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| Chinese Timezones | 2: So I say to her, "You know I love you baby! You & me? We're like Chinese timezones!" That cheered her up. / 1: Chinese timezones?
/ 2: She and I are the one! / 1: Huh?!
/ 2: China, as large as it is, only has one timezone. / 1: Oh. http://www.lefthandedtoons.com/1/ |
| No Use for Nickels | If I had a nickel for every time I've related some thing's frequency to the receipt of nickels, I'd have exactly one nickel. http://www.lefthandedtoons.com/2/ |
| Play Nicely | Hey! My hands hate each other. It makes it hard to type. http://www.lefthandedtoons.com/3/ |
| A Simple Game | 1: Say uncle! / *Man one twists man two's arm* / *Man two's arm snaps off* / 1: Ahh! / 2: I win. http://www.lefthandedtoons.com/4/ |
| Revolutionary Misspeak | 2: I dunno. Should I call her again? I'm so bad at this. / 2: I swear, the first time I talked to her, my heart was going at 1000 RPMs! / 2: It's just... I don't want to bug her, but I hate waiting, y'know? / 1: Your heart goes at RPMs?
/ 2: Yes. Yes it does. My heart spins around in place. http://www.lefthandedtoons.com/5/ |
| All-In-One | 1: Check out my new cell phone! / 1: I can check my email, watch tv, do my taxes and perform open heart surgery with this bad boy.
/ 2: Can you make phone calls with it? / 1: No. http://www.lefthandedtoons.com/6/ |
| You know what they say! | *Mother is pointing to a broken lamp* / Child: "Ass outta u and me", mom... "Ass outta u and me". http://www.lefthandedtoons.com/7/ |
| Back Stabbing | *Man with knife in back starts talking to his friend*
/ 1: My back hurts.
/ 2: This situation prompts many questions, such as... / 2: AHHHHH!!! / *Friend runs away*
/ 1: That's not a questions / *Man finds knife in back*
/ Oh, now I see the problem. http://www.lefthandedtoons.com/8/ |
| Solstice with the Mostest | 1: Wait. Why is Dec. 21st called the "first day of winter"? It's the solstice! Shouldn't that make it the "middle of winter"? / 1: The "first day of winter" should be halfway between the autumnal equinox and the winter solstice. So, like, Nov. 6th or something.
/ 2: Hey! That's your birthday! / 1: What? Not it's not. That... that's your birthday!
/ 2: Oh...yeah, you're right. / 2: It is. http://www.lefthandedtoons.com/9/ |
| Where? | One day, Waldo should wear something different and really screw everyone up. / *Waldo wearing a floral print shirt* http://www.lefthandedtoons.com/10/ |
| Life Lessons | *Father and son shaving at the sink* / Father: So, son, sometimes you'll see razors like this, except they take a battery, and they vibrate when you turn them on. This really helps. / Father: I find you can get the same great effect by waving your arm wildly while you shave. http://www.lefthandedtoons.com/11/ |
| Top Chef | *Man is lying dead on the ground*
/ 1: Something is wrong with your food. It killed frank.
/ 2: He's just being dramatic / *Man 1 eats the food* / *Man 1 is dead on the ground*
/ 2: I must not be very good at cooking. http://www.lefthandedtoons.com/12/ |
| Affenbrot | 2: "Affenbrot" means "monkeybread" in german. / *Friends look awkwardly at each other* / *Friends awkwardly stare off* / 2: I'm just sayin'. http://www.lefthandedtoons.com/13/ |
| Freebie! | *Speedo is shown* / Free speedo!* / *with trade-in of your sense of shame http://www.lefthandedtoons.com/14/ |
| Did-You-Know-Bats 1 | Bat 1: Did you know that the "G.I." in "G.I. Joe" does not, in fact, stand for "gastro-intestinal"?? I did not know that! http://www.lefthandedtoons.com/15/ |
| Testing... | 1: Printer test page!
/ 2: Holy crap! http://www.lefthandedtoons.com/16/ |
| This Rooster Speaks the Truth | Carlos Mencia is not funny. Just puttin' that out there. http://www.lefthandedtoons.com/17/ |
| Whiir | I machine. / I computer machine. / *proceeeess proceeeeess whiiiiir* http://www.lefthandedtoons.com/18/ |
| <3 | 1: So, see, it turns out "Fruityloops" is a computer program, but I thought he was talking about something else entirely!
/ 2: Whoa, wait. have you been talking to me this whole time? / *Thing 1 gives confused look*
/ 2: Really? Wow! Jesus! / *Thing 1 still confused*
/ 2: Seriously, shut the hell up. / *Thing 1 and 2 high five*
/ Super best friends! http://www.lefthandedtoons.com/19/ |
| Spelling Lesson | *Picture of a volcano*
/ You can't spell lavatory without LAVA! http://www.lefthandedtoons.com/20/ |
| Nothing more! | *Two toothbrushes sitting in a holder*
/ Toothbrush 1: Y'know... all I really want is my phone, internet, and cable television service from one company for one low monthly rate!
/ Toothbrush 2: I heard that! http://www.lefthandedtoons.com/21/ |
| Same problem with saving | *2 pandas are talking to each other*
/ Sometimes, I go to hit ctrl+z, and then I remember that I'm drawing with pen and paper. http://www.lefthandedtoons.com/22/ |
| Such a Romantic | Man: Being with you is like having all the stars in the palm of my hand. / Woman: Wouldn't that be hot since stars are millions of degrees? / Man: Yea, mostly. "Being with you is like being burned alive" just didn't have the same ring to it. / *Both stand awkwardly* http://www.lefthandedtoons.com/23/ |
| Why, Thank you | Flower: Don't miss Rod Stewart!
/ Person: Why, thank you, newsletter@reply.ticketmaster.com-personified-as-a-flower. / Person: God, I hate you. http://www.lefthandedtoons.com/24/ |
| Limbo! | 1: Limbo time! How low can you go?
/ 2: Not very. I have scoliosis. / 1: Psh, excuses.
/ 2: Do you even know what scoliosis is? / 1: Something about being scared of limbo poles?
/ 2: No. But I have that too actually. / 2: I have a very easy time getting out of limboing. http://www.lefthandedtoons.com/25/ |
| Tom makes eggs | *Man cracks egg into pan* / *Man pokes egg yolk* / 1: Why'd you poke the yolk?
/ 2: Becaues I don't like my yolk un-poked. http://www.lefthandedtoons.com/26/ |
| Stabby Stab | *Man appears with knife*
/ Friend 1: Don't stab us!
/ Friend 2: AHHH!!! / Stranger: PREPARE TO / Stranger: LIVE!!!!!! / *Stranger puts away knife*
/ Friend 1: Oh thank god! I thought he was going to say the other thing!
/ Friend 2: So did I! http://www.lefthandedtoons.com/27/ |
| Patrick has a dark secret | I highlight all the text on every website I visit. http://www.lefthandedtoons.com/28/ |
| Exercise | *Drawn with left hand, man raising left arm*
/ Man: Left / *Drawn with right hand, man raising right arm*
/ Man: Right / *Drawn with left hand, man raising left arm*
/ Man: Left / *Drawn with right hand, man raising right arm*
/ Man: Right / Exercise with me people! http://www.lefthandedtoons.com/29/ |
| Incorrect Etymology 1 | Today's Phrase: "It's all about the Benajmins" / *man whistling not noticing the pies on the floor*
/ the "benjamin" in question is old hollywood legend benjamin k bailey, who got his start in silent comedies in the 1930s / *woman pointing to benjamin bailey, who is holding a pie*
/ in the 1950s, bailey moved to television with the popular sitcom, "ben thinkin of you." the show's signature catchphrase was "o that benjamin bailey! truly about him it is always!" / the saying was resurrected in 1999 by rapper/acne-medicine-advocate, sean combs, who released his musicl tribute to bailey that year. / the song, titled "it's all about the benjamin bailey", was universally misheard as "it's about the benjamins (baby)". sean comb's rapper-name was "poofy dad", or something like that. http://www.lefthandedtoons.com/30 |