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| Nukees - Friday, June 2, 2000 | [[GavCam - Danny knocking off part of THE MACHINE, causing flood]]
/ Gav: "I'll admit it was DANNY who first discovered the device was modular. (Next slide, Steve)" / Gav: "I suppose the sudden release of water was responsible for my discovery of the vent. (Next)"
/ [[GavCam - Gav's hand and foot sluicing towards drain/vent]] / Gav: "But it was I that deducted what made this machine TRULY worth stealing..."}}
/ [[GavCam shot, from floor, of Danny (on floor), and standard, 5-15P electrical plug]] http://nukees.com/d/20000602.html |
| Nukees - Monday, June 5, 2000 | King Luca: Wait. Stealing from another department is not treason in KING LUCA's realm!
/ Steve: Gav isn't IN our realm. He's a barbarian horde, remember? / King Luca: That's not even a crime, actually...
/ Steve: That didn't happen until the NEXT DAY anyway.
/ Gav: HEY! Who's narrating here?
/ King Luca: In fact, dont' we award grants for that? / Gav: WAIT! what WOULD constitute treason in your realm, Luca?
/ King Luca: The only one I can ever remember is the one about not addressing me as "King" Luca, but it's not heavily enforced. http://nukees.com/d/20000605.html |
| Nukees - Wednesday, June 7, 2000 | King Luca: So how much of this machine have you guys stolen?
/ Gav: Almost the whole thing. Danny's been assembling it all week. / King Luca: CAN WE SEE?
/ Gav: Other than the seventeen reasons that just sprang to mind, I don't see why not. / [[Gav, King Luca, and Steve entering lab and staring up at THE MACHINE]] / King Luca: It... uh... got bigger.
/ Gav: You noticed that too, did you? http://nukees.com/d/20000607.html |
| Nukees - Friday, June 9, 2000 | [[High-up shot of THE MACHINE]]
/ Danny: Near as I can figure, it generates sonoluminescence within a deuterium Bose-Einstein condensate which is magnetically confined within a matrix ...
/ Gav: What does that mean in ENGLISH Danny?
/ Danny: It doesn't mean ANYTHING in english.
/ Gav: Well, what does it DO?
/ Danny: I have no idea, but try to turn it off! http://nukees.com/d/20000609.html |
| Nukees - Monday, June 12, 2000 | [[Suzy, lying on quad lawn in summer dress, reading psych books]]
/ Suzy: [[Thinking]] Ugh. I can't believe I have to become TOTALLY SANE and WELL-ADJUSTED by summer's end just to serve as a role model to a bunch of insecure psychology majors just to justify my DUCHESSNESSHOODNESS... / [[Dog catching frisbee]] / Suzy: [[Thinking]] ..Especially when there's more info in these books on MANIPULATING weak minds as there is on CURING them. http://nukees.com/d/20000612.html |
| Nukees - Wednesday, June 14, 2000 | Psych Book Narration: "...DSM-IV recognizes many diagnosis catagories of mental disorders. Among them...
/ Gav: HELP, Suzy Gee! G-Men dressed in black suits are after me!
/ Psych Book Narration: ...PARANOIA," / Psych Book Narration: "DELUSIONAL DISORDERS..."
/ King Luca: Join King Luca!! Declare sanctuary! / Danny: I don't know anything. Don't ask me any questions!
/ Psych Book Narration: ANXIETY DISORDERS / Psych Book Narration: "..and most common: MODD DISORDERS like DEPRESSION."
/ G-Man: Ma'am? Have you seen a young, pony-tailed man in a labcoat run by here? http://nukees.com/d/20000614.html |
| Nukees - Friday, June 16, 2000 | G-Man: Ma'am, withholding information from a federal agent is a serious offense... / [[Suzy Gee rolls over and sits up in summer dress]]
/ Suzy Gee: You know, it was first shown by Milgram in 1963 that EXPERT authority, based on the perceived intellect of the authority figure is AS effective in influencing action as that of "COERSIVE authority." As such, please SCOOT from here with some degree of CELERITY. / Suzy Gee: [[Thinking]] Ooh! Chapter 5: GROUP psychology! http://nukees.com/d/20000616.html |
| Nukees - Monday, June 19, 2000 | Suzy Gee: Okay Gav! I just lied to a Federal Agent for you! Front AND center! I demand an explanation!! / [[Gav poking out from under a potted palm]]
/ Gav: New Coke was just a marketing ploy to get people to miss the Old Coke. / Suzy Gee: ABOUT THE F.B.I.!
/ Gav: Sorry, that's TWO explanations. http://nukees.com/d/20000619.html |
| Nukees - Wednesday, June 21, 2000 | Suzy Gee: I mean, there I was, innocently studying how to MANIPULATE people when along comes this rude man with the most OBVIOUS sunglasses. / Gav: WHEN? WHO? MANIPUWHAT?
/ Suzy Gee: Yeah, King Luca's got me actually READING my psych books. There's a whole section on getting large groups of people to do everything you say... / [[Gav suddenly out of potted palm]]
/ Gav: I'd like to thank you in advance for becoming my business partner despite the appalling lack of recompense!
/ Suzy Gee: OH NO! http://nukees.com/d/20000621.html |
| Nukees - Friday, June 23, 2000 | Suzy Gee: All right, Gav. Buy me a drink and lets go over your business plan.
/ Gav: WHO? WHERE? MANIPUWHAT? / Gav: You're JOINING me? No fight?
/ Suzy Gee: What's the point? I read the book. You'll just wear me down and prey on my insecurities until I say yes. THIS WAY, I retain my self-esteem and get a free cosmo. / Suzy Gee: His tab. / Gav: YOU WON'T JOIN ME BECAUSE YOU'RE AFRAID OF SUCCESS!
/ Suzy Gee: Stop! http://nukees.com/d/20000623.html |
| Nukees - Monday, June 26, 2000 | [[Gav and Suzy Gee entering the lab with THE MACHINE]]
/ Gav: Well, there's the machine -- ACK! What did Danny do now?!
/ Suzy Gee: IT'S HUGE! That'll NEVER sell! / Gav: It creates more energy than it uses! It'll sell ITSELF!
/ Suzy Gee: No, that's "POWER itself." Look it up. / Suzy Gee: Incidently, how does it...
/ Gav: NO clue. / Suzy Gee: Well that shouldn't be a problem...
/ Gav: HA! Try THAT arguement on the PATENT office! http://nukees.com/d/20000626.html |
| Nukees - Wednesday, June 28, 2000 | [[Gav and Suzy looking at the ever-growing MACHINE]]
/ Suzy: You and Danny need to work on this thing. It needs to fit on a tabletop. People love technology that fits on a tabletop. / Gav: I don't.
/ Suzy: Well, YOU'RE not our target demographic, are you? You do remember we're aiming for America's largest market? / Gav: STUPID PEOPLE!
/ Suzy: Something like that... http://nukees.com/d/20000628.html |
| Nukees - Friday, June 30, 2000 | [[Graph showing standard bell curve]]
/ Gav: See, this bell curve represents humanity's intelligence. You and I are up here...
/ Suzy Gee: "Well, I'M up there to be sure." / [[Gav drawing change to graph showing higher max pop, same center, but smaller standard deviation]]
/ Gav: Now THIS curve represents a "lower" mammalian species, say... raccoons... / [[Circle on graph showing difference between "human" and "raccoon" maximum X]]
/ Gav: While OVERALL, we're only AS smart as raccoons, our bigger standard deviation and larger population advances the species.
/ Suzy Gee: "Gav! That is SO unfair!" / Gav: Raccoons higher?
/ Suzy Gee: You flatter humans with a bell curve. http://nukees.com/d/20000630.html |
| Nukees - Monday, July 3, 2000 | Suzy Gee: You're assuming a bell curve describes the distribution of human intelligence, which is only true for a statistically RANDOM population. / [[Suzy Gee's left-hunchbacked bell curve for humans]]
/ Suzy Gee: "However, after only a few generations governed by the universal law of moronic propogation, the I.D.F. will look more like THIS..." / Gav: Universal Law of...?
/ Suzy Gee: STUPID PEOPLE BREED. / Gav: Suzy Gee, Marry Me NOW. Have my children.
/ Suzy Gee: Really, Gav. You don't need to ENFORCE the law. http://nukees.com/d/20000703.html |
| Nukees - Wednesday, July 5, 2000 | Gav: < http://nukees.com/d/20000705.html |
| Nukees - Friday, July 7, 2000 | King Luca: ...So then Gav spilled the beer all over himself AND lost his quarter!!
/ Steve: HA HA HA HA!
/ Danny: What was he wearing? / Steve: You ask the weirdest questions, Danny! What does it matter what he was wearing? / Danny: Well, when they make the movie, they will need to know these things... / King Luca: Let it go, young one... You will only find more questions... http://nukees.com/d/20000707.html |
| Nukees - Monday, July 10, 2000 | Gav: How's progress, partner?
/ Suzy Gee: Excellent. I'm taking out ads in several new age journals. You'll be giving presentations by next week. / Gav: Presentations?
/ Suzy Gee: Showing the device to investors. There's one problem, though. I can't just introduce you as "Dr. Gav." / Gav: Yes, well, my thesis committee has "issues."
/ Suzy Gee: No one cares if you really have a Ph.D. It's something else... / Suzy Gee: You DO have a last name, right?
/ Gav: OH! YOU TOO, HUH?
/ Gav: Whoa, deja vu. http://nukees.com/d/20000710.html |
| Nukees - Wednesday, July 12, 2000 | (Advertisement)
/ BREAKTHROUGH Technology Expo
/ Witness an incredible clean-energy technology demonstration by the renowned alternative physicist: Dr. G. Vandarin (PhD. Pending)
/ Tickets: $25.00
/ Investors and enthusiasts welcome!
/ Dr. Vandarin will reveal his zero-state energy extraction machine. This novel new technology taps into energy trapped in... / Gav: You're charging admission?!
/ Suzy Gee: No one goes to a FREE lecture. People will wonder what is so spectacular that we can charge admission just to hear about it. / Suzy Gee: They'll have a subsequent need to justify this expenditure on a lecture they won't even understand and will subconsciously be compelled to invest further. / Gav: How do you know they won't understand...?
/ Suzy Gee: Oh, I have tremendous faith in you, Dr. Vandarin!
/ Gav: Don't call me that... ...and "HEY!" http://nukees.com/d/20000712.html |
| Nukees - Friday, July 14, 2000 | Suzy Gee: It is my great pleasure today to introduce a man who holds the answer to all our energy problems! / Suzy Gee: ...His experiments have made him the most hated man alive to the power industry...
/ Danny: Three blackouts just last month, eh, Gav?
/ Gav: Shut up Danny. / Suzy Gee: ...So without further ado, I present the esteemed Doctor Gav A. Vandari-- / Suzy Gee: HEY! YOUR INITIALS ARE G.A.V.!!
/ Gav: You don't have to raise your voice to humiliate me. The microphone will take care of that! http://nukees.com/d/20000714.html |
| Nukees - Monday, July 17, 2000 | [[Gav is starting a speech]]
/ Gav: *AHEM* / Gav: People of Earth! Life under this new regime will be a difficult adjustment. But, once my elite shock troops have administered... / [[Gav looks off-stage]]
/ Gav: What? / Gav: Heh heh... Wrong speech... http://nukees.com/d/20000717.html |
| Nukees - Wednesday, July 19, 2000 | Gav: Hem. Maybe we should just move on to the demonstration. / [[Danny pushes a table onto the stage and lifts the cover sheet off]]
/ Gav: This remarkable machine provides an infinite clean energy source by reducing the zero-state energy field to a negative state. / Gav: Are there any question so far?
/ Danny: Did you make this out of Lego(tm)? / Gav: Lego Technics(tm). Any questions from the AUDIENCE? http://nukees.com/d/20000719.html |
| Nukees - Friday, July 21, 2000 | Gav: Now BEHOLD as I cut the power cable and yet the machine will continue to power this fan. / Cable Gav is holding: BRZZT! / Danny: Well, at least they cannot see that the fan has stopped!
/ Gav: Climb up here so I can kick your ass, Danny. http://nukees.com/d/20000721.html |
| Nukees - Monday, July 24, 2000 | Suzy Gee: Well, at least we got the electricity back on...
/ Gav: FunkyCHUNKINGgravy! How hard can it be to swindle a theater full of morons? What friggin' ELSE could go wrong? / [[Gav sizzles]] / Gav: And if you even THINK about irony right now!
/ Suzy Gee: Let me just get your clip-on microphone... http://nukees.com/d/20000724.html |
| Nukees - Wednesday, July 26, 2000 | Gav: Ladies and gentlemen--this thing doesn't work. I'm just trying to scam you, selling a perpetual motion machine. If this model had even run, it would have done so due to two "D" batteries under the table. / Gav: In light of tonight's fiascos [sic], I'm declaring this company be named "Blackout Power," then I will immediately dissolve it. Please just rip up your programs, get a refund at the door and go home! / Door: SLAM! / Local News: Berkeley Company Raises $20 Million In Downtown Seminar (by A. Reporter)
/ Quote: "Idiots" exclaims founder. http://nukees.com/d/20000726.html |
| Nukees - Friday, July 28, 2000 | Gav: I don't understand! How could hundreds of people invest in something they KNOW is a scam?! / Suzy Gee: Everyone's a sucker for inside information! Anyway, what does it matter? You have $20 million! / Suzy Gee: Oof
/ Gav: Hrm. / Gav: BEER. http://nukees.com/d/20000728.html |
| Nukees - Monday, July 31, 2000 | Jeannie: Hey Gav! Want a Guinness??
/ Gav: Hiya Jeannie! / Gav: Not today, Jeannie! Gimme your most expensive beer on tap!
/ Jeannie: Guinness IS our most expensive beer. / Gav: Really?
/ Gav: Damn. / Gav: Well then, pour me a Guinness and a Budweiser and pour the Bud down the sink.
/ Jeannie: Sure thing! http://nukees.com/d/20000731.html |
| Nukees - Wednesday, August 2, 2000 | Suzy Gee: Is that a new bartender?
/ Gav: Yeah, that's Jeannie!
/ Gav: HI JEANNIE!
/ Jeannie: HI GAV! / Suzy Gee: Quite the turnover rate this place has.
/ Gav: I try not to take it personally. / Suzy Gee: But you must be heartbroken about losing Jessica... and Jill... and Jackie--
/ Gav: *sigh* Yeah whatever. Jeannie's got a special quality. / Suzy Gee: She's HAPPY. They all start out like that.
/ Gav: I sighed already, right? http://nukees.com/d/20000802.html |
| Nukees - Friday, August 4, 2000 | Suzy Gee: You have GOT to get over this bartender fetish of yours, Gav!! / Gav: I do NOT have a bartender fetish!
/ Suzy Gee: Look, let me show you... / Gav: That's so cool! YOU got us kicked out for once instead of me! You're beautiful!!
/ Suzy Gee: See? There! What'd I tell ya? http://nukees.com/d/20000804.html |
| Nukees - Monday, August 7, 2000 | Suzy Gee: It's just as well. You can't afford to dump swill down that sewage pipe.
/ Gav: It was only one Bud.
/ Suzy Gee: What Bud? / Gav: Wait! What? You said I had twenty million dollars!
/ Suzy Gee: Your company, Blackout Power, has $20 million. / Suzy Gee: That $20 million is actually more of a loan than an investment. You agreed to a certain minimum return. / Gav: So now I'm in DEBT $20 million?!
/ Suzy Gee: Well, today's interest was $10,958.90... http://nukees.com/d/20000807.html |
| Nukees - Wednesday, August 9, 2000 | Gav; So my bogus company has $20 million I can't touch? What about a $20 million salary?
/ Suzy Gee: Nope. The investors insisted. No profit, no salary. / Gav: AUGH! This is mind-numbing! I agreed to all this?!
/ Suzy Gee: You, me... tomato, tomahto... / Gav: EMBEZZELMENT!
/ Suzy Gee: No go. You made Danny your accountant. / Gav: Now why'd I do that?
/ Suzy Gee: You were afraid of embezzlers. http://nukees.com/d/20000809.html |
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