( searching 1596 episodes of Rogues of Clwyd-Rhan!)

• Webcomic Rogues of Clwyd-Rhan: The Nightmare soon sings like a canary. A disgustingly drunk canary.

  Rogye Nightmare: So my unit was despatched to secure a... monastery? That's what you call it, right? First room we entered, it was full of beer! So we helped ourselves, and after my third, I thought, bugger it, I'm desertin'. Rogye Nightmare: ...Ever since, I've been working for myself and spending my earnings here. The d??cor isn't much, but the booze is great! Rogye Nightmare: An' an' the Evil Overlords? They can fuck themselves. Using us as cannon fodder? Who do they think they are? Fuck them all and fuck that countess twice! Kel: Would you like another drink? Rogye Nightmare: You know what they did? They sent a platoon of us to this witch's house. An' the witch THREW AMETHYST CRYSTALS AT US! [[Kel and Atra walk away from the table where Rogye Nightmare is talking to Jake.]] Atra: Amethyst? Kel: Krakatoa's been selling crystals in her shop... Jake: What's so special about amethyst? [[Rogye Nightmare speaks off-panel. Kel worriedly eyes Steve, a Reaoer carrying a large scythe.]] Rogye Nightmare: WHAT'S SO SPECIAL ABOUT AMETHYST? It's a bloody poison, is what! Say, what's keeping those wenches of yours?
  
  

  http://rocr.net/index.php?p=20070411

• Webcomic Rogues of Clwyd-Rhan: The yard is invaded by squirrels offering religious commentary and millinery criticism.

  {{Before reading this comic, read what happens in Sharing a Universe http://sharingauniverse.comicgenesis.com/d/20070518.html . }} [[Lynette backs away from the approaching squirrel horde. Sash pulls out her poking stick.]] Lynette: SQUIRRELS! Sash: Ooh, these look mean! Squirrels: Ni! Ni! Ni! [[A squirrel says "Ni!" from off-panel. Sash threatens another squirrel, which has climbed up a bird feeder, with her poking stick.]] Squirrels: Ni! Ni! Sash: Back off! Or I'll ... poke you! 1. Squirrel: Your hat is an abomination against all we hold dear! 2. Squirrel: EXTERMINATE! 3. Squirrel: No... NI! 2. Squirrel: NI! 3. Squirrel: NI! [[A squirrel says "Ni!" from off-panel. Sash holds up her hat.]] 1. Squirrel: It is profane! Blasphemous! 2. Squirrel: NI! Sash: Do you think so? I think it's rather... [[Sash sweeps up the zealous squirrel with her hat.]] Sash: FETCHING! 1. Squirrel: EEP! <<Swipe!>> [[Lynette is startled as a portal opens through which more squirrels, including a flying squirrel, materialise.]] Lynette: SASH! {{Colours by Mravac Kid with post-production by me. The setting and the Squirrel Idol bear no relationship whatsoever to El Goonish Shive - any similarities are probably a hypnagogic delusion resulting from over-exertion and sleep deprivation, and I would advise you to take better care of yourself. However, I am strangely compelled to blurt out, for no reason, that El Goonish Shive is ?? Dan Shive. Also, Menjou is ?? Starline X. Hodge and Lynette and Skipper are ?? Stephen Southworth. Meanwhile, wolfmen and Nightmares are finally showing up among the troops in Evil Overlords United http://eou.comicgenesis.com/d/20070518.html .}}
  
  

  http://rocr.net/index.php?p=20070518

• Webcomic Rogues of Clwyd-Rhan: The Advisors plead with the Queen to be more lenient - a S.W.L. is a harsh measure!

  [[The advisors plead with the Queen.]] 1. Advisor: Your majesty... Are you sure this is proportional? Elspeth: We are quite sure, advisor. 2. Advisor: But this Demona person has only offended your Majesty once... 1. Advisor: Wouldn't a more MERCIFUL response be better public relations? Elspeth: SILENCE! We are trying to concentrate! 3. Advisor: Do you remember the Dark Lord Mildywort of the Realm of Akzprz? The last person to receive an S.W.L. from her Majesty? 4. Advisor: Yes... I recall he turned himself into a newt and ordered to be boiled alive.... 3. Advisor: And before that, the Count of Gothica- 4. Advisor: - used time-delayed magic to blow himself up, raze his lands and seed the soil with salt! 3. Advisor: And do you remember Baba- 5. Advisor: Ssshh! I've been trying to forget for decades! 4. Advisor: She still haunts my dreams! 3./4/5. Advisors: Huuuuuu..... [[The Queen hands a scroll to a witch.]] Elspeth: Messenger, take this to Lady Demona. You'll find the primitive dimension she inhabits on the address label! Messenger: Your Majesty!
  
  

  http://rocr.net/index.php?p=20070614

• Webcomic Rogues of Clwyd-Rhan: The Queen digs someone out from under the table. It's a familiar face, though one locked in a rictus grin.

  [[Queen Elspeth magics the owner of the feet up from under the table. It turns out to be Master Ioannes von Kildenbusch. He is paralytic with drink and clutching an empty flagon]] Elspeth: Well we'll be- It's... er... [[An advisor whispers in Queen Elspeth's ear.]] Advisor: ... master Ioannes von Kildenbusch, the alchemist, your majesty. Elspeth: Yes, advisor. We knew that. [[Two advisors carry Ioannes to a tea table.]] Elspeth: Master von Kildenbusch has served us well in the past. He will be our champion. Advisor: Are you sure, your Majesty? Wouldn't your Majesty prefer to lead the counterattack herself? Elspeth: Silence! We will have a champion, as tradition demands! Advisor: Doesn't tradition demand a champion who is more... alert, your majesty? [[An advisor pours tea into Ioannes's mouth.]] Elspeth: He will be, once he's had our tea. [[Ioannes awakes from his comatose state with a start - his eyes bugging out, his hair standing on end, his ears spouting fire. He crushes the flagon between his arms.]] Ioannes: Zgni!
  
  

  http://rocr.net/index.php?p=20070621

• Webcomic Rogues of Clwyd-Rhan: Alcydia explains exactly how far she was willing to go to become WITCH QUEEN INSTEAD OF THE WITCH QUEEN!

  [[Alcydia stands explaining herself to the 4th wall, and the Witch Queen beyond]] Alcydia: "For years, I tried to claim my birthright! I had but one modest wish! ... to be Witch Queen in your place!" Alcydia: "I tried intrigue, subterfuge, political manipulation, alliancebuilding, assassination, subversion, blackmail, poison..." Alcydia: "I even tried waiting for you to die of natural causes! That's how desperate I was!" Alcydia: "So, in a way..." Alcydia: "... all this carnage, and what will happen next, are your fault! If you had just had the decency to die, none of this would have been necessary!" Alcydia: "Behold..." Alcydia: "The Thaumic Chaos Multiplier!"
  
  

  http://rocr.net/index.php?p=20070628

• Webcomic Rogues of Clwyd-Rhan: Norla and Ottar have returned from the

  [[Ab??i flies towards Ottar and hugs him in mid-flight.]] Ab??i: You've made it! [[Ab??i hugs Norla.]] Ab??i: What was it like? The world of humans and tax forms? Norla: We didn't see any of THAT! Ottar: Nay, but we learned a thing or two. [[Norla enlarges herself.]] Norla: Yeah... Kel! Why didn't you tell us? Kel: Wha? [[Ottar enlarges himself.]] Norla: Your people are so INVENTIVE! Kel: What? [[Jake speaks off-panel.]] Norla: I worked for a human for a year, and I never knew! I wonder what Father Ansgar got up to in his spare time now. Jake: Yueeerk! [[Jake has just fished a frog out of his beer.]] Jake: There's a frog in my beer!
  
  

  http://rocr.net/index.php?p=20070709

• Webcomic Rogues of Clwyd-Rhan: The Queen sees no other choice than to do something that she really, really doesn't want to do.

  [[Queen Elspeth and an Advisor watch the scrying stone]] Elspeth: "Advisor, was he really the last one?" Advisor: "Yes, your majesty." Elspeth: "In that case, one fears one will have to do something very unpleasant." Advisor: "... your Majesty?" [[Scene-shift to Alcydia's castle, Queen Elspeth is kneeling in front of Alcydia with a white flag in her hand, her advisors behind her]] Alcydia: "Surrender?" Elspeth: "Yes, Countess. You have defeated me. The Kingdom is yours. I'd ask for safe passage into exile for myself and my advisors, but the chaos magic will take care of that." Alcydia: "With Queen instead of the Witch Queen... oh Great-Aunt Elspeth, this.." Alcydia: "... this is a trick, isn't it?"
  
  

  http://rocr.net/index.php?p=20070720

• Webcomic Rogues of Clwyd-Rhan: Aleas continues to lay down the law. But she's not so bad...

  [[While the Rogues get out of their shrunk clothing, Aleas lands and explains herself]] Kel: "See? It even works in a forced transform!" Ragnarok: "What did you have to go and do that for?" Aleas: "My forest, my rules!" Aleas: "Besides, I don't want you stomping around our workspaces with your giant, booted feet. Aleas: "Now, I have a reason to believe you're friendly. Hello Ab??i. I missed you." [[Aleas and Ab??i hugs]] Ab??i: "I missed you too, mama." Aleas: "Welcome to the home of clan Naiodall, everyone come with me to our dwelling." Jodoque: "What do you say?" Kel: "They're Ottar's clan. I trust them... It IS a bit weird to be here, but we might as well take a break from all that - " [[Suddenly it starts raining Clockwork Soldiers]] Kel: "- Action!"
  
  

  http://rocr.net/index.php?p=20070727

• Webcomic Rogues of Clwyd-Rhan: What we have here is a failure to communicate.

  [[A ragged looking Krakatoa is knocking on the gates to the monastery. Bartholomew opens the door]] Bartholomew: "Deliveries round the back!" Krakatoa: "I came to use the Scriptorium." Bartholomew: "Errrr..." Bartholomew: "... you're not the fishmonger then?" Krakatoa: "... no" Bartholomew: "Come around the back anyway. You can clean yourself up at the hospice."
  
  

  http://rocr.net/index.php?p=20070921

• Webcomic Rogues of Clwyd-Rhan: The Malleus Pseudo-Mortiis looks like it's some sort of inquisition manual.

  [[Krakatoa sits down at Bartholomew's table with a briming mug]] Krakatoa: Well, I've found that "The Werewolf's skin burns grievously at the touch of silver"... but not why, or how much silver. [[Krakatoa grins and faces Bartholomew]] Krakatoa: It does recommend that the silver be forged into a poker and heated to near melting point. Bartholomew: Yes, that would do the trick. [[Krakatoa looks tired and takes herself to the head]] Krakatoa: If I'm going to do that, I might as well leave the girl to the Inquisitors. Bartholomew: They probably wrote that bit, anyway. [[Krakatoa takes another sip of her mug]] Krakatoa: My friend Kel was right. Booklearning is good for students, but to get any real research done, you need to get your hands dirty. [[A waitress walks up to their table with two plates of food]] Bartholomew: That would be the friend who beat you up with a - ah! Sian: Your steak... Hey, that dress looks good on you. [[Krakatoa takes the plate handed to her]] Krakatoa: Oh, is it yours? Thanks! Sian: No worries! It doesn't fit me rigth now anyway. Bartholomew, my father wants a word.
  
  

  http://rocr.net/index.php?p=20071003

• Webcomic Rogues of Clwyd-Rhan: Shireen brings the marshmallows, and Marion Turniproot is introduced.

  [[Atra gives Shireen a warm welcome when she arrives at the Coven where Marion is cooking in the background, among the bonfires]] Atra: "Shireen!" Shireen: "Atra!" Atra: "Gods! I haven't seen you in, what, a year?" Shireen: "I've brought the ale and marshmellows!" [[Atra puts her hands on Shireen's belly.]] Atra: "And you've got another one coming up? How many's that?" Shireen: "Aye. This'll be number ten..." Atra: "Sit down, make yourself comfortable- Soup's almost ready." Shireen: "So who else is here?" Shireen: "Ooh! You must be MorganTurniproot! I've heard so much about you!" Marion: "Marion, actually -"
  
  

  http://rocr.net/index.php?p=20071019

• Webcomic Rogues of Clwyd-Rhan: The forest, it turns out, is absolutely swarming with people.

  [[Standing on the chair, Kell stretch herself in order to see what's on the top shelf]] Kel: Herbs! Let's see... [[Picking up a small bag Kel checks its contents]] Kel: Is that Penny Royal? ... no... rue. Kel: Well, she's a witch all- [[A knock on the door surprises Kel so that she topples and falls off the chair to the floor]] SFX: Knock, Knock! Kel: Whaa! Off panel voice: Hello? [[Lying on her back on the floor, Kel looks up in the worried face of Aethelbert Hogsworth]] Aethelbert Hogsworth: Oh... er... sorry, miss. Are you all right? Kel: Eep. [[Kel gets to her feet, rubbing her chin]] Kel: Yeah... no worries. And you are? [[Stilling looking worried and nervous, Aethelbert introduces himself]] Aethelbert Hogsworth: Hogsworth, miss. Bertie Hogsworth. ... I heard you were a herbalist...
  
  

  http://rocr.net/index.php?p=20071029

• Webcomic Rogues of Clwyd-Rhan: Bertie works his way up towards the request he wants to make.

  [[In her mind the wheels are literally grinding as Kel puts two and two together. Aethelbert stands nervously twisting hist hat in the meantime]] [[Kel suddenly gets things together and her face lights up]] Kel: Why, yes, I am! How can I help you? [[Aethelbert is still nervous while Kel turns away from him and covers up her chest with crossed arms]] Aethelbert Hogsworth: Ehrm... I could wait until you get dressed... Kel (thinking): Yeah, if that damned dress fit me. Kel: "Eh, I'm a witch. Just look me in the eyes and we'll both be fine. [[Kel uncovers herself again as Aethelbert looks her straight into her eyes and states his business]] Aethelbert Hogsworth: ... it's... about my girlfriend... Kel: You have a girlfriend? Aethelbert Hogsworth: Yes. Kel: Uh-huh. Go on. Aethelbert Hogsworth: I think she might, you... *mumbles* [[Not able to hear what he says, Kel tries to shake Aethelbert to speak up]] Kel: What? Aethelbert Hogsworth: *mumbles* Kel: Speak up, boy! Aethelbert Hogsworth: *mumbles* [[Outside the cabin, from his hiding place in the reeds, Jodoque watches a group of armed men approaching the cabin]] Shadowy person: You'd better be right about this Own. Because is this is another one of your deliriums... Owen: No, sir! I'm as sober as can be, sir!
  
  

  http://rocr.net/index.php?p=20071031

• Webcomic Rogues of Clwyd-Rhan: Kel takes her bluff up one level, adding in bodily functions.

  [[Sheriff Hogsworth, is looking sternly at guard Owen]] Sheriff Hogsworth: Let's just say that our prisoner is in the stocks, unattended. She's been there for several hours. When the inevitable happens, you're the one who gets to clean up after her. Owen: ... sir! [[Inside the cabin, Kel is looking sternly at a Aethelbert who covers his mouth]] Kel: What do you mean, you THINK she's pregnant? Did you ask her? Aethelbert Hogsworth: Ehrm... [[Kel strikes a pose, looking down on a blushing Aethelbert with some scorn]] Kel: You didn't, didn't you? Aethelbert Hogsworth: No, miss. Kel: So... she missed a period, or what? Aethelbert Hogsworth: Err... [[Still blushing, Aethelbert follows Kel as she walks the cabin, throwing out her hands towards the stocks of herbs]] Kel: ... so you're thinking: "The witch has a shelf full of stuff to make sure she won't miss another"? Aethelbert Hogsworth: Er... [[Kel once again looks down on the blushing Aethelbert with a stern look]] Kel: And you're right! I do. And I can see some good reasons to give it to her out right in front of me. But you know? [[Outside the cabin, Owen stands listening while the Sheriff and the other guards wait impatiently]] Kel (from inside the cabin): ... you are not getting any of it. Your girlfriend, if you've got any right to call her that, can come to me herself and tell me what she wants.
  
  

  http://rocr.net/index.php?p=20071102

• Webcomic Rogues of Clwyd-Rhan: Atra's crew isn't getting far. High, yes, but not far.

  [[Obviously more or less tipsy, Marion sits naked in front of the fire, putting two fingers across her eyebrows]] Marion: Werewolves have eyebrows that meet in the middle, like so! [[Pretty high too, Atra looks dreamingly while putting a finger on her tongue]] Atra: So she can pluck! Girls, I don't want to send an innocent girl to the stake, but I don't want a Werewolf running loose either! We need something better! By the way, your Ergot extract really hits the spot. [[Hefting a mug, Shireen, looking normal, lifts her hand and crosses a couple of fingers]] Shireen: A Werewolf's ring finger is longer than its middle finger. [[Atra shakes her head and looks into the fire]] Atra: In what way is that even a wolflike trait? We might as well ask the girl if she's named "Vuk"! Marion: Ooh, is she? Atra: No. [[Shireen reaches out to support a high Marion who sits with her hands in the air]] Shireen: Well suit yourself. Hey, Marion, don't overdo the Ergot, that stuff's dangerous if you take too much. Marion: Bah. Who needs arms and legs when you can float in space and time. [[Atra takes a sip of her mug, looking contemplating. Shireen looks at her]] Atra: Well... there IS one other option...
  
  

  http://rocr.net/index.php?p=20071112