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| Ugly Hill Comic; Friday, July 4, 2005 | Hastings: As I'm sure you are aware Peter, I've decided to give you a second chance as my intern.
/ Peter: Thank you, Mr. Kilgore. I promise I'll try to do better this time. / Hastings: You would have to be a mentally challenged fungus to do worse. Or a houseplant with a rare brain disease... / Hastings:... http://uglyhill.com/d/20050704.html |
| Ugly Hill Comic; Tuesday, June 5, 2005 | Hastings: Peter, take these documents and make fifteen copies of each. I expect them collated and stapled before lunch.
/ Peter: But it's 11:45. / Hastings: All the more reason for you to cease your godawful whining. / Peter: Rrgh... Excuse me? About how long do you think you're going to be?
/ Elliot:... http://uglyhill.com/d/20050705.html |
| Ugly Hill Comic; Wednesday, July 6, 2005 | Peter: Listen, I've got about 2,500 copies to make in the next... five minutes. So, maybe if you could...
/ Elliot: Are you still here? / Peter: Yeah, yeah I am. I figured since you were just copying flyers for your garage sale you could, I dunno... do it later? / Elliot: Hey, take off, junior. And... http://uglyhill.com/d/20050706.html |
| Ugly Hill Comic; Thursday, July 7, 2005 | Hastings: Your time is up, Peter. Where are my copies?
/ Peter: Sorry, but some jerk was using the copy machine for personal use and he wouldn't let me in. / Hastings: Personal use?! In this company? Who?!
/ Peter: I don't know. Short guy, greasy hair, kinda scaly, bad teeth. / [[Hastings Lifts Peter... http://uglyhill.com/d/20050707.html |
| Ugly Hill Comic; Friday, July 8, 2005 | Peter: Who or what is Elliot Krauthammer?
/ Hastings: Since my first day of work at this company, Elliot Krauthammer has been the bane of my existence. / Hastings: Currently, we are both at the same management level, despite his questionable work habits. But now I have that smelly weasel right where... http://uglyhill.com/d/20050708.html |
| Ugly Hill Comic; Tuesday, July 12, 2005 | Hastings: From the counter on this copier, which was at 4,567 copies as of 11:30 this morning, it appears as if Elliot has made anywhere between 1,000 and 1,500 illegal personal copies.
/ Peter: Look, I found one of the garage sale flyers he made. / Hastings: Give me that. My god, the nerve of that negligible... http://uglyhill.com/d/20050711.html |
| Ugly Hill Comic; Tuesday, July 12, 2005 | Hastings: I will not rest until Elliot is brought to justice for this infraction!
/ Peter: I guess I'll go make those copies now... / Hastings: No! Do not touch that machine! / Hastings: In order to properly punish Elliot, we must keep the crime scene perfectly intact, as evidence! / Hastings: Hey!... http://uglyhill.com/d/20050712.html |
| Ugly Hill Comic; Wednesday, July 13, 2005 | Hastings: Now that the copier has been used again, we have no proof that Krauthammer made personal copies!
/ Peter: Why don't you just go visit his cubicle? / Hastings: Excellent idea! Once I arrive, there will be no escape! I can force a confession out of him! Force him by using force!
/ Peter: No. I... http://uglyhill.com/d/20050713.html |
| Ugly Hill Comic; Thursday, July 14, 2005 | Hastings: So uh, Elliot, I hear you're having a garage sale...
/ Elliot: Yeah? What do you care? / Hastings: Well, you know, I was thinking I might be in the market for a...uh...garage... / Hastings: All right, admit it! I know you made hundreds of personal copies on a company copier! Admit it!
/ Elliot:... http://uglyhill.com/d/20050714.html |
| You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Friday, July 15, 2005 | Elliot: Face it, Kilgore, you have no way of proving I made those copies.
/ Hastings: Uh, I erm...
/ Peter: But I saw you do it! I'm a witness! / Elliot: You?! I remember you! You're Hastings' new intern, aren't you?! / [[Hastings turns red with rage while Elliot speaks]]
/ Elliot: Ha! Now I've got you,... http://uglyhill.com/d/20050715.html |
| You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Monday, July 18, 2005 | [[In Mr. Ladwig's office]]
/ Mr. Ladwig: Ahem... Hastings, it has come to my attention that several of your fellow employees personally witnessed you attempt to eat another co-worker. / Mr. Ladwig: As you are well aware, this is in direct violation of company policy. / Mr. Ladwig: Your behavior has... http://uglyhill.com/d/20050718.html |
| You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Tuesday, July 19, 2005 | Peter: I'm sorry, Mr. Kilgore. If I had been able to handle that situation myself, you wouldn't have gotten demoted.
/ Hastings: Yes! Your fault! Interns! Useless! / Peter: Actually, I was just being nice. If you had been able to control your temper, you could have tried to talk things out with Mr. Krauthammer... http://uglyhill.com/d/20050719.html |
| You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Wednesday, July 20, 2005 | Peter: If you ask me, you got off lucky just getting demoted. Eating a guy seems like a fireable offense.
/ Hastings: Almost eating a guy. Almost. / Peter: This must be your new cubicle. Seems kinda small.
/ Hastings: There are only two walls and one of them is broken. How is that a cube? / Peter:... http://uglyhill.com/d/20050720.html |
| You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Thursday, July 21, 2005 | Peter: Well, I guess you'll think twice now before trying to solve your problems with workplace cannibalism. / Peter: Hey look, there's a note in your new cubicle. / [[Hastings holds the note and reads]]
/ Dear Hastings, Congratulations on your demotion. I may be covered from head to toe in your putrid... http://uglyhill.com/d/20050721.html |
| You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Friday, July 22, 2005 | Snug: So your brother got demoted to assistant manager, huh? Brutal.
/ Eli: Yeah, he's pretty broken up about it. / Eli: Hastings hasn't been assistant anything since he started working when he was six. He's been a blubbering basket case all day... / Hastings: Hello!
/ Eli: Well, he was. / Snug: Maybe... http://uglyhill.com/d/20050722.html |
| You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Monday, July 25, 2005 | Eli: < http://uglyhill.com/d/20050725.html |
| You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Tuesday, July 26, 2005 | Peter: Hi, Mr. Kilgore. Sorry I'm late.
/ Hastings: You know the rule. I will require the obituary on my desk by next Monday. / Peter: No, nobody's dead. Some jerk threw a rock at me, and when I threw one back, I got detention.
/ Hastings: Oh. Well, did you hit him? / Peter: No, not directly. The rock... http://uglyhill.com/d/20050726.html |
| You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Wednesday, July 27, 2005 | Eli: Oh hey, hold on, Snug. I promised Hastings I'd put the laundry in the dryer.
/ Snug: Pfft. Fine. / Eli: Aww, son of a... He's gonna kill me! I accidentally washed his "Comprehensive List of Lifelong Enemies"!
/ Snug: Ha! Am I still on it? / Eli: Hee hee... Yeah, and you've surpassed three of his... http://uglyhill.com/d/20050727.html |
| You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Thursday, July 28, 2005 | Eli: Hi, uh can I have an application? You know, for a job?
/ Manager: We don't have any. We just do on-the-spot interviews now. / Manager: Here's your uniform.
/ Eli: Wait...what? What about the interview? / Manager: This is fast food, dim bulb. Walking in under your own power was the interview... / Manager:... http://uglyhill.com/d/20050728.html |
| You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Friday, July 29, 2005 | Worker: Looks like the uniform fits.
/ Eli: Not really. It's kind of small. / Worker: Exactly. Read the handbook dude, "All McDorsal's uniforms must be at least 3 sizes too small."
/ Eli: Why? / Worker: The smaller your clothes, the dumber you look, and the dumber you look... / Worker: ...the more likely... http://uglyhill.com/d/20050729.html |
| You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Monday, August 1, 2005 | Eli: Hey, I don't think you're supposed to be smoking that in the kitchen.
/ Co-worker: Why not? You afraid you'll get burned, Nancy? / Eli: No, I'm afraid you'll put out your next butt in somebody else's cheeseburger. / Co-worker: Ha ha! Hey guys, "Health Code Harry" over here thinks I'm bein' unsanitary!
/ Eli:... http://uglyhill.com/d/20050801.html |
| You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Tuesday, August 2, 2005 | Eli: Listen people, we cannot store the condiments behind the toilet! We just can't, okay?! / Herschel McDorsal: This place is a pit, ain't it?
/ Eli: Yeah, it's really gro-- Hey! You're Herschel McDorsal, the official McDorsal's mascot! / Herschel McDorsal: Yeah, that's me, and you must be the new... http://uglyhill.com/d/20050802.html |
| You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Wednesday, August 3, 2005 | Herschel McDorsal: Listen, you look like a nice kid, so I'm gonna let you in on a little secret: I'm not really Herschel McDorsal... / Berman Spreelock: My name is Berman Spreelock, and I'm a filmmaker shooting a documentary about the unsanitary conditions at McDorsal's.
/ Eli: Wow! Get out! Really?... http://uglyhill.com/d/20050803.html |
| You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Thursday, August 4, 2005 | Berman Spreelock: The store manager must be paying off the health inspectors, and I want proof. I need you to put a bug on his phone tonight when you close the store. / Eli: Geez, I don't know. I could get fired.
/ Berman Spreelock: How long do you think it would take to get a job offer exactly like... http://uglyhill.com/d/20050804.html |
| You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Friday, August 5, 2005 | Berman Spreelock: What took you so long? Did you get the key to Mr. Ratnaster's office?
/ Eli: Yeah, I got it from his pants while he was changing for the gym. / Berman Spreelock: Okay, now I'll plant the bug in his phone and we'll have the ominous narration for that footage of the fingernail in the... http://uglyhill.com/d/20050805.html |
| Ugly Hill Comic; Monday, August 8, 2005 | Eli: Thank goodness! Did you plant the bug on his phone? Why did you take that picture from his office?
/ Berman: We need a visual of our target. / Berman: In an expose documentary like I'm making, people need to have a face to go with their outrage. I could never get any video footage of Ratnaster;... http://uglyhill.com/d/20050808.html |
| Ugly Hill Comic; Tuesday, August 9, 2005 | Eli: So not only are you going to expose Mr. Ratnaster's negligent health practices in your movie, but now you're going to make fun of his weight?! / Berman: I'm just presenting the facts, Eli. Look at this guy...
/ Eli: Maybe he has a thyroid problem. / Berman: He's getting fat on the money he saves... http://uglyhill.com/d/20050809.html |
| Ugly Hill Comic; Wednesday, August 10, 2005 | Eli: Listen Berman, I don't want to help you make your documentary anymore. I'll just get my jacket and go home...
/ Berman: No, don't go in there / < http://uglyhill.com/d/20050810.html |
| Ugly Hill Comic; Thursday, August 11, 2005 | Berman: Fine Eli, you want out? You're out! But don't expect your name in the credits!
/ Eli: Credit for what? Assault? Breaking and entering? Conspiracy to make fun of a fat guy?! / Ratnaster: Eli! Eli, are you still here? I forgot something in my office...
/ Berman: Oh no! It's Mr. Ratnaster! If he... http://uglyhill.com/d/20050811.html |
| Ugly Hill Comic; Friday, August 12, 2005 | Hastings: So which is it? Did you quit or get fired?
/ Eli: I got fired... / Eli: ...but then I said, "You can't fire me, I quit!". You know, like on TV.
/ Hastings: So you were fired, and then you quit. That seems redundant. Maybe that's why you were fired. / Eli: No, I quit because that place had more... http://uglyhill.com/d/20050812.html |
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