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Lincoln: So wait. Otto von Bismarck said he has a spy among us. But who could it be?
Rasputin: Yeah, I don't know. It doesn't really seem like it could be any three of us.
Zombie Mark Twain: The dude is a master of manipulation. He probably just said that to try and turn us against each other.
Lincoln: Guys what if it's von Bismarck himself somehow hiding among us!
Rasputin: That wouldn't make any sense. How could he be spying on us and also reporting to himself elsewhere? Besides, he has that huge moustache and that shiny hat with the big pointy spike. How could we possibly not recognize him?
[[Otto von Bismarck wearing two glasses-and-silly-moustache disguise-thingies]] / Otto von Bismarck: He probably has like all kinds of elite spy disguises!
http://thinkin-lincoln.com/index.php?strip_id=391
Lincoln: Oh, great. Here comes Otto von Bismarck. That dude scares me a bit.
Zombie Mark Twain: He's always seems to me like the type of dude who'd impale 100 puppies on a spike if it suited his purposes.
Rasputin: Dude, totally. Bismarck literally coined the term "realpolitik."
Lincoln: Oh, hey. Otto! How's it go-
Otto von Bismarck: Cut the crap, Jody. I have a spy among your ranks feeding me intelligence on everything you just said. Lucky for you, I've got zero time to deal with your nancy-ass.
von Bismarck: I've got 100 puppies to find.
[[spike on von Bismark's helmet sparkles ominously]]
http://thinkin-lincoln.com/index.php?strip_id=388
Shakespeare: Oh, uh, hey Abe. I don't think you've met Wight Whitman yet. He's uh, he's an undead wight, you know.
Lincoln: Uh, hi. What's a wight?
Shakespeare: Geez, what a rude question. I mean-- / Wight Whitman: It's cool, Shakes. I get this a lot.
Wight Whitman: A wight is a type of undead, like a zombie, or a ghoul.
Lincoln: So then what's the difference between you and, say, Ghouls Verne?
[[Wight Whitman is not shown]] / Wight Whitman: Well for one thing, he's French and kind of a jerk. / Ghouls Verne: 'Ey! Zat's two sings.
{{alt-text: Why do you think he has that OUTRAAAAGEOUS accent?}}
http://thinkin-lincoln.com/index.php?strip_id=838
Abraham Lincoln: Hey you guys want to come over to my place and watch the game on my new TV?
[[George Washington and Zombie Mark Twain]] / Washington: Watch the game? You don't like sports. You don't even like the concept of sports. "Sports are so stupid and dumb," you're always saying-
Lincoln: The point is come check out my new TV OK!
[[Panel Title: SOON:]] / [[Washington and Twain]]
Washington: THAT'S your new TV? Haha, what the hell, man? It looks like a TV Hitler would have.
[[Metal television that seems to possess a certain Fuhrer essence]]
Lincoln: It wasn't his main one or anything!
{{Title text: Engineered by Nazi scientists to only show Hitler's favorite shows}}
http://thinkin-lincoln.com/index.php?strip_id=495
Lincoln: All right Abe, you gotta just man up and do this. / [[Looking in the mirror]] Lincoln: It's just a phone call! What's the big deal? Just call her! / Lincoln: Gosh, I'm being an idiot. The worst that can happen is that she says no, right? / [[In thought bubbles, Lincoln on a green phone]] / Lincoln: Hey, Young Martha? It's Abe. I was wondering if you wanted to go to the zoo with me! I heard they have penguins and-- / Young Martha [[over the phone]]: No, Abraham Lincoln, I won't go! I hate penguins and I hate you and I hate your ugly beard! / Young Martha [[over the phone]]: I'm casting a voodoo curse on you! Over the phone! Now you're going to have really bad dandruff forever and you're going to always think people's names are a different name and it will be so embarrassing! And when you die you're going to turn into a zombie with bad gas.
http://thinkin-lincoln.com/index.php?strip_id=574
Abe Lincoln: Oh man, my favorite holiday is coming up in a few days!
Zombie Mark Twain: Presidents Day isn't for like a couple more weeks yet, check a calendar.
Abe Lincoln: No dude! Not Presidents Day, Groundhog Day!
[[Punxsutawney Phil peeks out from behind the couch, thinking]] / Punxsutawney Phil {{Thought Bubble}}: Yes! Now's my chance to finally be the cool dude of these guys!
Abe Lincoln: Yup! No other holiday lets humanity really give those smug little ground hogging buggers the humiliation they so richly deserve. Old dude in a hat yankin it out of a hole and just parading it around like a circus.
[[Punxsutawney Phil sits on the couch with a sad and slightly horrified look on his little rodent face]]
http://thinkin-lincoln.com/index.php?strip_id=599
Washington: So does anyone else think buying Hitler's TV was a really terrible idea only a creepy creep would go through with? Because I think buying Hitler's TV is a terrible idea only a creepy creep would go through with. It's just really dang creepy.
Zombie Twain: More than that, isn't it really quite insensitive to all the people for whom the Holocaust is still a very real and horrible event? Also to most decent people in general?
Lincoln: Come on, guys! It's not that insensitive of creepy and it was a good deal! You KNOW how I am with deals! Especially good ones!
Lincoln: Anyway I think I've got this thing working now. Let's see what's on.
[[A white spot of light is visible in the center of the monolithic Hitlervision set, which has rivets, dials, meters, and switches]
[[The screen shows a picture of Hitler beside which is captioned "Everybody Loves Adolph"]] / Lincoln [[from outside of the frame]]: Th-this looks good.
http://thinkin-lincoln.com/index.php?strip_id=497
Lincoln: It's so incredibly kick-flippin' that I've succeeded completely in making all wigs socially cool again in the whole world
Queen Elizabeth: Truly, everyone agrees that wigs of all types are now fully loved by all!
Earwig:ch-chit chitter chit chit ch-chitter ch chit ch-chit chit chitter* / *Finally, my earwig brethren, our time is at hand. We must seize this opportunity!
Zombie Mark Twain: AHHHHHHH IN OUR WIG-BASED ENTHUSIASM FOR WIGS WE LET OUR GUARD DOWN AND NOW THE EARWIGS ARE TAKING OVER
Earwig: chitter chit-chitter ch-chit ch-chit chitter* / * It is time to implement phase 2
???: Aww, look at their adorable tiny wigs! I hardly even want to rebel from our complete enslavement anymore!
{{Twain's hair is already so cool he just wears a wig of it bigger}}
http://thinkin-lincoln.com/index.php?strip_id=778
[[Abe and José de San Martin are standing in a line.]] / Abe: Daaang, José! I didn't think there'd be such a line for this movie.
[[Larger view shows the line containing Darwin, José, Abe, Liz, Amelia, Zombie Mark Twain, Rasputin, Vampire Charles Dickens, and Thomas Edison all standing in the line in front of a corner of a movie poster with the Kool-Aid Man with the caption "OH YEAH".]] / José: Yeah, seriously! I didn't think Kool-Aid: The Movie would be so popular!
[[Otto von Bismark is cutting in line in front of Abe.]] / Otto: Outta the way, Eleanor.
Abe: Um, excuse me? Hey, pal, there's a line here! Where do you get off-
Otto: "Um, excuse me?" / Otto: HEY, IDIOT, NICE BEARD. DID YOUR MOMMA GROW THAT FOR YOU?
{{They're already making a movie of EVERYTHING ELSE from my childhood, so why not?}}
http://thinkin-lincoln.com/index.php?strip_id=552
Lincoln: Man, the weirdest thing: this morning I head into the little presidents' room to relieve myself and as I'm washing up, I look in the mirror and notice a bit circle of dried blood... on my eyelid. And I wasn't cut or anything. Seriously, what the crumpet.
Washington: That's pretty weird. Maybe, like, while you were sleeping, a mosquito or something exploded near your eye for some reason.
Jose de San Martin: Spontaneous nocturnal insect explosions seem implausible. More likely, some alien surgeons performed on you in the night, leaving no trace. But then one alien got carless and a drop of blood was left behind.
Queen Elizabeth II: I bet you were sleep walking! Maybe you got in a sleep fight! Or like maybe you walked past a butcher shop when he was throwing out some extra blood and you got splattered.
Zombie Mark Twain: My guess is that ninjas are somehow involved.
[[Extreme closeup on Mewsevelt's face; there is blood on his teeth and smeared around his mouth]] / Caption: THE PREVIOUS NIGHT / Lincoln [[out of frame]]: zzzzzzz...
http://thinkin-lincoln.com/index.php?strip_id=257
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