( searching 368 episodes of Mac Hall!)
New PeopleMatt: I've been in a rut. I think I need to meet some new people, but I'm not sure where to go. Drew: If you ask me, you should try a bar. Matt: Not a bad idea... [[Matt sits cheerfully in a bar with a drink. He looks around and then pulls out his cell phone.]] <<beep boop bip>> Matt: Now what? Drew on phone: Drink until you don't care about meeting people.http://machall.com/view.php?date=2004-03-26
New People
R&D[[JM and Matt are in a car with JM driving.]] Matt: More than one? JM: Matt, "dating" hasn't meant "exclusivity" for about the entire time you've been alive. JM: Did you miss the bulletin? JM: In fact, dating more than one person is generally considered a sign of being mentally well-adjusted. Matt: What the fuck is this, Brave New World? Matt: Why would you want to do that? JM: I don't get you. JM: When did more girls become bad? Matt: I can't even get one and there are people out there with two. Matt: They should quit hogging. JM: OK, you're missing the point again.http://machall.com/view.php?date=2004-03-31
R&D
Mouse Puck[[A little mouse is eating ramen in the dark.]] <<munch munch>> <<CLICK!>> [[The lights turn on.]] Mouse: squee..? [[A vacuum cleaner thumps down, bouncing the mouse.]] <<THUDOOM!!>> <<scrit scrit scrit scrit scr>> [[The vacuum cleaner aims for the mouse. The mouse leaps out of the way. It then gets trapped into a brown packaging box.]] <<shuff! skssssssss... CLOMP thud>> [[Matt is holding down the box, Ian is holding the vacuum cleaner.]] Matt: Wouldn't it be easier to set out traps? Ian: That would be cruel. Mouse: squeek!http://machall.com/view.php?date=2004-04-05
Mouse Puck
Office SpaceSean: You know what I really don't like about working at a local newspaper? Every time something happens in my territory, I feel personally insulted when they stereotype my people there. They can't even do a hard news story without slipping in "such and such, in the kooky liberal enclave of..." or "blah blah blah, aging left-wing activists and food co-ops." Sean: If you read all this, you'd think my town is some hippy-dippy commune swarming with rejects from the Summer of Love who are to full of ideals and peyote to unwedge their Birkenstocks from their own asses. Matt: Sean, everything you just said is absolutely true. Sean: That still doesn't mean CNN can say it. Bull SHIT, that's my job!http://machall.com/view.php?date=2004-04-13
Office Space
Court SpaceNarration: Another of Matt's coworkers. She spends a lot of time covering the courts. Kyle: Meredith? Meredith: Kyle Fishman? Kyle: Wow, I haven't seen you since high school! Kyle: What are you here for? Meredith: The double homicide case. [[They both look at each other quizzically.]] Meredith: No no, I didn't do it. Kyle: Oh! Okay. Meredith: What are you here for? Kyle: The armed robbery case. [[A wide-eyed Meredith looks at a glum Kyle.]] Kyle: Yeah, I did it. Kyle's lawyer: Shh.http://machall.com/view.php?date=2004-04-16
Court Space
Bop 2 -- Blood OmenMatt: This is my new desk. Matt: It's a Cole steel desk from the late 60's. Matt: My grandpa used to work in the factory where they made these. Matt: This is not a desk for fancypants ar-TISTES. Matt: This is an utilitarian slab of cold, industrial metal. Matt: you know how they used to tell people to hide under their desks in case of nuclear war? Ian: Yeah? Matt: It's because they had desks like these. Ian: Huh. [[Alan throws a small red ball]] Alan: Quiddich! <<CLANG! thud>> Matt: Also works wonders on destructive hallmates. Ian: Hmm... Alan: Ow ow ow OW ow ow Alan: The pain Alan: The freakin' pain...http://machall.com/view.php?date=2004-04-21
Bop 2 -- Blood Omen
Friday Night[[Two guys are using urinals in a bathroom.]] Guy 1: ...Yeah so, it wasn't till I took two in the ass that I realised, "This just isn't for me." But by then it was too late to pull out. Guy 2: Ah. [[Ian is shown using the urinal next to the two guys. He has a look of shock on his face.]] Guy 2: He's talking about paintball. Ian: *http://machall.com/view.php?date=2004-05-03
Friday Night
BBSStore clerk: Do you have your Groceryway Club Card? JM: I don't have one. Matt: You don't? Use mine. Matt: Why don't you have a card? It's free. JM: I don't like the charade of getting a discount on inflated prices just so they can keep track of my buying habits. Matt: I don't know, it's kind of fun. See? They tell you how much you've spent, how much you've saved, how many more special items you have to buy to get a prize... JM: Big Brother with a smile? Matt: I think of it more as Foodstuffs the RPG. <<Matt gains store credit +1>>http://machall.com/view.php?date=2004-05-07
BBS
Protectra<<SLAM -click-lock!>> Ian: [[thought bubble, showing that he has forgotten his key]] Ian: [[thought bubble, showing annoyance]] [[Panel showing ADT sign on the window of the house]] [[Ian is surrounded by broken glass and the ADT sign on the floor]] Ian: I think I just told the neighborhood that that sign is a bluff. JM: IAN! DOORBELL!!http://machall.com/view.php?date=2004-05-10
Protectra
E3 round upVoiceover: Join us now for Ian's E3 adventures!!! Watch Ian as he... ...Visits the nintendo booth! [[Ian is still and expressionless]] Voiceover: ...Sees a private showing of EVIL GENIUS! Offscreen: This trap blows the secret agents through the fire and into a *shark* tank! [[Ian remains still and expressionless]] Voiceover: ...Watches the HALF-LIFE 2 demo! [[Ian does not change]] Voiceover: ...visits the FINAL FANTASY booth! [[Ian becomes psychotic/deranged]] Ian: That's not the right armor! That's level 50 armor! Why don't you show them a video of a character beating on a RABBIT for 20 hours, you bastards!?! Voiceover: ...Sees SPLINTER CELL 3! [[Ian returns to being still & emotionless]] Voiceover: ...Has his mechanical heart replaced by his soulless masters! [[A doctor with a monocle is seen working on robotic innards of Ian - who is still and emotionless]]http://machall.com/view.php?date=2004-05-14
E3 round up
Lord of the FliesNarrator: Cicadas are harmless but they still terrify some people because they land on everything [[College girl has one cicada on her shoulder]] College girl: EEEE! EEEEE! GET IT OFF! Narrator: Then there's Ian. [[Ian covered in cicadas]] Ian: The Insect King demands your pumpkin pie!http://machall.com/view.php?date=2004-05-19
Lord of the Flies
For Science!Older Woman: Thanks for helping to judge the school's science fair! We're so glad to have you! Matt: Hey, my pleasure. Older Woman: Here are the displays you'll be grading. Once the other judges are done with theirs, we'll meet back here. Matt: Each display gets a different judge? Older Woman: Yes. Why? Matt: Well, you want us to grade these catagories on a one to ten scale, but you don't have a ruberic for what level of quality gets what kind of score. With each judge applying their own standards, declaring a winner won't be very, you know... scientific. [[Silhouette of Older Woman raising a chair over Matt's head]] Matt: To do it right, we'll have to have all the judges look at all the displays. Or maybe a group of judges per grade level. It'll take a lot longer, but... Matt: I woke up in an alley four hours later wearing nothing but a baking soda volcano and two magic rocks over my nipples.http://machall.com/view.php?date=2004-05-24
For Science!
Fun with insects[[A cicada has landed on Drew's hand]] <<Bzz-Bzz-Bzz-Bzz>> JM: Boy, looks like they're advertising the hell out of the downtown revitalization initiative. [[Drew flicks the cicada onto a kid]] <<-Phik->> <<Bzz-Bzz>> Kid: -GASP-... JM: The thing I don't understand is, all these posters and signs are in the downtown itself. Kid: AIEEEEEEE! MOM! MOM! GET IT OFF!! <Bzz-Bzz-Bzz>> Drew: (Thinking) It's a shame this only happens once every 17 years. JM: Does it seem strange that we're running a multimillion-dollar campaign to tell people about how good they should feel about being in a place they already are?http://machall.com/view.php?date=2004-05-27
Fun with insects
Marcon 2004{{title text: Marcon 2004: Another Age (crossed out, replaced with "Anthony's Rage")}} {{title text: anthony + drunkard in cab}} [[Anthony punches Man in cab in face]] Man in cab: Hey fisherman! Nice tackle box! Going to go fish up a- <<SMASH!>> {{title text: ian + breakfast}} [[Ian is sitting, decidedly happy, infront of a bucket of gravy with a spoon]] Ian: Mmmm... Gravy... {{title text: anthony + drunk girl with air gun}} [[Anthony is in the shadows, eyeing off Drunk girl with air gun]] Drunk girl with air gun: Air guns are fun. And no one gets hurt! {{title text: ian + nice Mac Hall readers}} [[Ian holding CD in paper case, with raised eye brows in amazement]] nice Mac Hall reader: Here, that program will let you burn files off your HD even if your OS is busted. Ian: Oooo.. {{title text: anthony + dumb-ass mage}} [[Anthony punches dumb-ass mage in face]] dumb-ass mage: I cast a maximized fireball on Anthony! <<-BIF->> <<OMFG WTF!?!>> {{title text: ian + Unreal Tournament Contest}} [[Man in Star-Trek costume is holding a copy of UT:2004]] Man in Star-Trek costume: Congrats. Here's the grand prize: A copy of Unreal Tournament 2004. Ian: EEEEE! [[Anthony and Ian are playing X-Box, both looking happy]] Anthony: Best Marcon ever. Ian: Indeed.http://machall.com/view.php?date=2004-06-02
Marcon 2004
BS<<BZZAT>> <<WRRRRRRR...>> JM: Ian! Ian: BS! Ian: I paid that bill! Matt: Dude, I think it was the thunderstorm. Matt: Unlike the last four times.http://machall.com/view.php?date=2004-06-04
BS
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