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| You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Wednesday, January 16, 2008 | [ELI, now wearing his jacket and wool cap, is frantically running to the patent office.]
/ ELI: Must...reach...patent office...first...to validate...existence... / [He's made it into the office.]
/ ELI: HA! Now to patent my brilliant invention, THUS CEMENTING MY PLACE IN HISTORY! / PATENT CLERK: Good... http://uglyhill.com/d/20080116.html |
| You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Thursday, January 17, 2008 | [[Back from the patent office, ELI is dejectedly hanging around with SNUG and PETER.]]
/ ELI: Maybe that motivational poster was wrong and there ARE no great ideas inside me.
/ SNUG: But a pillow that stays cool on both sides IS a great idea! Somebody else just thought of it first. / PETER: Oh come ON!... http://uglyhill.com/d/20080117.html |
| You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Friday, January 18, 2008 | [[ELI runs after SNUG, holding a piece of paper. He passes a poster showing a smiling cyclops kid with the caption "Have you seen me?"]]
/ ELI: I signed up for night school! Turns out I only need a few classes to graduate.
/ SNUG: There are MILLIONS of high school graduates in this country who are spectacular... http://uglyhill.com/d/20080118.html |
| You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Monday, January 21, 2008 | [[HASTINGS is eating a sandwich. STEVENS reaches into the shot with a card in his claw.]]
/ STEVENS (offpanel): Here's the number you wanted for the adoption agency my wife and I used, Mr. Kilgore. / STEVENS: So, shootin' blanks, huh? I know how THAT is. / HASTINGS: Excuse me, but that is NOT the... http://uglyhill.com/d/20080121.html |
| You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Tuesday, January 22, 2008 | [[A light snow is falling as HASTINGS returns home. NORA is bundled up in a down-filled jacket, wool cap, scarf, mittens and earmuffs. HASTINGS wears a down-filled vest he hasn't even bothered to zip up.]]
/ NORA: Did they let you out early, too?
/ HASTINGS: More like FORCED me out. I can't believe... http://uglyhill.com/d/20080122.html |
| You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Wednesday, January 23, 2008 | [[NORA shovels (a lot more snow has fallen since the previous strip) as HASTINGS, well...]]
/ NORA: Is there a reason I'm doing all the work and you're staring wistfully into the distance?
/ HASTINGS: All this snow reminds me of Mother. / HASTINGS: I'd normally shovel HER driveway too, but since she... http://uglyhill.com/d/20080123.html |
| You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Thursday, January 24, 2008 | [[NORA and HASTINGS are back indoors now with nice hot cups of cocoa.]]
/ NORA: If you want to patch things up with your mother, just go over there and shovel her driveway. I'm sure she'll appreciate it.
/ HASTINGS (red-eyed, slamming table with his fist): Why should I? She's the selfish, manipulative... http://uglyhill.com/d/20080124.html |
| You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Friday, January 25, 2008 | [[HASTINGS and NORA walk toward MOTHER KILGORE'S house.]]
/ HASTINGS: You didn't have to come with me.
/ NORA: I'm here for moral support. Plus I wanted to see the house you grew up in. / [[They've brought snow shovels.]]
/ NORA: You must have a lot of memories here.
/ HASTINGS: Oh yes. In some ways,... http://uglyhill.com/d/20080125.html |
| You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Monday, January 28, 2008 | [[HASTINGS is trembling from shock.]]
/ NORA: CALM DOWN, Hastings! What's the matter?
/ HASTINGS: I just uncovered a "FOR SALE" sign under a snowdrift! Mother is SELLING the house I grew up in! / NORA: You said she got screwed out of your grandfather's inheritance. Maybe she needs the money.
/ HASTINGS... http://uglyhill.com/d/20080128.html |
| You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Tuesday, January 29, 2008 | [[HASTINGS is on his knees, beseeching his mother.]]
/ HASTINGS: MOTHER, SAY IT'S NOT TRUE! SAY YOU'RE NOT SELLING THE HOUSE!
/ MOTHER KILGORE: But then I'd be drunk AND lying. I'm selling the house, Hastings. I need the money. / MOTHER: Since I was a girl I dreamed of the day my father would die and... http://uglyhill.com/d/20080129.html |
| You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Wednesday, January 30, 2008 | NORA: Hastings came over here to make peace, Mrs. Kilgore. I'm sorry he's so upset about you selling your house.
/ MOTHER KILGORE: PLEASE, call me Vivian. So you and my son are planning a family, I hear? / NORA: Yes! It's very expensive. We're just starting the adoption process and trying to scrape... http://uglyhill.com/d/20080130.html |
| You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Thursday, January 31, 2008 | [[HASTINGS hands his mother a check.]]
/ HASTINGS (offpanel): Here you are, Mother. And don't worry about paying us back, we're glad to help. / NORA (to HASTINGS): Can I SEE you for a minute, please?
/ HASTINGS: Okay, but hurry up. I have to transfer all the money from our savings to our checking before... http://uglyhill.com/d/20080131.html |
| You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Friday, February 1, 2008 | [[HASTINGS and NORA, back at home.]]
/ HASTINGS: So you'd rather my mother end up on the STREET, then?
/ NORA: NO! I know giving her the money was the right thing to do, but... / HASTINGS: We'll rebuild our savings and look into adoption again in a couple of years, okay? In the meantime... / HASTINGS:... http://uglyhill.com/d/20080201.html |
| You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Monday, February 4, 2008 | [[NORA returns to MOTHER KILGORE's (hereafter referred to as VIVIAN, which we found was her first name on 1/30/08) house.]]
/ NORA: Mother Kilgore? It's Nora! Are you home? I just came to shovel your walk again after the fresh snow! / [[NORA is now inside, shovel in hand.]]
/ NORA: I also wanted to... http://uglyhill.com/d/20080204.html |
| You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Tuesday, February 5, 2008 | [[NORA vents at VIVIAN.]]
/ NORA: You blew all your money on this CRAP?! What happened to your mortgage?
/ VIVIAN: It's none of your DAMN business! / NORA: We gave you our adoption savings because you said you were going to LOSE YOUR HOUSE! / VIVIAN: Better I spend that money on a big screen TV than... http://uglyhill.com/d/20080205.html |
| You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Wednesday, February 6, 2008 | [[VIVIAN is dazed and feeling her bruised cheek.]]
/ NORA (offpanel): Now that I've got your attention, you DECEITFUL OLD HAG, sit back and listen up... / NORA: Your son has bent over backwards to make you happy all his life, but now things are going to be DIFFERENT. You're going to return all this junk,... http://uglyhill.com/d/20080206.html |
| You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Thursday, February 7, 2008 | ELI: How you holdin' up, Buddy?
/ HASTINGS: I've been TWICE BETRAYED, Eli! How do you THINK I'm doing? / ELI: Twice? Your wife was just sticking up for you!
/ HASTINGS: Eli, she attacked our mother! / ELI: Fine. But Mom tricking you into giving her thousands of dollars she didn't need just to keep... http://uglyhill.com/d/20080207.html |
| You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Friday, February 8, 2008 | [[HASTINGS holds a photo of NORA. Everything is gray.]]
/ HASTINGS: She's gone, and I'm alone again...naturally. / HASTINGS (still all gray): SIGH...If only she'd left something to remember her by. A trifle, a trinket, anything so she won't fade from my memory like all the rest. / [[Silent panel of... http://uglyhill.com/d/20080208.html |
| You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Monday, February 11, 2008 | [[GRANT'S MOTHER is looking dubiously at the box for a game GRANT wants to buy.]]
/ GRANT'S MOTHER: Are you sure this is what you want to spend your Christmas money on?
/ GRANT: YES! We've been looking forward to this game for months! / GRANT: It's called "BLUDGEON PLANET III: THE BLUDGEONING." You... http://uglyhill.com/d/20080211.html |
| You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Tuesday, February 12, 2008 | [[Phone-conversation panel with GRANT and PETER. GRANT uses a headset so he can game while he talks.]]
/ GRANT: Peter! Guess what violence-based game I purchased today?
/ PETER: You'll have to narrow that down. / [[Same as first panel.]]
/ GRANT: "BLUDGEON PLANET III!" You should see the new bone splinter... http://uglyhill.com/d/20080212.html |
| You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Wednesday, February 13, 2008 | GRANT: You missed a BREATHTAKING game night, Peter! They're actually divided up the character sprites into sections now, so you can shatter each limb INDIVIDUALLY! It's really quite... / PETER: Oh, hey Pestilence! We're off to the movies, Grant. See you later!
/ [[PETER and PESTILENCE leave.]] / GRANT:... http://uglyhill.com/d/20080213.html |
| You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Thursday, February 14, 2008 | [[GRANT sits dejectedly on his bed. His MOTHER stands in the doorway, drying a dish.]]
/ GRANT'S MOTHER: What is it, honey? You just started school vacation, you should be happy!
/ GRANT: Peter's too busy with his new girlfriend to spend time with me. / GRANT'S MOTHER (little smile): Oh, I see. So... http://uglyhill.com/d/20080214.html |
| You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Friday, February 15, 2008 | GRANT: I'm so BORED. What good is this game if I don't have anyone with whom to share my simulated murders? / [[He sticks his head out the window.]]
/ GRANT: Peter's new girlfriend is taking up all of his time, and I'm stuck here for the whole vacation twiddling my thumbs and smelling the bakery next... http://uglyhill.com/d/20080215.html |
| You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Monday, February 18, 2008 | [[Back home, GRANT is polishing off the last donut when his MOTHER catches him.]]
/ GRANT'S MOTHER: Well, son, you know what today is, don't you?
/ GRANT: MMPH? / GRANT'S MOTHER: It's my birthday, Grant. Didn't you GET me anything?
/ GRANT (thinking): I can't tell Mom I blew all my money binging on PASTRIES! / GRANT'S... http://uglyhill.com/d/20080218.html |
| You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Tuesday, February 19, 2008 | [[GRANT appeals to the worm-headed NARCOTICS ANONYMOUS GUY.]]
/ GRANT: Please sir, I don't belong here!
/ NARC ANON GUY: I've heard 'em all, hop-head. Take a seat. / GREEN STONER: Hey, nerd! What kind of drugs you on? NERD DRUGS?
/ GRANT: Uh, n-no, I'm actually not on drugs at all. Th-this is just a... http://uglyhill.com/d/20080219.html |
| You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Wednesday, February 20, 2008 | [[GRANT is now in a hospital bed.]]
/ GRANT: Will I need stitches?
/ CHEERY BLUE DOCTOR: Oh yes! Many hundreds. / GRANT: This is the worst school vacation I've ever had.
/ CHEERY BLUE DOCTOR: Well, don't give up yet, kid. "There's always tomorrow for dreams to come true." / [[CHEERY BLUE DOCTOR checks... http://uglyhill.com/d/20080220.html |
| You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Thursday, February 21, 2008 | [[GRANT is visited by MIKE and JERRY from Child's Play and "Penny Arcade."]]
/ MIKE: Hey, kid! We represent a charity organization that donates video games to sick kids like you!
/ GRANT: Hi. I'm not really sick, I just got beat up by... / MIKE: SHUT UP, JERK! I'm charityin' here! Just take this advance... http://uglyhill.com/d/20080221.html |
| You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Friday, February 22, 2008 | [[GRANT is playing "Bludgeon Planet IV" and a NURSE sees it. She is horrified.]]
/ NURSE: Oh my GOODNESS! Where did you get this AWFUL game?
/ GRANT: These two weird guys gave it to me...HEY, don't shut it off! / NURSE: We don't allow this kind of material in the children's ward. I'm going to DESTROY... http://uglyhill.com/d/20080222.html |
| You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Monday, February 25, 2008 | [[Poor GRANT sits in a chair with his burned scalp bandaged as another doctor enters the room.]]
/ ZOIDBERGESQUE DOCTOR: Pack your bags, son. You're getting discharged today!
/ GRANT: Who cares? I might as well just stay in the hospital. / GRANT: So far this week I've been IGNORED by my best friend,... http://uglyhill.com/d/20080225.html |
| You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Tuesday, February 26, 2008 | [[PETER knocks at GRANT'S door.]]
/ PETER: Hey, Grant. Can we come in?
/ GRANT: PETER! Of course you can...Wait, "WE?" / [[PETER enters, with PESTILENCE.]]
/ GRANT (offpanel): Oh, I see. You brought your "Shiela." I might have known. / PESTILENCE: "SHEILA?" How DARE you refer to me using outdated... http://uglyhill.com/d/20080226.html |
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