Hellbent #35 - Today Was a Good DayReporter: Here we are at hour eight of Catholic Crisis, where pastor John Smiley threatens to jump from the roof of the very church where he preaches. Is it drugs? Did this deranged priest lace the holy water with acid, inducing a mass hallucination in order to have a sex orgy with all the vulnerable elderly and young children? Probably!
Reporter: Churchgoers report that a quote "Zombie Jesus" broke into the church, flashed the crowd, then reinacted Michael Jackson's Thriller before running off. Police are attempting to talk Father Smiley down now, but-- oh, it appears he's about to say something. Let's have a closer look.
Father Smiley: The son of God spoke to me, and... and he t- t- told me he wants b- b- brains... and b- b- beer! Wine sucketh! Gimme a brew! That... that was the word of God... His w- w- will be done! Am-m-men!
(Lou sitting on couch, watching TV, smirking, his Zombie Jesus gear on couch next to him)