[[Solen offers Findlay a potion]]
/ Solen: You're injured, Findlay. Here, drink this.
Findlay: You've obviously mistaken me for someone who is either crazy or stupid. I'm not touching that.
/ Solen: Huh? It's a healing potion. What are you afraid of?
[[A zombie approaches].]
/ Findlay: The first potion I saw you take turned you into instant geezer.
/ Solen: Yeah... that was supposed to happen... sort of.
[[Solen breaks the potion over the zombie's head.]] <<crash>>
/ Findlay: And the last potion I saw you give someone else... well, suffice to say that I am not interested in your whistle. We'll leave it at that.
[[Findlay, Solen, and the cat look at the zombie as it dies.]]
/ Findlay: ...
/ Solen: See?
Findlay: He DIED! Your potion killed him. Was that supposed to comfort me?
/ Solen: He was a zombie. Healing does that to them.
my constituents believe that "government is the problem," so, as their elected representative, there is nothing more important to me than to coming to washington and trying my best to fuck up the country and prove that they're right.
[[A zombie and a girl are both sitting in a car with a tree air freshener hanging from the mirror.]]
/ Narrator: Cowbirds in Love Presents...
/ Narrator: You Are Friends with A Zombie!!!
Narrator: Previously...
/ Girl: So you are a zombie now? Zombie: Yup
Girl: Do you have superpowers and stuff? Zombie: Well, I can still move around even though I am dead. But besides that I just want to eat brains more than usual.
Girl: Well, you can't eat my brain. Zombie: I'm gonna do it!
Girl: NO!!!
[[The zombie is chewing on the girls head.]]
/ <<NOM NOM>>
Girl: Um, what were you planning on doing about my skull?
/ Zombie: Oh, I hadn't thought of that. Zombie: Um, I can't really bite through this. It's solid bone.
Girl: Well, you just bit into my scalp, so I kind of need stitches now.
/ Zombie: I'll give you a ride to the hospital.
[[The same panel as the beginning, but "THE END" is shown in the bottom right hand corner.]]
{{Title Text: This comic was well-informed by my time in medical school.}}
{{Bottom Text: I guess if you just keep on gnawing on it you?ll break through eventually.}}
[[Kurt is sitting at the computer, a poster for "Nim's Island" on the wall behind him. Gretchen is approaching the desk with a camera.]]
/ Gretchen: Kurt, are you busy now? I need to take your photo and interview you for your <I>Examiner</I> bio.
/ Kurt: Uh... didn't I already <I>have</I> one?
[[Chase is in the background at the ticket counter, looking at Gretchen's ass.]]
/ Gretchen: I have to do a new one, because you got promoted.
/ Kurt: Oh. Okay, then.
[[Gretchen and Kurt are walking past the ticket counter, Kurt leading the way.]]
/ Gretchen: We could just do it right here... ?
/ Kurt: No, over <I>here.</I>
/ Chase (to himself): I'll do it right there.
[[Kurt is grinning proudly next to a poster for "Zombie Strippers!", featuring a scantily-clad Jenna Jameson looking sultrily out of the poster. Gretchen looks taken off-guard, or possibly just disgusted.]]
/ Gretchen: Ah.... Well, of <I>course</I>.
THIS QUAIL ISN'T GOING TO HAVE A VERY LIFE AFFIRMING MEETING WITH THE STUDIO EXECUTIVES
Quail [[thought bubbles]]: Ok, if they're not buying "Zombie Private Ryan", hit them with "How Zombie Stella Got Her Groove Back".
Panel 1
MyPod: Computer, maschine, panzermensch... SHIKKK
Panel 2
Vincent: What the Hell?
MyPod: I am tired of hearing that song. Your taste in music is flawed.
Panel 3
Vincent: If you do not put my music back on, I will put Kiss on repeat and run your battery out on that!
MyPod: I... I will be good.
Panel 4
MyPod: Zombie. Zombie. Zombie. Zombienation.
Song: Rotersand "Exterminate, Annhiliate, Destroy"
[[Minty and kimono are at a table laden with food.]]
/ Kimono: So what's the difference between a mummy and a zombie, really?
/ Minty: Mummies are the wrapped-up guys, and they aren't contagious.
Kimono: Right. If a zombie bites you, then you become a zombie.
/ Minty: Yep! Unless he eats you, because then there's nothing left to reanimate.
/ Kimono: Hmm.
Kimono: If it spreads until everyone is a zombie...
/ Kimono: what do the vampires eat?
/ Minty: You know, I hadn't thought of that.
Kimono: What happens when a vampire bites a zombie?
/ Minty: Or when a zombie bites a vampire?!
Kimono: Vampies!
/ Minty: Haha! Zompires!
Minty: Okay, it's my turn!
/ Minty: What's nihilism?
Utilities Zombie: Wanna go to the power plant?
/ Zombie Girl: Sorry, I can't calcify hands.
Utilities Zombie: I guess I have to go by myself.
[[Zombie Girl watches Utilities Zombie walk away]]
[[Whoa! Zombie Girl isn't a zombie!]]
/ Girl: And THAT'S how you get rid of a utilities zombie.
/ Paul: Nice!
Girl: Ok Paul, this one's for all the marbles!
Paul: Actually, it's not. Dave took 3 of the marbles.
Mailbox: What are you going to do with those marbles, Dave? Incite some kind of
MARBLE MADNESS?
Dave: No. I'm going to <SQUEAK> <CLICK> <SQUEAK> <SQUEAK>
Bird: <SQUEAK> <CLICK>
/ Mailbox: You bastard!
/ Worm: <CLICK> <CLICK>
Mailbox: You've dolphinified my hearing!
Dave (thinking): A house is basically a garage for people.
Head Death: YOUR BODY DIED WHEN HITLER WAS ASASSINATED IN 1940. WE CAN'T RETURN YOU WITH IT. UNLESS YOU WANT TO BE SOME SORT OF UNDEAD.
Me: Like a lich or something? That'd be kind of cool.
Head Death: MORE LIKE A ZOMBIE.
Me: Oh. Scratch that then.
Head Death: WE NEED TO PUT YOU CONSCIOUSNESS INTO YOUR BODY AT A TIME BEFORE THE UNIVERSE BECAME UNSTABLE. 2002.
Me: You mean I have to live through <i>Gigli</i> and <i>Catwoman</i> again?!
