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Tree Lobsters!: #352 Shuffle Up Artist
Zombie Player Tip 86 / Don't shy away from low-hanging fruit. / Trauma centers often have a selection of pre-cracked skulls. / Zombie Player Tip 235 / With their helmets and high speed, cyclists look hard to get. / But a well-placed stick in the spokes will solve both problems. / Zombie Player Tip 42 / You never know when opportunity might strike. / So keep a surgical saw and chloroform on you at all times. / Zombie Player Tip 747 / Get a job as a hairdresser. / Easy cranial access and sharp instruments? Score! / (More zombie player tips available at fastzombieseduction.com)
http://treelobsters.com/2012/03/352-shuffle-up-artist.html
Yeah, I eat brains. I'm a zombie. Zombies are supposed to eat brains. / But those zombie-hating alive-ists want you to believe eating brains is wrong. / Look, if you don't want your brains eaten, wear a helmet. / If you're walking around with your head exposed, you're just asking for it. / Tease. / (Also: BRAAAAAAAINS!)
http://treelobsters.com/2012/02/351-zra.html
Some Things That Might Kill You / (in descending order of likelihood) / Heart Disease / Cancer / Stroke / ... / Car Accident / ... / Lightning / ... / Space Debris / ... / Zombie Apocalypse / ... / Space Vampires / ... / Zombie Space Vampire Pirates / ... / Large Hadron Collider Doomsday
http://treelobsters.com/2009/09/83-risk.html
Tree Lobsters!: #385 Inconspicuous Consumption
Inconspicuous Consumption / There's been a lot of misinformation in the news lately about so-called "zombie attacks". / Let me assure you, these incidents have nothing whatsoever to do with actual zombies. / Granted, there was one legitimate zombie-related incident recently but it was dealt with to the satisfaction of all parties involved. / The alleged "victim" has since issued a retraction, stating - and I quote - "brains". / (Coming up: A rebuttal from the Drug-Crazed Cannibal Rights Association)
http://treelobsters.com/2012/06/385-inconspicuous-consumption.html
[[Each panel has LIVE in the upper left corner and a news ticker across the bottom. The crab is in front of a white board with lines connecting Zombie Hoax, Healthcare, Evil, Socialism, Hitler]] / Crab; Now, the powers that be would have you believe we're in the middle of a global zombie crisis. / Crab; Their "scientists" point to these graphs showing an increase in the number of zombies worldwide. / News Ticker; Experimental Virus Outbreak: Reported Cannibalism Not Statistically Significant.
Crab; But do they ever mention that in April 1968, the number of zombies actually decreased? No! / Crab; It's all a lie, people! They want you to believe in zombies so they can ram socialized medicine down your throats. / News Ticker; Mayan Calendar Wrong. World Ended Yesterday.
Crab; And next thing you know, we're in a totalitarian dictatorship, just like Canada! / Crab; That's how it works: zombie hoax, socialized medicine, Hitler. It's all connected, folks. It's all connected. / News Ticker; Humans Use Only 10% of Their Brains. Zombies Use 100%
Crab; Now I'd like to talk to you for a moment about investing in brains. Gold! I mean gold! / Crab; Um, you can fix that in post, right? / Off panel; Brains. / Crab; Good. / News Ticker; Brains Brains Brains. Brains Brains.
{{Secret Message; Amygdala? I barely knew her!}}
http://treelobsters.com/2010/10/201-brains.html
[[Each panel has LIVE in the upper left corner and a news ticker across the bottom. The crab is in front of a white board with lines connecting Zombie Hoax, Healthcare, Evil, Socialism, Hitler]] / Crab; Now, the powers that be would have you believe we're in the middle of a global zombie crisis. / Crab; Their "scientists" point to these graphs showing an increase in the number of zombies worldwide. / News Ticker; Experimental Virus Outbreak: Reported Cannibalism Not Statistically Significant.
Crab; But do they ever mention that in April 1968, the number of zombies actually decreased? No! / Crab; It's all a lie, people! They want you to believe in zombies so they can ram socialized medicine down your throats. / News Ticker; Mayan Calendar Wrong. World Ended Yesterday.
Crab; And next thing you know, we're in a totalitarian dictatorship, just like Canada! / Crab; That's how it works: zombie hoax, socialized medicine, Hitler. It's all connected, folks. It's all connected. / News Ticker; Humans Use Only 10% of Their Brains. Zombies Use 100%
Crab; Now I'd like to talk to you for a moment about investing in brains. Gold! I mean gold! / Crab; Um, you can fix that in post, right? / Off panel; Brains. / Crab; Good. / News Ticker; Brains Brains Brains. Brains Brains.
{{Secret Message; Amygdala? I barely knew her!}}
http://treelobsters.com/2010/10/201-brains.html
Brains? / Destroy all ...humans? / Due to an unfortunate scheduling error, the zombie apocalypse and the robot uprising occurred on the same day. / (Didn't you see my evite? You're always doing this to me!)
http://treelobsters.com/2010/08/183-conflict.html
Tree Lobsters!: #401 Gray Matters
A lot of people who complain about zombies are really just complaining about the use of zombie language. / Just because someone talks about eating brains, doesn't mean they're actually going do it. / Sometimes it's just high-spirited talk, y'know? / Like "Hey baby, nice skull!" / Or "You know what you need? A good, hard trepanation." / Or "I'm going to chase you down, crack open your skull and eat your brain." / Hey, you're not trying to censor me, are you? / (Also, online brain-eating threats are almost never acted on, so just ignore them.)
http://treelobsters.com/2012/08/401-gray-matters.html
Tree Lobsters!: #440 Death Trap
Say you wanted to trap a zombie. What would you use as bait? / I mean, do you need a live person, or would some sort of mock brain work? / Mock brains? / I don't know. Maybe a bowl of tofu with brain scent sprayed on it or something. / Well, zombies seem to function on instinct, so maybe simple visual cues are all you'd need. / Free Brainz / Not A Trap / I find this particularly insulting. / (But hey, free brainz is free brainz...)
http://treelobsters.com/2013/01/440-death-trap.html
Tree Lobsters!: #143 Star Vehicle
Another movie script? / Yeah, this one's a space flick.
Aliens are negotiating a treaty with Earth but the alien ambassador dies unexpectedly. / The folks at Area 51 reanimate the ambassador using a combination of a virus and cybernetic implants. / A zombie cyborg alien? Awesome!
See, they have to hide the fact that he's died until the treaty is signed or risk interstellar war. / Very cool. Hey, I've got the perfect title for it...
"A Weekend at Zyrnie's"! / Yeah, not really where I was going with this.
(Now we just need to come up with a plausible reason why the alien ambassador would be in a hot tub with three bikini models...)
http://treelobsters.com/2010/04/143-star-vehicle.html
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