( searching 704 episodes of Mountain Time!)
Mountain Time 231Utilities Zombie: Wanna go to the power plant?
Zombie Girl: Sorry, I can't calcify hands.
Utilities Zombie: I guess I have to go by myself.
[[Zombie Girl watches Utilities Zombie walk away]]
[[Whoa! Zombie Girl isn't a zombie!]]
Girl: And THAT'S how you get rid of a utilities zombie.
Girl: Ok Paul, this one's for all the marbles!
Paul: Actually, it's not. Dave took 3 of the marbles.
Mailbox: What are you going to do with those marbles, Dave? Incite some kind of
Dave: No. I'm going to <SQUEAK> <CLICK> <SQUEAK> <SQUEAK>
Bird: <SQUEAK> <CLICK>
Mailbox: You bastard!
Worm: <CLICK> <CLICK>
Mailbox: You've dolphinified my hearing!
Dave (thinking): A house is basically a garage for people.http://mountaincomics.com/2010/12/23/mountain-time-231/
Mountain Time 231
Elisabeth Shue[[A bowling ball travels down the lane]]
[[The ball strikes the pins]]
[[The guy who rolled the ball turns to high-five his friend]]
[[As they high-five, a zombie approaches the roller from behind]]
[[The zombie takes a bite out of the roller's head]]
[[The roller lies in a pool of blood, dead]]
[[We zoom in to the deceased roller's face]]
[[The deceased roller's eyes open! They have a creepy red glow!]]
Zombie Bowler: Laaaaanes!
Snake (thinking): A tree.
Mailbox (thinking): A paper fetus.
Space Traveler: Aw crap, a space shrimp.
Space Shrimp: Where's the elevator?http://mountaincomics.com/2009/07/21/elisabeth-shue/
[[This conversation is a phone call]]
Woman: My neighbor's phone won't stop ringing. I'm worried it's actually my phone about to wake me up from this dream.
Marvin: This isn't a dream.
Marvin: I only dream about things that never happen, like a zombie outbreak or me drinking a Sunkist.
<<ring ring ring ring ring ring ring ring ring ring etc.>>
Woman: THE RINGS ARE STARTING TO PILE UP!
Marvin: See? That's an everyday occurrence.
Marvin: Oh look -- a beverage just materialized in my hand, and it's a tzatziki soda -- NOT A SUNKIST!
Woman: I CANNOT HEAR YOU OVER THE CLAMOR OF A HUNDRED TELEPHONE RINGS.
Marvin (now in a biplane): WHAT? I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE MARVEL OF AVIATION!
Woman (becoming a telephone ring): I HAVE ASCENDED TO EMPRESS OF THE RINGS.
Marvin: I'd like a Kentucky Mule, please.
Waitress: I have to go inhale some Aqua Net.
Alt: Marvin seems to have forgotten the several zombie outbreaks that have struck New Lancaster. But it's been a while, so it's cool.http://mountaincomics.com/comic/mt670/
Mountain Time 234Girl: Oh man, my arm itches!
Girl: But if I keep scratching it, I'll irritate my skin.
Girl: Why is my body driven to damage itself?
Crack cocaine's adorable dino mascot!
Not to be confused with Self-aware Dinosaur,
Self-aware Dinosaur: I'm a dinosaur!
who's an Allosaurus.
Not to be confused with an Aloesaurus,
Man being eaten by Aloesaurus: AAAAA! OOOOH.
which is both flesh-eating and good for the skin.
Kind of like Zombie Ointment.
TRIES ZOMBIE OINTMENT
Agoraphobic Hamster: EEEP!*
*Translation: This is not soothing.
[[A New Year's Map is presented, including the following points:]]
Kingdom of Sobriety
Light Buzz Lagoon
How Many Isthmus
Painful Morning Woodhttp://mountaincomics.com/2010/12/30/mountain-time-234/
Mountain Time 234
Mountain Time 666Host: Welcome to Sanguinity -- the only game show ever found guilty of bigamy!
Host: Today's contestants are: a rat [[Surf Rat]], some broad [[Angela Merkel]], and a haunted mirror [[the Lasser Glass]].
Host: Alright, first question: what does a nuclear cardiologist do?
Surf Rat: Draws cartoons about emotionally ravaged bears who kill to help them ignore their feelings.
[[Angela Merkel has gone zombie]]
Host (holding knife as mic): That's not necessarily incorrect. 100 points.
Host: Next question: what is the longest river in the world by smell?
[[Host has flayed the skin off of his right arm]]
[[The mirror has conjured fireballs and is displaying a pentagram over a cloudy vortex]]
Host (now hanging by his necktie): Judges?
Cha: QUOMODO COGIS COMAS TUA SIC VIDERI
Fly: It feels like my landlord's about to wake up.
[[The host is dead, and Surf Rat is about to drown zombie Angela Merkel with a wave of blood]]
Alt: YANKEE ROSEhttp://mountaincomics.com/comic/mt666/
Mountain Time 666
Andrea Morse[[ORIGAMI SUPPLY SHOP]]
[[OPEN]] [[PAPER]] [[STUFF]]
Shop Owner: Man, shoplifters are killing my profits.
Dude: Have you tried putting up a sign?
Shop Owner: Yeah. The last one didn't work
[[SMILE! YOU ARE BEING WATCHED BY SECURITY CAMERAS]]
Shop Owner: so I went with a new spin
[[SMILE! DEATH IS A GUARANTEE FOR YOU AND EVERYONE YOU KNOW]]
Dude: What about the undead?
Shop Owner: What, like zombies?
Dude: Yeah. Like, check this out: I made an origami zombie.
Shop Owner: Huh. Animate folded paper eating inanimate folded paper.
Dude: Whoa, you have a Galaga machine?!
Onion: An origondor!
Shop Owner: What do you call an origami onion?
Dude: An orion?
Orion: Uh... Down with condors?http://mountaincomics.com/2009/07/02/andrea-morse/
Mountain Time 265Guy: This place looks safe!
Guy: Man, zombies are a lot scarier in real life than in movies.
Girl: Kind of like chairs.
Guy: This is my let's-search-the-house-for-supplies face.
Girl: There's a dimetrodon cooking bacon in the kitchen. Is that supplies?
Guy: Dimetrodons are like bad merchandise?there's always a sail on 'em.
Onion: Man, I was going to help you, but that joke really put a damper on my sense of altruism.
Man in Rowboat: What are you, a sea monster with John Lithgow for eyes?
Sea Monster with John Lithgow for Eyes: I object to the term "monster." I am as the Great One made me.
The Great One: Hey pal, I'm not a creator god. I'm a god of death.
Man in Rowboat: And hot dogs.
The Great One: Right.
Man in Rowboat: Stupid Lithgow Monster.
Girl: Oh no?the zombies are breaking in through the windows!
Guy: The windows?! Damn, and here I'm reinforcing the interior walls!
Mountain Time 265
Caterpillar PlaygroundPatient: Well, Doc, it occurred to me that my body is full of meat...
Patient: ...but it hasn't spoiled over the course of decades!
Patient: Am I frozen?
Doc: Says here your core temperature is about 99 degrees.
Doc: That's 10,701 degrees cooler than the core temperature of the Earth.
Patient: I'm frigid!
Doc: 'fraid so.
Ninja Nurse: We have a problem, doctor.
Doc: I told you before, Ninja Nurse: most of the "zombies" around here are just people I misdiagnosed with death.
Ninja Nurse: It's not that --
Ninja Nurse: it's my nemesis -- INVERSE NURSE!
[[A sign reads, "FREE COFFEE"]]
Santos: Why doesn't anyone want coffee today, Paul?
Paul: Beats me, Santos.
Santos: You ever feel like you're Ronald Reagan, and society has a crush on Jodie Foster?
Alt: Unexplored subplot: that fact that 10701 is a zip code in Yonkers, New York.http://mountaincomics.com/2013/08/05/mountain-time-471/
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