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| Ugly Hill- A Daily Comic Strip by Paul Southworth | [[HASTINGS sits on a bench, arms folded, scowling.]]
/ LYDIA (offpanel): Your marriage track record is only a symptom of the larger disease. Take your most recent wife, Nora. / [[A black-and-white photo of NORA is projected onto the screen behind LYDIA and HASTINGS. LYDIA holds the switch for the... http://uglyhill.com/d/20090217.html |
| Ugly Hill- A Daily Comic Strip by Paul Southworth | [[The screen now shows a black-and-white photo of DAISY ELLINGTON.]]
/ LYDIA (offpanel): Daisy, your 7th wife. What do you think went wrong here?
/ HASTINGS (also offpanel): Her children drove a wedge between us. / LYDIA: No, you USED her children to drive a wedge between you, because you're selfish. / HASTINGS:... http://uglyhill.com/d/20090218.html |
| Ugly Hill- A Daily Comic Strip by Paul Southworth | HASTINGS: BLUH...#6. That was an...AWKWARD situation...
/ LYDIA: You'll be happy to know they're now separated and living in Montana as Greek Orthodox nuns. / LYDIA: Had enough yet?
/ HASTINGS: Pfft! HARDLY! You're not telling me anything I don't already know! / HASTINGS: Yes, I'm selfish. I'm... http://uglyhill.com/d/20090219.html |
| Ugly Hill- A Daily Comic Strip by Paul Southworth | [[HASTINGS comes back into the room, drying his hands.]]
/ LYDIA: WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?!
/ HASTINGS: What? I needed a bathroom break! GET OFF ME! / LYDIA: I've been in there talking to myself for TEN minutes! I went over TWO marriages while you were gone!
/ HASTINGS: FEH. I'll get the... http://uglyhill.com/d/20090220.html |
| Ugly Hill- A Daily Comic Strip by Paul Southworth | LYDIA: This is it. The home stretch. Vivian, wife #2.
/ HASTINGS: Well, this one wasn't my fault. She turned out to be a screaming harpy, plain and simple. / LYDIA: YOU married her! She was EXACTLY like your mother, even down to her name! Another poor relationship choice influenced by your matriarchal... http://uglyhill.com/d/20090223.html |
| Ugly Hill- A Daily Comic Strip by Paul Southworth | LYDIA: Hope Kilgore. Your first love. You were high school sweethearts, weren't you?
/ HASTINGS (glumly): You know we were. / [[Picture of HOPE on the screen.]]
/ LYDIA (offpanel): All the personality flaws we've reviewed so far, all the mistakes you've made, you made them all with her first. / LYDIA:... http://uglyhill.com/d/20090224.html |
| Ugly Hill- A Daily Comic Strip by Paul Southworth | HASTINGS: I guess I just couldn't believe someone as good as her would ever be married to me, so I did everything I could to test her. / [[HASTINGS strokes the screen, still showing HOPE'S picture.]]
/ HASTINGS: I acted on every impulse, pursued every boorish behavior, rationalizing that if she couldn't... http://uglyhill.com/d/20090225.html |
| Ugly Hill- A Daily Comic Strip by Paul Southworth | LYDIA: You don't have to die alone like your mother. You still have a chance to make things right, and I suggest you take it.
/ HASTINGS: Thank you, Lydia. I'm uh...I'm sorry for how I acted when we were married. / LYDIA: Don't worry about it. After you die, all your earthly grudges are collected... http://uglyhill.com/d/20090226.html |
| Ugly Hill- A Daily Comic Strip by Paul Southworth | ELI (offpanel): HASTINGS! Hastings, can you hear me? Wake up!
/ [[HASTINGS is lying across his mother's open casket. He wakes up.]]
/ HASTINGS: Huh? What? / ELI: Did you fall asleep in Mom's COFFIN?! Oh gross, her DEATH jewelry is all stuck to your face!
/ HASTINGS: Eli? ELI! Can you handle... http://uglyhill.com/d/20090227.html |
| Ugly Hill- A Daily Comic Strip by Paul Southworth | [[HOPE is at her office, checking her mail.]]
/ HOPE: Hi, Natalie. Did I get any messages when I was at lunch?
/ NATALIE: Your ex-husband called. 27 times. He says it's urgent. / HOPE (rolls eyes): Hastings called? Geez, I don't need this today. All right, I'll get back to him after my 1 o'clock. / {{For... http://uglyhill.com/d/20090302.html |
| Ugly Hill- A Daily Comic Strip by Paul Southworth | HOPE: What are you DOING out there?! Gary's been battling his paranoia for decades, and you just ruined all his hard work!
/ HASTINGS: I'm sorry, but I knew this was the only way you'd see me. / HOPE (offpanel): Can't argue with that. What do you want, Hastings?
/ HASTINGS: I've made a big mistake. / HOPE... http://uglyhill.com/d/20090303.html |
| Ugly Hill- A Daily Comic Strip by Paul Southworth | HOPE: Okay, so...Lydia's GHOST came to you in a dream and told you we should get re-married?
/ HASTINGS: She simply forced me to see what a huge mistake I'd made by letting you go. / HOPE: I'm going to pull out my pad now and prescribe you some very strong narcotics...
/ HASTINGS (offpanel): Hope,... http://uglyhill.com/d/20090304.html |
| Ugly Hill- A Daily Comic Strip by Paul Southworth | [[ELI arrives at HOPE's office.]]
/ ELI: Uh, hi. Is my brother here? Short, ugly guy? Big nose, strong sense of entitlement?
/ NATALIE: You mean Dr. Kilgore's ex? They're in her office right now. / ELI (panicky): Oh GOD, how did I know he was coming to see her? I need to get in there before he... http://uglyhill.com/d/20090305.html |
| Ugly Hill- A Daily Comic Strip by Paul Southworth | ELI: After all my brother has put you through, how could you agree to marry him...AGAIN?!
/ HOPE: He's changed. / ELI: CHANGED?! Are you KIDDING me?!
/ HOPE: Before he came to see me, he turned down all the job offers he got from being on TV. / HASTINGS: Well, not ALL of them. Most were high-level... http://uglyhill.com/d/20090306.html |
| Ugly Hill- A Daily Comic Strip by Paul Southworth | [[Exterior of church, silhouetted against a sunny sky.]]
/ KARL: Hold still, boy. Your tie is crooked.
/ HASTINGS: Thank you. I'm...glad you're here. / [[Inside.]]
/ KARL: Of course I'm here! You're my son, and you know I always loved Hope. She was the best thing that ever happened to you.
/ HASTINGS:... http://uglyhill.com/d/20090309.html |
| Ugly Hill- A Daily Comic Strip by Paul Southworth | PETER: Mr. Kilgore, I just wanted to say good luck, or break a leg, or whatever you say at weddings.
/ HASTINGS: How about "Stay married for longer than five minutes?" / HASTINGS (offpanel): Speaking of which: You have the ring, right?
/ PETER: In the suitcase handcuffed to my wrist, just like you... http://uglyhill.com/d/20090310.html |
| Ugly Hill- A Daily Comic Strip by Paul Southworth | FATHER LEIF: I now pronounce you... / FATHER LEIF (offpanel): ...monster and wife.
/ [[HASTINGS looks happier than we've ever seen him as he looks into HOPE's eyes. On the bride's side of the church, we see HOPE'S FATHER, who looks--skeptical. Yeah "skeptical" is about right. On the groom's side,... http://uglyhill.com/d/20090311.html |
| a class="searchlink" href="http://uglyhill.com/d/20090919.html">http://uglyhill.com/d/20090919.html | [untranscribed - please consider transcribing this comic!] |
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