( searching 3065 episodes of Dinosaur Comics!)

• you thought it was just a regular thursday didn't you? YOU THOUGHT WRONG. that'll be your epitaph: "here lies [you]: THEY THOUGHT WRONG."

  EPITAPH THURSDAY T-Rex: Oh heck! Epitaph Thursday AGAIN?? T-Rex: Ahem. T-Rex: "Here lies T-Rex! SURROUNDED BY HIS VICTIMS." T-Rex: That one's awesome because it suggests that EVERYONE ELSE IN THE GRAVEYARD was murdered by me, Dromiceiomimus! The best gravestones, AS YOU KNOW, are the ones that totally mess up everyone else's gravestones. Dromiceiomimus: How about "Here lies T-Rex / He left the world the way he entered it: / Covered in yolk." T-Rex: We ARE born in eggs!! Utahraptor: "Here lies T-Rex! He died as he lived ..." T-Rex: "... Go on!" Utahraptor: Um. "Eventually"? T-Rex: Utahraptor! Epitaph Thursday is about EXCELLENT EPITAPHS. You need to get your head in the game!! Utahraptor: Okay okay: "Here lies T-Rex / Or at least his body / We found it over there" T-Rex: Hello!! That is THE WORST EPITAPH. Utahraptor: "Here lies T-Rex / Where he's going, he won't need ... roads." T-Rex: ...! T-Rex: oh my god YES
  
  

  http://qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1707

• panel five's dialogue of 'public love and recognition' was originally typed as 'public love recognition', and yeah, i guess both would be pretty good to achieve.

  T-Rex: What have I done with my life? For serious! I am getting older and if things keep up this way I will die an unremarkable dude. T-Rex: My epitaph will be "HERE LIES AND UNREMARKABLE DUDE :( BUT HEY I GET THERE'S SOMEONE RAD TO THE LEFT ;D"! T-Rex: Actually, that's a pretty sweet epitaph. T-Rex: But! My concerns about my own lack of impact still stand! Utahraptor: You've done stuff, T-Rex! T-Rex: You're going to say that I've made a positive impact in the life of my friends, ET CETERA, but I'm talking about - well, I guess I'm talking about public love and recognition. You know who won a Nobel Oscar Price at age 26? Utahraptor: Who? T-Rex: Not me!! Narrator: LATER, T-REX GETS A VISION OF HIS FUTURE THANKS TO THE GHOST OF CHRISTMAS YET TO COME: T-Rex: Good Spirit, are these the shadows of the things that will e, or are they the shadows of things that May be, only? T-Rex: 'cause my epitaph sucks
  
  

  http://qwantz.com/index.php?comic=902

• people who didn't have sex last night and want to be all passive-aggressive about it: dinosaur comics totally has YOUR back too!

  Narrator: I GUESS I HAD A GOOD TIME LAST NIGHT even though we didn't have sex Narrator: A WEB CARD T-Rex: Classy, dude! T-Rex: Anyway, dear recipient of this card: the sender had a good time last night, even though you didn't have sex with him! You don't NEED to have sex to have a good time. Just like me! Dromiceiomimus: Yesterday you told me you wanted your epitaph to be "T-Rex Always Needed Sex To Have A Good Time." T-Rex: It's just - it's such bad timing that you would mention that right now, Dromiceiomimus. Utahraptor: Did you seriously say you wanted that as your epitaph? T-Rex: I was joking! T-Rex: If I have an epitaph I want it to be "Here Lies T-Rex / He Was Great / Actually Hold On A Second / He's Still Alive." Utahraptor: Okay. T-Rex: Alright then. Well. Back to the card, huh? T-Rex: Dear card recipient, the sender had a good time last night, even though you two didn't have sex! I'm going to say your name now to show how personalized this card is. T-Rex: Here I go! T-Rex: " "
  
  

  http://qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1071

• Your search - "dudes forsooth" - did not match any documents.

  T-Rex: Do you get to write your own epitaph? If you do, then mine will seriously be "Here lies T-Rex: the radical dude with the radical 'tude!" Or even *T-Rex: smart and trim; let's be like him"! T-REX'S BUSY DAY Dromiceiomimus: Aw, you're always on about epitaphs, T-Rex! How about something new, like - instead of a sentence people remember you by, an image? Say, 10 seconds of a silent video! T-Rex: That's neat! You could cheat and have 1920s title cards ("DUDES, FORSOOTH! I'M SO DEAD") but just silent images would also be cool. What would you have? Dromiceiomimus: A kid in a tree, and then the tree becomes enormous, and the kid is happy about that. T-Rex: Hmm! I guess I'd have a picture of me giving a thumbs up. Utahraptor: Lame! T-Rex: You didn't let me finish! THEN, over me and my thumbs up, a newspaper spins toward the camera 1930s style, fills the frame, and the headline says "T-REX AWESOME, DEAD!" Utahraptor: Huh - not bad, actually! Do me. T-Rex: Okay! Let me think... T-Rex: Alright - YOURS would be a video of a soggy dog, and then the dog throws up a little, and then there's a subtitle that says "BAD DECISIONS". Utahraptor: Okay I'm putting in my will that you can't ever do a video epitaph for me. T-Rex: That's tough, yet fair!
  
  

  http://qwantz.com/index.php?comic=856

• we can sexy all night long

  T-Rex: Man, forget verbs! T-Rex: You heard me! T-Rex: From now on, I am all about other, less complex parts of speech. Verbs don't understand me! Dromiceiomimus: Maybe you don't understand verbs? T-Rex: Maybe ADJECTIVES wouldn't force us to have such conversations! Utahraptor: Okay T-Rex, I'm not sure what's going on here, but without verbs we cannot run or play or smile or even be! T-Rex: True! But, we can awesome! T-Rex: And we can sexy! Utahraptor: We can certainly sexy, that's true! T-Rex: ! T-Rex: "We can sexy" is totally going to be my epitaph! T-Rex: For reals!
  
  

  http://qwantz.com/index.php?comic=456

• tl;dr: i met someone who has the exact same name as a cat i know

  T-Rex: Hello! I have some opinions about your name. Perhaps you'd like to hear them? WHAT'S THE DEAL WITH YOUR NAME a web card T-Rex: I know you probably didn't choose it, but still. Your name. T-Rex: Oh my god, your name. T-Rex: I like you but sometimes I have trouble dealing with your ridiculous name. Utahraptor: So what's this person's name? T-Rex: Rather than saying it, I'll describe it! T-Rex: You are one of five lucky children selected to tryout new ice cream flavours. Do you try "Hugsberry Lime" or "Pulp and Paper"? Urahraptor: I - T-Rex: It doesn't matter what you choose because you have a super dumb name! Suddenly, you die of it. T-Rex: Your score is zero points. Your name is carved on your gravestone; beneath it your epitaph reads "Aw geez, I think someone messed up with his name. Good grief." T-Rex: It was ad-libbed by the gravestone carver in a SEVERE breach of professional protocol!!
  
  

  http://qwantz.com/index.php?comic=2008

• we all have different tastes, but what if we all share the same as-yet-undiscovered supertaste? what then? WORLD PEACE BROKERED THROUGH A SHARED APPRECIATION OF A SINGLE SONG?? A SINGLE INDIVIDUAL WHO HATES THE SONG FEELING PRETTY FRIGGIN' EXCLUDED??

  T-Rex: People like different songs because they have different tastes in music. This I concede. T-Rex: However! T-Rex: I still think there could be One Perfect Song! T-Rex: I think someone, some day - let's say, ME - might sit down and write a song that is legitimately great. A song that transcends personal taste and never gets old and is everyone's favorite, without exception. The best of all possible songs. What would the music world be like if there were no longer any chance of anyone else having a number one song - THE number one song? What if everyone was left fighting for second place? Utahraptor: I actually think it would be fascinating! T-Rex: Really? Utahraptor: Yeah! It would be amazing seeing how some artists react, knowing the best epitaph they could hope for was "runner up". I think you'd see a lot of esoteric music, exploring areas that aren't in the number one song! T-Rex: Well! I guess I'd better get to work, huh? Narrator: MEANWHILE, IN THE UNIVERSE WHERE SOMEONE HAS ACTUALLY ACCOMPLISHED THIS: Offscreen: Yo, I'm not number one but I'm still good/ My parents know that I've done/ basically the best I could! T-Rex: Man! I miss OLD gangsta rap!
  
  

  http://qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1304

• the difference between what is transmitted and what is received

  T-Rex: I just realized that if I transformed what people say to me into something I want to hear, I will only hear things that appeal to me! T-Rex: Genius! T-Rex: I should have thought of this years ago! Narrator: THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN WHAT IS TRANSMITTED AND WHAT IS RECEIVED an allegorical comic and comic allegory T-Rex: Hello, Dromiceiomimus! Dromiceiomimus: Hello, T-Rex! T-Rex: Why yes, I am super-sexy today! Utahraptor: T-Rex, stop it! You can't just go around putting words in people's mouths! T-Rex: Says you! Utahraptor: Where there is lexical or syntactic ambiguity, you could argue that you are free to choose a preferred meaning - granted - but you cannot arbitrarily transform someone's words into what you want! That process undermines the very foundation of language, as words are robbed of any fixed meaning, rendering communication arbitrary and pointless! T-Rex: That will be my epitaph, then! T-Rex: "Here lies T-Rex, who undermined the very foundation of language"! T-Rex: Awesome!
  
  

  http://qwantz.com/index.php?comic=190

• it is very convenient for me that "species" is its own plural

  T-Rex: I've come into possession of the most advanced AI on the planet. Neato! So, um, what do I do with it? T-Rex: If I copy it, then there'll be tons of my AIs running around, and that's a problem! Dromiceiomimus: Why do you think that's a problem, T-Rex? T-Rex: Hello? Skynet? Every time you get a bunch of AIs together, they INEVITABLY decide that things would be better if all physical life was dead. T-Rex: It happens in a bunch of stories, Dromiceiomimus, I'm really not sure how you missed them Utahraptor: Yeah, but we're not in a story, plus your AI only answers emails! T-Rex: So?! T-Rex: I'll tell you what's gonna happen: AIs will happily take over email, sending replies that eventually only other AIs will respond to. Released from the shackles of responding to email, we'll become decadent, fat and complacent. We'll DIE OFF, Utahraptor. Utahraptor: I don't really see -- T-Rex: As the sun sets on our species, the AIs will finally rest, all the emails answered. And you know what the last email -- the epitaph for us all -- will read? Utahraptor: What? T-Rex: Okay I have no idea but the circumstances surrounding it are obviously terrible!!
  
  

  http://qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1492

• if you're made uncomfortable by the contraction "i'd've", know that you are NOT ALONE: this is one super double power contraction

  T-Rex: I have some bad news, everyone. I hope everyone is sitting down, because everyone is going to hear my bad news in like two seconds. T-Rex: We are almost certainly not living up to our potential! T-Rex: I know, it sucks! T-Rex: But here's the thing: even if you're super talented AND super successful, for every thing you do there's almost infinite things you could've done instead. How can you say whatever you're doing is the one thing you'd be best at? Dromiceiomimus: You're talking career-wise? T-Rex: Everything-wise! I could be a great politician, but if I'd been a doctor maybe I'd've been even better! Utahraptor: We can't know what might've been, T-Rex. It's impossible! T-Rex: Sure! T-Rex: But we CAN make an educated guess, and with so many choices that could've gone differently, the odds that anyone's doing the one thing they'd be best at are vanishingly small. Utahraptor: I suppose we can only do what makes us happy. T-Rex: Happiness doesn't equal greatness, but sure, whatever! T-Rex: It's not all bad, though! All these choices suggest that in an alternate universe somewhere, each of us is TOTALLY KICKING BUTT. T-Rex: Hence my new emergency fallback epitaph! T-Rex: "I - I guess he was just here to make the alternate universes look good?"
  
  

  http://qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1850

• "..././!/?/?/?/$"

  Narrator: MEANWHILE, IN A PARALLEL UNIVERSE: T-Rex: Hello, everybody! I'm T-Rex and I'm here to endorse whatever product or service you'd like! Turn on your microphones and digital recorders, because: T-Rex: "I just can't get enough of..." T-Rex: "the/this/a/your/you", "wonderful/amazing/valuable/free/proven", "new/enhanced/improved/guaranteed", "service/product/lifestyle", "that/which", "now/greatly/somehow/always", "saves/simplifies/complicates/meddles in", "every/your society's/your children's/Grandma's", "cooking/bedroom/office/cellar/beachhouse", "performance/results/love/money/sex/career"! T-Rex: Now I just wait for the money to roll in! Narrator: LATER: T-Rex (from offscreen): I just can't get enough of this free new lifestyle that greatly complicates your children's office sex!" T-Rex: Welp, that's it for me. I had a good run, Utahraptor. Utahraptor: You did. If only you'd chosen less terrible words to say. T-Rex: I think, somehow, we ALL knew that would be my epitaph. Narrator: THE END
  
  

  http://qwantz.com/index.php?comic=2025

• i'm tempted to start a choose-your-own-adventure book that harangues the reader like this! in other news, "harangues" today has made the leap from "word i only ever use in spoken language" to "word i have looked up how to spell and have now used in writi

  T-Rex: You wake up, the last person in a post-apocalyptic world. What happened? Well shoot, Einstein, I'd say it looks like an apocalypse has happened, and now we're post that. You decide you'd better try to keep up!! T-Rex: You go on to decide I'M doing a friggin' excellent job narrating! T-Rex: So there's some immediate concerns of food and water, but there's some longer-term concerns you'll need to deal with too: medicine is no longer being produced, so you'd better lock some of that down. If there's any vehicles you want moved, do it now, because it truns out gasoline can go stale in a matter of months! Dromiceiomimus: Thanks for the sweet tips, T-Rex! T-Rex: You thank me for my sweet tips! Utahraptor: I spend my days carving knowledge into stones, hoping future life will one day understand it! T-Rex: Sure, okay! You do that. T-Rex: Millions of years later, intelligent life arises again! Your stones have long since weathered to dust, but they do find your skeleton and put it in a museum! The placard reads "This Guy, Hey, what was The Deal With This Guy?" Utahraptor: What. T-Rex: Utahraptor, you scored two out of a possible fifty thousand points! T-Rex: Utahraptor, your epitaph scored forty-five thousand out of a possible fifty thousand points!
  
  

  http://qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1967

• it's called a negative income tax because instead of bottoming out at you owing the government $0, it can become negative, so the government can owe you money. that's right! taxes, bitches!

  T-Rex: A negative income tax, or "NIT", is when the government pays you money when your income is low! Pretty sweet! Narrator: NEGATIVE INCOME TAX COMICS Narrator: it will be interesting I PROMISE T-Rex: But there is a catch. You still pay taxes - say, a flat tax of 10% - BUT, the government also pays you enough to survive! This way there's a guaranteed minimum income - like welfare, but simpler. So if you make only $1000 in a year you'll pay $100 in taxes, but since the government pays everyone, say, $10000, you'll end up $9900 ahead in tax money. As you make more money, you net less from the government, until you end up actually paying taxes! Utahraptor: So this acts to replace welfare? T-Rex: Yep! And a bunch of related programs. T-Rex: It simplifies things, plus it includes a flat tax, which a lot of amateur economists AS WELL AS even some real economists like! Utahraptor: I can see fraud being a problem, though, especially since if the fraud's successful, the government loses real money. Narrator: LATER: T-Rex: Utahraptor! I just found out that Milton Friedman, proposer of the NIT, died yesterday at age 94! Utahraptor: One wonders if our conversation today would be an appropriate epitaph. T-Rex: Dude! I believe this not to be the case!!
  
  

  http://qwantz.com/index.php?comic=885

• Here Lies T-Rex: He's Dead, But That Doesn't Mean You Should Make Fun Of Him.

  T-Rex: Time for some more epitaphs, bitches! God: I'M NOT BITCHES T-Rex: Time for some more epitaphs, everyone!! T-Rex: Here Lies T-Rex: Hey I Bet He's Still Wicked Handsome! God: HERE LIES T-REX HE WAS MORTAL SO THEN HE DIED T-Rex: Depressing! Dromiceiomimus: "Here Lies T-Rex: He Never Stopped Saying "Frig" / Even If He Stopped Saying Other Words". T-Rex: BAD. ASS. Utahraptor: Here lies T-Rex: He lived his life well / and tried to understand. T-Rex: Boooring! T-Rex: Epitaphs need to grab the attention of passers by, Utahraptor - you're competing with EVERYONE ELSE who's ever died! Utahraptor: Here Lies T-Rex: His Heart Was Punched Out Of His Chest By A Robot, But Then Wind Blew His Heart Into The Robot's Face And The Robot Said, "Error, Oh Man, Gross". T-Rex: Niiiiiice. I also would have accepted "Here Lies T-Rex: He Tried To Eat One Of Every Animal; Hopefully That Counts For Something!" T-Rex: Because. . . hopefully it does, you know?
  
  

  http://qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1534