left?
/ LADWIG: Fine. But now with my father gone, I'll have to resign so I can take over the family business. / [[PETER... http://uglyhill.com/d/20070323.html |
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