( searching 2266 episodes of Goats!)

• Goats comic strip from March / 12 / 2003: resurrection (and the twix saga, pt. 4) (17)

  Hi, Tommy. Oh, goodie. Prodigal zombie has returned. What you want, prodigal zombie? I need a job. Oh really? Well, I no hear any apology from you, lazy zombie. I'm sorry I was a zombie. Good. Now stop being so lazy and get to work.
  
  

  http://goats.com/archive/030312.html

• Goats comic strip from November / 04 / 1999: halloweenies and zombie madness (8)

  Why you standing around? Customers need beer. Brains... Oh, you zombie now, eh? Why you become zombie? Zombies bad for business. You fired, lazy zombie. Brains... All the time with you zombies! Brains! Brains! Why you think you so smart? You not smart. You lazy! Brains...
  
  

  http://goats.com/archive/991104.html

• Goats comic strip from June / 15 / 2007: gamer2 goes to washington (5)

  [[megaGAMERZ 3l33t (Map of Spain)]] Elephant: Baby(ies): Drink: Toy: Food: Text: EVERYONE LOVES SPANIARDS megaGAMER I: I HAVE GROWN WEARY OF THE ANTISPANIARDISM THAT IS SO PREVALENT IN TODAY'S POPULAR CULTURE megaGAMER II: THE IBERIAN PENINSULA WOULD BE DELIGHTFUL IF NOT FOR ALL THE SPANIARDS [[megaGAMERZ 3l33t (Map of Spain)]] Elephant: megaGAMER I: SEE THAT IS EXACTLY THE SORT OF THING I AM TALKING ABOUT megaGAMER II: IT IS NOT MY FAULT THAT ALL THE SPANIARDS SHOULD DIE IN A FIRE [[megaGAMERZ 3l33t (Zombie Lincoln)]] Elephant: Baby(ies): Terrorist(s): megaGAMER I: IT WAS THE SPANIARDS THAT SAVED THE WORLD FROM ZOMBIE LINCOLN IN 1872 megaGAMER II: ZOMBIE LINCOLN WAS A HUGE PUSSY [[megaGAMERZ 3l33t (Map of Spain)]] Elephant: Baby(ies): Toy: Ingot(s): megaGAMER I: ZOMBIE LINCOLN WAS CHAIRMAN OF THE BUREAU OF KICKING ASS megaGAMER II: HE WAS A ONE-TERM CHAIRMAN AND SPENT MOST OF IT TRYING TO GET INTO MARIE CURIE'S SKIRT [[megaGAMERZ 3l33t (Map of Spain)]] Elephant: Baby(ies): Ingot(s): Dish Detergent: Ferret: Terrorist(s): megaGAMER I: THAT IS WHERE SHE HID HER SECRET ZOMBIE GOLD megaGAMER II: ZOMBIE GOLD IS TWICE AS GOOD AS REGULAR GOLD [[megaGAMERZ 3l33t (Map of Spain)]] Elephant: Emperor Blar-K'tath: Squirrel: Spear: Lawn Gnome: Terrorist(s): megaGAMER I: MARIE CURIE WAS FIVE YEARS OLD IN 1872 megaGAMER II: BACK THEN FIVE YEAR OLD SCIENTISTS WERE TOTALLY LEGAL
  
  

  http://goats.com/archive/070615.html

• Goats comic strip from February / 26 / 2003: resurrection (and the twix saga, pt. 4) (11)

  "The small town below us used to be filled with cheerful villagers, going about their dreary lives with their Sony Walkmen and their sugarless gum," Mendel continued. "But over the years, they have slowly been drawn into a cult... A cult based on the worship of a zombie who promotes the practice of ritual cannibalism." "You mean Catholics?" I asked. "No, not Catholics," Mendel responded. "These cultists are even worse. They make Catholics look like small potatoes. I admit that I am uncertain as to where they procure the potato costumes from, and clueless as to how they coerce the Catholics to wear them, however. But that is unimportant." "If I am to help you revive your friend, I will need you to go into the town below, infiltrate the cultists, kidnap their zombie leader, and bring him back to me. We will need the zombie to achieve our goal. It is unlikely that you will survive, but if you do, please bring back some Diet Pepsi. I am very thirsty."
  
  

  http://goats.com/archive/030226.html

• Goats comic strip from February / 28 / 2003: resurrection (and the twix saga, pt. 4) (12)

  Look, it's pretty obvious where this is going. Lori is obviously the zombie cult leader. You infiltrated the cult, fought off their battalion of evil zombie corn dog warriors, and captured her in a magical net made from the golden locks of Ann Landers. So, in the interests of time and sanity, can we just pick up the story there? You selfish, cold-hearted bastard, you've made him cry. I... *sniff* I just wanted to tell a story... I can't believe this. It's okay, Diablo. Take your time. The corn-dog battle... it was *sniff* glorious... Were the corn dogs beautiful?
  
  

  http://goats.com/archive/030228.html

• Goats comic strip from March / 05 / 2003: resurrection (and the twix saga, pt. 4) (14)

  "This vial contains all the vital zombie humours you'll need to reanimate your fishy friend," Mendel said as he passed me the test tube. "I've renoodled the proportions I've extracted from your zombie friend to compensate for the brain frenzy and to boost their efficiency, of course." "And as for you, my dark temptress," he said to Lori, "are you sure you won't reconsider my generous offer?" "Perhaps some day," she answered. I never did find out what Mendel was referring to, but it probably had absolutely nothing to do with DIRTY, DIRTY SEX. "Well, normally at this point, I would double-cross you or something, but I'm feeling pretty good. You're all free to go," Mendel said, and sent us on our way with some Cheese 'n' Cracker Snack Packs (the kind with the little red plastic stick that you can use to smear the cheese on the crackers).
  
  

  http://goats.com/archive/030305.html

• Goats comic strip from October / 30 / 2000: evil in the air (10)

  SHE'S HERE! SHE'S HERE! Okay, everybody... get to your stations. And get ready to kick some ZOMBIE ASS.
  
  

  http://goats.com/archive/001030.html

• Goats comic strip from January / 24 / 2000: neil and bob's big adventure (14)

  ...so she left me a message asking if I wanted to go to dinner. Wow. You gonna go? Nah. I mean... she's a zombie now. Since when can you afford to have standards? Something's humping my arm. Oh, so zombies are beneath you, but sex dwarves are okay?
  
  

  http://goats.com/archive/000124.html

• Goats comic strip from January / 05 / 2001: megan (2)

  So you don't have a boyfriend, you're not psychotic, and you like Gilliam movies. Yes on all counts. And you're not a zombie, you don't have feet growing out of your face, and you don't have sexual relationships with musical instruments. Yes. I don't get it. So what is wrong with you? Sounds like I should be asking that question.
  
  

  http://goats.com/archive/010105.html

• Goats comic strip from October / 03 / 2003: loose ends (9)

  So you're saying Fish is immortal. Musta been that zombie goop we fed him. He can't be invulnerable. What if he was eaten by a cat? Well, yes, then he'd be a snack. At which point the cat itself would most likely become immortal.
  
  

  http://goats.com/archive/031003.html

• Goats comic strip from November / 17 / 1999: help wanted (1)

  Whatcha doin'? Writing help-wanted ad for new bartender. No more lazy zombie waitress. We hire hard-working insomniac. Can I help? Sure, fine. Chicken can help. You left out "Nice Ass." No, look, right under "Huge Rack."
  
  

  http://goats.com/archive/991117.html

• Goats comic strip from October / 27 / 2000: evil in the air (9)

  Okay, everyone, you know the drill... when the zombie enters, take cover and place your head between your legs. Or your nearest neighbor's legs. BOOM She won't be getting in through the bathroom. Excellent work.
  
  

  http://goats.com/archive/001027.html

• Goats comic strip from January / 25 / 2005: return of the chaos pope (14)

  How is he? Still unconscious. But take a look behind his dorsal fin. Those goggles were plugged into this port. It seems to be surgically grafted into Fish's brain. You're joking. Fish is an immortal zombie cyborg USB 1.1 host device.
  
  

  http://goats.com/archive/050125.html

• Goats comic strip from June / 25 / 2003: pork and adultery (6)

  Lori, you skanky bitch. Hello, Greta. What brings you skulking back here after all these years? I heard you were a zombie. So tacky. So trailer park. This from a woman who has never seen a bar of soap. Oh, don't get huffy, my little American imperialist. I am just playing. Move your hand or I add it to my extensive collection.
  
  

  http://goats.com/archive/030625.html

• Goats comic strip from November / 16 / 1999: brains4zombies.com (8)

  What's left to do for the site? Well, we've automated the shipping, Jerrell's doing customer support, zombie-related deaths are down, and we're rolling in dough. So we're done? Yup. Time for a well-deserved vacation. Time to finally try out that new Speedo. Dammit. The pub doesn't open until noon.
  
  

  http://goats.com/archive/991116.html