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• anyone who argues the moon landings were faked is someone who is arguing that bags of poop aren't orbiting around us THIS VERY INSTANT. i ask you: do you REALLY want to be friends with such a person??

  T-Rex: Apollo 11 visits the moon, and some Earth dudes get out and they look around and take back some rocks with them for Earth!
  T-Rex: Not bad for a Sunday night, Earth dudes!!
  T-Rex: The only problem was that the lander had limited fuel to return to orbit -- less than they expected, actually! So the earth dudes needed to lighten the load. / Dromiceiomimus: And they threw a bunch of stuff overboard! / T-Rex: Exactly! Anything they wouldn't need for the trip back was left on the moon. Cameras! Scoops! SPACE BOOTS. And...
  T-Rex and Utahraptor: ...bags of poop! / T-Rex: You knew?
  Utahraptor: Yep! There was no sense bringing that back with them, right? And so every night when I look up to the moon, I know that there is some corner of another world that is forever ours. Also, we left bags of poop there. / T-Rex: Man, future archeologists are gonna love us! "WHAT WAS POOP LIKE IN THE LATE 1960s?"
  T-Rex: Don't worry guys, we stored some on the moon!!
  

  http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1645

• guest week 2009: ben driscoll of <a href="http://www.daisyowl.com">daisy owl</a>!

  T-Rex: I have always suspected that doctors have secret "black arts" versions of certain medical procedures.
  T-Rex: I HAVE ALWAYS SUSPECTED THIS!
  Dromiceiomimus: What do you mean? / T-Rex: Like maybe they have a special version of the Heimlich maneuver that can make you poop!
  Utahraptor: If you squeeze anything hard enough, poop will come out. That's not a secret.
  T-Rex: I know a certain Utahraptor that could use a hug! / Utahraptor: I'll pass. / T-Rex: Just an innocent bro grab COME ON BUDDY
  

  http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1483

• guest week 2009: carly monardo of <a href="http://www.lasagnachildren.com/Carly/">whirring blender</a>!

  Narrator: Hey, guys! It's time for the incorrigible adventures of...
  Narrator: Baby T-REX!! / Baby T-Rex: gleeba
  [Baby T-Rex hopping, animated] / <<Boom Boom Boom Yum Yum>>
  Utahraptor Egg: gurb.
  Baby T-Rex: me mo poop-poop blar woo mugga-mugga
  Baby T-Rex: cho. / Narrator: NEXT WEEK: "BEETS"
  

  http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1482

• followers of my @ryanqnorth twitter account will realize that t-rex's creepy raccoon neighbours have broken out of fiction and are now pooping all over my deck. man, raccoons in toronto need to pay more attention to what they're eating, that's all i'll s

  T-Rex: I'm not afraid to admit it: I've nurtured some talents and have become particularly good at certain things.
  T-Rex: For example: stomping on things!
  T-Rex: I am really good at stomping on things. Years of practice have enabled me to put my foot above an object, shift my weight to the foot with force, and thus compress whatever is beneath my foot. And should I see someone struggling with stomping, something SO HARD for them and yet so easy for me, I would gladly help them out!
  Utahraptor: Assuming they want it, of course. / T-Rex: Of course!
  T-Rex: And you agree that this is the right thing for me to do, assuming nobody is hurt through the stomping. / Utahraptor: Absolutely. / T-Rex: ... / Utahraptor: But I'm STILL not cleaning raccoon poop off your porch, T-Rex!
  T-Rex: UTAHRAPTOR we just LOGICALLY PROVED that if raccoon poop makes me puke and you can handle it fine, then you should be the one cleaning it!! / T-Rex: Please, Utahraptor, I- / T-Rex: I can't handle the fact that my neighbours are poopy raccoons
  

  http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1559

• 'speechifying' is a real word! you could be a speechifier, all you have to do is speechify

  T-Rex: Computers have gotten way better in recent years. A new computer can beat a moldy old one from twenty years ago!
  T-Rex: FACT.
  T-Rex: Wouldn't it be great if rhetoric had evolved in the same way? I could have this hyper-evolved speaking that could convince anyone to do whatever I say, as long as they didn't have similar rhetorical powers to match! Anyone not inured to my amazing powers of speechifying would be putty in my hands. "Oh, T-Rex, I'm not sure I should do this" they'd say, and then I'd say "Oh maybe you should though" and they'd be all, "Awesome."
  Utahraptor: It would be a disaster for society! / T-Rex: Rude, my friend!
  Utahraptor: I meant if there was such an advance. Early language learners would acquire languages the best, so it would be a generation of toddlers convincing their parents that letting them poop their pants is sweet. If you don't see what's bad for society in that, well - enjoy pooping your pants!
  T-Rex (thinking): The word 'poop' is cool: it's transitive, but only for 'pants'. You can pee your pants too though. Maybe it's the noun 'pants'? Further research certainly seems warranted. / T-Rex: Maybe I will, Utahraptor! MAYBE I'LL ENJOY POOPING MY PANTS EACH AND EVERY DAY!!
  

  http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1268

• at least they're still talking about you, that's something

  T-Rex: Maslow was a dude who put all of our needs and desires into a hierarchy! The whole idea was that you can't satisfy any desire at the top of the hierarchy until you satisfy those beneath it.
  T-Rex: Nice going, Maslow!
  T-Rex: At the top is SELF ACTUALIZATION, which sounds pretty great, right? Except you can't get there unless you've already satisfied the level beneath it, which is esteem. And you don't get esteem - both self and from others - without relationships, and you don't worry about friggin' relationships until your basic safety needs are met. And finally, you don't worry about basic safety if you need to poop!
  Utahraptor: "You don't worry about basic safety if you need to poop." / T-Rex: Maslow said it, not me!
  T-Rex: Well, he said the gist of it. / Utahraptor: He did, did he? / T-Rex: Okay, no, but he DID come up with the theoretical framework that allows a phrase such as mine to be reasonably constructed in a meaningful context.
  T-Rex: Don't look at me like that, Utahraptor! If my life's work is only used by some guy decades down the line to crack wise about poopin', I'll count myself as one lucky dude with one awesome legacy. / T-Rex: I set 'em up, future generations knock 'em down!
  

  http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1562

• add one to the list of "continents or sub-continents i have embarrassed myself on", soon i will have a royal flush

  T-Rex: When I flush the toilet, it fills again with perfectly safe drinking water. We poop in water we could drink!
  T-Rex: That's -- that's kind of crazy, you guys!
  T-Rex: We do EVERYTHING with potable water. Washing dishes in drinkable water: makes sense! Washing clothes in potable water: maybe, I guess? But I don't see any reason why POOP WATER should be drinkable. We should be filling our toilets with recycled water that's already been used for washing clothes or whatever!
  Utahraptor: I agree with you, T-Rex! / T-Rex: Really?
  Utahraptor: I think we're really privileged, yeah, and I think it's a pretty terrible image that while there are places where clean drinking water is a luxury if it's available at all, we are literally pooping in it. / T-Rex: ...That's true, huh? Wow. You've politicized my pooping!
  Narrator: LATER, PERFORMING AID WORK IN SUB-SAHARAN AFRICA: / T-Rex: Alright! The sooner everyone has clean drinking water, the sooner I can go back to enjoying my poops!! / T-Rex: frig, wait, hold on, i just meant to think that
  

  http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1642

• Good, nobody's around. Now I can stop self-narrating and do something REALLY embarrassing!

  Narrator: EARLIER: / T-Rex: Good, nobody's around. Now I can do something REALLY embarrassing!
  [[Black bar over T-Rex's eyes]]
  Narrator: LATER: / T-Rex: It occurs to me: every time I do something private, I'm REALLY just betting that technology to look into the arbitrary past won't ever be developed. Because if it is ever invented, game over, man, game over! People will be able to look at any moment in history! / T-Rex: Folks will know all of my embarrassing little SECRETS.
  Utahraptor: Actually, T-Rex, there's been a few stories written on that theme: Asimov and Clarke both wrote one!
  Utahraptor: The technology means the end of all privacy, but also the end of most violent crime... / T-Rex: Okay YEAH I read them! All I'm saying is it just takes this tech to be developed ONCE, at any point in the future, and my privacy is pooched. Friggin' dudes watching me poop 20,000 years in the future.
  Narrator: TWENTY-THOUSAND YEARS IN THE FUTURE: / Future Dude 1: I don't know why he thought we'd want to watch him poop. / Future Dude 2: Yeah, it's weird! / Future Dude 3: Let's just do it though
  

  http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1170

• okay i have the leg cramp thing once in a while. i discovered a friend had the same issue, only her solution was to relax the muscle through massage! i thought it was pretty funny that my first instinct is to just slap the muscle around a bit

  T-Rex: Dear body! Here are some things you need to stop doing!
  T-Rex: Aging?
  T-Rex: Also, making weird noises. / Dromiceiomimus: Hah! What kind of noises? / T-Rex: Dromiceiomimus, yesterday I'm sitting there and my belly kind of goes "tweeeeet?" like it's a, a, a bird or something. What's with you, belly? I know you're there, yes! I don't need a "tweeeeet" to say hello. I just put food in you and that is gonna have to be INTRODUCTION ENOUGH.
  Utahraptor: Got any other body complaints? / T-Rex: As a matter of fact, I DO.
  T-Rex: One, my body needs to survive in space, two, it needs to be able to eat paper in an emergency, three, flight would be nice, also, four, sometimes when I'm sleeping I get a cramp in my leg muscles and I have to punch the muscles. / Utahraptor: Four is the worst?
  T-Rex: Four is the worst! Also, FIVE, I wish my body would poop more instead of putting on weight. / Utahraptor (off-screen): Okay! I'm done with this conversation. / T-Rex: No, seriously! Because - / T-Rex: because i don't like being fat and pooping is good times
  

  http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1132

• i wouldn't use the word in a comic that was actually about the word itself, but andrew hussie adds "burglar" to the end and i am ALL OVER THAT LIKE WHITE ON RICE

  T-Rex: I have led my life believing that people who write down cuss words have bad things happen to them.
  T-Rex: And it has worked out really well so far!
  T-Rex: When I saw someone writing a cuss, I would think "It's okay, that person will have troubles down the line because of that, and then they'll realize why, and then they'll know not to write down cusses anymore. They will have learnt their lesson." But I wrote down some cusses last night and nothing bad happened! / T-Rex: Nothing!
  Utahraptor: Maybe it was the cusses you chose? / T-Rex: That's what I thought!
  T-Rex: But after smaller cusses didn't take, I worked up to the bigger ones. And even they weren't doing anything! By the time it was time for bed, I was writing out things like "PROFESSOR CUNTBURGLAR" in my notebook, complete with doodled 3D effects! / Utahraptor: And still no response, huh? Weird!
  T-Rex: I know! But then I realized there's probably a delay, so when a bunch of birds poop on my head later on this week I'm not going to wonder why. / T-Rex: Look for me, I'll be the guy shielding my head with one hand while shouting "Don't worry everyone! I deserve this!!"
  

  http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1587

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