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|Ugly Hill Comic; Monday, August 15, 2005||Snug: I was thinking that maybe I should move out. / Eli: You? Move out? Of here? You? Out? You? / Snug: Yes! Me! Now! Move out! Here! It looks like I got it made down here, but I don't... / Eli: Heh, oh really? / Snug: Yeah, really. I get sick a lot in the winter from the damp basement, and sometimes...|
|You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Tuesday, August 16, 2005||[[ELI raids SNUG's fridge, when a sound comes from upstairs.]]
|You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Wednesday, August 17, 2005||[[SNUG enters FAUSTO's convenience store. FAUSTO, a green worm with a grey-streaked goatee, is small enough to sit on top of the counter.]] / SNUG: Hey Fausto, what's up? / FAUSTO: Not much, my friend. The usual? / SNUG: No, not today. I need to replenish my Mom's smokes. I'm in a hurry, too, so if...|
|You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Thursday, August 18, 2005||[[FAUSTO and SNUG are trying to figure out what brand of cigarettes SNUG's mother smokes by going over all the brands in the store.]] / FAUSTO: "Happy-Go-Lucky Strikes"? "Smooth Time Ultra-Mentholated Groove Sticks"? / SNUG: No, no... / FAUSTO: "Tri-Star Triple Tar Soft Pack"? "Colonel Blackman's Unfiltered...|
|You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Friday, August 19, 2005||[[ELI answers SNUG's phone.]] / ELI: Um, hello? / SNUG (on the phone): You're still there! I'm at the store, and I forgot what brand of cigarettes Mom smokes! / [[At the store, FAUSTO perches atop a stack of milk crates and holds up the phone for SNUG, who of course has no arms.]] / ELI: Just call and...|
|You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Monday, August 22, 2005||ELI (Still on the phone): Okay, I'm upstairs. Now what? / SNUG (Still on the other end): Look for Mom's empty cigarette packs. / [[ELI checks the kitchen trash.]] / ELI: There's nothing here, Snug. / SNUG: Oh, well she doesn't always hit the trash cans. Look somewhere else. / ELI: ALL RIGHT, I've checked...|
|You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Tuesday, August 23, 2005||[[ELI is still on the phone.]] / SNUG (On the other end): HURRY UP, Eli! It's only ten minutes until Mom's show starts, and if she doesn't have her cigarettes by then... / [[Cut back to Fausto's.]] / SNUG: ...you'd better evacuate that house if you value your ability to procreate. / ELI: Are you saying...|
|You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Wednesday, August 24, 2005||<
|You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Thursday, August 25, 2005||[[ELI is in the bedroom. He looks ill.]] / ELI: I'm in, Snug. Okay...okay, your Mom's bedroom is giving me a seizure. / SNUG (On the phone): If you squint, it should block out MOST of the clashing floral patterns. / [[The room is very pink. ELI stands near the bed, which is stained and littered with...|
|You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Friday, August 26, 2005||[[Phone call panel. ELI on one side, SNUG on the other.]] / ELI: I'm sorry Snug, I don't see any empty cigarette packs in your Mom's room. You'll just have to make an educated guess. / SNUG: No way, she'll freak if I get the wrong brand! / [[SNUG is off the phone.]] / SNUG: Sigh...I'll take one of each,...|
|You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Monday, August 29, 2005||[[SNUG rushes past ELI, a Fausto's bag clenched in his teeth, packs and single cigarettes flying.]]
/ SNUG: I'M BACK! Out of the way! Mom's show starts in thirty seconds!
/ ELI: GO! GO! GO! / ELI (offpanel): Hey Ma, I brought you your cigarettes...
|You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Tuesday, August 30, 2005||[[ELI is bandaging SNUG's wounds.]] / ELI: You know what? I think you're right; you SHOULD move out of your Mom's basement. / SNUG: Aw, I can't do that. Mom needs me here. / ELI: She BEAT YOU UP because you bought her the wrong brand of CIGARETTES. / SNUG: I won't lie to you, I did not appreciate that... / SNUG...|
|Vexatious||Al: Hey Hastings, comin' to lunch? It's "Loose Meat and Ketchup Packet Tuesday!" / Hastings: You know I eat my dietary lunch at my desk every day Al. Why would you ask me that? / Al: Because I know you're just dying to lick them meat pans dry, but you can't, because you're too fat! / Hastings: My diet...|
|You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Thursday, September 1, 2005||Peter Wipp: Mmmm! Mm! Oh man, this loose meat sandwich is so good, I am choosing to ignore the cow's eye I just bit into! / Hastings Kilgore: Sigh...yes, it smells exquisite. / Peter: Oh, I'm sorry Mr Kilgore. What do you have for lunch? / Hastings: A 6oz chicken breast, steamed carrots, and a medium-size...|
|You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Friday, September 2, 2005||[[ELI and HASTINGS are sitting on a couch, eating dinner from folding tables.]] / ELI: Can you pass the salt? Hey, how come you haven't touched your chickpea and cucumber salad? / HASTINGS: SALT! Why the hell do I even BUY salt if I can't EAT it?! I pay the rent, I should just POUR IT ALL DOWN THE DRAIN! / ELI:...|
|You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Monday, September 5, 2005||[[HASTINGS at DR. HURT's office. DR. HURT is taking HASTINGS' blood pressure.]] / HASTING: Thank you for seeing me on such short notice, Dr. Hurt. / DR. HURT: There will be a significant increase in your bill. What can I do for you, Mr. Kilgore? / HASTINGS (big, nervous grin): Well, I'd like to rethink...|
|You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Tuesday, September 6, 2005||[[PETER approaches HASTINGS in the office.]] / PETER: I'm going down to the cafeteria to get lunch, Mr. Kilgore, okay? / HASTINGS: If you will wait a second, I will join you, Peter. / HASTINGS (grinning): My small apprentice, today is the day I cast off the shackles of my prescribed low-sodium diet and...|
|You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Wednesday, September 7, 2005||[[HASTINGS and PETER have bought their lunches. HASTINGS has a ham, complete with bone sticking out, on his tray.]] / PETER: This doesn't seem like you, Mr. Kilgore. Going off your low-sodium diet is pretty irresponsible. / HASTINGS (licking his chops): On the contrary, for I am FINALLY taking responsbility...|
|You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Thursday, September 8, 2005||[[PETER and HASTINGS pass the bulletin board. HASTINGS is chewing and carries a big sandwich in one arm and WHITNEY the salt shaker in the other.]] / PETER: Hey, look, they put your old job up on the job board. / HASTINGS: WHAT?! The NERVE! What makes them think they can--? / [[A vein stands out on...|
|You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Friday, September 9, 2005||[[ELLIOTT, HASTINGS and PETER. HASTINGS is rounded and the vein in his forehead is big and purple.]] / ELLIOTT: What happened to you, Kilgore? You swallow a parade balloon or something? / PETER: He's been eating a lot of salty food. I think he's bloating. / HASTINGS: This is not about me, Krauthammer!...|
|You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Monday, September 12, 2005||Hastings Kilgore: Traitor!
/ Peter: N-no! I'm just saying that Elliott can apply for your old job if he wants, there's no rule against it! Please calm down, your blood pressure is... / [[Blood geysers out of Hasting's head]]
|You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Tuesday, September 13, 2005||[[HASTINGS lies in a hospital bed, his head bandaged. ELI and PETER attend him. ELI is worried, PETER is grinning.]] / ELI: Don't get up, Hastings. You've got some tubes in some...SENSITIVE places. / PETER: Blood shot out your head like Old Faithful! It was HORRIBLE! And AWESOME! / [[DOCTOR enters...|
|You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Wednesday, September 14, 2005||[[HASTINGS bursts into LADWIG's office, still bleeding from the head.]] / HASTINGS: MR. LADWIG! PLEASE don't give my job to Elliott! He'll get his BUTT-WARMTH all over my chair! / LADWIG: HASTINGS! What are you DOING here? I thought you were in the hospital! / HASTINGS (Big grin, now has blood on his...|
|You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Thursday, September 15, 2005||[[LADWIG with HASTINGS and ELLIOTT. HASTINGS holds a bloody hankie and has cleaned up a little.]] / LADWIG: Listen, you two, NEITHER of you can have the job. That was a fake signup sheet in the cafeteria. / HASTINGS: FAKE?! / ELLIOTT: NO FAIR! I signed up TWICE! / LADWIG: As you both know, diversity...|
|You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Friday, September 16, 2005||[[Hastings Kilgore stands smilingly outside in a blue tuxedo with a pink corsage.]] / Caption: 1. / [[Hastings, in black suit, stands next to candle.]] / Caption: 2. / [[Hastings, disheveled, unshaven, and wearing torn and filthy clothes, licks lips and holds a pink drink with an umbrella in it. A lone...|
|You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Monday, September 19, 2005||[[Eli and Peter are walking along a city sidewalk. Eli is covered in food stains.]] / Peter: Man, it was all over so FAST. I don't think I even TASTED anything! / Eli: Just as well. "Vaudrain's Bakery's Bi-monthly Display Case Extravaganza" is about GLUTTONY, not quality. / Eli: WHOO, slow down there,...|
|You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Tuesday, September 20, 2005||[[Peter and Eli are looking at a Polaroid-style photograph of Eli as a young man, much thinner and holding a bowling ball]] / Peter: HA HA, man, I remember when you used to look like that. / Eli: Sigh. Yeah, that's me, all right. / Eli: Thirty pounds lighter and inexplicably fixated on bowling. What the...|
|You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Wednesday, September 21, 2005||[[The setting is Peter's high school gym. Peter is addressing Mr. Ballman the gym teacher]] / Peter: Mr. Ballman, would it be okay if my friend Eli joined our gym class today? / Mr. Ballman: Ain't you a little OLD for 9th grade gym, boy? / Eli: Yes sir, but I have trouble motivating myself to exercise,...|
|You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Thursday, September 22, 2005||[[Eli and Peter are in the gym locker room at Peter's high school]] / Eli: HEY LOOK! That's my old gym locker! / Peter: Really? That's right near mine! / [[Eli holds up a jockstrap with a plastic cup]] / Eli: HEH, I remember standing here with Snug and throwing the hard plastic parts of our jock straps...|
|You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Friday, September 23, 2005||[[Eli and Peter are standing in line in gym class, between a big purple monster kid and a big green monster kid.]] / Eli: I'm having second thoughts about this gym thing. I was never any good at gym in school, why should I be now? / Peter: Hey, don't worry, I suck. / Eli: But look at some of these kids...like...|
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