( searching 704 episodes of Mountain Time!)

• Mountain Time 231

  Utilities Zombie: Wanna go to the power plant? Zombie Girl: Sorry, I can't calcify hands. Utilities Zombie: I guess I have to go by myself. [[Zombie Girl watches Utilities Zombie walk away]] [[Whoa! Zombie Girl isn't a zombie!]] Girl: And THAT'S how you get rid of a utilities zombie. Paul: Nice! Girl: Ok Paul, this one's for all the marbles! Paul: Actually, it's not. Dave took 3 of the marbles. Mailbox: What are you going to do with those marbles, Dave? Incite some kind of MARBLE MADNESS? Dave: No. I'm going to <SQUEAK> <CLICK> <SQUEAK> <SQUEAK> Bird: <SQUEAK> <CLICK> Mailbox: You bastard! Worm: <CLICK> <CLICK> Mailbox: You've dolphinified my hearing! Dave (thinking): A house is basically a garage for people.
  
  

  http://mountaincomics.com/2010/12/23/mountain-time-231/

• Elisabeth Shue

  [[A bowling ball travels down the lane]] [[The ball strikes the pins]] [[The guy who rolled the ball turns to high-five his friend]] [[As they high-five, a zombie approaches the roller from behind]] [[The zombie takes a bite out of the roller's head]] [[The roller lies in a pool of blood, dead]] [[We zoom in to the deceased roller's face]] [[The deceased roller's eyes open! They have a creepy red glow!]] Zombie Bowler: Laaaaanes! Snake (thinking): A tree. Mailbox (thinking): A paper fetus. Space Traveler: Aw crap, a space shrimp. Space Shrimp: Where's the elevator?
  
  

  http://mountaincomics.com/2009/07/21/elisabeth-shue/

• Petunia

  <<ring ring>> [[This conversation is a phone call]] Woman: My neighbor's phone won't stop ringing. I'm worried it's actually my phone about to wake me up from this dream. Marvin: This isn't a dream. Marvin: I only dream about things that never happen, like a zombie outbreak or me drinking a Sunkist. <<ring ring ring ring ring ring ring ring ring ring etc.>> Woman: THE RINGS ARE STARTING TO PILE UP! Marvin: See? That's an everyday occurrence. Marvin: Oh look -- a beverage just materialized in my hand, and it's a tzatziki soda -- NOT A SUNKIST! Woman: I CANNOT HEAR YOU OVER THE CLAMOR OF A HUNDRED TELEPHONE RINGS. Marvin (now in a biplane): WHAT? I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE MARVEL OF AVIATION! Woman (becoming a telephone ring): I HAVE ASCENDED TO EMPRESS OF THE RINGS. Marvin: I'd like a Kentucky Mule, please. Waitress: I have to go inhale some Aqua Net. Alt: Marvin seems to have forgotten the several zombie outbreaks that have struck New Lancaster. But it's been a while, so it's cool.
  
  

  http://mountaincomics.com/comic/mt670/

• Mountain Time 234

  Girl: Oh man, my arm itches! Girl: But if I keep scratching it, I'll irritate my skin. Girl: Why is my body driven to damage itself? Cracktar: Iwonderthesamethingsometimes. It's CRACKTAR Crack cocaine's adorable dino mascot! Not to be confused with Self-aware Dinosaur, Self-aware Dinosaur: I'm a dinosaur! who's an Allosaurus. Not to be confused with an Aloesaurus, Man being eaten by Aloesaurus: AAAAA! OOOOH. which is both flesh-eating and good for the skin. Kind of like Zombie Ointment. AGORAPHOBIC HAMSTER TRIES ZOMBIE OINTMENT Agoraphobic Hamster: EEEP!* *Translation: This is not soothing. [[A New Year's Map is presented, including the following points:]] Kingdom of Sobriety Two-Beer Pier Light Buzz Lagoon Tipsy Plains How Many Isthmus Beergoggles Butte Drunken Pass Blackout Hills Sharpie Futon Painful Morning Wood
  
  

  http://mountaincomics.com/2010/12/30/mountain-time-234/

• Mountain Time 666

  Host: Welcome to Sanguinity -- the only game show ever found guilty of bigamy! Host: Today's contestants are: a rat [[Surf Rat]], some broad [[Angela Merkel]], and a haunted mirror [[the Lasser Glass]]. Host: Alright, first question: what does a nuclear cardiologist do? Host: Rodent. Surf Rat: Draws cartoons about emotionally ravaged bears who kill to help them ignore their feelings. [[Angela Merkel has gone zombie]] Host (holding knife as mic): That's not necessarily incorrect. 100 points. Host: Next question: what is the longest river in the world by smell? [[Host has flayed the skin off of his right arm]] Host: Mirror. [[The mirror has conjured fireballs and is displaying a pentagram over a cloudy vortex]] Host (now hanging by his necktie): Judges? Cha: QUOMODO COGIS COMAS TUA SIC VIDERI Fly: It feels like my landlord's about to wake up. [[The host is dead, and Surf Rat is about to drown zombie Angela Merkel with a wave of blood]] 616 POINTS Alt: YANKEE ROSE
  
  

  http://mountaincomics.com/comic/mt666/

• Andrea Morse

  [[ORIGAMI SUPPLY SHOP]] [[OPEN]] [[PAPER]] [[STUFF]] Shop Owner: Man, shoplifters are killing my profits. Dude: Have you tried putting up a sign? Shop Owner: Yeah. The last one didn't work [[SMILE! YOU ARE BEING WATCHED BY SECURITY CAMERAS]] Shop Owner: so I went with a new spin [[SMILE! DEATH IS A GUARANTEE FOR YOU AND EVERYONE YOU KNOW]] Dude: What about the undead? Shop Owner: What, like zombies? Dude: Yeah. Like, check this out: I made an origami zombie. [[ORIGAMBIE!]] Origambie: Craaaanes! Shop Owner: Huh. Animate folded paper eating inanimate folded paper. Dude: Whoa, you have a Galaga machine?! Onion: An origondor! Shop Owner: What do you call an origami onion? Dude: An orion? Orion: Uh... Down with condors?
  
  

  http://mountaincomics.com/2009/07/02/andrea-morse/

• Mountain Time 265

  Guy: This place looks safe! Guy: Man, zombies are a lot scarier in real life than in movies. Girl: Kind of like chairs. Guy: This is my let's-search-the-house-for-supplies face. Girl: Emotive. Girl: There's a dimetrodon cooking bacon in the kitchen. Is that supplies? Guy: No. Guy: Dimetrodons are like bad merchandise?there's always a sail on 'em. Onion: Man, I was going to help you, but that joke really put a damper on my sense of altruism. Man in Rowboat: What are you, a sea monster with John Lithgow for eyes? Sea Monster with John Lithgow for Eyes: I object to the term "monster." I am as the Great One made me. <<poof!>> The Great One: Hey pal, I'm not a creator god. I'm a god of death. Man in Rowboat: And hot dogs. The Great One: Right. Man in Rowboat: Stupid Lithgow Monster. Girl: Oh no?the zombies are breaking in through the windows! Guy: The windows?! Damn, and here I'm reinforcing the interior walls! Honor.
  
  

  http://mountaincomics.com/2011/05/10/mountain-time-265/

• Caterpillar Playground

  Patient: Well, Doc, it occurred to me that my body is full of meat... Patient: ...but it hasn't spoiled over the course of decades! Patient: Am I frozen? Doc: Says here your core temperature is about 99 degrees. Doc: That's 10,701 degrees cooler than the core temperature of the Earth. Patient: I'm frigid! Doc: 'fraid so. Ninja Nurse: We have a problem, doctor. Doc: I told you before, Ninja Nurse: most of the "zombies" around here are just people I misdiagnosed with death. Ninja Nurse: It's not that -- Ninja Nurse: it's my nemesis -- INVERSE NURSE! [[A sign reads, "FREE COFFEE"]] Santos: Why doesn't anyone want coffee today, Paul? Paul: Beats me, Santos. Santos: You ever feel like you're Ronald Reagan, and society has a crush on Jodie Foster? Alt: Unexplored subplot: that fact that 10701 is a zip code in Yonkers, New York.
  
  

  http://mountaincomics.com/2013/08/05/mountain-time-471/