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You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Monday, March 26, 2007 [[PETER is horrified.]] / PETER (thinks): OHMYGOD, did Elliott KILL Mr. Ladwig's FATHER? The timing is too perfect to be a coincidence... / PETER: The day after I overheard him say he'll do anything for a promotion, Mr. Ladwig has to quit and take over the family business because his father died, leaving...
You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Tuesday, March 27, 2007 Peter: Who kills a guy, then goes to his funeral? The nerve! / Pestilence: Who are you talking to? / Peter: Oh! Uh! Pestilence! Er, nobody. Oh, nuts, I left your CD in the cemetery. / Pestilence: S'okay, I already downloaded it anyway. So, uh... What do you want to do now? / Peter: Make out. Suck face....
You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Wednesday, March 28, 2007 [[PETER and PESTILENCE are watching ELLIOTT from behind some bushes.]] / PESTILENCE: Is that him? / PETER: Yeah, the greasy beaver-toothed guy. Look at him walking to his car. So ARROGANT. / PESTILENCE: So did he really kill a guy? What proof do you have? / PETER: Hm? Oh, none. But you don't know...
You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Thursday, March 29, 2007 PETER: It all makes sense. I'm going in, proof or not... / PETER: Excuse me, Mr. Krauthammer. Might I have a WORD with you? / ELLIOTT: Make it fast, my date is getting cold. / PETER: You brought a date to a funeral?! THAT'S AWFUL! / ELLIOTT: Who's that in the bushes? Looks like you scored a...
You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Friday, March 30, 2007 Peter Wipp: I know what you did, and I'm not going to let you get away with it. / Elliott Krauthammer: Come again, Titmouse? / Peter: You killed Mr. Ladwig's father, knowing full well he'd be forced to quit his job to take over the family business, leaving his position ripe for the picking! / Peter:...
 
You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Monday, April 2, 2007 [[ELLIOTT and PETER sit on a bench while ELLIOTT smokes a cigarette.]] / ELLIOTT: Hey where's that chick with the pancake makeup? / PETER: She left when I began loudly accusing you of murder in a high-pitched girls' voice / ELLIOTT: Yeah, you're all screwed up on that. I'm not even next in line for...
You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Tuesday, April 3, 2007 PETER (thinking to himself): Mr. Krauthammer's right; my loyalty to Mr. Kilgore is completely misplaced. He was awful to me! / PETER: I've accused an innocent man of murder; maligned his VERY REPUTATION, all because Mr. Kilgore planted a seed of mistrust that blossomed into a TULIP OF HATE. / [[PETER...
You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Wednesday, April 4, 2007 [[PETER listens to HASTINGS' phone message. He looks happy!]] / HASTINGS: *BEEP* Hello, Peter, this is Mr. Kilgore calling from Blight Point. I have not yet even made contact with my own family, so I trust you will keep this communique in STRICTEST CONFIDENCE... / HASTINGS: I hope work is going well....
You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Thursday, April 5, 2007 PETER: Mr. Ladwig, thank God you're still here. I want another internship. I'll take ANYTHING! / LADWIG: I'm on my way out, Peter. It's my last day. / PETER: I know, but I need this. Assign me to anybody you want, I don't care. / LADWIG: I never thought you'd be back after that business with Elliott. / PETER:...
You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Friday, April 6, 2007 [[MUDRICK and ELLIOTT chat as PETER mops in the background.]] / MUDRICK: Oh, you don't have to get me coffee, Elliott. You're second in command around here now! / ELLIOTT: It's the least I can do for our new branch manager! / [[PETER knocks away the cup of coffee with his mop.]] / PETER: NO! Don't...
 
You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Monday, April 9, 2007 [[Outside Snug's house]] / Neil: Sorry, champ. No packages today. / Snug: DANG IT! I ordered that t-shirt WEEKS ago! Where is it? / Neil: Must be some shirt. / Snug: Oh it IS! It has a picture of a dog, only the dog is also a LOBSTER. / Neil: Why would you want a dog in a lobster costume on your shirt. / Snug:...
You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Tuesday, April 10, 2007 Snug [[in kitchen]]: Bills, Bills, Bills, Greetings from West Virginia Your Uncle is Dead, Bills, Bills... Wait a second. / [[Letter fills panel]] This correspondence is to inform you that your Uncle Malachi Esekiel Hezekiah has passed, and you were named in his will. Expect delivery of your inheritance...
You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Wednesday, April 11, 2007 Snug [[waiting in kitchen]]: This must be a scam. I don't even remember an uncle malachi, much less know him well enough to be named in his will. / <> / Snug [[at front door]]: Can I help you? / Delievery Man: Is somebody expecting a rockin' inheritance?! / Snug: Oh man! It's real and...
You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Thursday, April 12, 2007 Eli: Mom, I'm supposed to meet Snug at the movies in 15 minutes. Are we done shopping? / Mom: Quiet! I'm waiting for a checkout to open. / Eli: There's one right there, and there's no line. Come on.. / Mom [[off-panel]]: Not a chance! Look at the cashier. I don't trust him. / Eli [[off-panel]]: Why?...
You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Friday, April 13, 2007 Eli: I can't believe you made us wait for a two-eyed cashier. That's so wrong. / Mother Kilgore: That Wink would have screwed up the order and you know it. / Eli: There's that word again! Mom, you can't say that! It's offensive! / Mother Kilgore: What? That's what we called them in my day. It's just a...
 
You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Monday, April 16, 2007 Snug: Your Mom said the "W" word? In front of everybody? / Eli: Yeah, apparently my mother uses racial slurs like punctuation now. I gotta get away from her. / Snug: So? You got a job now. Just move out! / Eli: I can't, I promised her. Plus mail order porno isn't as lucrative as I thou-- / Eli: Oof! / Eli:...
You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Tuesday, April 17, 2007 Eli: Listen, I'm sorry I bumped into you. I didn't mean anything by it. / One-Eyed Monster: Why don't you just give us all your money and we'll call it even? / Eli: HEY! THAT'S MY WALLET! LET GO! THAT'S ALL MY MONEY! STOP IT! RRGH! GET...OFF...MY... / Eli: WHY DON'T YOU GO BACK WHERE YOU CAME FROM YOU...
You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Wednesday, April 18, 2007 Eli: Ow. Snug, are you okay? / Snug: Yeah. Why on Earth would you say that to those guys? / Eli: I don't know, I was scared and mad. It just...came out. What's wrong with me? Am i a closet racist? / Snug: No, I just think your mom is rubbing off on you. Monkey see, monkey do. / Eli: Well, I guess that...
You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Thursday, April 19, 2007 [[Eli counts money and figures on a calculator.]] / Eli Kilgore: There's no way I'll ever have enough money to move out on my own. I guess I'm stuck with Mom. / Snug Snugworth: You give up too easy. / Eli: The only way I could possibly get out of my mom's house is if Hastings came back from California...
You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Friday, April 20, 2007 Eli: Wait, how are we gonna get to California? We can't afford plane tickets, and neither one of us has a car. / Snug: While you were yammering about your mommmy issues, I didn't get a chance to tell you about my new wheels. / Snug: My uncle Whatshisname left me it to me! it has a leaky propane tank...
 
You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Monday, April 23, 2007 [[Two sluttily dressed dirty-looking women address Hastings, who is carrying a box into his apartment. / Trixie: Hi! Moving in, handsome? I'm trixie, and this is roxie; we're your new neighbors! / Hastings: Hello, ladies. Hastings Kilgore, at your service. / Roxie: What do YOU do? / Hastings: I'm an obsessive...
You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Tuesday, April 24, 2007 [[In Hastings office]] / Ryan (through intercom): Mr. Kilgore, Mr. Gooseberry is calling on line one for you. / Hastings: Thank you, Ryan. Put him through. / Mr. Gooseberry (over speaker phone): Mr. Kilgore! What's this I hear? You've got your entire new staff hired and trained ALREADY? / Hastings:...
You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Wednesday, April 25, 2007 [[Hastings Kilgore talks sternly to Tom]] / [[Hastings Kilgore yells at Green Worker]] / [[Hastings Kilgore speaks smilingly to Purple Worker]] / [[Hastings Kilgore screams furiously at Purple Worker]]
You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Thursday, April 26, 2007 Hastings Kilgore: All this motivation is making me hoarse and angry. Ryan, where's my water? / Ryan: H-Here I am, sir. *sniff* / Hastings Kilgore: Are you crying? Why are you crying?! / Ryan: You said some pretty cruel things about my family in your "pep talk"... / Hastings Kilgore: I said those things...
You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Friday, April 27, 2007 [[GOOSEBERRY and HASTINGS talking outdoors.]] / GOOSEBERRY: I must say I'm impressed. These employees have fallen into line like cultist baby ducks. / HASTINGS: My methods are proven and brutal. / GOOSEBERRY: Indeed. I did note one thing that I wanted to bring up, however... / HASTINGS (Big, moist eyes,...
 
You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Monday, April 30, 2007 Ned Goosebury: As much as I'd like this office to remain a boys' club, the ACLU will serve me my own tail if I don't hire at least one woman. / Hastings Kilgore: Vultures! / Ned Goosebury: Well, go ahead and hire one, but you know what types to avoid, right? / Hastings Kilgore: None of the types I know...
You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Tuesday, May 1, 2007 [[Two employees are taking a smoke break. One is a big brown guy with little yellow horns, no shirt, a red bowtie and brown slacks. The other has the same coloring as PESTILENCE MORESORROW--white with dark hair and three red spots on his chin.]] / BROWN GUY: So, I guess Kilgore is the boss' favorite. / WHITE...
You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Wednesday, May 2, 2007 Snugworth: Where are we, anyway? / Eli Kilgore: Just Outside Prehensile Creek, Ohio. / Eli Kilgore: I got Hastings' work address from his company directory, so we'll start looking there. / Snugworth: Wait. If you had that, why didn't you just call him? / Eli Kilgore: Because hed just refuse to come home...
You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Thursday, May 3, 2007 Hastings: Bah! These applicants are overqualified! How many floors have gone unscrubbed since we started educating our women? Too many I say! / Hastings: My options are exhausted. I've been driven to America's compost heap to find a suitable female employee; the internet. / Hastings: [[types]]...
You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Friday, May 4, 2007 [[HASTINGS is in the office.]] / HASTINGS: Oh! A response to my job posting already? DELIGHTFUL! / [[He reads from his monitor.]] / MESSAGE: Mr. Kilgore, / I am APPALLED by the requirements for the job you posted. No woman in her right mind would subject herself to such a demeaning, SEXIST employer....
 

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