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| Ugly Hill- A Daily Comic Strip by Paul Southworth | [[HASTINGS, still in his "Hartwell Kilburn" disguise, is listening to NED and taking notes.]]
/ NED: Family is very important to us here at B.I.C.L.O.P.S.
/ HASTINGS/HARTWELL: Right. / NED: We consider nothing more vital to our members than the continued loving support of their friends and family.
/ HASTINGS/HARTWELL:... http://uglyhill.com/d/20080626.html |
| Ugly Hill- A Daily Comic Strip by Paul Southworth | [[HASTINGS/HARTWELL takes notes as NED GOOSEBERRY speaks.]]
/ NED: We place great importance on family lineage in our organization. Membership can be passed down through the generations. In fact, this is how we choose our leaders. / NED: Unfortunately, our former leader and founder of the East Coast... http://uglyhill.com/d/20080627.html |
| Ugly Hill- A Daily Comic Strip by Paul Southworth | [[HASTINGS/HARTWELL has an internal monologue.]]
/ HASTINGS (thought): GRANDPA SLAGMOORE WAS THE FOUNDER OF THE B.I.C.L.O.P.S. EAST COAST CHAPTER?! Why didn't he ever TELL me?! / GOOSEBERRY: You see, Slagmoore was ashamed of his children and grandchildren, so he never picked a successor... / HASTINGS/HARTWELL... http://uglyhill.com/d/20080630.html |
| Ugly Hill- A Daily Comic Strip by Paul Southworth | [[A delighted HASTINGS, still in his "Hartwell Kilburn" disguise, hands ELI a piece of paper.]]
/ HASTINGS: Look at this note Grandpa Slagmoore sent me before he died! What do you see?
/ ELI (squints at note): Uh...Old man writing? And some kind of watermark...looks like...two pyramids making out? / HASTINGS... http://uglyhill.com/d/20080701.html |
| Ugly Hill- A Daily Comic Strip by Paul Southworth | NED GOOSEBERRY: Levi, we need to move the macaroni supper up to Friday the 17th.
/ LEVI: But sir, we've already rented the folding tables for the 16th. / [[HASTINGS, no longer disguised, enters, striking a confident pose.]]
/ HASTINGS: Hello NED.
/ NED: Hold on, I'm busy. So tell them we'll pay the... http://uglyhill.com/d/20080702.html |
| Ugly Hill- A Daily Comic Strip by Paul Southworth | HASTINGS: ...and if you don't believe me, here's my family tree.
/ NED: My God, it's all here. Hastings Slagmoore WAS your grandfather! / NED (glaring): Still, you have no concrete proof that he intended to pass his B.I.C.L.O.P.S. leadership role on to you! / [[HASTINGS holds up the note his grandfather... http://uglyhill.com/d/20080703.html |
| Ugly Hill- A Daily Comic Strip by Paul Southworth | [[HASTINGS is now wearing a B.I.C.L.O.P.S. robe and the talisman.]]
/ NED: I guess you think you're special now.
/ HASTINGS: Ridin' high right now. Feelin' good. / NED: Well, Kilburn or Kilgore, leader of B.I.C.L.O.P.S. or lowly peon, you're definitely no longer in charge of my Presidential campaign.... http://uglyhill.com/d/20080704.html |
| Ugly Hill- A Daily Comic Strip by Paul Southworth | [[Exterior of Government Building, helpfully marked as such with the slogan "We are the government" just below.]]
/ HOPE: Hi, I'd like to switch back to my maiden name, please.
/ CLERK: Okay. And what's your current name? / [[Inside. The CLERK looks like a chubby devil.]]
/ HOPE: Dr. Hope Kilgore.
/ CLERK:... http://uglyhill.com/d/20080707.html |
| Ugly Hill- A Daily Comic Strip by Paul Southworth | [[NORA and HOPE go for coffee.]]
/ NORA: How long were you married to him?
/ HOPE: About a year. That was almost ten years ago. / HOPE: Hastings was fresh out of business school and I was still getting my medical degree.
/ NORA: Sounds romantic. / HOPE: Well, you were married to him most recently.... http://uglyhill.com/d/20080708.html |
| Ugly Hill- A Daily Comic Strip by Paul Southworth | CAPTION: Ten years ago...
/ HASTINGS: Mr. Rex? I need to speak to you about your cash expenditure.
/ REX: It's my company, I'll do what I want. Please step back three feet. / [[HASTINGS now stand marginally farther away from REX.]]
/ HASTINGS: Okay...but it says here you spent the company payroll... http://uglyhill.com/d/20080709.html |
| Ugly Hill- A Daily Comic Strip by Paul Southworth | [[Still ten years ago. HOPE kisses HASTINGS on the cheek.]]
/ HOPE: How was work?
/ HASTINGS: How can you OWN a business and not know how to RUN said business?! / HASTINGS: And Mr. Rex has this weird personal space power trip thing. By lunchtime I was collating in the parking lot on the hood of my... http://uglyhill.com/d/20080710.html |
| Ugly Hill- A Daily Comic Strip by Paul Southworth | HASTINGS: Every office I've applied to says the same thing; my education is good, but I lack people skills. / HOPE: Well, they're obviously over looking your adorable little horns.
/ HASTINGS: Uh, thanks. / HASTINGS: But seriously, we're never going to get out of this apartment if I don't find a better... http://uglyhill.com/d/20080711.html |
| Ugly Hill- A Daily Comic Strip by Paul Southworth | HASTINGS: WE CAN'T HAVE A BABY! ARE YOU INSANE?!
/ HOPE: Hear me out, hear me out! / HOPE: I'll be done with medical school in a few months, and you're due for a performance review soon, which means you'll probably get a raise and... / HASTINGS: Who cares about THAT?! You're HALF CYCLOPS! There's... http://uglyhill.com/d/20080714.html |
| Ugly Hill- A Daily Comic Strip by Paul Southworth | [[HASTINGS sits in his mother VIVIAN'S kitchen. VIVIAN holds a pair of round-framed glasses.]]
/ HASTINGS: What should I do, Mother? I love her, but she wants a baby.
/ VIVIAN: Divorce her. / [[VIVIAN hands HASTINGS the glasses.]]
/ HASTINGS: I'd have to put my dreams on hold.
/ VIVIAN: Divorce her. / HASTINGS:... http://uglyhill.com/d/20080715.html |
| Ugly Hill- A Daily Comic Strip by Paul Southworth | HASTINGS: Soliciting marriage advice from my teenage brother. What's happened to me?
/ ELI: I dunno, but listen, I should be studying for my finals, so...
/ < http://uglyhill.com/d/20080716.html |
| Ugly Hill- A Daily Comic Strip by Paul Southworth | [[HASTINGS trudges down the street. A three-eyed snowman stands in the background.]]
/ HASTINGS: Nobody can help me with this. What do people on TV do when their wives kick them out? / [[A pink flier blows into HASTINGS' face.]]
/ HASTINGS: MMPH! / [[We see the flier, which is illustrated with a picture... http://uglyhill.com/d/20080717.html |
| Ugly Hill- A Daily Comic Strip by Paul Southworth | [[Exterior of The Red Stapler bar.]]
/ {{That giant stapler on the roof must have cost a bundle.}}
/ HASTINGS: GAK! This is TERRIBLE! What do you call this swill? / [[Inside the bar. VIVIAN MOSS, the barmaid, is scowling at HASTINGS, whose first beer isn't to his liking.]]
/ VIVIAN: BEER. It's called... http://uglyhill.com/d/20080718.html |
| Ugly Hill- A Daily Comic Strip by Paul Southworth | BARTENDER: Hey, sorry man. My boss has kind of a temper.
/ [[HASTINGS' face and hands are covered in his own blood.]]
/ HASTINGS: I'll have her arrested for this! WHAT IS HER NAME? / BARTENDER: Vivian Moss. She's the owner. But please don't...
/ HASTINGS: VIVIAN? That's my mother's name. / BARTENDER:... http://uglyhill.com/d/20080721.html |
| Ugly Hill- A Daily Comic Strip by Paul Southworth | [[A little HASTINGS ANGEL and a little HASTINGS DEVIL are standing on the bar, arguing. {{Y'know, the little angel and devil that are usually standing on someone's shoulders in cartoons?}}]]
/ ANGEL: What is he DOING, lusting after this mouthy barmaid? He's a MARRIED MAN!
/ DEVIL: But she has the same... http://uglyhill.com/d/20080722.html |
| Ugly Hill- A Daily Comic Strip by Paul Southworth | VIVIAN MOSS: Listen, sorry I mutilated you...earlier...I'm having a bad night.
/ HASTINGS (very drunk): S'okay. It's just my face. / VIVIAN: No, I feel bad. Your drinks are on the house tonight.
/ HASTINGS: Oh GOOD! Because my crappy job doesn't pay me enough to eat AND get hammered this week! / VIVIAN:... http://uglyhill.com/d/20080723.html |
| Ugly Hill- A Daily Comic Strip by Paul Southworth | [[HOPE visits her mother-in-law.]]
/ VIVIAN KILGORE: What do YOU want?
/ HOPE: Hi, Mother Kilgore. Is Hastings here? / VIVIAN: Why? Do you want him to knock you up RIGHT NOW?
/ HOPE: Oh. So I guess he told you. / VIVIAN: And he also told me that you're half cyclops! HOW DARE YOU OBSCURE YOUR HERITAGE... http://uglyhill.com/d/20080724.html |
| Ugly Hill- A Daily Comic Strip by Paul Southworth | HOPE: So after he was done berating you, Hastings just stormed out?
/ SNUG: And he TOOK MY GLUE! I was, um...making a Popsicle stick Alamo. / [[HOPE follows SNUG outside.]]
/ SNUG: I tried to follow him, though. I saw him pick up and throw away a piece of paper before I lost him. / [[HOPE finds the... http://uglyhill.com/d/20080725.html |
| Ugly Hill- A Daily Comic Strip by Paul Southworth | [[HASTINGS comes to, lying on the bar and spattered with his own vomit.]]
/ HASTINGS: Zwuh? Zfluh. Muh?
/ VIVIAN MOSS: You're drunk. You kissed me, threw up down my shirt, and passed out. / HASTINGS: Oh...Oh GOD, what have I done? What am I doing? WHAT WILL I DO?
/ VIVIAN: You're a lot uglier than... http://uglyhill.com/d/20080728.html |
| Ugly Hill- A Daily Comic Strip by Paul Southworth | [[HASTINGS has a glass of water and has recovered his glasses.]]
/ HASTINGS: I'm married. We had a fight and I came here to drown my sorrows.
/ VIVIAN MOSS: Then why did you KISS me? / HASTINGS: Because I'm drunk and stupid and...mostly stupid. My wife wants to have a baby and I'm too selfish to... http://uglyhill.com/d/20080729.html |
| Ugly Hill- A Daily Comic Strip by Paul Southworth | [[Outside the Red Stapler.]]
/ VIVIAN MOSS: Go home to your wife. I'll give my brother a call about that job in the city.
/ HASTINGS: Thank you. / [[HOPE and SNUG drive up.]]
/ HOPE: "The Red Stapler." This is it.
/ SNUG: LOOK, there he is. / [[VIVIAN gives HASTINGS a chaste little kiss on the cheek.... http://uglyhill.com/d/20080730.html |
| Ugly Hill- A Daily Comic Strip by Paul Southworth | CAPTION: Present day...
/ [[HOPE and NORA are in a coffee shop. HOPE has a piece of pie.]]
/ HOPE: After I hit him with the car again, Hastings moved out. He never even got me a Christmas gift.
/ NORA: Wow. / HOPE: Six months later, he married Vivian and started his new job at Poisonwood. / NORA:... http://uglyhill.com/d/20080731.html |
| Ugly Hill- A Daily Comic Strip by Paul Southworth | CAPTION: EPILOGUE: 10 years ago. Christmas.
/ [[HASTINGS stands in the snow, luggage beside him.]]
/ HASTINGS: HOPE, PLEASE! Just LISTEN to me! You don't UNDERSTAND! / [[HOPE, teary-eyed, shouts from the window.]]
/ HOPE: Go away! I'LL CALL THE POLICE!
/ HASTINGS (offpanel): But I can EXPLAIN! I... http://uglyhill.com/d/20080801.html |
| Ugly Hill- A Daily Comic Strip by Paul Southworth | {{SasqWatch 2813: A Trunk Deadfall Adventure, by Peter Wipp.}}
/ [[TRUNK DEADFALL, a sasquatch, and FLANK the Chupacabra sit under a tree.]]
/ CAPTION: September 26, 2813. Somewhere on the North American Continent...
/ TRUNK: Well, I don't like it. We should take it back.
/ FLANK: Trunk, this is the... http://uglyhill.com/d/20080804.html |
| Ugly Hill- A Daily Comic Strip by Paul Southworth | {{SasqWatch 2813: A Trunk Deadfall Adventure, by Peter Wipp.}}
/ [[The SIMFANT reaches for TRUNK, who recoils in terror.]]
/ SIMFANT: I love you, Mommy. *COMMENCE BREAST FEEDING*
/ TRUNK (protecting his chest): NO! LEAVE ME ALONE! / FLANK: Slow down, little guy. I'm Flank, and that's Trunk. We found... http://uglyhill.com/d/20080805.html |
| Ugly Hill- A Daily Comic Strip by Paul Southworth | {{SasqWatch 2813: A Trunk Deadfall Adventure, by Peter Wipp.}}
/ SIMFANT: I do not recognize your species.
/ FLANK: Trunk's a Sasquatch, and I'm a Chupacabra. We're brothers...
/ It's a long story. / TRUNK: What are YOU?
/ SIMFANT: I am SIMFANT Model #827: A prototype robotic infant designed to serve in... http://uglyhill.com/d/20080806.html |
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