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| Ugly Hill- A Daily Comic Strip by Paul Southworth | [[A disgusted-looking HASTINGS is back on the couch.]]
/ PSYCHIATRIST: Are you even OLD enough to run for President?
/ HASTINGS: Look, it doesn't even matter anymore. I've been excommunicated by B.I.C.L.O.P.S. HAPPY NOW? / PSYCHIATRIST: It's a start. Now, this other "secret organization" you keep talking... http://uglyhill.com/d/20080918.html |
| Ugly Hill- A Daily Comic Strip by Paul Southworth | HASTINGS: This pamphlet proves NOTHING! The N.A.A.C.P. could STILL very well be a Cyclops doomsday cult!
/ PSYCHIATRIST: It's all in your HEAD, Mr. Kilgore... / PSYCHIATRIST: You took a sabbatical from your job to pursue these Presidential endeavors, correct?
/ HASTINGS: Yes, but... / PSYCHIATRIST:... http://uglyhill.com/d/20080919.html |
| Ugly Hill- A Daily Comic Strip by Paul Southworth | [[HASTINGS presses his face against the window of the PSYCHIATRIST'S office.]]
/ HASTINGS: So that's it? None of this was ever real? I just made it up so I could take a VACATION?!
/ PSYCHIATRIST: Well, your brother tells me you're under a lot of stress... / HASTINGS: That doesn't make any sense! This... http://uglyhill.com/d/20080922.html |
| Ugly Hill- A Daily Comic Strip by Paul Southworth | HASTNGS: Mr. Osgood? Might I have a word with you?
/ BAKER OSGOOD: Oh! Er, of course! Kilgore, was it? How's your campaign going? / HASTINGS: Imaginary. Though I still cannot support your campaign, as part of my ongoing therapy I'm to make amends with everyone I hurt during my temporary insanity. / HASTINGS... http://uglyhill.com/d/20080923.html |
| Ugly Hill- A Daily Comic Strip by Paul Southworth | [[HASTINGS returns to work.]]
/ SAMANTHA MUDRICK: Hastings! You're back? I thought you were running Ned's campaign.
/ HASTINGS: Not anymore. Went insane for a while, thought Baker Osgood was a mad Cyclops cultist trying to rule the world. Better now. / [[PINK-SHIRTED EMPLOYEE bursts in.]]
/ < http://uglyhill.com/d/20080924.html |
| Ugly Hill- A Daily Comic Strip by Paul Southworth | [[NED GOOSEBERRY's picture is shown on a TV in HASTINGS' cubicle. There's a Post-It tacked on the wall that says "Eat Me XOXO -elliott."]]
/ HASTINGS (offpanel): *sigh* / [[TV now shows the newsreader with an explosion graphic to his right--presumably talking about NED's fatal plane crash.]]
/ HASTINGS:... http://uglyhill.com/d/20080925.html |
| Ugly Hill- A Daily Comic Strip by Paul Southworth | [[We're watching a TV newscast.]]
/ ANCHORMAN: The world watches today as the trial of Baker Osgood begins in Washington D.C.... / [[Black-and-white shot of a stubbled, jumpsuit-clad BAKER OSGOOD grimly taking his perp-walk past a scowling crowd.]]
/ ANCHORMAN: Charged with first degree murder, rumors... http://uglyhill.com/d/20080926.html |
| Ugly Hill- A Daily Comic Strip by Paul Southworth | [[ELI goes to a record store.]]
/ ELI: Hey, is Zadel in today?
/ CLERK: Naw man, had a late show again last night, asked me to open the store for him. / ELI: Oh, well he said he'd put aside a copy of the new "Dead Baron" album as soon as it came in.
/ CLERK: You must be Eli! You guys went to high school... http://uglyhill.com/d/20080929.html |
| Ugly Hill- A Daily Comic Strip by Paul Southworth | [[ZADEL MANGLASS arrives at the record store.]]
/ ZADEL: KILGORE! I KNOW I SAY THIS EVERY TIME I SEE YOU, BUT I WOULD KILL FOR THAT LAST NAME. IT IS SO METAL.
/ ELI: Well, "Zadel Manglass" is good, too. / ZADEL: PICKIN' UP THE NEW "DEAD BARON?"
/ ELI: Yeah, I heard it's really good. / ZADEL: LISTENED... http://uglyhill.com/d/20080930.html |
| Ugly Hill- A Daily Comic Strip by Paul Southworth | ZADEL: I'm glad you came by today, dude. I'm going away for a while.
/ ELI: Ducking another D.U.I.? / ZADEL: No Eli, my drinking days are over. I'm joining a monastery.
/ ELI (puzzled): You mean like...a METAL monastery? / ZADEL: HA HA, no. They're pretty hardcore, but I doubt these guys have ever... http://uglyhill.com/d/20081001.html |
| Ugly Hill- A Daily Comic Strip by Paul Southworth | ELI: So, since you're giving away everything you own, does that mean I don't have to pay for this CD?
/ ZADEL: Sure, take it. I'm getting rid of the store, too. / ELI: Wow, this is so weird. Who are you giving it to? / ZADEL: Know anybody? / [[Split panel. SNUG and ELI having a phone conversation.]]
/ SNUG:... http://uglyhill.com/d/20081002.html |
| Ugly Hill- A Daily Comic Strip by Paul Southworth | ZADEL: Here's the keys, Snugworth. The store is yours.
/ SNUG (wall-eyed with delight): SQUEAL! / ZADEL: Well, that's the last of it. All my possessions gone. I feel so light, so free...Oh wait...
/ ELI: Forget something? / [[ZADEL hands ELI another set of keys.]]
/ ZADEL: These are yours...
/ THE... http://uglyhill.com/d/20081003.html |
| Ugly Hill- A Daily Comic Strip by Paul Southworth | ELI: You're giving me your band? But...WHY?
/ ZADEL: Because you didn't take the store. It never even crossed your mind. / ZADEL: When I said I was giving it away, you thought of your friend. Very selfless, yes, but also because you knew, deep inside, that it was NOT YOUR DESTINY. / ZADEL: Kilgore,... http://uglyhill.com/d/20081006.html |
| Ugly Hill- A Daily Comic Strip by Paul Southworth | [[ZADEL ushers ELI into what appears to be a self-storage unit.]]
/ ZADEL: Eli, before I go, I'd like you to meet the band. YOUR band.
/ BAND MEMBER (offpanel): What do you mean "his" band? What's goin' on? / ZADEL: Didn't I tell you? I'm joining a monastery and leaving you guys to Eli. He's the... http://uglyhill.com/d/20081007.html |
| Ugly Hill- A Daily Comic Strip by Paul Southworth | ENGELBERT: Zadel Manglass is a derivative hack who's done nothing but hold us back for years!
/ THATCHER: Now suddenly THIS guy's in charge? We don't even know his NAME! / ELI: Zadel just said my name. It's...
/ ENGELBERT: Hey! He said he DIDN'T know it, he didn't say he WANTED to know it. Not... http://uglyhill.com/d/20081008.html |
| Ugly Hill- A Daily Comic Strip by Paul Southworth | [[ELI is trying to write some songs. SNUG is helpfully watching TV.]]
/ ELI: Apparently Zadel hasn't written an original song in years. Bloodsignal's basically a cover band.
/ SNUG: Brutal. / ELI: They want me to write some songs for Friday's show. I need help; what rhymes with "noose of intestines?"
/ SNUG:... http://uglyhill.com/d/20081009.html |
| Ugly Hill- A Daily Comic Strip by Paul Southworth | ELI: Who am I kidding? Even if I COULD write decent metal lyrics, I'll never fit in with these guys.
/ SNUG: Looks pretty simple to me... / [[SNUG is looking at an autographed photo of THATCHER KING.]]
/ SNUG: Piercings, long hair, leather jackets, facial hair...
/ ELI: THAT'S IT! I could grow back... http://uglyhill.com/d/20081010.html |
| Ugly Hill- A Daily Comic Strip by Paul Southworth | ELI (manic): I've been writing lyrics all night!
/ Listen to THIS... / ELI (now melancholy): "The moon is gone, and with it light, tangled shadows choke the night. Apocalypse, your time has come, from mansions tall to filthy slums..." / ELI (now raging): "Demons stalk your streets and homes, spilling... http://uglyhill.com/d/20081013.html |
| Ugly Hill- A Daily Comic Strip by Paul Southworth | ENGELBERT: Did the fat guy show up with the new songs yet?
/ THATCHER: Uh, yeah. We all got copies. Here's yours... / THATCHER: There's almost a whole album's worth of material here! "Tumor Mill," "Exit Wound, Stage Left," "Suicide Papaya"...
/ ENGELBERT: I remain skeptical. / THATCHER: The first... http://uglyhill.com/d/20081014.html |
| Ugly Hill- A Daily Comic Strip by Paul Southworth | [[Concert time for Bloodsignal!]]
/ ENGELBERT: The curtain goes up in 30 seconds! WHERE IS HE?!
/ THATCHER: I don't know! STOP ASKING! / DJ/MC: Ladies and gentlemen, here to shatter your eardrums and turn your eyeballs into a viscous, jelly-like substance, please welcome...
/ BLOODSIGNAL! / [[ELI... http://uglyhill.com/d/20081015.html |
| Ugly Hill- A Daily Comic Strip by Paul Southworth | ELI (singing): Masticate your corporate peers! Chew and swallow eyes and ears! Open up a juicy vein! DESECRATE THE CARPOOL LANE! / ELI and ENGELBERT: CANNIBAL CARPOOL! CANNIBAL CARPOOL! DINNER ON THE DRIVER'S SIDE! CANNIBAL CARPOOL! / ELI and THATCHER: At the expressway buffet, you'll eat your... http://uglyhill.com/d/20081016.html |
| Ugly Hill- A Daily Comic Strip by Paul Southworth | ENGELBERT: Even I have to admit, that was pretty good.
/ THATCHER (approvingly): That guy has a voice like a gorilla gargling toxic waste. / [[THRACE GERHOLD, who we've never seen before, pops up.]]
/ THRACE: Dudes, I think it's official: Eli Kilgore is Bloodsignal's new frontman!
/ ENGELBERT (offpanel):... http://uglyhill.com/d/20081017.html |
| Ugly Hill- A Daily Comic Strip by Paul Southworth | [[Backstage after the concert, ELI is like a new man.]]
/ ELI: I feel so ALIVE! I was dead before, BUT NOW I AM ALIVE!
/ ENGELBERT: Good, because we'll need you alive for the next show. The Killflakes want us to go on tour with them as their opening act! / ELI: NO WAY! Does that mean you guys...?
/ THATCHER:... http://uglyhill.com/d/20081020.html |
| Ugly Hill- A Daily Comic Strip by Paul Southworth | ZADEL: There is no CRYING in Metal, Kilgore. Unless you walk into some pyrotechnics or something, and EVEN THEN...
/ ELI: Zadel, what are you doing here? I thought... / THATCHER: *SIGH*...Zadel does this a lot. We just hoped maybe he'd stick to it this time.
/ ENGELBERT: Every few months he gets... http://uglyhill.com/d/20081021.html |
| Ugly Hill- A Daily Comic Strip by Paul Southworth | ZADEL: Thanks for keeping my mike warm, Kilgore.
/ ELI: What? NO! You made ME the lead singer! You can't just take it back! / ZADEL: Dude, the only reason I picked you in the FIRST place was because you're such a screw-up. That way if I decided to come back, the band would welcome me with open... http://uglyhill.com/d/20081022.html |
| Ugly Hill- A Daily Comic Strip by Paul Southworth | [[ZADEL has reclaimed the mike and ENGELBERT looks less than pleased about this.]]
/ ZADEL: Ready guys? 1, 2, 3, 4... / [[Suddenly the doors are flung open by a large monk, BROTHER HEBERT.]]
/ < http://uglyhill.com/d/20081023.html |
| Ugly Hill- A Daily Comic Strip by Paul Southworth | [[ELI and SNUG are about to dig into their fast-food meals. We see the street through the window behind them.]]
/ ELI: Zadel is bound to his vow of silence for at least the next YEAR! That means I get to front his band in the meantime!
/ SNUG: Sweet! When do you leave? / ELI: We go on tour with "The... http://uglyhill.com/d/20081024.html |
| Ugly Hill- A Daily Comic Strip by Paul Southworth | [[HASTINGS is hiding behind his desk at home. We don't see him in this panel.]]
/ HASTINGS: NO THIS IS NOT A PRANK! By the time you stop SQUAWKING and dispatch the authorities I will likely be reduced to a loosely-formed pile of bite-sized nuggets! / [[A terrified--and bloody--HASTINGS is on the phone.]]
/ HASTINGS:... http://uglyhill.com/d/20081027.html |
| Ugly Hill- A Daily Comic Strip by Paul Southworth | ELI: Come on man, I'm seriously inviting you. Come with me.
/ HASTINGS: Legitimately inviting me is one thing; legitimately being invited YOURSELF is another. / ELI: The guys from the band are throwing a Halloween party and they told me to bring as many people as I wanted!
/ HASTINGS: Sounds enchanting.... http://uglyhill.com/d/20081028.html |
| Ugly Hill- A Daily Comic Strip by Paul Southworth | [[HASTINGS doesn't care for Halloween.]]
/ HASTINGS: Maybe I should have gone to that idiotic party. Why do you ugly midgets keep ringing my doorbell?
/ DEVIL AND GHOST KIDS: TRICK OR TREAT! / HASTINGS: Oh, of COURSE! Now you kids wait here; I've got a whole bowl of king-sized candy bars wrapped in... http://uglyhill.com/d/20081029.html |
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