Here is the highest-rated result from Nobody Scores! (you can see all 7 results in this comic's search engine!)
cyborg-b
[[Beans looks down at his exposed belly disdainfully.]]
Beans: This body is WORTHLESS!
*Worthless belly!
Sara: Not arguing that point
Beans: Which is why I've decided to devote this low-value real estate to technological advances!
[[He hands her a blueprint of his cyborgified head.]]
CYBORG-B
beep beep
Beans: But, I need investors.
Jane: ! DUDE. I'll be right back.
[[Jane plucks Edvard Munch's The Scream the wall of a museum and walks out, right past a munching security guard.]]
Guard: Sup.
Jane: Sup.
[[Jane returns, pushing a pallet stacked with cash.]]
Jane: I'm in.
* So many high-profile art thefts are linked to cyber-body-modification schemes. I'm not even lying.*
STAGE 1
[[Beans has surgery scars, lumps, and metal fiddly bits around his head. His voice is slightly metallic, or maybe just filled with Doctorow-esque technological enthusiasm.]]
[[He is backgrounded by a blueprint grid, with labels pointing to various parts of his body, reading "beep," boop," "neep," "bip," zabop," etc.]]
Beans: Thankth to you and your generous donations - I am at the FOREFRONTH of NANO-THYBORG technology
* You have 20 seconds to comply with our annual pledge drive! [[Picture of ED-209 from Robocop]]
[[Displays metal bits with antennas in his thumb and pinky finger.]]
Beans: Thell phone!
[[Metal bits under his eyes.]]
Beans: GPS!
[[Shows his eyeballs.]]
Beans: Infrared!
[[Taps his skull.]]
Beans: Wikipedia!
Beans: HIC
[[He clutches his head.]]
Beans: HEE
[[He sticks his arms out zombie-style and looks mean.]]
Beans: GRR
* I am totally lying.
[[Dizzily, he comes to.]]
Beans: That'll happen every now and then.
Sara: Yeah I don't know
Jane: Shouldn't you have like propellers or something?
[[Jane imagines Beans in a propeller beanie that levitated him.]]
Beans: It's MY BODY! Thuck it.
Sara: Actually - funny story about the nature of investor-investment relations - short version:
* The windup!
Jane: WE OWN YOUR ASS!
* Swing batta!
[[Sara and Jane are framed darkly, forebodingly.]]
Sara: Speaking of, you think Beans really NEEDS an ass, exactly?
Jane: Huh - not so much, no.
Sara: We'll be making the decisions from here THAANKS
[[Beans clutches his hinders in fear as they walk off.]]
Bean (thinks): Not my ass!
* The fate of people's asses in dystopian futures has long been unjustly overlooked, I say.
STAGE 12
Jane: Why's it so cold in here?
Sara: The seal on this window is undone. It'll need to be recaulked.
Jane: Recaulked, you say?
[[They look at each other smugly.]]
[[Sara snaps her fingers.]]
<<SNAP!>>
[[Beans rolls in on rollerskates. He has a robotic propeller beanie, epaulets, and his ass has been replaced with metallic parts.]]
<<zzz>>
Beans: SOB compliance with order 357-B SOB executed
* Note the cutting-edge assless construction!
[[In agony, or... something, Beans supplies caulk ??? somehow ??? to Sara's caulking gun from his new metal pelvis.]]
<<SQUORT SQUORT SQUORT>>
Jane: The future is squort!
* 3/14/2K8 BBolt seals the deal.
Here is the highest-rated result from Two Lumps: The Adventures of Ebenezer and Snooch (you can see all 7 results in this comic's search engine!)
Two Lumps
Ebenezer: You shouldn't be watching this. Horror movies give you nightmares.
Snooch: Zombies aren't scary!
TV: GRUUUUH
Snooch: Hee hee!
Snooch: They keep trying to eat brains! Ha ha!
TV: MOOOOAN
Snooch: He sounds like a moo cow!
Snooch: I wanna be a zombie when I grow up!
Ebenezer: Start practicing your moans. You won't be very scary if all you say is "meer."
Here is the highest-rated result from A Softer World (you can see all 7 results in this comic's search engine!)
ASW: I don't care what Proust said. Fuck you. How about that.
I brought you back to life
picturing chaos and excitement,
not to be your brains delivery girl.
Get off your ass if you're hungry,
you lazy zombie fuck.
Here is the highest-rated result from Wondermark (you can see all 7 results in this comic's search engine!)
#345: Behold, the Future.
OLD MAN MOHAN (a cheery banjo player): Tired of ninja monkey robots fighting zombie pirate Jesus? SO'S EVERYBODY! That's why we've compiled, for handy reference, next year's memes! Get a head start!
{{The list, lovingly illustrated:
Deep-Sea Divers
Befuddled Wizards
Treasures of Antiquity
Naughty Jesters
Gendarmes
Sultans/Caliphs
Bears in Ill-Fitting Hats
This Guy}}
{{header: beat the crowd at WONDERMARK.COM}}
{{alt-text: not pictured: WWI-era German officers in pointy helmets, fakirs, stripes-wearing prisoners complete with shackles and iron balls, Larry Flynt}}
Here is the highest-rated result from Another Gaming Comic (you can see all 7 results in this comic's search engine!)
AGC #161
Steele: Dang's elven cleric, Sylvani, slips through the gap in the bars. You enter a narrow hallway which bends around to the right.
Dang: I'll wave the others a sign to keep quiet, and I'll start creeping towards the corner.
Steele: Well, you're not a rogue, so no Move Silently skill, but if the others stay still, your natural elf-stealth might do it.
Dang: I get a 7 on my surprise roll, but that's before my 4 point bonus.
Steele: That's enough to beat them. You peek around the corner, unobserved as of yet.
Joe: "As a Vulcan..."
Dan: ENOUGH with the VULCANS!
Steele: The hallway opens into a guardroom, where one man is sitting on a bench and four zombies are standing. But these zombies look more intact, and are even wearing chainmail armor, whereas the man sitting looks a little pale, and although he seems pretty alive, you could swear that part of his arm bone is showing past his left glove.
Dang: Any sign of the portcullis mechanism?
Steele: There is a heavy metal lever set in the far wall.
Dang: Then even without my armor, I can probably take 'em. I'll attempt to Turn Undead.
Dan: Damn space elves...
Steele: Oh yeah...uh, Cleric Undead Turning...yeah. So your "god of the hunt" still grants that power?
Dang: That and bow use, yes.
Steele: Ok, just gimme a sec...actually, pass me Jill's PHB.
Dang: I thought you and Joe had the Player's Handbook memorized. That's why you don't bring your own, right?
Steele: Well, I actually just memorized all the parts people use. These guys rarely play actual clerics, and I can't remember the last time Turning came up.
Joe: Page 136, Steele. Chart on page 137.
Steele: Ah! Found it!
Steele: Let's see: "One important and potentialy life saving combat ability available to priests and paladins is..."
Joe: Aw man! Look, Sylvani is a level 9 cleric, so according to the chart, page 137, he should automatically destroy zombies when channeling divine power through his holy symbol in this way.
Steele: Hold on, I'm not there yet, Mr. Photographic Memory...No, these are more powerful than normal zombies. Treat them as 5 Hit Dice. So that means...he rolls...
Joe: Then he automatically "turns" 2d6 of them, who run in panic. And my memory is one grade below photographic, thank you very much.
Dan: Bah. A level 5 wizard has an ability that destroys zombies. It's called FIREBALL!
Here is the highest-rated result from Triangle and Robert (you can see all 6 results in this comic's search engine!)
Triangle and Robert #237
In reality, I'm with TISCWSLABMUZ.
You mean The Incredibly Strange Creatures Who Stopped Living and Became Mixed-Up Zombies?
Oh, I always get those abbreviations mixed up.
I mean I'm with RDCLBA.
Which stands for?
I can't actually remember.
Here is the highest-rated result from BoxJam's Doodle (you can see all 6 results in this comic's search engine!)
BoxJam's Doodle Comics
BoxJam: So I got her a brain at brains4zombies.com
Mallethead: Brains4zombies!? That's a spoof, you moron! You can't really order brains there!
BoxJam: Really!?
Mallethead: Yeah -- it's just a joke! Get a clue!
BoxJam: Hi -- I need to return something, but I lost the box it came in . . .
Here is the highest-rated result from Rock Garden Comics (you can see all 6 results in this comic's search engine!)
MUM#2ZR-Vol#1#1
[Mummy tries to enter the Zombie Room with fake ID]
Zombie Bouncer: No mummies allowed!
Here is the highest-rated result from diesel sweeties (you can see all 6 results in this comic's search engine!)
vee jay
[[Lil' Sis talks to Indie Rock Pete]]
Lil' Sis: You un-dyed your hair! Are you a ZOMBIE now?
Pete: Yeah, I'm just shuffling around without a soul like an MTV Vee-Jay.
Lil' Sis: That would be a cool job... just like having a farm subsidy!
Lil' Sis: You could get paid to NOT play music videos!
Here is the highest-rated result from SlantWords (you can see all 6 results in this comic's search engine!)
Just to let you know
if there were ever a zombie invasion
I would totally leave you for dead.
Here is the highest-rated result from Multiplex (you can see all 6 results in this comic's search engine!)
Multiplex #190: Afraid to Dye
[[A darkened hallway, outside a theater showing "I Am Legend." Distant voices come from inside. A small rectangular object appears to be taped to the wall by the door, barely visible.]]
Melissa (from inside, unseen): Oh, jeez, I just saw something move...
Melissa (from inside, unseen): Kurt, I know you're in here...I Am Legend isn't even a zombie movie!
Melissa (from inside, unseen): They were vampires in the book, and they're just goofy mutants in this! You can attack me when Diary of the Dead comes out and I have clean black pants at home. I've got to open tomorrow. I won't have time to do laundry!
<<SKREE!>>
[[Melissa is backing toward the door, visible through the window.]]
Melissa: This movie's not even that good, guys!
Theater Employee (from inside, unseen): No way, it's awesome! I mean--
<<SKRREEE!>>
[[Melissa bursts out of the door, pursued by Kurt, who is dressed as a vampire/mutant. Franklin steps forward with a (fake) shotgun, firing. The blood squib explodes on the wall behind kurt and fake blood splatters on the wall. Kurt smashes a blood pack against his stomach as he screams.]]
<<RAARRR!>>
<<BLAM! BLAM>>
Melissa: [[ducking and flinching away]] Aah!
[[Melissa stares at the door, blocked by the "corpse" of the mutant-costumed employee. Other employees costumed as mutants crowd the door,. Franklin cocks the shotgun.]]
<<SKREE!>>
<<SKREE!>>
<<SKREE!>>
<<THUMP THUMP THUMP>>
<<CHAK! CHAK!>>
Franklin (channeling Arnold Schwarzenegger and Will Smith simultaneously): Come with me if you want to stay clean.
[[Franklin and Melissa start to leave. The door is being slowly pushed open, but Kurt's "dead" body is blocking it.]]
<<THUMP THUMP THUMP>>
Melissa: [[grinning]] And I was just gonna say, "There's never a black man with a gun around when you need one!
Here is the highest-rated result from The Adventures of Captain Phlemschzois (you can see all 6 results in this comic's search engine!)
IDWI - 8 - Teletransportado
In this comic: Captain Ahab, Captain Ferdinand, King of the Aztecs, Zombies
CAPTAIN FERDINAND! You have just won a once in a lifetime opportunity to check out thee mysterious happenings in D-19!
Quien dijo eso?
Our services will be there to pick you up momentarily. Have fun on your mission!
[[Captain Ferdinand begins to disappear]]
Odio ser teletransportado!
[[TV turns off]]
Captain?
[[Captain Ferdinand stands in front of a break in a wall where an arm sticks out]]
Donde estoy ahora?
Here is the highest-rated result from Zombie Roomie (you can see all 6 results in this comic's search engine!)
Issues
[[Outside the apartment. There is a tie on the door knob.]]
Narrator: Hey kids! Here's some of the day to day issues that can crop up if you live with a zombie like I do...
John: Does he have a girl in there, or is he eating a girl in there?
Narrator: "Confusing roommate signals."
[[George sits on the toilet in the Bathroom.]]
George: Phew. Who did I eat?
Narrator: "Hideous bathroom smells."
[[George holds up a copy of "American Genius" sideways to see the centerfold.]]
George: Check out the lobes on this one!
Narrator: "Loose definitions of porn."
[[John opens the door to an angry mob. The shadows loom over him as we see peasant weapons and torches.]]
John: Uhm... George, it's for you.
Narrator: "Angry villagers."
Here is the highest-rated result from Edmund Finney's Quest to Find the Meaning of Life (you can see all 6 results in this comic's search engine!)
Grim News | Edmund Finney's Quest to Find the Meaning of Life
{{Edmund's Journal: I stood outside for a moment, looking in on the monster's party.}}
[[Edmund stands outside a window looking in. Inside, a variety of monsters are enjoying a party (pumpkinhead, zombie, mummy, ghost).]]
[[A skeleton in a top hat and overcoat approaches Edmund with a syringe.]]
Corpse/Skeleton Host: Before you go in, do you want a vaccination against a werepig bite?
Edmund: What's that?
Corpse/Skeleton Host: Well, it's not much different from the normal, seasonal werewolf bite, but we've been able to hype it up into great filler content for slow news days...Much better than the cliche filler content...
[[Inside, some monsters are watching the news on television.]]
Anchor: Next on News 4: A common household plant that can kill you!
[[One monster points to the television and addresses a "Little Shop of Horrors"-style venus fly trap.]]
Monster: Audrey, you're on TV!
Plant: Yeah, and they'd better quote me right this time!
~~~
{{Journal Reflection: I decided to forego the vaccination. I figure it's worth the risk, not getting a medical procedure done by a corpse in a top hat.}}
Here is the highest-rated result from Yet Another Comic (you can see all 6 results in this comic's search engine!)
NA 23 - GRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!
Samantha: So who do you like?
Vicky: Well...
Zombie: Maaaaiiiiiilllllll
Tiffany: That was weird.
Samantha: Yeah. Gragh usually comes later.