Here is the highest-rated result from Achewood (you can see all 154 results in this comic's search engine!)
Achewood - February 19, 2008
Caption: ACHEWOOD HISTORY THEATRE PRESENTS
Caption: THE PLANNING OF THE TRANSATLANTIC CABLE STARRING
Caption: CYRUS WEST FIELD / ISAMBARD KINGDOM BRUNEL / RAY SMUCKLES / AND / SHANTY THE YORKSHIRE TERRIER
Caption: LONDON, 1856
Field: I propose that the transatlantic telegraph cable be suspended from a plenitude of kites, which are to be held aloft at all times by wind!
[[Ray Smuckles wears a top hat and has large, Victorian sideburns.]]
Smuckles: Hell of impractical, Mr. Field. The cable must go underwater on the ocean floor, or birds are gonna sit on it and take like a zillion craps.
Field: Do not listen to this man! Should the cable descend below the surface of the sea, it shall surely be devoured by the many fishes!
Smuckles: A problem easily solved. We will wipe the cable with dogs, so it becomes offensive to all creatures.
Field: Hm. Mr. Smuckles' reasoning has given me pause. Yes, let us use dogs.
Brunel: I have built a steam ship which can house ten thousand mongrels! Your endeavor shall not want for the horrors of the canine body.
Smuckles: Gentlemen, let us begin at once. I shall gather the buckets of vomit with which to attract thousands of free dogs.
{{Brunel's diagram shows strong, shirtless men swabbing the cable with great double-handfuls of dogs.}}
Here is the highest-rated result from Scary Go Round (you can see all 2 results in this comic's search engine!)
Scary Go Round :: Monday-Friday Comic by John Allison
{{A SCARY GO ROUND in the style of Achewood.com: T??odor and Amy in "Just Married"}}
[[T??odor is flying a small, single-engine, propeller-driven aircraft (Cessna 172 or similar) with tin cans trailing behind]]
Amy: Oh, T??odor! From the Elvis Costello messageboard to this! I never thought I'd be married to a cute little bear . . . father was so agitated when I told him!
T??odor: I think we all have some adjusting to do, my love.
Amy: I'm so sorry you didn't like the buffet, darling. I admit, British food may be a bit challenging at first.
T??odor: Who eats braised ivy? And what was with that owl all smeared in mayonnaise? That was depressing.
Amy: T??odor! It's our wedding day! Try to be positive.
T??odor: A fox fighting an eel, suspended in aspic. It was like a Nine Inch Nails video.
{{keywords: teodor achewood chris onstad guest strip}}
Here is the highest-rated result from diesel sweeties (you can search just this comic!)
2003 guests part ten
{{guest strip by james kochalka @ americanelf.com }}
elf: hi
elf: i am an elf.
elf: i am an elf and i rock.
elf: can i be in diesel sweeties?
{{guest strip by chris onstad @ www.achewood.com }}
uncle grandpa: hey toots! you got a boyfriend?
whore bot: you can be my boyfriend tonight, handsome!
uncle grandpa: .oO( sweet! she's a whore! )
uncle grandpa: what if i wanted to get it on for like half an hour? how much money would that cost me?
whore bot: fifty dollars and i'm yours, honey!
achewood bot: what is with all of the yellink in here?! i am tryink to sleep next door. i haf busy day tomorrow! shut up shut up shut up!
achewood bot: shut up old computer, shut up whore computer!
achewood bot: do you even haf fifty dollars, uncle grandpa?! i know what car you drive! /pathetic blue miata, whit so much bumper scrapes. I bet you even ask whore for gas money./
whore bot: !
{{guest strip by leigh dragoon @ spidric.com }}
clango: .oO( ah, the romantic vacation! just me and her... no worries, no cares... )
security: stop right there!
maura: he's my /boyfriend/, not a /bomb!/
clango: everyone please! i'm sure there's some way we can work this out!
clango: .oO( i home this is still romantic. )
{{guest strip by nothingface.com }}
pete: stupid girls, always breaking my frail little heart.
red robot: let us crush this hu-man!
red: in fact, let us crush /all/ the hu-mans! the streets will run red with the blood of any fleshlings in our path!
pete: yeah!
red: you realize that one of the many lives that will become extinguished in the revolution will be yours.
pete: the things i do in the name of heartbroken vengance.
red: less talking! more maiming!
Here is the highest-rated result from Cat and Girl (you can search just this comic!)
Steak House
[[Cat and Girl sit at a table looking at menus.]]
<<$>>
[[Girl looks at the prices. A waiter approaches.]]
Girl: I'll have a glass of water and a plate of parsley.
Cat: And I will have your most expensive slab of meat product.
Waiter: How would you like that?
Waiter: Very well-done like Achewood
Waiter: or rare like a sympathetic female character in Achewood.
Cat: But -
Waiter: Everyone knows Molly is just a prop for Roast Beef.
Here is the highest-rated result from Girly (and Cutewendy) (you can search just this comic!)
Girly: Extras!
Totally GIRLS!
The zany hot adventures of spies in disguise saving the world for cute boys everywhere tm
The Sadie Hawkins Dance is coming up! I'm totally going to ask every CUTE GUY in the school!!
Hey, SNOW, save some for me!!
Mellow like a cello, Tracy, I'm going to ask SKIP FIRSTBASE myself!
Uh oh, girls, the "Whoop" Trap Door conveniently installed below us has opened!!
Why do we always stand on it?! WHYYYYYY?!?!?!..!??...??
WHOOP, there it is!!
You're right, Inky! Guess we're going to have to save the world again..
BEFORE BEDTIME!!
Omigod
My name's INKY?
{{WHOOP}}
Greetings, girls. Glad of you to... "drop in." Hahaha. Because you dropped!!
In, that is!!
I can't feel my extremities!!
Your mission is very dangerous and extremely sexy.
The nefarious ZANDO has devised a ray that will change all the world's clothes to green and orange.
But orange is the new black!!!
?
This episode should be called "DAYGLO MY EGGO."
stock "japanimation" face
You'll all be equipped with standard hairdryer grappling hooks, as well as this Achewood joke book from Scholastic ($14.99 in the company store).
{{hook arrow meta dryer}}
Why can't we just have GUNS and KILL PEOPLE?
Most of these pages are blank!
Let's save the world for cute boys everywhere! tm
TO BE CONTINUED...?!
Here is the highest-rated result from xkcd.com (you can search just this comic!)
Parody Week: Achewood
[[Philippe is dreaming of having his ears checked. There's an eye chart on the wall behind him.]]
Doctor (out of frame): Philippe, your hearing is perfect! In fact, you heard ALL the beeps! You have super-hearing! You're needed at Hogwarts!
Philippe: Oh boy!
[[Ray is holding a letter and talking to Roast Beef.]]
{{Meanwhile . . .}}
Ray: Beef, check this out. I got an invite to that The Dude Is Pretty Awesome In Most Measurable Ways I Mean Wow competition.
Beef: Alright that is pretty sweet dogg what is your strategy gonna consist of
Ray: I'm thinkin' I need to point out my best features--maybe go holdin' a sign with an arrow toward my junk.
[[Ray holds up a sign saying "Yes" such that the an arrow on it points directly at his crotch.]]
Beef: Yeah well I always said subtlety was your middle name dogg
Beef: And also your first and last in case they didn't get the point
Ray: How do you think I should play it?
Beef: Well basically you got no chance as I see it these dudes are all lovers and fighters to the last
Beef: All sprung fully formed from the head of Sweet Sweetback
Beef: You are gonna stand out as the sort of dude who stays at home all night playing fleshlight tag
Ray: These words you got are crazy. Didn't I win the outdoor fight?
Beef: Uh huh about the fight I wasn't gonna tell you but how could you miss that I was setting you up
Ray: What?
Beef: You got played dogg
Beef: I basically just didn't have the heart to go through with it in the end.
Beef: Anyway the point is that you are gonna lose this thing so hard
Beef: All cheap McD's hamburger to their slabs of steak
Beef: A couple 12-oz sirloins garnished with nothing but pure manhood
Beef: Maybe some sprigs of parsley
Beef: You are pretty much going down
[[Closeup of a shocked Ray.]]
[[Silence.]]
[[Silence. Beef looks perturbed and his ear is twitching. Ray's mouth is open.]]
[[Silence. Beef looks sorry.]]
[[Silence. Beef looks sorry and Ray looks annoyed.]]
[[Silence.]]
[[Silence.]]
[[Silence. Beef is looking down and Ray's mouth is open.]]
[[Silence. Ray's mouth is open.]]
[[Silence. Beef is looking down and Ray's mouth is open.]]
[[Silence. Beef looks surprised.]]
{{alt: I always wanted to impress them with how well I could hear, didn't you? Also, this sets the record for number of awkward-pause panels in one strip (previously held by Achewood)]]
Here is the highest-rated result from HMM (you can search just this comic!)
Droop. "reading webcomics since saturday"
I've been reading webcomics since saturday...
Parents and employers have been yelling at me.
But all I can focus on is finishing "Achewood" or counting the number of times the word "cock" shows up in "Jerkcity".
I don't think I've even blinked once.
Then halfway through Questionable Content I noticed something...
My monitor was turned off.
I'd switch it on again, but...
This is a good story.
Here is the highest-rated result from Ugly Hill (you can search just this comic!)
Ugly Hill- A Daily Comic Strip by Paul Southworth
Guest strip by Rene Engstrom of "Anders Loves Maria"
[[The sun rises over the Ugly Hill Dump.]]
[[SKULL THE TROLL from "PVP" passes.]]
[[GABE and TYCHO from "Penny Arcade" pass. One holds a box marked "Grand Theft Trike."]]
[[Various characters from "Achewood" crest a hill.]]
[[James Kochalka's MAGIC BOY appears.]]
[[A masked, lab-coated man rides a dinosaur.]]
[[A mostly-white character opens a bottle of perfume.]]
[[A group of characters from various comics including ANDERS and MARIA of "Anders Loves Maria" and possibly EVE NING of "Octopus Pie" head for a rock formation.]]
[[ELI cradles a baby cyclops.]]
ELI: Hello Hastings! Won't you come and greet the newest addition to Ugly Hill!
[[ELI looks down at the baby...]]
[[...and licks its head.]]
HASTINGS: Greetings future tax payer! I bought you your very first calculator to ensure you won't end up a dead-beat like my idiot brother!
[[The baby opens its eye and looks at HASTINGS.]]
HASTINGS (horrified): What is this one-eyed abomination! How could Paul conceive such a freak of nature!
BABY (offpanel): *blurp* Dead...beat *tee hee*
HASTINGS (moved): *sniff*
It's a scientific Texas Instrument.
*sniff*
Use it well!
[[One of the Kilgores holds the baby high as the sunlight streams through the clouds.]]
ELI or HASTINGS: Welcome to Ugly Hill little one!
Here is the highest-rated result from Fit and the Conniptions (you can search just this comic!)
A Momentary Diversion
Chicken: I'm not saying you're being slack, Wayne...
Chicken: But Achewood updates more often than you do.
Wayne: Yeah, but Achewood is actually good.
Chicken: That's... *sigh*