( searching 719 episodes of Buttersafe!)

• What is that?

  [[Two stick figures.]] Dude on left: What *is* that? [[Giant, horned, Chernabog-esque demon looms, drawn in detailed art style inconsistent with stick figure characters.]] Dude on left: Ohhh fuuuuuucckkk!
  
  

  http://buttersafe.com/2007/04/05/what-is-that/

• This Fire

  [[Two firefighters look at huge flames engulfing a city]] [[One looks determined]] Firefighter 1: This fire cannot be stopped with WATER. Soon. [[The firefighters desperately throw kitten after kitten into the flames]] Firefighter 2: This isn't working! Firefighter 1: THROW MORE. {{Author blurb: DOGS!! TRY DOGS!!}}
  
  

  http://buttersafe.com/2008/10/28/this-fire/

• Do You Hear Something?

  [[A nurse takes a donor's blood with a syringe]] Nurse: Um, do you hear something? [[Close up of syringe]] [[Close up of blood cells getting pulled into syringe]] Blood cells: So awesome! Extreeeeeme! Yahoooo! Weeeeeee! Yaaaaaaay! Epilogue: It was just the sound of awesome.
  
  

  http://buttersafe.com/2008/11/04/do-you-hear-something/

• Bird Stories

  BIRD STORIES [[A bird looks up at a boy]] Boy: Hey little guy. Boy: What are you doing here? Bird: SQUAAAW! Boy (thinking): Why did I ask? I don't even speak bird. Boy: This is so awkward. [[HE LISTENS CAREFULLY FOR A WHILE.]] Bird: CHEEP CHEEP CHEEP Boy (thinking): I think I'm getting the hang of this. Bird: SQUAAAW! Bird: hug me please I'm so lonely Bird: SQUAAAW! [[HE THINKS HE SAYS SOME AVIAN WORDS OF COMFORT.]] Boy: CHIRP. Boy: Oh geeze of course! Boy: Come here buddy. [[BUT HIS MASTERY OF THE LANGUAGE IS INCOMPLETE.]] Boy: CHIRP. Boy: I'm bird-racist.
  
  

  http://buttersafe.com/2008/10/30/bird-stories/

• Captain Tomato

  [[Captain Tomato strikes a superhero pose]] Hey everybody! It's The Adventures of Captain Tomato, the guy who can eat tomatoes really fast One day... [[Distraught man stares in shock at his dropped tomatoes.]] Man: Oh crap, I dropped all my tomatoes. [[He continues staring in shock.]] [[He stares in shock.]] [[He stares in shock as all the tomatoes suddenly disappear.]]
  
  

  http://buttersafe.com/2008/10/07/captain-tomato/

• Cat Fight

  Cat: Who wants to challenge me to a fight!? [[A man approaches.]] Man: I will, I guess. [[The man kicks the cat.]] Man: HI-YAH! <<THUNK!>> [[The man's foot is broken against the cat, who doesn't budge.]] Another foe vanquished by BRICK CAT, the cat made entirely out of brick.
  
  

  http://buttersafe.com/2008/09/25/cat-fight/

• Somewhere Over the Lamebow

  [[A man stands at the end of a rainbow next to a big pot of gold]] Man: Finally, after all these years, I've reached THE END! [[He takes a bite of a gold piece, getting chocolate on his face]] Man: hey...these are just chocolate coins. [[A leprechaun appears out of nowhere, and the man is startled]] Leprechaun: HELLO LAD! You've reached the end o' the LAMEBOW! Leprechaun: By the way, that ain't chocolate. [[A roll of toilet paper appears beside the man]]
  
  

  http://buttersafe.com/2008/09/30/somewhere-over-the-lamebow/

• Imaginary Brakes

  [[A man sits in his car]] Man: Lately everybody's been saying my driving's TERRIBLE. Man: That they have to slam on their invisible, "imaginary brakes" 'cause I drive too close. Man: Then I say, "well, maybe that's just 'cause YOU'RE imaginary!" "maybe THAT'S why you always do that!" Man: Hah! Get it? Because they're-- Man: ... [[The man looks at the empty passenger seat]] [[He looks disappointed]] LATER [[An imaginary man runs crying from the car]] Imaginary man: WHY WOULD HE SAY THAT?! The End. {{Author blurb: Not to be confused with imaginary breaks, which are only found in sweatshops.}}
  
  

  http://buttersafe.com/2008/09/16/imaginary-brakes/

• The Guy Who's Always Running and Never Stops

  HEY! ...yo're the guy who's always running and never stops! WHY? well, if i don't keep running, my heart st...
  
  

  http://buttersafe.com/2008/07/15/the-guy-whos-always-running-and-never-stops/

• The Factory

  [[A dog comes through the open door of a glue factory]] Dog owner: Oh no! Don't let my dog inside! [[A worker slams the door on the dog, cutting it in half]] <<SLAM!>> [[The worker looks in horror at the bloody mess]] [[Each half of the dog is glued to the door. The dog owner shows up soon after.]] Dog owner: Sweet. I didn't know my dog could jump through walls.
  
  

  http://buttersafe.com/2008/05/06/the-factory/

• Corporate Finance

  At the office Russ: Hey Jim! Jim: Russ! How's it going? Russ: Not bad! Just doing some corporate finance! [[Jim points to a unicorn]] Jim: Awesome! I used corporate finance this morning to summon a unicorn! Russ: That wasn't corporate finance, Russ! That was magic! [[Jim wears a magician's hat]] Jim: No, it was corporate finance! I was wearing my corporate finance hat! [[Russ stares]] Russ: Oh! [[Jim stares]] [[Russ and Jim both ride sparkly unicorns]] YAY CORPORATE FINANCE
  
  

  http://buttersafe.com/2008/08/21/corporate-finance/

• The Massive Beard

  [[A massive beard fills the room. The bearded man is barely visible]] [[A man's head appears from the beard]] Man: Ermmph! <<Pop!>> Man: Look man, this beard of yours is out of control. Bearded man: What? My beard is awesome. Man: No, it isn't. It is not awesome that our entire house is full of your beard. Sorry, I've already called the cops. Policeman: Police! I'm coming in! Policeman: Grnng! [[The policeman makes his way through the beard]] <<Boop!>> Policeman: Hey, this is a great beard. Bearded man: Thank you, officer. Man: Hold on, what? Policeman: I've been trying to grow a good beard for a while. Any tips? Bearded man: Yeah. Don't ever be friends with this guy.
  
  

  http://buttersafe.com/2008/03/06/the-massive-beard/

• Reading

  [[Books on a shelf]] Man: So you're pretty into books, huh? [[The man and a woman stand in a kitchen]] Woman: Not really. Those are cereal boxes. Man: Oh right. So, you like reading cereal? Woman: No, I mostly like eating it. Man: Of course, of course. Me too! Man: Eating is the thing you do with your eyes, right? Woman: No, that's reading. Earlier [[The man stares at cereal with reading glasses]]
  
  

  http://buttersafe.com/2008/09/04/reading/

• The Champion of Tattoos

  Man: oooh, I HATE that Champion of Tattoos! [[The Champion of Tattoos stands with a woman on each arm]] Man: he thinks he's so GREAT! Man: but I'll show him! Man: I'll show him who's the REAL king of tattoos! [[The man heads to a tattoo shop]] The next day Man: hey CHAMP! [[The man and the Champion of Tattoos stand talking]] Man: CHAMP! check out my new tattoo! [[Closup of the man's body which reads I HATE THE CHAMPION OF TATTOOS (he sucks)]] Champion of Tattoos: haha, that's great, but... [[Closeup of the Champion's chest which reads I HATE YOU TOO.]] Man: what? how did you know-- [[Closeup of the Champion's chest which now reads KNOW WHAT?]] [[Closeup of the Champion's chest which now reads THAT YOU'D GET A TATTOO THAT SAYS YOU HATE ME?]] Man: but I...yes...wait, how did you do-- [[Closeup of the Champion's chest which now reads HOW DID I DO THIS?]] Man: I... [[The man looks sad and bewildered]] [[Closeup of the Champion's chest which now reads HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAH.]] [[The man looks frightened]] [[Closeup of the Champion's chest which now reads THE END.]]
  
  

  http://buttersafe.com/2008/09/09/the-champion-of-tattoos/

• Late Life Realizations

  Man: Shit! [[Man is revealed to be a bean with a head]] Man: I'm a bean! Man: How could this have happened?? [[His father approaches with his bean pod wife]] Father: hello, son. Man: oh yeah.
  
  

  http://buttersafe.com/2008/08/26/late-life-realizations/