[[Shelley is walking down the street, holding an umbrella over her head. It is raining.]]
/ Shelley (internal monologue): Now, I like the reassuring smell of dry rot as much as the next person, but I have my pride.
/ I have to find a job so I can afford the important things in life, like sexy boots and chocolate.
[[Shelley is looking at the available jobs on the Agence board.]]
/ Shelley (internally): This would be easier if I hadn't been murdered, then brought back to life two months later.
/ Shelley, you are saying, you may be dead but basically you are one sexy-ass zombie, to which I reply yes, but, it is not that easy!
Mrs Birch: Do you have a young lady with you, Mr Beckwith? Because I believe I have made it very plain that I will not have relations under my roof.
/ Ryan: Noooo... You might have seen me out of the window assisting an elderly nun across the road just now...
Mrs Birch: I don't want any hanky-panky. I have good boys live here, boys who go to Oxford and Cambridge.
/ Ryan: Yes, of course.
[[Hiding zombie Shelley behind back]]
/ Ryan: I'm very tired, Mrs Birch, and I have three books of Matthew I want to study tonight...
/ Mrs Birch: Off to bed, you good, good boy.
[[Shelley has Tim pinned. Amy is standing behind them with a golf club.]]
/ Tim: ...living as a zombie is just a case of coming to terms with the fact that you're SPECIAL.
/ [[Amy hits Shelley over the head with the golf club.]]
/ Shelley: ARGLE
/ Amy: Quick, get up!
/ We can't reason with her, she's gone completely stupid!
[[Tim is getting up as Shelley crawls away. Amy tries to punch her.]]
[[Shelley is driving away in the golf cart.]]
/ <<VRRRRRRRRRRRR>>
/ Tim: She's stealing the golf cart!
/ This is bloody awful!
/ Amy: I'm NOT chasing her.
/ I want to keep my skull sexy.
Sanjiv: What's that twitching in your pocket? Is your phone ringing?
/ Biff: Sweet Betsy, man, that's the chicken claw!
Sanjiv: Put that thing away, yeah, it's embarrassing to me.
/ Biff: It's red hot and twitching! There must be a zombie really close by!
Biff: There!
/ Sanjiv: Biff, are you sure we should just go after the walking dead in a busy pub? I mean...
Biff: Imagine for a second, that wan little woman is chewing the top of your dear old mother's head off.
/ Sanjiv: Hands. Off. My. Dear. Old. MOTHER.
[[Zombie Shelley dressed in goth gear]]
/ [[Ryan eats Quacks cereal]]
/ Tim: Doesn't she look great?
/ Ryan: This is so messed up. I'm going to wake up in a minute and find out that this was all a dream. The dumbest dream of all time, ever.
[[Tim gets newspaper from slot]]
/ [[Shelley looks at herself in a mirror]
/ Tim: Shelley coming back as one of the undead might not be the ideal situation, but we'll make the best of it.
[[Tim reads newspaper]]
/ Tim: Yup, things is gonna be A-OK.
/ Newspaper text: Tackleford Gazette - GRAVE ROBBED: Hairy inebriate sought
[[Ralph and Ryan stand in front of Shelley Winters tombstone.]]
/ Ralph: VIATA ASTA-I BUN PIERDUT CAND N-O TRAIESTI CUM AI FI VRUT. SI-ACUM AR VREA UN NEAM CALAU S-ARUNCE JUG IN GITUL TAU: E RAU DESTUL CA NE-AM NASCUT MAI VREM SI-AL DOILEA RAU!
/ Tombstone: SHELLEY WINTERS 1978-2002
Ryan: ALL RIGHT, RALPH, YOU CAN STOP MESSING ABOUT NOW. I'LL GIVE YOU FIFTY PENCE FOR YOUR -
Ryan: - BUS. RALPH?
[[Zombie Shelley appears]]
/ Ryan: NYAHHGGHH!
Shelley Winters: Are you going to try your luck on the space bridge, Nat?
/ Natalie Durand: Does a mule's bottom stink to 'igh 'eaven? It is ass squared! YES!
Shelley Winters: Thank you for being a kind friend, Natalie.
/ Natalie Durand: I will see you on ze other side! We will meet for drinks at ze naughty 'ellfire club! Bon secours!
/ Shelley Winters: Yeah. Up yours, Delors.
Shelley Winters: My worst fear is talcum powder? Curling tongs? Whaleboned under-garments? GOTHS?
/ Zombie Shelley Winters: BRAINS a l'orange!
Ryan: This is the top man, Tackleford's Mr Voodoo, Ian McLean. He played Vegas in the 80's with his "Old-Timey Voodoo Revue".
/ Ian McLean: Yeah! Before the corporations moved in!
Ian McLean: Now, when I put this mask on, I undergo a transformation. If you can't keep your beans together, leave the room now. Before you embarrass yourself.
Hugo: I... gotta go fill my pen. Been meaning to do it all week, yo.
[[Ian McLean, carrying two dead chickens, approaches Zombie Shelley who begins freaking out.]]
/ Ian McLean: OKINANU HOPATU TOPATO ARIGATO
/ Tim: Check out the chicken work there.
/ Ryan: No one moves the chicken like McLean. Very safe hands.
[[Erin and Shelley are at home, and Erin is on the phone]]
/ Erin: You what? You want my parents to come and identify Shelley's Body? Is this a Joke? She's here. No, she's watching TV!
/ Shelley: Tell them you're not interested! Gillian McKeith's about to tell someone that they're going to die.
[[Shelley is now on the phone]]
/ Shelley: Hello, his is Shelley. Are you teasin' my sister? Tim? I'm not dead, I was kidnapped... then there were further issues...
Shelley: Listen, zombie corpses are your problem, not mine! I'm unemployed! I take my fun where I can get it! Bye!
Erin: What was that about?
/ Shelley: I think this town has more goofballs and pinkos than a balanced girl like me can tolerate.
Erin: They need you. You're Tackleford's oasis of sanity.
/ Shelley: I'm bulldozing the oasis. They can go suck a camel hump.
Tim: Skin a bunny, petal.
/ Ryan: I'm sorry, Tim, bringing her back to life was crazy mad. It was all Ralph's fault.
/ [[Zombie Shelley lifts her arms]]
[[Shelley in bath]]
/ Tim: Nutty old Ralph from the pub?
/ Ryan: Apparently he's into necromancy. I thought, what's the harm, it probably won't work.
Tim: Well. It did, and now we have this poor thing to look after, if she doesn't decide to gnaw us to death. Close your eyes or they'll sting.
/ [[Shelley closes eyes and receives shampoo]]
[[Ryan examines rubber duck]]
/ Ryan: Do you think zombies can shoot ink, like a squid?
/ Tim: Sure. And you can play their teeth like a xylophone.
