( searching 286 episodes of Reprographics!)

• That's A Big Key

  [[Chris and Mensa are on a red rock outcropping on Tooty Tooty.]] Chris: Man, you're going to screw up the whole galaxy! This is the planet of wishes! Chris: You've got to change the Visitors back and give me that key right now, buddy. Mensa: Has it not sunk in yet that I am a SuperVillain? Mensa: This is what I do, and you can't stop it. Chris: Yes, I can, Mensa, and if you do not relinquish that key I will be forced to blast you. Mensa: I will blast you before you blast me and my blast will be mighty. Chris: You are cruising for a bruising, Mister. Mensa: Enough talk! Chris: Shoe untied! Mensa: It appears my laces are in good order. [[Chris snags the Key of Tooty Tooty from Mensa]] Mensa: Inconceivable! Chris: Haha! Mensa: No! Not my beautiful Key! Mensa: Hey, come back! Yates! You bastard! Chris: See ya later, Mensa! Mensa: Oooh! My evil scheme is in tatters! Mensa: So angry. Oh so angry. Mensa: Havoc! Pain! Death! Mensa: And superdeath!
  
  

  http://chrisyates.net/reprographics/

• The Four Edicts of Evil

  Chris: Hey Mensa! Whatcha doing here at the superplace? Mensa: I need to get a poster printed. Chris: What kind of paper do you want it on? Mensa: The best. Chris: Okay. What size is it? Mensa: The biggest. Chris: I'll give you a deal, Mensa, but this could be expensive. Mensa: Money is no object! This is for the supervillian team club local 303 conference. I am potentate this year. Chris: Very well. Do you have it on a CD or a zip disk or something? Mensa: It is in my brain. Chris: I can't print from your brain. Mensa: I am USB 2.0 compatible. Chris: Well, I'll be. It opened right up in Adobe Reader. Computer Screen: The Four Edicts To More Effective Evil by Mensa the Menacer 1. Examine 2. Evaluate 3. Execute 4. Evolve Mensa: This conference will be outstanding. Chris: You guys are going to do something about big boss, right? That's the deal. Mensa: Of course. That's the field trip.
  
  

  http://chrisyates.net/reprographics/index.php?page=112

• Free Money

  MENSA: Hmm... how am I going to come up with three kazillion dollars quickly and easily? There are so many evil possibilities... hmmm... hmmm... / [Mensa ponders a dollar bill when suddenly inspiration strikes] MENSA: OF COURSE! Why didn't I think of this before? / [Mensa calls Chris] CHRIS: Oh hey Mensa. What's going on? / MENSA: You're pretty good with Photoshop, right? / CHRIS: Are you kidding? I'm a freakin' pro! / MENSA: It's not letting me scan in one dollar bills. / CHRIS: Oh, yeah. It does that now. I saw a thing on BoingBoing about a work-around a few months back that... / MENSA: EXCELLENTACIOUS! I thank you! / CHRIS: Wait a second... What did I just do? / [Chris should know better than to give Mensa any ideas. Even now, Mensa is printing off forged bills] MENSA: JUST LIKE THE REAL THING! IT'S FREE MONEY!! / [Mensa starts stacking his fake banknotes into a box.] MENSA: ... and that's three kazillion. I just have to ship this to Jesus and then it's MAYHEM CITY! To the post office! I hope they have my favorite stamps!
  
  

  http://chrisyates.net/reprographics/index.php?page=293

• Projectile Delivering Feline ZM-1

  Chris: Hello? <<Zzzt! Ch-Chunk!>> Cat:Maaoow! Chris: Hey Mensa! What kind of scheme is at hand here? Cat: Maoow! Mensa: An evil one. Chris: Well, I kinda guessed that. Mensa: I found a cat. And I have programmed her to be a killing death machine. I have named her Projectile Delivering Feline ZM-1. Chris: I don't know, Mensa, I think that's a little wrong. That's a living being there. I'm sure ZM-1 isn't too happy about being fused to a missile. Cat: Maow! Mensa: You're a living being! Chris: Your point? Mensa: None. Mensa: It is time for the initial test. Chris: Mensa, you can't fire that thing in your garage. It will be really bad! Mensa: Really bad? Chris: Well, that was sort of underwhelming. Mensa: She is made for cat-to-cat combat.
  
  

  http://chrisyates.net/reprographics/index.php?page=52

• Mensa The Menacer

  Mensa: They call me Mensa the Menacer! Mensa: Yes, my brain is quite large. Thank you for noticing. Mensa: The evil plots I hatch are exponentially more devious because of my awesome mental power. Mensa: Today I plan to destroy the United Nations, steal the Hope diamond and take a puppy from a nice boy. How will I accomplish this? Mensa: By using fractions. Supervillian Team Assemble! Mensa: Devo Man, would you like to ride shotgun today in the MensaMobile? Devo Man: Sure.
  
  

  http://chrisyates.net/reprographics/index.php?page=22

• Mensa In The Morning

  Mensa: zzzz <<Brring brring>> Mensa: Yawn <<skritch skratch>> <<scrub scrub>> Mensa: I must ingest caffeine prior to starting this day of pure mayhem. <<blup blup>> <<vvvrrrr>>> <<pat pat>> Mensa: And engage! <<phsst phssst>> Mensa: Oh no! My pot of delicious coffee overfloweth upon my evil plans detailing my coffee-powered perpetual destruction machine! Mensa: I am enraged to an almost impossible degree! Mensa: Although I do realize the inherent irony demonstrated. Mensa: Why do my mornings always start this way?
  
  

  http://chrisyates.net/reprographics/index.php?page=206

• Guest Strip by Steve Carey

  Chris: MENSA!! What did you do?! Chris: Look at us! We're babies! Mensa: Hmmm... That does appear to be what has occured... Chris: And look at OCE! He's an "Epson Homejet Printer"! Mensa: An interesting development... Chris: And my beer!! It's just a stick of grain and hops! Chris: And look at vinyl ball... Mensa: Aw... He is cute. Mensa: Calm your emotions, Chris. It simply appears that my Babe-i-fier Ray has not functioned as I had intended... Chris: Your what? Mensa: Babe-i-fier. I was attempting to transform you into an attractive female. I was going to call you Chrisetta. Chris: WHAT?! Mensa: Surely you agree - you are much more useful to me as a "foxy" babe... Mensa: Now, are you positive that you do not feel a sudden urge to, say, read Cosmo? Chris: I'm not even sure I know how to read, yet. Mensa: Pity.
  
  

  http://chrisyates.net/reprographics/index.php?page=151

• Reprographics - That's a Big Key

  Chris: MAN, YOU'RE GOING TO SCREW UP THE WHOLE GALAXY! THIS IS THE PLANET OF WISHES! Chris: YOU'VE GOT TO CHANGE THE VISITORS BACK AND GIVE ME THAT KEY RIGHT NOW, BUDDY. Mensa the Menacer: HAS IT NOT SUNK IN YET THAT I AM A SUPERVILLAIN? Mensa the Menacer: THIS IS WHAT I DO, AND YOU CAN'T STOP IT. Chris: YES, I CAN, MENSA, AND IF YOU DO NOT RELINQUISH THAT KEY I WILL BE FORCED TO BLAST YOU. Mensa the Menacer: I WILL BLAST YOU BEFORE YOU BLAST ME AND MY BLAST WILL BE MIGHTY. Chris: YOU ARE CRUISING FOR A BRUISING, MISTER. Mensa the Menacer: ENOUGH TALK! [[Chris gets an idea, shown by his pointing upward with a triumphant look on his face.]] Chris: SHOE UNTIED! Mensa the Menacer: IT APPEARS THAT MY LACES ARE IN GOOD ORDER. [[Chris steals the key]] Mensa the Menacer: INCONCEIVABLE! Chris: HAHA! Mensa the Menacer: NO! NOT MY BEAUTIFUL KEY! Mensa the Menacer: HEY, COME BACK! YATES! YOU BASTARD! Chris: SEE YA LATER, MENSA! Mensa the Menacer: OOOH! MY EVIL SCHEME IS IN TATTERS! Mensa the Menacer: SO ANGRY. OH SO ANGRY. Mensa the Menacer: HAVOC! PAIN! DEATH! Mensa the Menacer: AND SUPERDEATH! {{Title text: "THAT'S A BIG KEY"}}
  
  

  http://chrisyates.net/reprographics/index.php?page=188

• Minor Interests

  Colleen: So I can't say the word 'orange'? Chris: Well, at least around Mensa. It triggers an extremely sensitive control mechanism. He's a little different. <<Typing typing>> Chris: hey Mensa! Colleen: Hey person that I feel that I know through seeing on the internet! [[Mensa typing]] [[Mensa looks up, shocked and dismayed]] [[Mensa waves hands as though not knowing what to do]] [[Mensa closes laptop]] Mensa: Oh hello there. Colleen: Should I say the word? Chris: Mensa! What are you up to? Mensa: Nothing. Mensa: I observe that you are now accompanied by a female. Chris: Yes, this is Colleen! Now what is so evil on your laptop that you have to hide it? Chris: I'm sure it's some super-secret plan involving nuclear armadillos and robotic cha-cha dancers! Mensa: Your mockery is inert. I have discovered your precious little 'forum'. Mensa: Yea, I, Mensa the Menacer, have extrapolated your dimunitive adventures via the com-pu-ter! Mensa: I now will communicate and spread the seeds of malice and the haikus of treachery in your poisonous forum. Chris: That's great that you're posting! It's kinda funny! Colleen: Yeah, we encourage all kinds of sorts of collaborative energy bouncing around Playground Ghosts. Mensa: Heaps of manure! What do I have to do to be menacing, stinky, and evil!? Colleen: Aww you're so cute, Mensa!
  
  

  http://chrisyates.net/reprographics/index.php?page=216

• Snowball In Hell p.1

  Chris: Tubular! The sun has finally popped out! Chris: 25 degrees? It's tropical! Chris: I can finally paint all these bafflers! Chris: Aw nuts. Chris: Aw nuts. Chris: What are you doing in my backyard? Mensa: I am standing. Chris: Look Mensa, it's finally clear and I have puzzle painting to do. Mensa: You must view my new devious plan. Mensa: You know, for destruction. Chris: Er... I don't get it. [[Mensa holds aloft a piece of paper with a circle on it]] Mensa: It is a scheme of such simple strategy it cannot be stopped! I also need you to chauffeur me up to the table mesa. Chris: No no and no! Chris: Do not tell me that you are not remotely curious. Chris: This better be good. Mensa: If by good you mean extremely bad, then yes. Chris: For godsakes you didn't bring that megaphone again, did you? Mensa: I will not be requiring the megasonic aplibomb on today! All I require is snow. Pure, simple snow. Mensa: Perfect!
  
  

  http://chrisyates.net/reprographics/index.php?page=232

• Guest Comic by Fred Grisolm

  MENSA: At last, my work is complete! MENSA: With my new top secret weapon, i will rule the Mexican fast food market with an iron fist! I will be the wealthiest evil master mind in the entire first world! Once people are hooked on my Rice Krispy Snack burritos then... MENSA: I WILL DESTOROY THEM ALL!/ PHONE: Brring Brring/ MENSA: Damn [Mensa answers the phone] MENSA: Hello, Mensa speaking. Oh, hi Chris CHRIS: Man, you won't believe... I just invented a burrito made with Rice Krispy Snacks. I brought them into the store and they sold out in seconds! Then this dude from Burrito Bell came in and bought the idea from me for $50! I'M RICH! MENSA: Well played, Yates. Well played
  
  

  http://chrisyates.net/reprographics/index.php?page=142

• Numbers For Dinner

  Chris: What's up Mensa! Whatcha up to? Mensa: I am cooking dinner. Chris: Is it evil dinner? Mensa: Incredibly. Chris: Alright. I'm there. Chris: How's it coming? Mensa: My evil dinner is coming to fruition. Chris: What the hell is that? Chris: You can't eat numbers! Mensa: You should read this book. Book cover: Cook With Math Chris: Now that's just silly. Mensa: Try an 8. They are delicious.
  
  

  http://chrisyates.net/reprographics/index.php?page=31

• Two Man Palace

  [Chris and Mensa are playing a game of cards that involves bowling pins and pints of beer. They look over their hands] MENSA: Hmmm / CHRIS: Errr... So how's that whole Giant Axle thing going? / MENSA: The what? / CHRIS: Y'know, that unimaginable force of destruction you were planning on making? / MENSA: Oh, THAT Giant Axle. Jesus has informed me that the surrection of Giant Axle in entirely on evil schedule. We could be pillaging as soon as October! / CHRIS: But don't you think this might be pretty bad P.R.? / MENSA: What possibly could you be inferring? / CHRIS: If you're potentially going to run for president in 2008, that kind of stuff might look, oh, not so good, Mensa. / MENSA: POTENTIALLY? / CHRIS: Look man, I'm cool as long as I don't get destroyed. I'm just saying the American public may not be... / MENSA: America needs a leader who is not afraid to license violence as an excuse for EVERYTHING!! / CHRIS: We already have one of those
  
  

  http://chrisyates.net/reprographics/index.php?page=312

• But then...

  [Mensa is hanging out in his island fortress. the phone rings] MENSA: Destruction Industries / PHONE: Is this Mensa the Menacer? / MENSA: Speaking / PHONE: This is the United States of America / MENSA: Oh, hello / PHONE: Can you give us our atomic clock back? / MENSA: Not really. Would you like to be transferred to our sales department? / PILOT: Last chance, smart guy. give us the clock! ALL UNITS, MOVE IN! / MENSA: Devo Man, ready the escape pod! / DEVO MAN: There is no escape pod. You insisted there would be no need due to your superior intelligence / [Helecopters are closing in] PILOT: Get that clock and nail the perp! USA! / DEVO MAN: What about the teleporter pads? / MENSA: The batteries are in the charger
  
  

  http://chrisyates.net/reprographics/index.php?page=158

• Snowball In Hell p.2

  Mensa: Look at her, the unsuspecting hippy hamlet of Boulder, my canvas of evil potential, and all I require is a paintbrush of panic! Chris: Okay it's cold and this is making like negative sense. Chris: Snowball? Mensa: Yes. A snowball from hell. Mensa: Once initially rolled with ultimate force, the snowball will quickly gather mass. Mensa: As it accumulates all snow in its path, it becomes unstoppable. Mensa: And then goodbye Boulder. Mensa: It is the simple laws of nature that allow the chaos to exist. And we must exist! Snow. Mensa: It is surprising that no one else has attempted this. It seems fairly easy. Snow. Chris: Man, that kind of thing only works in cartoons! Mensa: Oh really? Mensa: Waa! <<plop>> Mensa: AAAARRGGH! Chris: I told you dude. Mensa: Gloaters! They'll see! Newspaper: Boulder survives another day without being destroyed by giant snowball Chris: YOu have to admit that was a poorly-planned-out scheme. The concept is implausible, the snow is dry, and the slope was a skree field. Mensa: If we can construct a sphere of pure ice twelve meters wide... Chris: That would be sweet. Now just order the pizza.
  
  

  http://chrisyates.net/reprographics/index.php?page=233