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You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Monday, March 13, 2006 Eli: Snrk? Wha? Ugh... / Eli: What's today, Monday? that means chili dogs with snug down at the wiener stop. Better wear my loose tank top... / Eli: Oh wait, I forgot! Snug's in Miami for his grandmother's funeral! I guess that means I'll have to entertain myself this week. / [[Eli stands silently.]] / Eli:...
You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Tuesday, March 14, 2006 [[Hastings is at work in his cubicle, Eli is on the phone]] / Hastings: Stop calling me at work, Eli! Every time the phone rings I think it's the office supply warehouse confirming my liquid paper replenishment! What do you want now?! / Eli [[at home]]: I'm sorry, I'm just so bored! Snug is on vacation...
You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Wednesday, March 15, 2006 ELLIOTT: You can't blackmail me forever, Hastings. / HASTINGS: That, slave, is your opinion, which is by definition, worthless. / HASTINGS: As long as you want certain lascivious deeds to remain hidden from your significant other, you will abide by my every desire. There is no way out. / ELLIOTT: I...
You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Thursday, March 16, 2006 Peter: So you think Mr. Krauthammer is trying to dig up some dirt on you? / Hastings: Yes, and unless a bleeding ulcer is illegal, good luck to him finding any. / Peter: If you're clean, why is your ulcer flaring up? / Hastings: Well, Peter, no one's record is... totally without blemish. Plus, I mean,...
You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Friday, March 17, 2006 TV: And now, back to "THE HYPERBOLES!" / YELLOW HYPERBOLE: WOW! That's the best snowman ever in the history of recorded snowmen! I literally thought it was a 3-tiered fat man! / YELLOW HYPERBOLE: You look colder than a nitrogen breathing penguin! Take my gloves! / RED HYPERBOLE: THANKS! You're...
 
You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Monday, March 20, 2006 Hastings: I trust you found a way to occupy yourself today. / Eli: Naw, I just watched TV. It was more boring than watching grass grow through wet paint in church. / Hastings: Why are you talking like that? / Eli: Huh? Oh, it's the way they talk on this kids show I was watching where they exaggerate everything....
You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Tuesday, March 21, 2006 Hastings: Make sure I am not disturbed for the next hour, Peter. I will be making some calls. / Peter: Why don't you just get Elliott to do it for you? He's still your blackmail slave, isn't he? / Hastings: I am trying to seal up all loose connections regarding my past, so Elliott cannot stage a counter-blackmail. / Hastings:...
You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Wednesday, March 22, 2006 Hastings: You're LATE. Did you do as I requested? / Police Officer: Yes Mr. Kilgore, your police records are sealed, but... / Hastings: Good, good...here, take your payment. / Police Officer: Yeah, but... The only thing in there was a speeding ticket from 1989. / Hastings: SILENCE, BLUECOAT! What is...
You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Thursday, March 23, 2006 Elliott Krauthammer: Psst! Hey! Hastings' intern! PSSSSSSSTTT! / Peter: I have a NAME. And I'm not telling you anything to help you blackmail Mr. Kilgore. / Elliott Krauthammer: WHAT?! Oh come ON! Why are you so loyal to him?! I've seen the way he treats you! GROW A SPINE, JUNIOR! / Peter: Fine. I'll...
You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Friday, March 24, 2006 Eli: RRGH! I can't stop speaking in elaborate exaggerations thanks to that stupid kids' show! / <> / Eli: Hello? Oh, hi Dad! What? Hastings left YOU a message? Why?! / Eli: [[thinking]] Hastings called Dad? WOW. That must mean he wants to start talking to him again! I can't be sure, though,...
 
You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Monday, March 27, 2006 [[Hastings is heading out the door at work]] / Karl: Hastings! My SON! It's been so long! You don't know how happy I was to get your call! I'll NEVER abuse our relationship again, I PROMISE! / Karl: I need to borrow a thousand dollars. / [[Hastings hides back in his office]]
You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Tuesday, March 28, 2006 Karl: Look, if you don't have the whole grand on you, I'll just take $900. I guess. / Hastings: Father, why are you HERE? How did you even know where I work? / Karl: Hey, you called ME, kiddo. And besides, Eli said you'd love it if I came by and visited you at work. / Hastings: Yes, about that call....
You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Wednesday, March 29, 2006 KARL: So, what's the good word around the office, boy? Is is "COLLATE?" What does that mean, anyway? I hope it relates to lunch somehow. / HASTINGS: BE QUIET! I don't want you here! I don't even remember why I called you! Why don't you just LEAVE?! / KARL: But...so you don't want to talk? / HASTINGS:...
You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Thursday, March 30, 2006 Karl: Hey buddy, can I bum one of those smokes? / Elliott Krauthammer: Depends. Who's askin'? / Karl: Name's Karl Kilgore. I came here to see my son, but he doesn't want to talk to me. / Elliott Krauthammer: YOU'RE Hastings' dad? Well, why not? / Karl: Eh. Beats me. / Karl: Can I borrow a thousand...
You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Friday, March 31, 2006 Karl: 800, 900, 1000. / Hastings: Father? Why are you still here? And where did you get that money? / Karl: Your friend Elliott gave it to me. He's a nice boy. / Hastings: ELLIOTT gave you a thousand dollars? What did he want in return? / Karl: Only for me to tell him your DEEPEST, DARKEST SECRET. / Hastings:...
 
You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Monday, April 3, 2006 {{Guest comic by Tyler Martin ontherockscomics.com}} / [[Bikini-clad women play volleyball as a human Eli looks on at the Ugly Hill City Beach]] / Eli Kilgore: All the women here are hideous. But I'm so ugly I can't get a date with a single one of them anyway. / Snug Snugworth: Sorry Eli. Not everyone...
You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Tuesday, April 4, 2006 {{A guest comic by Kristofer Straub of Starslip Crisis and Checkerboard Nightmare}} / <> / Kris: Drawing your own Ugly Hill monsters is easy and fun! Here's how. How someone else did it, I mean. I can't. / <> / <http://uglyhill.com/d/20060404.html
You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Wednesday, April 5, 2006 {{Guest comic by Paul Taylor}} / [[Hastings and Dodson are both dinosaurs]] / Hastings: Where's that white-out, Dodson?! You obtuse moron! I've placed my order with you five times! Have you lost every one of them?! / Dodson: But, Mr. Kilgore, you only placed those orders this morning. The fax machine...
You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Thursday, April 6, 2006 {{Guest comic by Howard Tayler www.schlockmercenary.com}} / [[Eli Kilgore addresses a crowd consisting of Hastings Kilgore, Snug Snugworth, Elliott Krauthammer, Peter Wipp, and Sergeant Schlock. A sign on the wall reads "Ugly Hillers Anonymous"]] / Eli: Hi, my name is Eli, and I'm ugly. / Hastings, Snug,...
You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Friday, April 7, 2006 {{Guest strip by Steve Troop www.melonpool.com}} / [[Post-its with human caricatures of Hastings Kilgore, Snug Snugworth, Peter Wipp, Eli Kilgore, and Paul Southworth]] / Peter: Nuts! Why do all my caricatures turn out so ugly?! / Hastings: Hey! Quit using up all my office supplies!
 
You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Monday, April 10, 2006 Teacher: Okay class, put away your books, we're doing something different today. Now, I'm sure you've seen the latest controversy on the news... / Kid: YEAH! Some stupid jerk got hit by a car while he was wearing those sneakers wiht the wheels in them! Now my mom wants to give mine to poor kids! It's...
You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Tuesday, April 11, 2006 [[Peter is standing with his teacher in front of a blackboard.]] / Peter: Mr Klockman, I know what the President's coming to talk about next week. It's about Eyeraq, right? / Mr. Klockman: That's right, Peter. We might be going to war. / Peter: How come he decided to make the announcement here, anyway? / Mr....
Ugly Hill Comic from Wednesday, April 12, 2006 [[Hastings is talking to a colleague at the water cooler]] / Hastings: ... So, in summation, they knocked our buildings down, so now we get to nuke their country into an iridescent pothole. It's as simple as that. / Peter: It doesn't make sense Mr. Kilgore. Those people who attacked us weren't even from...
You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Thursday, April 13, 2006 Peter: Nobody can seem to give me a straight answer about the war, Dad. / Tom: Huh? Oh, uh, it's the WMDs right? / Tom: Yeah, the WMDS, that's what they're looking for. They think the leader of the country has WMDs and they need to in and find out for sure. / Peter: Okay, so, what does WMD stand for? / Tom:...
You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Friday, April 14, 2006 Peter: So my boss is a racist and my dad doesn't know anything he doesn't see on Monday Night Football. / Store Clerk: Pssht! Please! Americans cannot see past their enormous bellies and porno movies to see the truth! One dollar for soda, please. / Peter: That's true. / Store Clerk: Me? I am Russian!...
 
You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Monday, April 17, 2006 Eli: Snug and I are driving up to Maulington to hear the President's speech this week and I feel obligated to invite you. / Hastings: You're going? / Hastings: I don't think they let people in who have voted in more televised singing competitions than presidential elections. / Eli: They do. I called ahead. / Hastings:...
You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Tuesday, April 18, 2006 Worker: Mr. Kilgore, you have been selected to be among President Tripp's elite support section at tomorrow's event! / Hastings: Gasp! I applied months ago but I never thought I'd... / Worker: Please do not respond to this message. As a political bootlick, I cannot provide any information other than...
You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Wednesday, April 19, 2006 [[Hastings goes to a political rally for President Tripp]] / Hastings: Excuse me, is this the line for President Tripp's support section? / Worker: Where are your flags? You must have at least three American flags to get in. / Hastings: I only brought one flag, sir. / Worker: Buddy, we got a guy in there...
You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Thursday, April 20, 2006 [[Hastings is in the elite supporter section at a rally for President Tripp]] / Worker: In a few minutes, President Tripp is going to come out for a short meet and greet. / Hastings: Be still my hear! Are we allowed photos? / Worker: No. You are not to record the president's likeness in any way, be it...
You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Friday, April 21, 2006 Snug: I guess we're early. Can you see Hastings anywhere? / Eli: Yeah, he's down there in the president's "Dogg Pound". / Snug: He must be excited. Your brother's wanted to meet the president for years. / Eli: He's coming out! I think Hastings is about to have a coronary! / Announcer: And now, here he...
 

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