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| Ugly Hill- A Daily Comic Strip by Paul Southworth | [[ELI is reading a book titled "Advanced Algebra."]] / [[ELI is now reading a book titled "Beginner's Algebra" and looking a little more determined.]] / [[Now it's "Basic Math" and he's frustrated and sweating.]] / [[Now it's "How to Kill Yourself" and he's shedding a tear.]] / [[Finally, it's "Suicide... http://uglyhill.com/d/20080407.html |
| Ugly Hill- A Daily Comic Strip by Paul Southworth | [[ELI is still frustrated.]]
/ ELI: GRAGH! Algebra! Why did I ever think I could do this?!
/ SNUG (cheerfully): Why don't you quit? Quitting is always easy. / ELI: I need this class to get my GED. I just...I thought it would be easier as an adult.
/ SNUG: What skills have you mastered in the last... http://uglyhill.com/d/20080408.html |
| Ugly Hill- A Daily Comic Strip by Paul Southworth | ELI: I don't know. I really just think I should quit.
/ [[Scratches his bum.]]
/ < http://uglyhill.com/d/20080409.html |
| Ugly Hill- A Daily Comic Strip by Paul Southworth | ELI: You can't be more than ten years old! What are you doing in an ADULT night class?
/ WILL TOOBER: Earning extra credit by helping the remedial students. / WILL: If I intend to graduate this year, I need all the help I can get. / ELI: GRADUATE?! You're in HIGH SCHOOL?!
/ WILL: Not for long! / ELI:... http://uglyhill.com/d/20080410.html |
| Ugly Hill- A Daily Comic Strip by Paul Southworth | ELI: Hey, you know this kid Will Toober? He goes to your high school.
/ PETER: "TOOBER THE GOOBER?" I hate that little know-it-all. How do you know him? / ELI: He's in my night class earning extra credit. Seems nice enough.
/ PETER: You just met him. He blurts out answers before the teacher can ask the... http://uglyhill.com/d/20080411.html |
| Ugly Hill- A Daily Comic Strip by Paul Southworth | {{Guest strip by Brian Denham.}}
/ [[It's VIVIAN KILGORE's birthday. Cake, confetti, big "Happy Birthday, Mother" banner.]]
/ VIVIAN: Enough with the singing, already! You guys sound like a moose with buckshot in its trachea.
/ I got it: Happy Birthday. Whatever! Get a move on! I'm missing my stories! / HASTINGS:... http://uglyhill.com/d/20080412.html |
| Ugly Hill- A Daily Comic Strip by Paul Southworth | {{Guest strip by Rosscott.}}
/ [[PETER is writing a letter.]]
/ PETER: Dear Eli,
/ Greetings from China! This whole business trip thing has been pretty interesting... / [[HASTINGS and PETER on the plane. HASTINGS is happily perusing a Racist-to-Chinese Dictionary while PETER listens grumpily to his iPod.]]
/ PETER:... http://uglyhill.com/d/20080413.html |
| Ugly Hill- A Daily Comic Strip by Paul Southworth | WILL TOOBER: So the solution X in this equation is 6. Got it?
/ ELI: If you're in class day and night, when do you study? / WILL: I don't have to study. I've got all the answers up here.
/ ELI: SIGH...all right, so X=6. How do you get that? / WILL (nervous): Well, you um...First you uh...add the...ER... / WILL:... http://uglyhill.com/d/20080414.html |
| Ugly Hill- A Daily Comic Strip by Paul Southworth | [[ELI and HASTINGS are returning from the grocery store.]]
/ ELI: It's HUMILIATING! Nobody else in class needs a 10 year old tutor!
/ HASTINGS: They're probably just not as stupid as you. / ELI: And I don't even think the kid even knows how to do the WORK! He just knows the answers. / HASTINGS: He... http://uglyhill.com/d/20080415.html |
| Ugly Hill- A Daily Comic Strip by Paul Southworth | [[ELI lies in wait as WILL TOOBER enters.]]
/ ELI: There he is. He must be keeping a cheat sheet under that hat. Now just act normally...no sudden movements... / WILL (offpanel): Hi, Eli! Did you study for the...
/ [[ELI grabs WILL'S hat.]]
/ ELI: AHA! / ELI: LOOK everybody! UNDER HIS HAT! He's got... http://uglyhill.com/d/20080416.html |
| Ugly Hill- A Daily Comic Strip by Paul Southworth | ELI: Geez, I'm sorry, Will. I thought for sure you were hiding a cheat sheet under your hat.
/ WILL: PLEASE DON'T TELL MY MOM! / [[Closeup of the hamster on WILL'S head.]]
/ ELI: There's no rule against bringing a rodent to class, dude.
/ WILL: There is if you're using it to cheat. / ELI: Your HAMSTER... http://uglyhill.com/d/20080417.html |
| Ugly Hill- A Daily Comic Strip by Paul Southworth | ELI: God...speaks to you through your pet hamster...and helps you with your algebra?
/ WILL: And history, French...God is really smart! / ELI: Can...can I hold him?
/ WILL: Sure!
/ [[WILL hands the hamster to ELI. The hamster looks a little worried.]] / [[ELI holds the hamster with both hands.]] / ELI:... http://uglyhill.com/d/20080418.html |
| Ugly Hill- A Daily Comic Strip by Paul Southworth | ELI: What do you mean "so what?!" The kid thinks God is talking to him through his HAMSTER!
/ TEACHER: It is a little strange, but Will Toober is a child prodigy, and geniuses are often quite eccentric. / ELI: But he doesn't even know how to do the work! "GOD" IS JUST FEEDING HIM THE ANSWERS!
/ TEACHER:... http://uglyhill.com/d/20080421.html |
| Ugly Hill- A Daily Comic Strip by Paul Southworth | ELI: Hey Will, can I hold Mr. Fluffy Bottom for a second? I need to, uh...cuddle.
/ WILL: Sure! I'll just need him back before the quiz st-- / [[ELI grabs the hamster and runs out of the building.]]
/ ELI: Ha! He'll never pass that quiz without you! Now to hide you in a place where no one will ever,... http://uglyhill.com/d/20080422.html |
| Ugly Hill- A Daily Comic Strip by Paul Southworth | [[ELI is panicking as he looks down at the pulped hamster. WILL runs up behind him.]]
/ ELI: Oh! OH NO!
/ WILL: Hey, what's going on? Where are you taking... / WILL: NO! NOOOO! WHAT DID YOU DO?! / ELI: I'm so SORRY! I just thought if you didn't have Mr. Fluffy Bottom to feed you the answers to the... http://uglyhill.com/d/20080423.html |
| Ugly Hill- A Daily Comic Strip by Paul Southworth | WILL: Now my hamster is dead and I'll NEVER GRADUATE! / ELI: Man, I feel bad. I wanted you exposed as a loon, but not like THIS.
/ WILL: So make it up to me. Help me actually learn this stuff so I can pass! / ELI: But I don't know anything! Can't you just ask God for more help? / WILL: God is dead.... http://uglyhill.com/d/20080424.html |
| Ugly Hill- A Daily Comic Strip by Paul Southworth | [[WILL is getting ready for bed.]]
/ WILL: Good study session with Eli tonight. He's really starting to grasp the material.
/ VOICE OF GOD (offpanel): As we planned. And you? / WILL: Everyone thinks I'm a religious nut now and my hamster is dead.
/ VOICE OF GOD: We all sacrifice for the cause, William. / WILL:... http://uglyhill.com/d/20080425.html |
| Ugly Hill- A Daily Comic Strip by Paul Southworth | [[HASTINGS holds the dog, ZESTY CHIPOTLE. ELI stands in the background, near a puddle of dog urine.]]
/ ELI: What are you doing with the dog? You hate the dog. GIVE ME THE DOG.
/ HASTINGS: If this animal is to live here, she must be TRAINED. / ELI: Zesty can't do her widdles outside! Her footsies... http://uglyhill.com/d/20080428.html |
| Ugly Hill- A Daily Comic Strip by Paul Southworth | [[NORA THE DOG, formerly known as "ZESTY CHIPOTLE," happily smears herself with her own waste, large amounts of which surround her.]]
/ HASTINGS (offpanel): Let's put the obedience and potty training on hold for now and skip ahead. / [[He shows her a picture, which we can't see.]]
/ HASTINGS: Do you... http://uglyhill.com/d/20080429.html |
| Ugly Hill- A Daily Comic Strip by Paul Southworth | [[NORA THE DOG is listening to NPR on the radio HASTINGS taped a photo of ELLIOTT to.]]
/ ANNOUNCER: You're listening to Public Radio. On today's program, we'll be interviewing BAKER OSGOOD, who is well on his way to becoming the first cyclops President of the United States! / [[HASTINGS snatches up... http://uglyhill.com/d/20080430.html |
| Ugly Hill- A Daily Comic Strip by Paul Southworth | [[Newspaper Article with picture of cyclops BAKER OSGOOD, presidential nominee. Signs reading "Osgood is Good" and "I (heart) Baker" are in the background)
/ HASTINGS (offpanel): I can't believe it! I WON'T BELIEVE IT! / [[Hastings is reading the paper, slightly depressed. Peter is looking smug.]]
/ PETER:... http://uglyhill.com/d/20080501.html |
| Ugly Hill- A Daily Comic Strip by Paul Southworth | HASTINGS: For the first time in history, either a woman or a racial minority could conceivably be running this nation inside a year.
/ UNACCEPTABLE! / HASTINGS: What happened? Did we run out of CREEPY OLD MEN? / [[Starts waving a little American flag.]]
/ HASTINGS: America, I implore you; DELIVER... http://uglyhill.com/d/20080502.html |
| Ugly Hill- A Daily Comic Strip by Paul Southworth | SAMANTHA MUDRICK: Have you seen Mr. Kilgore? I have to warn him about Mr. Gooseberry's visit.
/ "HARTWELL KILBURN": I have not. Why would he need to be WARNED? / MUDRICK: Hastings was blacklisted from the company last year, but he continued working here under a false identity. If Ned sees him, who... http://uglyhill.com/d/20080505.html |
| Ugly Hill- A Daily Comic Strip by Paul Southworth | HASTINGS/"HARTWELL": I had this elaborate disguise made up when I adopted the alternate identity of "Hartwell Kilburn." Convincing, no? / MUDRICK: Don't you think it's a little...MUCH? / HASTINGS/"HARTWELL": BULLSPIT! It's a PERFECTLY RATIONAL solution... / HASTINGS/"HARTWELL": This way, when... http://uglyhill.com/d/20080506.html |
| Ugly Hill- A Daily Comic Strip by Paul Southworth | MS. MUDRICK (offpanel): Welcome to the Maulington Branch, Mr. Gooseberry!
/ GOOSEBERRY: Coffee. Black. / MUDRICK: We run a tight ship here, so I know your inspection will go smoothly.
/ GOOSEBERRY: There is no inspection. Am I drinking coffee yet? / MUDRICK: Oh? Then is it about some exciting new product... http://uglyhill.com/d/20080507.html |
| Ugly Hill- A Daily Comic Strip by Paul Southworth | PETER: Guess there's no inspection after all. Gooseberry came to make some secret announcement.
/ HASTINGS/"HARTWELL": I just want to get through this so I can take off this itchy disguise and get back to work. / HASTINGS/"HARTWELL": Ned Gooseberry is a DANGEROUS, MANIACAL LUNATIC and anything he... http://uglyhill.com/d/20080508.html |
| Ugly Hill- A Daily Comic Strip by Paul Southworth | GOOSEBERRY: YOU! Yes you, in the back, come up here!
/ HASTINGS/"HARTWELL": Oh, uh, me? Sir? I don't, uh... / GOOSEBERRY: You're the only one here who showed enthusiasm when I announced my candidacy for President! I want these people to know what a REAL employee looks like! / GOOSEBERRY: < |
| Ugly Hill- A Daily Comic Strip by Paul Southworth | [[NED GOOSEBERRY has summoned HASTINGS, still disguised as "HARTWELL KILBURN," to his office. HASTINGS is sweating bullets.]]
/ GOOSEBERRY: So...KILBURN, is it? Tell me about yourself. / HASTINGS/"HARTWELL": I was born in 1971. My parents were George and Svetlana Kilburn, the former a millworker... http://uglyhill.com/d/20080512.html |
| Ugly Hill- A Daily Comic Strip by Paul Southworth | GOOSEBERRY: You lie like a rug, Kilburn. I don't believe a word you just said.
/ HASTINGS/"HARTWELL": PLEASE, let me expl-- / GOOSEBERRY: Not necessary! You're a good liar; maybe a GREAT one. The only reason I was able to detect it was because I'm the BEST. / GOOSEBERRY: Joe Public would gladly... http://uglyhill.com/d/20080513.html |
| Ugly Hill- A Daily Comic Strip by Paul Southworth | GOOSEBERRY: It's you and me, Hartwell! With you managing my campaign, I can't lose!
/ HASTINGS/HARTWELL (nervous): HA HA! Uh, you and me! / GOOSEBERRY: We'll crush those sissy Democrats under our fearsome thumbs! We'll BURN DOWN their ideals, PILLAGE their hopes, and RAPE their dreams!
/ HASTINGS/HARTWELL:... http://uglyhill.com/d/20080514.html |
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