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| You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Monday, March 13, 2006 | Eli: Snrk? Wha? Ugh... / Eli: What's today, Monday? that means chili dogs with snug down at the wiener stop. Better wear my loose tank top... / Eli: Oh wait, I forgot! Snug's in Miami for his grandmother's funeral! I guess that means I'll have to entertain myself this week. / [[Eli stands silently.]] / Eli:... http://uglyhill.com/d/20060313.html |
| You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Tuesday, March 14, 2006 | [[Hastings is at work in his cubicle, Eli is on the phone]]
/ Hastings: Stop calling me at work, Eli! Every time the phone rings I think it's the office supply warehouse confirming my liquid paper replenishment! What do you want now?! / Eli [[at home]]: I'm sorry, I'm just so bored! Snug is on vacation... http://uglyhill.com/d/20060314.html |
| You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Wednesday, March 15, 2006 | ELLIOTT: You can't blackmail me forever, Hastings.
/ HASTINGS: That, slave, is your opinion, which is by definition, worthless. / HASTINGS: As long as you want certain lascivious deeds to remain hidden from your significant other, you will abide by my every desire. There is no way out. / ELLIOTT: I... http://uglyhill.com/d/20060315.html |
| You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Thursday, March 16, 2006 | Peter: So you think Mr. Krauthammer is trying to dig up some dirt on you?
/ Hastings: Yes, and unless a bleeding ulcer is illegal, good luck to him finding any. / Peter: If you're clean, why is your ulcer flaring up? / Hastings: Well, Peter, no one's record is... totally without blemish. Plus, I mean,... http://uglyhill.com/d/20060316.html |
| You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Friday, March 17, 2006 | TV: And now, back to "THE HYPERBOLES!" / YELLOW HYPERBOLE: WOW! That's the best snowman ever in the history of recorded snowmen! I literally thought it was a 3-tiered fat man! / YELLOW HYPERBOLE: You look colder than a nitrogen breathing penguin! Take my gloves!
/ RED HYPERBOLE: THANKS! You're... http://uglyhill.com/d/20060317.html |
| You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Monday, March 20, 2006 | Hastings: I trust you found a way to occupy yourself today.
/ Eli: Naw, I just watched TV. It was more boring than watching grass grow through wet paint in church. / Hastings: Why are you talking like that?
/ Eli: Huh? Oh, it's the way they talk on this kids show I was watching where they exaggerate everything.... http://uglyhill.com/d/20060320.html |
| You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Tuesday, March 21, 2006 | Hastings: Make sure I am not disturbed for the next hour, Peter. I will be making some calls.
/ Peter: Why don't you just get Elliott to do it for you? He's still your blackmail slave, isn't he? / Hastings: I am trying to seal up all loose connections regarding my past, so Elliott cannot stage a counter-blackmail. / Hastings:... http://uglyhill.com/d/20060321.html |
| You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Wednesday, March 22, 2006 | Hastings: You're LATE. Did you do as I requested?
/ Police Officer: Yes Mr. Kilgore, your police records are sealed, but... / Hastings: Good, good...here, take your payment.
/ Police Officer: Yeah, but... The only thing in there was a speeding ticket from 1989. / Hastings: SILENCE, BLUECOAT! What is... http://uglyhill.com/d/20060322.html |
| You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Thursday, March 23, 2006 | Elliott Krauthammer: Psst! Hey! Hastings' intern! PSSSSSSSTTT!
/ Peter: I have a NAME. And I'm not telling you anything to help you blackmail Mr. Kilgore. / Elliott Krauthammer: WHAT?! Oh come ON! Why are you so loyal to him?! I've seen the way he treats you! GROW A SPINE, JUNIOR!
/ Peter: Fine. I'll... http://uglyhill.com/d/20060323.html |
| You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Friday, March 24, 2006 | Eli: RRGH! I can't stop speaking in elaborate exaggerations thanks to that stupid kids' show!
/ < http://uglyhill.com/d/20060324.html |
| You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Monday, March 27, 2006 | [[Hastings is heading out the door at work]] / Karl: Hastings! My SON! It's been so long! You don't know how happy I was to get your call! I'll NEVER abuse our relationship again, I PROMISE! / Karl: I need to borrow a thousand dollars. / [[Hastings hides back in his office]] http://uglyhill.com/d/20060327.html |
| You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Tuesday, March 28, 2006 | Karl: Look, if you don't have the whole grand on you, I'll just take $900. I guess.
/ Hastings: Father, why are you HERE? How did you even know where I work? / Karl: Hey, you called ME, kiddo. And besides, Eli said you'd love it if I came by and visited you at work. / Hastings: Yes, about that call.... http://uglyhill.com/d/20060328.html |
| You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Wednesday, March 29, 2006 | KARL: So, what's the good word around the office, boy? Is is "COLLATE?" What does that mean, anyway? I hope it relates to lunch somehow. / HASTINGS: BE QUIET! I don't want you here! I don't even remember why I called you! Why don't you just LEAVE?!
/ KARL: But...so you don't want to talk? / HASTINGS:... http://uglyhill.com/d/20060329.html |
| You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Thursday, March 30, 2006 | Karl: Hey buddy, can I bum one of those smokes?
/ Elliott Krauthammer: Depends. Who's askin'? / Karl: Name's Karl Kilgore. I came here to see my son, but he doesn't want to talk to me.
/ Elliott Krauthammer: YOU'RE Hastings' dad? Well, why not? / Karl: Eh. Beats me. / Karl: Can I borrow a thousand... http://uglyhill.com/d/20060330.html |
| You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Friday, March 31, 2006 | Karl: 800, 900, 1000.
/ Hastings: Father? Why are you still here? And where did you get that money? / Karl: Your friend Elliott gave it to me. He's a nice boy.
/ Hastings: ELLIOTT gave you a thousand dollars? What did he want in return? / Karl: Only for me to tell him your DEEPEST, DARKEST SECRET.
/ Hastings:... http://uglyhill.com/d/20060331.html |
| You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Monday, April 3, 2006 | {{Guest comic by Tyler Martin ontherockscomics.com}}
/ [[Bikini-clad women play volleyball as a human Eli looks on at the Ugly Hill City Beach]]
/ Eli Kilgore: All the women here are hideous. But I'm so ugly I can't get a date with a single one of them anyway. / Snug Snugworth: Sorry Eli. Not everyone... http://uglyhill.com/d/20060403.html |
| You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Tuesday, April 4, 2006 | {{A guest comic by Kristofer Straub of Starslip Crisis and Checkerboard Nightmare}} / < |
| You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Wednesday, April 5, 2006 | {{Guest comic by Paul Taylor}} / [[Hastings and Dodson are both dinosaurs]]
/ Hastings: Where's that white-out, Dodson?! You obtuse moron! I've placed my order with you five times! Have you lost every one of them?! / Dodson: But, Mr. Kilgore, you only placed those orders this morning. The fax machine... http://uglyhill.com/d/20060405.html |
| You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Thursday, April 6, 2006 | {{Guest comic by Howard Tayler www.schlockmercenary.com}}
/ [[Eli Kilgore addresses a crowd consisting of Hastings Kilgore, Snug Snugworth, Elliott Krauthammer, Peter Wipp, and Sergeant Schlock. A sign on the wall reads "Ugly Hillers Anonymous"]]
/ Eli: Hi, my name is Eli, and I'm ugly.
/ Hastings, Snug,... http://uglyhill.com/d/20060406.html |
| You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Friday, April 7, 2006 | {{Guest strip by Steve Troop www.melonpool.com}}
/ [[Post-its with human caricatures of Hastings Kilgore, Snug Snugworth, Peter Wipp, Eli Kilgore, and Paul Southworth]] / Peter: Nuts! Why do all my caricatures turn out so ugly?!
/ Hastings: Hey! Quit using up all my office supplies! http://uglyhill.com/d/20060407.html |
| You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Monday, April 10, 2006 | Teacher: Okay class, put away your books, we're doing something different today. Now, I'm sure you've seen the latest controversy on the news... / Kid: YEAH! Some stupid jerk got hit by a car while he was wearing those sneakers wiht the wheels in them! Now my mom wants to give mine to poor kids! It's... http://uglyhill.com/d/20060410.html |
| You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Tuesday, April 11, 2006 | [[Peter is standing with his teacher in front of a blackboard.]]
/ Peter: Mr Klockman, I know what the President's coming to talk about next week. It's about Eyeraq, right?
/ Mr. Klockman: That's right, Peter. We might be going to war. / Peter: How come he decided to make the announcement here, anyway?
/ Mr.... http://uglyhill.com/d/20060411.html |
| Ugly Hill Comic from Wednesday, April 12, 2006 | [[Hastings is talking to a colleague at the water cooler]]
/ Hastings: ... So, in summation, they knocked our buildings down, so now we get to nuke their country into an iridescent pothole. It's as simple as that. / Peter: It doesn't make sense Mr. Kilgore. Those people who attacked us weren't even from... http://uglyhill.com/d/20060412.html |
| You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Thursday, April 13, 2006 | Peter: Nobody can seem to give me a straight answer about the war, Dad.
/ Tom: Huh? Oh, uh, it's the WMDs right? / Tom: Yeah, the WMDS, that's what they're looking for. They think the leader of the country has WMDs and they need to in and find out for sure. / Peter: Okay, so, what does WMD stand for?
/ Tom:... http://uglyhill.com/d/20060413.html |
| You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Friday, April 14, 2006 | Peter: So my boss is a racist and my dad doesn't know anything he doesn't see on Monday Night Football. / Store Clerk: Pssht! Please! Americans cannot see past their enormous bellies and porno movies to see the truth! One dollar for soda, please.
/ Peter: That's true. / Store Clerk: Me? I am Russian!... http://uglyhill.com/d/20060414.html |
| You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Monday, April 17, 2006 | Eli: Snug and I are driving up to Maulington to hear the President's speech this week and I feel obligated to invite you.
/ Hastings: You're going? / Hastings: I don't think they let people in who have voted in more televised singing competitions than presidential elections.
/ Eli: They do. I called ahead. / Hastings:... http://uglyhill.com/d/20060417.html |
| You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Tuesday, April 18, 2006 | Worker: Mr. Kilgore, you have been selected to be among President Tripp's elite support section at tomorrow's event!
/ Hastings: Gasp! I applied months ago but I never thought I'd... / Worker: Please do not respond to this message. As a political bootlick, I cannot provide any information other than... http://uglyhill.com/d/20060418.html |
| You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Wednesday, April 19, 2006 | [[Hastings goes to a political rally for President Tripp]]
/ Hastings: Excuse me, is this the line for President Tripp's support section?
/ Worker: Where are your flags? You must have at least three American flags to get in. / Hastings: I only brought one flag, sir.
/ Worker: Buddy, we got a guy in there... http://uglyhill.com/d/20060419.html |
| You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Thursday, April 20, 2006 | [[Hastings is in the elite supporter section at a rally for President Tripp]]
/ Worker: In a few minutes, President Tripp is going to come out for a short meet and greet.
/ Hastings: Be still my hear! Are we allowed photos? / Worker: No. You are not to record the president's likeness in any way, be it... http://uglyhill.com/d/20060420.html |
| You Are Reading the Ugly Hill Comic from Friday, April 21, 2006 | Snug: I guess we're early. Can you see Hastings anywhere?
/ Eli: Yeah, he's down there in the president's "Dogg Pound". / Snug: He must be excited. Your brother's wanted to meet the president for years.
/ Eli: He's coming out! I think Hastings is about to have a coronary! / Announcer: And now, here he... http://uglyhill.com/d/20060421.html |
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