( searching 78 episodes of The Secret Crocodile Adventure Club!)

• The Secret Crocodile Adventure Club » Blog Archive » Erotic Bakery Etiquette

  Crocodile: Screw YOU, Erotic Bakery! Crocodile: And your precious, "No Photos Rule!" Crocodile: If you're not going to be cool about this... Crocodile: The I'll just buy my penis thermoses, blow-up sheep, and lavender-scented latex gloves elsewhere! Crocodile: HMPH!
  
  

  http://crocodileadventureclub.net/archives/?p=368

• 26.) A Classic

  [[Two crocodiles, one grey and one white, are standing on the sidewalk. They are rendered in the style of old Disney cartoons, like "Steamboat Willie." The white crocodile is angrily storming away from the grey crocodile, who appears bewildered.]] Grey crocodile: Dude, I didn't say your niece IS retarded, I just said she LOOKS retarded! That's not an insult, that's just an observation! {{Title text: 26.) A Classic}}
  
  

  http://crocodileadventureclub.net/archives/?p=34#more-34

• Guest Art from Alexandra

  Sister Alexandra made this Challa bread crocodile, which was undoubtedly the best tasting crocodile-shaped bread in the tri-country area! Fuck yeah! We are nothing but amazing people!
  
  

  http://crocodileadventureclub.net/archives/?p=80

• The Secret Crocodile Adventure Club » Blog Archive » 44.) Hooray!

  In the history of the world there is only a small handful of creatures so powerful, so cunning, so perfectly made that they simply haven???t had to evolve. One is the shark, but a better one is the crocodile. It was born with the sexy. [[A single picture of a crocodile, beaming at the camera, while wearing black-lace panties]]
  
  

  http://crocodileadventureclub.net/archives/?p=229

• 14.) Graham

  Occasionally, after listening to them as magical guitar virtuosos and seeing them as aspects of death, we forget that crocodiles are apex predators. Though the above image is somewhat grisly it is perfectly natural, and a healthy crocodile needs a regular diet of meat to stay healthy. Even when it hunts the crocodile is a majestic and powerful creature, and we cannot forget this. We must always respect the natural order. ROCK!
  
  

  http://crocodileadventureclub.net/archives/?p=22

• The Secret Crocodile Adventure Club » Blog Archive » 41.) Clarkson Brand Wrenches

  From the "Things to do with Wrenches" trading card set, third edition, card #2. CLARKSON BRAND WRENCHES ARE THE *ONLY* WRENCHES THAT OFFER *UNIFORM LAXITIVITY!* THAT MEANS THAT EACH APPLICATION OF A CLARKSON BRAND WRENCH WILL OFFER THE SAME AMOUNT OF LAXITIVE STRENGTH AS THE LAST! PERMIT ME TO DEMONSTRATE! [[A smiling crocodile brandishing a shiny, new wrench leans over to the passenger's side of his car, reaching towards a very frightened, nude crocodile who's scrabbling to open the car door.]]
  
  

  http://crocodileadventureclub.net/archives/?p=49

• The Secret Crocodile Adventure Club » Blog Archive » 42.) The Cloud Wizard

  These were dark times for the children of Dachshire, now that the wicked Cloud Wizard had awoken. Each day the chilly old miser would sweep past their favorite playground and steal the hats of the unwary, always declaring their headpiece-related attitude insufficient. ???This is symbolic of something!??? He would always cry, again and again. Excerpt from The Cloud Wizard, A Tale For The Times by Archcroc V [[A purple crocodile in a blue wizard's hat hangs from a cloud, trying to steal a gaudy sombrerro from an orange crocodile on the ground. The wizard has his wand between his teeth.]] "Give me back my hat, Cloud Wizard!" Rory ejaculated. "NO! You don't have the *hatitude* for it!" Retorted the Cloud Wizard!
  
  

  http://crocodileadventureclub.net/archives/?p=136

• The Secret Crocodile Adventure Club » Blog Archive » 45.) Jovian Hot Sex Jamboree

  You haven???t dreamt until you???ve dreamt about making it with a space entity while hurtling through the galactic void on a gigantic ball of liquid metallic hydrogen with enough gravity to squeeze a penny through your skull millimeter by millimeter. You dreamt you were falling? That???s nice. Here, I have a ball, perhaps you???d like to bounce it? [[A yellow, green, and red checkered crocodile sits up in bed, looking off into space in his bright-but-drab room.]] SOMETIMES I HAVE DREAMS THAT COME WITH BACKSTORIES. ODD EVENTS ARE HISTORY AND RIDICULOUS FACTS ARE THE LAW OF THE LAND IN THESE DREAMS. THEY CAN BE VERY, VERY CONFUSING ONCE I WAKE UP. Checkered Crocodile: "I better get up! Galactus said the Jovian Hot Sex Jamboree turns into a cannibal free-for-all on the third da... aw man..."
  
  

  http://crocodileadventureclub.net/archives/?p=235

• The Secret Crocodile Adventure Club » Blog Archive » Braintree, ESSEX part 2 - Vlad

  {{Title: Braintree, Essex. 3 weeks ago...}} [[Vampire Crocodile is watching telly, which displays static.]] TV Announcer: The dead walk in Essex! For some unknown reason the corpses of the deceased have been animated and are currently destroying the whole of Essex! They seem to be entirely confined to the eastern county, immediately turning around when they reach the borders of the surrounding counties. Observers in Suffolk have noted that the zombies will actually turn around at the sight of the county line... Vampire Crocodile: LESTAT'S FLACCID PENIS! I know what I must do! [[Crocodile's hands are hammering nails (badly) into vertical planks.]] [[Crocodile is wearing welder's goggles and holding a lit welding tank.]] [[Crocodile is sawing wood with a hand saw.]] [[Crocodile is painting a wall.]] [[Another croc in a turtleneck is walking quietly along.]] [[A red-eyed sihouette (likely a zombie) strikes the turtlenecked croc.]] <<SHHHHHOVEL!>> [[A lady croc in a fur-trimmed coat appears to hear the noise.]] [[The lady croc is beaned with a medicine ball.]] <<MMMMMEDICINE BALL!>> {{Title Bar: Present Day!}} [[The two crocs that were whacked are watching telly, which displays static.]] TV Announcer: Commander Cromwell continues to promise swift disposal of the zombie presence in Essex. Optimistic projections suggest we can reclaim over 90% of the county within two weeks. {{The voice continues in smaller print.}} Still no information on the large palace that has been built in the public square of Braintree, though new footage leads us to believe it was built by the undead. Turtleneck Croc: Stellar! We'll be out of here in a few weeks! Loudspeaker: Okay, I'm back. I've researched this "wheelbarrow" of yours, and as far as I can tell it's essentially a reverse butterfly. Here's the description-- Turtleneck Croc: Haven't you heard?! The zombies are nearly gone! We don't need to seclude ourselves any more! Loudspeaker: "Position yourself behind your mate and support her legs while she supports her fron..." Wait, what?" Lady Croc: It was just on the news! Loudspeaker: But it's up to us to repopulate the Earth! Lady Croc (pointing at telly): NO! THE ZOMBIES WERE LOCAL TO ESSEX! Loudspeaker: ... ... ... Then we should repopulate Essex. Turtleneck Croc: WHAT? That's mad! Let us go! [[Loudspeaker is shown silent.]] {{Dramatic tension!}} Lady Croc: Hello? [[Loudspeaker is shown silent again.]] [[Vampire Croc is shown facing away from a microphone, a disgusted look on his countenance. There is a flip chart with "Organic Livestock Breeding Program" written on the top and a simple inverse-triangle diagram of a planned trait breeding system.]] {{It's not actually there, but you can just hear Vamp Croc: Feh!}}
  
  

  http://crocodileadventureclub.net/archives/?p=351

• 37.) The Mad Russian

  37.) The Mad Russian You don???t want to be a part of the Isabelle Adjani Look-Alikes International, it is to the Adventure Club what Project Mayhem was to Fight Club. {{small text: Isabelle Adjani does not endorse or condone the Isabelle Adjani Look-Alikes International.}} [[a green male crocodile with stubble on his chin and a furry hat with Communist insignia on his head on the left half of the split-screen image is on the telephone with a purple crocodile of indeterminate gender in an "Isabelle Adjani Look-Alikes Intl." T-shirt on the right half]] Purple croc: Hello? Green croc: Hello, topliner heavyweight idol! Did you know that for simple rubles a day you too can look as well as I am? Purple croc: What? Green croc: Yes! Young, sexy captain of industry! I have miracle #1 cure. All natural erecto! And it only cost simple 3 kosa! Purple croc: Kosa? Is that, like, money? Green croc: Rock and roll!
  
  

  http://crocodileadventureclub.net/archives/?p=45

• The Secret Crocodile Adventure Club » Blog Archive » 26.) A Classic

  Dear Web Cartoonist's Choice Awards, I submit, for your consideration, #26 - A Classic. Wolverines! -Archcroc V Crocodile: DUDE, I DIDN'T SAY YOUR NIECE IS RETARDED, I JUST SAID SHE LOOKS RETARDED! THAT'S NOT AN INSULT, THAT'S JUST AN OBSERVATION!
  
  

  http://crocodileadventureclub.net/archives/?p=34

• 24.) The Expedition

  Cutting-edge humor courtesy of the Archcroc V! I'll be at Caroline's every second Tuesday next month (if I can afford the cover). Rimshot! Crocodile: Because if we don't do this the terrorists WIN! They fucking WIN, Dawkins! That's why!
  
  

  http://crocodileadventureclub.net/archives/?p=32

• 22.) Rocket Science

  Rejected dialogue for this week's crocodile: Blue croc: "Captain Bastogne! Look!" Captain Bastogne (thought bubble): "My God... it must have a tremendous wang."
  
  

  http://crocodileadventureclub.net/archives/?p=30#more-30

• 07.) Bateman & Ronald

  Bateman is a cavalier young crocodile with some crazy ideas! Ronald is a representation of his perpetually late-acting conscience! I???ve been pitching this idea as a sitcom for years, but for some reason none of the networks are willing to produce it (the guy from PAX doused me with holy water and started screaming something about ???righteous castration???).
  
  

  http://crocodileadventureclub.net/archives/?p=15

• Guest Art from Dr. Awesome

  Brother Awesome, better known as Dr. Awesome (the man spent 7 years getting his phd in awe-inspiration, the least I can do is give him the proper salutation) intended this for the contest but got totally sidetracked and missed the deadline! It happens to the best of us, and it's too impressive a picture to ignore, so it goes in the fanart section! Crocodile: YOU FEEL LUCKY... GAVIAL?
  
  

  http://crocodileadventureclub.net/archives/?p=78