( searching 3065 episodes of Dinosaur Comics!)

• science vs religion: round three - the monopoly on truth

  Narrator: SCIENCE VS RELIGION, round three T-Rex: Stupid Science. T-Rex: He thinks he's such hot stuff! T-Rex: Just because there are different religions with different opinions on things, he dismisses them all? T-Rex: Couldn't they all be describing the same shared desire for an understanding of what's bigger than ourselves? T-Rex: You know what Science's problem is? Utahraptor: Oh yeah? You know what Religion's problem is? T-Rex and Utahraptor: You think you have the monopoly on truth! T-Rex: We sure have some good times, eh?
  
  

  http://qwantz.com/index.php?comic=120

• tl;dr: i met someone who has the exact same name as a cat i know

  T-Rex: Hello! I have some opinions about your name. Perhaps you'd like to hear them? WHAT'S THE DEAL WITH YOUR NAME a web card T-Rex: I know you probably didn't choose it, but still. Your name. T-Rex: Oh my god, your name. T-Rex: I like you but sometimes I have trouble dealing with your ridiculous name. Utahraptor: So what's this person's name? T-Rex: Rather than saying it, I'll describe it! T-Rex: You are one of five lucky children selected to tryout new ice cream flavours. Do you try "Hugsberry Lime" or "Pulp and Paper"? Urahraptor: I - T-Rex: It doesn't matter what you choose because you have a super dumb name! Suddenly, you die of it. T-Rex: Your score is zero points. Your name is carved on your gravestone; beneath it your epitaph reads "Aw geez, I think someone messed up with his name. Good grief." T-Rex: It was ad-libbed by the gravestone carver in a SEVERE breach of professional protocol!!
  
  

  http://qwantz.com/index.php?comic=2008

• the first two panels double as ten different ways to meet a new friend-with-benefits, as well as ten different places to dump your existing one. mining! you can break up with people under the ground!

  Narrator: TEN DIFFERENT WAYS TO MEET A NEW GIRLFRIEND OR BOYFRIEND T-Rex: On the bus, in a store, surfing, skydiving, at a party, before a party, on the web, on the internet, or while... T-Rex: mining! You can meet people under the ground! Dromiceiomimus: That list isn't that helpful, T-Rex! Finding a new sweetie is more than actually meeting them: you have to talk to them, discover shared interests and interesting differences, explore your compatibility, and so on! T-Rex: I believe you CAN technically do that in all the places I mentioned! Utahraptor: Okay, maybe you have some tips on striking up a conversation T-Rex: Sure! T-Rex: Open with "Hey there. Want to know more about ME?" and if they say no say "Hah hah, no, seriously" and if they say no say "Okay whatever, you go first and talk about yourself and I'll listen. But you owe me!" Utahraptor: ... T-Rex: If you do that you can think "Sweet, when they're done then I get to talk!" T-Rex: In other news! T-Rex: I am currently single, but I'm certain it's not because of my opinions
  
  

  http://qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1987

• the kind of monster who wanted to buy a nice sandwich, but not TOO nice a sandwich

  T-Rex: I know some opinions aren't "popular", but that doesn't scare me, and I'm gonna say what I REALLY think: T-Rex: I think all diseases should be cured! T-Rex: I think we should get ON THAT already!! Utahraptor: Maybe you should try cure them yourself? T-Rex: Man, I'm not good at that junk! T-Rex: But you know what I am good at? Motivation. In my house RIGHT NOW sits a $5 bill that I will mail to the FIRST PERSON who cures all diseases, no questions asked! Utahraptor: Well, maybe "whoah, frig, dude, how did you cure all diseases?" T-Rex: Okay, one question asked. LATER: Utahraptor: "Can the process be generalized to any new diseases?" T-Rex: 18 questions asked. Utahraptor: "What monster would hold off curing all diseases until they were paid $5?" T-Rex: Hmm! That's pretty similar to question 7, actually
  
  

  http://qwantz.com/index.php?comic=2597

• i have done some Quick Photoshop Work and determined that it is possible for t-rex to pick his nose. there. i just saved you like five minutes.

  T-Rex: I propose a new law: that folks cannot be held responsible for what they do while they're sleeping! T-Rex: Motion: PASSED! T-Rex: Now when I'm asleep and I burp in a hilarious way, I'm not to be made to feel bad about it! When I wake up, we can ALL share a laugh together, okay?? And the same goes if I pass gas or pick my nose or whatever. TOTALLY HILARIOUS, and also TOTALLY NOT MY FAULT. Utahraptor: People claim to have been sexually assaulted by people who were sleeping. T-Rex: ... T-Rex: ...Really? That's how we're playing this? I'm proposing a fanciful law to get out of GAS EMBARRASSMENT, and you're Mister Hey Guys, I'm Gonna Bring Up Serious Incidents of Possible Sexual Assault. Utahraptor: Lawmakers have to consider the full impact of their laws! T-Rex: I'M NOT A LAWMAKER! T-Rex: I'm a GUY with OPINIONS who I guess FARTS while he SLEEPS
  
  

  http://qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1739

• t-rex's last line is supposed to be like a "damn it, ryan!" as you might say if i ruined your quiche AGAIN, and not a "damn it, the fuzz!" as you might say if the fuzz is hot on the trail of your latest caper. it kind of works both ways though

  Narrator: INFORMED OPINIONS ABOUT ARCHAEOLOGY COMICS T-Rex: Yes! I have actually done some research this time. Schwing! T-Rex: And it turns out I was TOTALLY CORRECT! T-Rex: Archaeologists ARE aware that they're mining a finite resource, and when possible, they only dig a little and leave some for the future. But there are time limits: often they'll be examining a site just before it's dug up for a new building of something, which means this is their last chance to see what's there before it's destroyed. And sometimes the ground is volatile enough that if they don't dig soon, whatever's there will be lost anyway! T-Rex: In conclusion and in summary, way to go archaeologists! Utahraptor: Hooray for archaeologists! T-Rex and Utahraptor: We have nothing but good things to say about the women and men of archaeology! Nothing but smiles for the trained and capable few who dedicate themselves towards exploring and explaining our shared history! Narrator: LATER: ARCHAEOLOGISTS TOTAL T-REX'S CAR! T-Rex: Damn it, archaeologists!
  
  

  http://qwantz.com/index.php?comic=904

• in undergrad i was batman against parking tickets. i can't tell you how; you'll all just have to accept it as the truth, okay?

  T-Rex: Parking tickets! T-Rex: Everyone who loves parking tickets, throw your hands up in the air! Raise the friggin' roof! [[No hands raise up in this panel.]] T-Rex: Ah. So everyone's stealing my anti-ticket opinions INSTEAD of raising the roof. That's fine, that's cool. Utahraptor: Whatever! Utahraptor: People hated parking tickets long before you came along. They ALSO dislike restrictive bank service hours, computer phone systems that make it difficult to talk to a real person, AND unjustified authority. T-Rex: But I hate all those things too! HAVE I NEVER HAD AN ORIGINAL THOUGHT IN MY LIFE?? T-Rex (thinking): It would be awesome if popsicles tasted like the stick they're on instead, and then the stick tasted like the flavoured ice T-Rex: *phew*
  
  

  http://qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1420

• is there anyone more into voting than people who get their jobs through voting, the answer: no

  T-Rex: Voting! It's important, I guess. T-Rex: People who get their jobs through voting think it's real important, anyway! T-Rex: And everyone only gets one vote, because we all agreed that it's fair if everyone gets a say even if the result is majority (i.e., MOB??) rule! Plus we thought that, for god's sake, it was at least better than the alternative, which was doing whatever the rich and powerful tell us to. Dromiceiomimus: Makes sense! T-Rex: SEEMED LIKE A GOOD IDEA AT THE TIME, right?? Utahraptor: And yet, people's opinions can be influenced! T-Rex: ...Yes. Utahraptor: And this influence can be done through advertising, and ads cost money, THEREFORE the rich can buy an outsized say in any election. And buying votes this way is impossible to stop... UNLESS WE DESTROY CAPITALISM?? T-Rex: Well frig, I don't have any plans this weekend!! Narrator: MONDAY MORNING: T-Rex: Aw frig, I knew it! I JUST KNEW IT. T-Rex: I knew I kept forgetting to destroy SOMETHING
  
  

  http://qwantz.com/index.php?comic=2846

• later: t-rex's lunch burns because he forgot it and he's all, MAN, SCREW US

  T-Rex: The royal "we" is used by monarches, popes, and also by dinosaurs named T-Rex. THAT IS ME, BY THE WAY. T-Rex: Or should I say... that is US?? T-Rex: We thing this is great, Dromiceiomimus! All our opinions sound much more important, now that they come from a grammatical PLURALITY. It's just classier to say "WE ate too much and had to go to bed early" than "I"! We did, by the way, Dromiceiomimus. We made some mistakes at dinnertime. Dromiceiomimus: We understand, T-Rex. T-Rex: Oh man, you're doing the "we" thing too? I mean, um, you babes are doing the "we" thing too? Utahraptor: I think it just extends to pronouns: one of the several reasons you shouldn't call Dromiceioimimus "you babes"! T-Rex: You guys think so? Utahraptor: Yeah, and ALSO, we guys are worried you're going to end up sound patronizing, like you're talking to a dog. "Aren't we just the cutest little puppy? Yes we are! Yes we are!" T-Rex: We assure you we are not the cutest little puppy. We are the awesomest giant T-Rex; yes we are. Yes: we are. Narrator: LATER: EVERYONE GETS TIRED OF T-REX'S "WE"AND DECIDES TO HANG OUT SOMEWHERE ELSE T-Rex: A question for us! Do we missing having friends? T-Rex:SOMETIMES we does, yes
  
  

  http://qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1877

• credit card fraud

  Narrator: "CREDIT CARD FRAUD" T-Rex: Credit card fraud is a growing problem in today's society! T-Rex: I believe the fault of this lies in the inherent design flaws of the credit card system. If I give a credit card to someone, that should authorize one purchase, for a specific amount, at that specific time! Instead, knowing someone's credit card information allows you to make charges to it for any amount, at any time, all over the world! Utahraptor: This certainly is a lot of talk about credit cards! Aren't there any more pressing issues, T-Rex? T-Rex: Like what? Utahraptor: Oh, like, I don't know... WORLD HUNGER? T-Rex: But I don't know how to solve that problem! I do have opinions about the broken credit card infrastructure, however. T-Rex: It's my blessing and my curse!
  
  

  http://qwantz.com/index.php?comic=338

• parents! i have had, continue to have, and will forever have unsolicited opinions about your offspring!!

  T-Rex: Parents! Have you named your offspring yet?? Because if not, good news: T-Rex: I have some UNSOLICITED OPINIONS about what you should name your offspring! T-Rex: The sad fact of the matter is , we all spend a lot of time writing our name, and most of us have finite lifetimes. If ONLY we were given names that could be compressed to initials without losing any semantics, am I right? All the ladies names "H?l?ne" know what I'm talking about! Dromiceiomimus: "LN"? T-Rex: PRECISELY. Utahraptor: Like how every guy named "Petey" has a fuller and objectively better life when he goes by "PT"! T-Rex: For sure! T-Rex: Emilys got it pretty good with "MLE" which is impressive because it also stands for "Me? Lady Emily". If you are named "Kate" and not writing it "K8", you are ABSOLUTELY not living up to your innate potential. Utahraptor: Don't you mean... N8 POTENTIAL?? T-Rex: FRIG, YES, I DID Banner: Happy "T-Rex Missed The Chance To Make A Pun" Day T-Rex: Attention, everyone!! T-Rex: I HATE THIS DAY
  
  

  http://qwantz.com/index.php?comic=2827

• they say this cat is a bad mother / shut your mouth!

  T-REX: I FEEL LIKE I DON'T REALLY HAVE A SOLID OPINION ON THE REALLY BIG INTERNATIONAL ISSUES. THERE'S SO MUCH TO THEM - SO MUCH NUANCE! HOW CAN I HAVE A DEFENSIBLE OPINION ON SOMETHING I DON'T FULLY UNDERSTAND? T-REX: HOWEVER! I DO HAVE MANY UNSOLICITED OPINIONS ON SMALLER, LOCAL ISSUES! T-REX: THOSE ISSUES I CAN UNDERSTAND COMPLETELY, AND THERE I DON'T FEEL LIKE SOMEONE WHO JUST HAPPENS TO KNOW THEIR STUFF BETTER COULD BEST ME IN AN ARGUMENT. DROMICEIOMIMUS: WHAT KIND OF ISSUES ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? T-REX: OH, YOU KNOW - ISSUES LIKE "SHOULD MOTHERS WITH BABY CARRIAGES BE ALLOWED TO BE EXTREME." [[EARLIER]] UTAHRAPTOR: MAN, DID YOU SEE HOW EXTREME THAT MOTHER WAS? T-REX: WITH THE BABY CARRIAGE? YEAH! T-REX: SHE WAS TOTALLY EXTREME. UTAHRAPTOR: I NEVER SAW A MOTHER SO EXTREME. HAVE YOU? T-REX: YOU KNOW I WOULD'A MENTIONED IT TO YOU IF I HAD! GOD: GUYS THAT MOTHER WAS SO EXTREME! T-REX: GOD! ARE THERE YET ANY LAWS AGAINST MOTHERS BEING EXTREME, DO YOU KNOW? T-REX: NOT YET NOT TO THE BEST OF MY AWESOME KNOWLEDGE NO
  
  

  http://qwantz.com/index.php?comic=780

• the walk of acclaim

  THE WALK OF SHAME T-Rex: The Walk of Shame is when you're coming home in the same clothes you partied in last night. You spent the night somewhere else, maybe you had sexy times, and therefore you're to be ashamed! T-Rex: That, my friends, is BALONEY SANDWICHES! T-Rex: They should call it the "Walk of Oh Look, My Night Didn't End At Ten Thirty" or maybe the "Walk of I Am In Full Possession Of My Sexual Identity" or maybe even the "Walk of Stop Assuming I Had Sex, Maybe We Talked And Then Had Ice Cream; Ice Cream Is Awesome Too and Don't Lie, You Want Some Right Now." T-Rex: Speaking of which! Dromiceiomimus, would you like to go get some ice cream? LATER: Utahraptor: That was extremely delicious ice cream! T-Rex: Yeah, I'm glad you could join us! T-Rex: What was I talking about...? Oh yeah, the "walk of shame" - it's a stupid term and they should call it the "Walk of I'm Still Hungry for Ice Cream; Let's Go Get More Ice Cream." Utahraptor: ... Okay MUCH LATER: T-Rex: Attention, everybody!! T-Rex: I, um, find it difficult to have opinions around ice cream.
  
  

  http://qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1734

• This is what I've been waiting for, you guys!

  T-Rex: Rain is falling tonight! THE RAIN WILL WASH AWAY OUR CIVILIZATION AND WE CAN START FRESH. YES. T-Rex: This is what I've been waiting for, you guys! Dromiceiomimus: T-Rex, we're only getting a centimeter of rain, easily within the abilities of our civilization to withstand. Plus, you talked about this yesterday! You're repeating yourself. T-Rex: That was with snow! ALSO, maybe what I said yesterday was EXTREMELY AWESOME. Maybe it is worth hearing again! Utahraptor: Maybe hearing it once was enough! T-Rex: A bold hypothetical!! T-Rex: Look, if you say once is enough and I say we should hear it a kabillion times, let's take the middle ground and I'll say it only half a kabillion times. Utahraptor: Ah, the fallacy of balance. You talked about THAT six years, eight days ago today. T-Rex: IMPOSSIBLE Narrator: SIX YEARS, EIGHT DAYS AGO TODAY: T-Rex: And THAT concludes my many opinions about the fallacy of balance! T-Rex: ... T-Rex: Welp, guess I'll go help Dromiceiomimus rebuild that log cabin or whatever
  
  

  http://qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1892

• based on a true doug

  Narrator: DOUG Narrator: DOUG IS GROWING A HITLER MUSTACHE T-Rex: Aw man, SERIOUSLY?? Narrator: DOUG IS SHAVING OFF HIS HITLER MUSTACHE T-Rex: Hey, this is great! I can't wait to introduce you to other people without a qualifier, Doug! Narrator: HE'S SHAVING IT THE DAY *AFTER* HIS SISTER'S WEDDING T-Rex: Oh, Doug. Dromiceiomimus: Doug, Doug, Doug. Narrator: DOUG IS GROWING HIS MUSTACHE BACK AGAIN T-Rex: Should we tell him? Utahraptor: He HAS to know, right? Narrator: DOUG IS SAYING YOU'RE THE *REAL* "FACIAL HAIR NAZI" ON ACCOUNT OF YOUR MUSTACHE OPINIONS T-Rex: Right. Because the guy who, out of the full spectrum of things that grow out of faces, chooses to cultivate ALWAYS-ON HITLER COSPLAY is the aggrieved party here. Utahraptor: Friggin' Doug. Narrator: DOUG IS BRINGING UP HOW, FOR YOUR INFORMATION, THE SWASTIKA IS ACTUALLY "AN ANCIENT SYMBOL OF PEACE AND LUCK" T-Rex: Hey, remember when we associated with Doug in any capacity, however marginal? Off-Panel: NOPE T-Rex: HAH HAH ME NEITHER
  
  

  http://qwantz.com/index.php?comic=2691