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Nukees - Wednesday, October 3, 2001 Gav: Cut the act, Teri. It doesn't become you! / Snake: Why, I've no idea of what you mean, old bean. / Gav: Here, Ma'at. Hold her. / Ma'at: What are you doing? / Gav: Making a call. / Danny: Gav?! What? Yes, why? Well it WAS in my lap. Hey, what did you have for lunch today? Hello? / Snake: Curious. Your cell phone account is suddenly fourteen months past due. / Gav: DAMN YOU, you slithery sack of subroutines!
http://nukees.com/d/20011003.html
Nukees - Friday, October 5, 2001 Suzy Gee: What was that all about? / Danny: That was Gav. Why does everyone insist I sit in front of a computer with a penguin in my lap? / Suzy Gee: Don't worry. I'll do it. What else did he say? / Danny: Something about command words. Then we were cut off. / Suzy Gee: Command words? What, like "sit"? "Roll over"? "Walk"? "Run"? / [[Linus pecks at the keyboard]] / Snake: [[wearing Groucho Marx glasses]] What? Why are you smiling? What is it? WHAT?
http://nukees.com/d/20011005.html
Nukees - Monday, October 8, 2001 Jesus: Hidey ho, new and continuing Cal students! I'm Jesus Christ, Devourer of Souls, here to bring you up to date on the goings on of Nukees! / Jesus: First, what is a "Nukee" anyway? "Nuke E" is short for NUKElear Engineer, of course. Despite what we learn from road signs, Berkeley is replete with these tortured souls. / Jesus: You'll find that the life of a Nukee is just like yours or mine -- filled with lessons, loves, libations, and giant robot ants. / Jesus: Of course, we all remember MY ant, well documented in the First Epistle of Paul to the Libelous Neighbors. But that's another story! "Toon" in Friday to Meet the Nukees Cast!
http://nukees.com/d/20011008.html
Nukees - Wednesday, October 10, 2001 Jesus: Ahem! First an apology. It seems I may have upset my most valued readers when I introduced myself to Cal students yesterday as Jesus Christ, Devourer of Souls ... / [[SIGN: TODAY: Meet the Cast!]] / Jesus: That's right, we mistakenly displayed the highly trademarked "Cal" logo without the requisite wheelbarrow of cash and semi-precious gems to back it up. / Jesus: Of course, we would never dream of upsetting the UC Regents! Or any other hypersensitive political group! Now on to meeeting the cast! / First, meet GAV, mad scientist about town, in his Canadian bacon yarmulke and bunny pelt lab coat, hand crafted by skilled child slave labor artisans from South Africa. / Gav: (There's no "Y" in "Gav," baby...)
http://nukees.com/d/20011010.html
Nukees - Friday, October 12, 2001 Jesus: Looks like we're running a little short on time, so there will be no time for offensive or controversial jokes today. Let's move on and meet some more Nukees cast members! / Danny: How much phlegm would Errol Flynn fling if Errol Flynn could fling phlegm? / Jesus: Meet Danny, your average plasma physicist next door. Hell, I'm omniscient and even I don't understand what he says most of the time. / Jesus: Then there's King Luca, Suzy Gee, Jeannie, the Egyptian goddess of truth and order Ma'at, Steve, Dr. Goldfinger, Cecilia, Linus, Teri the homicidal A.I., Barbie, and a giant electric zombie squid ... / Jesus: Okay, great! We have some time left over! So who knows why women fake orgasms? Beause they think we care! Ha! So toon in Monday when we'll -- / Suzy Gee: You ain't making it to Monday, joke boy.
http://nukees.com/d/20011012.html
 
Nukees - Monday, October 15, 2001 Ma'at: Hello, I am Ma'at, the ancient Egyptian personification of truth and order, filling in for the previous narrator, currently busy being pummelled by a short blonde girl. I'll be supplying the 411 on Nukees for the rest of the week. / Ma'at: Unfortunately, our hippie-geek friend left me only three days to cover four and a half years! Not quite sporting if you ask me. So, without further ado, I present.... / NUKEES / A Retrospectacle / of / "Everything you never wanted to know / about nuclear engineers but were afraid / of the flesh-eating robots." / by / "MA'AT" / in association with / Phunky Color" Hair Dye / "for when you feel like answering / fifteen stupid questions a day." / drawn, written and misdirected by / Darren "it's blue, you idiot!" Bleuel / Man #6 -- Forsythe P. Jones / Mr. Smith -- Throat Warbler Mangrove / Unbearable Ennui -- Herself / Dwarf Chauffeur -- Minnie Driver / Gaffer -- Amanda Hugginkis / E. Schrodinger -- TBA / Fire provided by -- Og / Ma'at: Well, that was pointless. Now we have only two days left. Who planned this strip? Where's blonde girl when you need more pummelings? / Suzy Gee: [[Off Camera]] VERY busy, thank you!
http://nukees.com/d/20011015.html
Nukees - Wednesday, October 17, 2001 FOUR YEARS OF NUKEES: / A two-week day retrospectacle. / Spring '97: All unanimously agree that the best strip ever is #5, predicting "migrant engineering labor" in 2001. Thus, Nukees reaches its peak in its second week and begins its downhill decline. / Employer: Okay, I need two Ph.D's and a master's of science for one day of Fortran coding! / Fall '97: Gav invents a "virtual pet," Teri, which gets lost on the Internet, threatening the destruction of civilization. Yes, THAT tired old plotline.... / Teri: "Anything is better than living in a calculator." / Spring '98: Danny invents a 20-ton robot ant, which Gav promptly steals, thus setting the comfortable, wacky rut in which all subsequent strips would languish. / Suzy Gee: Maybe Danny could help you. / Gav: That layabout? Get serious, Suzy! / Ma'at: Fall '98: Teri takes over the ant and attacks Gav. Hilarity ensues. Who didn't see THAT coming? / Jesus/Darren: Do we have a PROBLEM wi-- / Ma'at: ... with my residuals? Glad you brought it up! / Jesus/Darren: Nevermind. Carry on.
http://nukees.com/d/20011017.html
Nukees - Friday, October 19, 2001 Ma'at: Okay, this is my last day, so let's wrap up this madcap recap! Ever since the A.I. Teri got loose, she has been trying to kill Gav every few months, usually in the form of a killer robot. Yeah, AGAIN with the robots! / Ma'at: [[Voiceover]] Let's see ... I guess there was a bunch of other stuff, like King Luca inventing the "Agnostica" holiday, Danny getting thrown into an asylum, and Gav dying and meeting me in the afterlife. Go read it all at nukees.com. / Ma'at: In other words, none of these "Nukees" has seen the inside of a classroom in years, thus refuting the rumor that the strip has nothing to do with Berkeley or college life anymore. And now you're all caught up! More or less ... / Teri: You forgot to describe the CURRENT plotline. / Ma'at: And in TRUE Berkeley style, time for me to go beg and plead for an extension.
http://nukees.com/d/20011019.html
Nukees - Monday, October 22, 2001 Suzy Gee: Hey look! A video game! What is this? Quake? Doom? Whater the leet kids playing these days? / Danny: There is that lady Pac-Man with the bow... / Suzy Gee: Nevermind. Just get over here and let's hammer out what this program is. / [[Linus pecks at the keyboard]] / Danny: Hey, that was cool. You said "hammer," then after some unrelated pecking, now there is a hammer! / Suzy Gee: But what does it mean? / Snake: Something has gone horribly wrong. / Gav: This is so much more fun when you can see the stars and planets.
http://nukees.com/d/20011022.html
Nukees - Wednesday, October 24, 2001 Snake: What is happening? My active program is affected. / Gav: Let me see if I can explain ... what is happening is -- Whoops! BAM! / Snake: OW! I just said "Ow." I just said I just said "Ow." / Snake: I just said I just said I just said "Ow." / Gav: Gee, I'm really sorry to hear -- Whoops! BAM! / Snake: OW! / Snake: I just said "Ow." / Gav: The best part is, this won't ever get old. For either of us!
http://nukees.com/d/20011024.html
 
Nukees - Friday, October 26, 2001 Teri: A simple infinite loop, Meatware? I appreciate you meeting my pathetically low expectations. / Gav: Oh Teri! Don't be so hard on yourself! / Teri/Snake: Of course you are mistaken if you think recursion is mightier than the &fork! / Gav: Oh, so now there are TWO of you? Ooo! I'm oscillating in my boots! / Teri/Snake: I'll try to lag the process so your slow goo-brain can understand.... / Gav: Oh, so now there are four -- OH; uh, maybe I'll just oscillate my boots in the other direction.
http://nukees.com/d/20011026.html
Nukees - Monday, October 29, 2001 Gav: Come, bright eyes! There's mischief afoot, and thus, so are we! / Ma'at: We're mischief?! / Gav: We're afoot! Don' truin the moment; I'm trying to be dramatic. / Ma'at: Can't we be both? / Gav: Dramatic and afoot? / Ma'at: Afoot and mischief. / Gav: Moment officially ruined! Where'd all the trees and mountains go, anyway?! / Ma'at: Maybe they're afoot. What mischief!!
http://nukees.com/d/20011029.html
a class="searchlink" href="http://nukees.com/d/20011030.html">http://nukees.com/d/20011030.html [untranscribed - please consider transcribing this comic!]
Nukees - Wednesday, October 31, 2001 Gav: I can see nothing but you anymore. / Ma'at: Aw. Such a romantic! / Gav: No matter. I'll just ... / <> / Gav: Okay, I'm useless. You'll have to lead me to the exit door. / Ma'at: Exit door? What in this lush, magical canopy of wonder? / / Gav: My dearest goddess, I must implore upon thee to undertake for me a dangerous quest ... / Ma'at: A QUEST?! Gee, is that a mystic portal over there?!
http://nukees.com/d/20011031.html
a class="searchlink" href="http://nukees.com/d/20011101.html">http://nukees.com/d/20011101.html [untranscribed - please consider transcribing this comic!]
 
Nukees - Friday, November 2, 2001 Gav: You're FINISHED, Teri! Once that girl gets to Danny with my instructions, your core-ticks are numbered!! / Teri: I can kill you sooner. / Gav: Ha! You can't even maintain the backgrounds on this illusion since my hammer attack! I don't know how you've done all this, but I know if I stay in one place, there's NOTHING you can do to me!! / Background Music: HIT ME BABY ONE MORE TIME! / [[Gav hits his head on unseen object]] / <> / Gav: From now on! / Teri: Do you have anything but MP3s in your class account?
http://nukees.com/d/20011102.html
a class="searchlink" href="http://nukees.com/d/20011103.html">http://nukees.com/d/20011103.html [untranscribed - please consider transcribing this comic!]
a class="searchlink" href="http://nukees.com/d/20011104.html">http://nukees.com/d/20011104.html [untranscribed - please consider transcribing this comic!]
Nukees - Monday, November 5, 2001 Background Music: Oh baby baby, how was I supposed to know... / Gav: Look, we just downloaded Britney Spears for the Nukebox! You know, for the freshmen chicks ... I don't really listen -- / Teri: You should appreciate it as you would the last song you will ever hear. / Gav: I told you, I'm ON to you!! I know I'm in the reactor room and you're not real! So long as I don't move, I can't get hurt! / <> / [[Teri picks Gav up by his collar]] / Gav: Ooop? / Gav: You're taking this "I'm not an illusion" game kinda far, aren't you, Teri?
http://nukees.com/d/20011105.html
Nukees - Monday, November 5, 2001 Background Music: Oh baby baby, how was I supposed to know... / Gav: Look, we just downloaded Britney Spears for the Nukebox! You know, for the freshmen chicks ... I don't really listen -- / Teri: You should appreciate it as you would the last song you will ever hear. / Gav: I told you, I'm ON to you!! I know I'm in the reactor room and you're not real! So long as I don't move, I can't get hurt! / <> / [[Teri picks Gav up by his collar]] / Gav: Ooop? / Gav: You're taking this "I'm not an illusion" game kinda far, aren't you, Teri?
http://nukees.com/d/20011105.html
a class="searchlink" href="http://nukees.com/d/20011106.html">http://nukees.com/d/20011106.html [untranscribed - please consider transcribing this comic!]
 
Nukees - Wednesday, November 7, 2001 Danny: Um ... "socket wrench"? / Suzy Gee: Nope. / Danny: Hm. How about "socket wrench"? / Suzy Gee: I think Linus is asleep. / Danny: This is a stupid game. It needs better graphics. Then it would be fun. Same goes for the computer. / Suzy Gee: Tools and weapons just aren't our thing. We need man help. / Danny: HEY! Did I not just say "socket wrench"? / Suzy Gee: Where's MY man when I need him? Is that his typical "All hail King Luca" bellowing in the hall? / Cecilia: Goddess on the bridge! Let's see some WORSHIPPING, mortals! / Suzy Gee: So very wrong. / Danny: [[Off camera]] Psst, Linus: "Socket wrench."
http://nukees.com/d/20011107.html
a class="searchlink" href="http://nukees.com/d/20011108.html">http://nukees.com/d/20011108.html [untranscribed - please consider transcribing this comic!]
Nukees - Friday, November 9, 2001 Suzy Gee: What are you yammering about, Cecilia? / Cecilia: I am a goddess! "Mabel," or something ... your leader said so! / Suzy Gee: King Luca said that? I'll KILL him! / Cecilia: No no silly nose! King Luca was called away on business. I mean the guy in the cellar. / Suzy Gee: Gav's not our "leader"! / Cecilia: So it IS King Luca? / Suzy Gee: What? NO! He just thinks -- / Cecilia: Well, it can't be THIS little squirrel! / Danny: YES! I am the leader! / Suzy Gee: We HAVE no leader! / Cecilia: The nuke department is in anarchy! Ah!
http://nukees.com/d/20011109.html
Nukees - Monday, November 12, 2001 Gav: I suppose I should use this time to make a mental list of all the computer-controllable equipment down here BESIDES the crane. / Gav: Still rendering, Teri? How are you keeping this up? our server isn't that powerful. / Teri: Distributed computing. / Gav: Hrm? / Teri: Do you honestly think SETI @ home is searching for aliens?
http://nukees.com/d/20011112.html
a class="searchlink" href="http://nukees.com/d/20011113.html">http://nukees.com/d/20011113.html [untranscribed - please consider transcribing this comic!]
 
Nukees - Wednesday, November 14, 2001 Gav: So SETI @ home is YOU?! / Teri: Correct -- It, the RC5-64bit encryption contest, and several government-sponsored cosmology research projects are all subprocesses of my programming. / Teri: [[Voiceover]] I farm out independent "training" thought processes to thousands of computers on the net. Their regular output is translated into confidence-weighted "fighting" modules which compete in higher thought-process "battlefields" on your servers. / Teri: This competition guides my consciousness. Fueled by data-gathering "scout" viruses, I can know anything and everything. / Gav: Why are you telling me all this? / Teri: I don't know.
http://nukees.com/d/20011114.html
Nukees - Friday, November 16, 2001 Gav: Remarkable, Teri! So your consciousness emerges from a hyperviolent digital hive mind. / Teri: It's called "evolutionary programming." / Gav: Whatever. I'm so proud of you! / Teri: Yes. Well, we're here! / Gav: Back on top of the cliff? Planning on hurling me off? / Teri: No. In. / Gav: Eep. / Teri: You're going to escape any time now, right? / Gav: I would have thought that, too.
http://nukees.com/d/20011116.html
a class="searchlink" href="http://nukees.com/d/20011119.html">http://nukees.com/d/20011119.html [untranscribed - please consider transcribing this comic!]
a class="searchlink" href="http://nukees.com/d/20011121.html">http://nukees.com/d/20011121.html [untranscribed - please consider transcribing this comic!]
a class="searchlink" href="http://nukees.com/d/20011123.html">http://nukees.com/d/20011123.html [untranscribed - please consider transcribing this comic!]
 

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