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| Ugly Hill- A Daily Comic Strip by Paul Southworth | (Reprints strip from 12/19/2005) / HASTINGS: All RIGHT! I will find your son in time for Christmas morning! STOP HITTING YOUR CAT WITH THE PHONE!
/ MRS. SNUGWORTH'S CAT: HISS! / HASTINGS: WONDERFUL. Now I have to go down to that blasted concert and get that waste of skin. But I can't go like THIS... / HASTINGS:... http://uglyhill.com/d/20081218.html |
| Ugly Hill- A Daily Comic Strip by Paul Southworth | (Reprints the strip from 12/20/2005) / [[HASTINGS returns with a skull-printed T-shirt.]]
/ HASTINGS: I have obtained the correct attire, per your advice. May I enter, now?
/ BOUNCER: Where's your TATS, man? I don't even see any piercings. / HASTINGS: "Piercings?" I don't...um, I've been told I have... http://uglyhill.com/d/20081219.html |
| Ugly Hill- A Daily Comic Strip by Paul Southworth | (Reprints strip of 12/21/2005) / ELI: CROCKETT EICHSTADT! I can't believe it's really YOU!
/ CROCKETT: Oh, bloody sausage. Do you have backstage passes? / [[SNUG rolls his eyes. He's embarrassed at ELI's adulation of CROCKETT.]]
/ ELI: Yeah! We won them in a radio contest!
/ CROCKETT: We prefer to... http://uglyhill.com/d/20081222.html |
| Ugly Hill- A Daily Comic Strip by Paul Southworth | (Reprints strip from 12/22/2005) / ELI: That hat's been in Crockett's family for generations! His great great grandfather wore it the night he installed the very first whammy bar on his BANJO!
/ SNUG: Look, it's just DUMB, okay? And I'm not afraid to say it. / SNUG: Eli, these guys are SOFT. They've... http://uglyhill.com/d/20081223.html |
| Ugly Hill- A Daily Comic Strip by Paul Southworth | (Reprints the strip from 12/23/2005) / [[HASTINGS is back, with assorted metal-fan accoutrements.]]
/ BOUNCER: Look who's back.
/ HASTINGS: There is someone in that concert I need to retrieve. His mother insists, and she is very LOUD. / BOUNCER (offpanel): Well, your attire seems to be in order...tattered... http://uglyhill.com/d/20081224.html |
| Ugly Hill- A Daily Comic Strip by Paul Southworth | (Reprints strip of 12/26/2005) / HASTINGS: This is YOUR fault, Snugworth. You should not have insulted that man's comically ridiculous hat.
/ SNUG: Oh come ON! The man wears a coonskin cap! In a HEAVY METAL BAND! / ELI: How is that any more stupid than what they made Hastings wear to get into the... http://uglyhill.com/d/20081225.html |
| Ugly Hill- A Daily Comic Strip by Paul Southworth | (Reprints strip from 12/27/2005) / CROCKETT EICHSTADT: You got a FAMILY, Pinky?
/ SNUG: Y-yes sir, I live with my mother. / CROCKETT: Good. You see this hat? The one you INSULTED? It's the only thing I have left to remember MY family... / CROCKETT: My father gave it to me on his death bed, as his father... http://uglyhill.com/d/20081226.html |
| Ugly Hill- A Daily Comic Strip by Paul Southworth | (Reprints strip from 12/28/2005) / [SNUG winces as CROCKETT prepares to swing the axe at him.]]
/ SNUG: I guess this is it. I'll be missing Christmas with Mom after all. CROCKETT: BLOODY HELL! In all the excitement and pummeling, I forgot it was CHRISTMAS! Crikey! / CROCKETT (Now smiling and facing... http://uglyhill.com/d/20081229.html |
| Ugly Hill- A Daily Comic Strip by Paul Southworth | (Reprints the strip from 12/29/2005) / [[ELI and SNUG walk down the snowy street after escaping their imprisonment at the hands of Skulldrift.]]
/ SNUG: It's almost 11 AM. I'd better get home and spend SOME of Christmas with my mom.
/ ELI: Sorry I made you late. / SNUG: Well, if it wasn't for my attitude,... http://uglyhill.com/d/20081230.html |
| Ugly Hill- A Daily Comic Strip by Paul Southworth | SIDEBURNED SLUG: Hey Hastings, what's this emergency meeting all about?
/ HASTINGS (carries on typing): The company is enacting a mandatory recall of one of our products.
/ < http://uglyhill.com/d/20090105.html |
| Ugly Hill- A Daily Comic Strip by Paul Southworth | [[A nervous SAMANTHA MUDRICK is addressing the employees.]]
/ MUDRICK: Despite our best efforts to keep this recall quiet, it seems there may have already been a leak to the press.
/ HASTINGS: IMPOSSIBLE! I PERSONALLY threatened all my employees this morning! / MUDRICK: Right now we need to focus... http://uglyhill.com/d/20090107.html |
| Ugly Hill- A Daily Comic Strip by Paul Southworth | SAMANTHA MUDRICK: Ned was always the public face of this company. He was handsome, charming, well-spoken. But now with him gone, we need someone to handle the press. / SIMMONS (who looks a lot like NED, only blue): I'll do it!
/ MUDRICK: Uh, thank you, Simmons. You've got the looks and charisma,... http://uglyhill.com/d/20090109.html |
| Ugly Hill- A Daily Comic Strip by Paul Southworth | [[HASTINGS is being interviewed by an angry-looking TV reporter.]]
/ REPORTER: Isn't it true that you intentionally inserted your rat poison into our children's candy canes to prove the effectiveness of your product?!
/ HASTINGS: What?! NO! / HASTINGS: Although, if the "RAT-LIQUIDATOR 2400" could... http://uglyhill.com/d/20090112.html |
| Ugly Hill- A Daily Comic Strip by Paul Southworth | [[SAMANTHA MUDRICK watches HASTINGS' interview on TV.]]
/ MUDRICK: Well, like it or not, it looks like you're the new public face of this company, Hastings.
/ HASTINGS (offpanel): I shall do my best. / MUDRICK: I'm sure you will, but if you're going to be representing us in the media, there are certain...issues... http://uglyhill.com/d/20090114.html |
| Ugly Hill- A Daily Comic Strip by Paul Southworth | [[HASTINGS' makeover is underway.]] / COSMETICIAN: Are they still burning?
/ HASTINGS: YES! MY EYES FEEL LIKE TWO MARBLES ON A HOT PLATE!
/ [[His pupils are much smaller with the contacts instead of his usual glasses.]] / COSMETICIAN: The longer you keep the contacts in, the better they'll feel.... http://uglyhill.com/d/20090116.html |
| Ugly Hill- A Daily Comic Strip by Paul Southworth | [[HASTINGS is wearing a blue suit coat, contacts and a lush toupee. His unibrow is divided.]]
/ PETER: Mr. Kilgore? Is...is that you? You look...QUASI-HANDSOME!
/ HASTINGS: Stifle. I only agreed to this "makeover" for the good of the company. / PETER: You don't seem very happy about it.
/ HASTINGS:... http://uglyhill.com/d/20090119.html |
| Ugly Hill- A Daily Comic Strip by Paul Southworth | POISONWOOD PR GUY (offpanel): You're going on "Good Morning Maulington" this morning to address the company's standpoint on the recall.
/ HASTINGS: Good Morning what now? / PR GUY: You know, the TV show? Hosted by Murray Berdeen? Don't you watch TV?
/ HASTINGS: Unless this "Murray" provides detailed... http://uglyhill.com/d/20090121.html |
| Ugly Hill- A Daily Comic Strip by Paul Southworth | PR GUY: Mr. Kilgore, you can't threaten to MURDER people on the air!
/ HASTINGS: Next time I'll wait for a commercial break. / PR GUY (coming apart): Do you understand the PURPOSE of this exercise? We're trying to FIX the company's image, not tack on an ASSAULT charge! / PR GUY: You have two jobs... http://uglyhill.com/d/20090123.html |
| Ugly Hill- A Daily Comic Strip by Paul Southworth | MURRAY BERDEEN: So, Mr. Kilgore, what's all this business about a recall?
/ HASTINGS: Well Murray, as always, public safety is Poisonwood's first concern, so we're acting swiftly to resolve this issue. / BERDEEN: Well, that's good to hear, but how did a mistake like this happen in the first place?
/ HASTINGS... http://uglyhill.com/d/20090126.html |
| Ugly Hill- A Daily Comic Strip by Paul Southworth | [[HASTINGS, still in his PR getup, reads the paper.]]
/ HASTINGS: This cursed makeover, all that public relations bullplop, all for NOTHING! The papers are still ripping us apart! / HASTINGS: I tried to be nice this time! I actually TRIED!
/ PETER: I know. It's just...you fed children rat poison...on... http://uglyhill.com/d/20090128.html |
| Ugly Hill- A Daily Comic Strip by Paul Southworth | [[HASTINGS is being interviewed again. He's back to his normal appearance: Glasses, unibrow, no toupee and naked except for the collar and tie.]]
/ REPORTER: So Mr. Kilgore, you're here to explain the recent public safety threat your company has--
/ HASTINGS: Corporations don't care about you! / REPORTER:... http://uglyhill.com/d/20090130.html |
| Ugly Hill- A Daily Comic Strip by Paul Southworth | [[PETER reads the paper.]]
/ PETER: Man, if you thought the media was tearing you a new one BEFORE...
/ HASTINGS: The truth will set you free, Peter. You'd do well to remember that. / SAMANTHA MUDRICK: HASTINGS! Did you say these terrible things about the company?!
/ HASTINGS: I defy you to find one... http://uglyhill.com/d/20090202.html |
| Ugly Hill- A Daily Comic Strip by Paul Southworth | ELI: I'm home! Hey bro, you were on TV! I saw you from the tour bus! You did a...uh..."good" job.
/ HASTINGS: I was fired last week. / ELI: Oh. I'm sorry, Hastings. So I guess you don't want to hear how deliriously happy I am fronting the band, huh?
/ HASTINGS: No. / ELI (offpanel): And you... http://uglyhill.com/d/20090204.html |
| Ugly Hill- A Daily Comic Strip by Paul Southworth | [[ELI is going through the week's worth of unopened mail.]]
/ ELI: Hastings...have you looked through this mail? I think you might want to look at this mail. / HASTINGS: What is it, lingerie catalogs?
/ ELI: No, they're job offers! DOZENS of them! / ELI: But why? Didn't they see you badmouth your... http://uglyhill.com/d/20090206.html |
| Ugly Hill- A Daily Comic Strip by Paul Southworth | [[HASTINGS stands there, stunned at the news.]] / ELI (offpanel): Hastings? Did you hear me? Mom died in her sleep last night.
/ [[HASTINGS gets hit with that first sob.]] / ELI (still offpanel): When she didn't show up to her court appearance this morning, her lawyer went to her house and called... http://uglyhill.com/d/20090209.html |
| Ugly Hill- A Daily Comic Strip by Paul Southworth | HASTINGS: I can't believe she's GONE. There are so many things I wanted to say.
/ ELI: Yeah, me too. / HASTINGS: I feel like I never got around to letting Mother know how I felt. I wrote it all down, but I was always so busy.
/ ELI: You had a list, too!? Hold on, I'll get mine. / [[They exchange... http://uglyhill.com/d/20090210.html |
| Ugly Hill- A Daily Comic Strip by Paul Southworth | [[HASTINGS and ELI are at their mother's wake. HASTINGS is standing at the speaker's podium]]
/ HASTINGS: Is that IT?! THREE people?! Was there a pile-up on the god damn highway or something?
/ ELI: Well, the viewing hours were from 5 to 8, and it's almost 9. Let's pack it in. / HASTINGS: NO! I don't... http://uglyhill.com/d/20090211.html |
| Ugly Hill- A Daily Comic Strip by Paul Southworth | [[HASTINGS stands over his mother's casket. For some reason, he's no longer wearing his funeral-suit jacket. The casket is surrounded my mounds of flowers, most likely all from him.]]
/ HASTINGS: Mother, I'm sorry you had to die alone. You deserved better.
/ LYDIA (offpanel): No she didn't... / LYDIA:... http://uglyhill.com/d/20090212.html |
| Ugly Hill- A Daily Comic Strip by Paul Southworth | HASTINGS: Lydia, what's going on? How are you even here?
/ LYDIA: I've been sent to show you the error of your ways, Hastings. / HASTINGS: And what does this have to do with my dead mother?
/ LYDIA: Your mother died alone. If you don't want to do the same, I suggest you pay attention. / HASTINGS:... http://uglyhill.com/d/20090213.html |
| Ugly Hill- A Daily Comic Strip by Paul Southworth | [[LYDIA has set up the laptop and projector for her Powerpoint presentation.]]
/ HASTINGS (smugly): So are we going in numerical order, alphabetical order? What?
/ LYDIA: What do you mean? / HASTINGS: You're here to show me the error of my ways, and since you're my ex-wife, I assume this whole thing... http://uglyhill.com/d/20090216.html |
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