Showing 1 - 10 of 14 results. |
DEFINITELY time to call in some old debts
T-Rex: It's DEFINITELY time to call in some old debts. Luckily for me I'm a one-man debt collection agency!
Narrator: CALLING IN DEBTS COMICS
T-Rex: Dromiceiomimus! You owe me ten sub sandwiches, and I'm calling in the debt. / Dromiceiomimus: I don't owe you ten sub sandwiches! Why the heck would I ever owe you ten sub sandwiches? / T-Rex: ONE TIME, and I remember this quite clearly, you bet me ten sub sandwiches over something and it was basically pretty clear that you lost.
Utahraptor: And do I owe you anything, T-Rex? / T-Rex: As a matter of fact, yes, you do!
T-Rex: YOU, dear friend, owe me like three cases of pop, because you bet me a can of pop for every week the sub place stayed open, and they've been open for years, so yes, many soda pops for me. / Utahraptor: That is such a made-up bet! I owe you zero cases of pop.
T-Rex: God, you ove me several sub-themed items too! / God: HOLY SHIT WHY DOES EVERYONE KEEP SAYING THAT
http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=683
Narrator: ALTERNATE HISTORY COMICS / T-Rex: Oh goodness, do I love alternate histories. What would the world be like if Nazis won World War II?
T-Rex: I know! Let's watch a movie to find out!
T-Rex: I think what I like is the fun of going back and finding one event and just flipping it, then reasonably tracing the changes up to the present. It really can be an intellectual exercise! I also like how alternate histories imply that each of our daily actions could have TIMELINE-ALTERING CONSEQUENCES.
Utahraptor: Well, not ALL of our actions, T-Rex! Just the big ones. / T-Rex: Perhaps...
T-Rex: But, Utahraptor... perhaps NOT! / Utahraptor: O-Okay. / T-Rex: Now, if you'll excuse me, I'M going to change all our tomorrows. Farewell!
God: T-REX TELL ME WHAT YOU'RE PLANNING TO DO AND I'LL TELL YOU HOW IT AFFECTS THE FUTURE / T-Rex: I'm writing a story in which I eat a lot of sandwiches! Then I'm gonna ACTUALLY eat a lot of sandwiches. / God: OKAY / God: I WANT SOME
http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=948
naturalistic pantheism comics! featuring god as himself!
T-Rex: Pantheism is the belief that everything, the entire universe, is literally God! / God: WHAT
T-Rex: Like I said! The universe and God are the exact same thing!
T-Rex: We all get to be divine, Dromiceiomimus! Better, everything I do is an act of God! Right now, THIS aspect of God wants to stomp on this other, more housey aspect of God. / Dromiceiomimus: I'm not sure that's how pantheism works! Isn't it more like, we're all cells in the "body" of a divine universe? / T-Rex: I see it more like, every tasty thing in the universe is God, and I'm getting HUNGRY.
Utahraptor: T-Rex, you're just redefining "God" to mean "existence"! / T-Rex: Perhaps!
T-Rex: But PERHAPS by making everything special, by spreading that divinity around a bit so that everyone gets a piece, we'll all see our world as the extraordinary place it is. / Utahraptor: Right. Or more likely, you just want to say "I'M GOD AND GOD WANTS GODLY SANDWICHES".
God: GOD DOES WANT GODLY SANDWICHES T-REX / T-Rex: Dude! It's not like you can't just make your own! / God: I LIKE IT WHEN YOU CUT OFF THE CRUSTS
http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=792
those who question t-rex's ethnic heritage get a mandatory free meal at the Buffet
T Rex: In the past I have called my fists "Knuckles and Chuckles", and then later upgraded to the truly compelling "Rocco and Choco, the Twins! Who! Punch!" but now I have an even better nickname!
T Rex: The CHINESE BUFFET!
T Rex: That way I can menace someone with my fists and say "Do you WANT to visit the Chinese Buffet? It's all you can eat TONIGHT, baby!" / Dromiceiomimus: All you can eat? / T Rex: All you can eat KNUCKLE SANDWICHES! The Chinese Buffet serves Chinese food AND knuckle sandwiches to those who are cruisin' for a steaming plate of them. I cannot stress this enough: it's all you can eat.
T Rex: I can ALSO say "Looks like it's LADIES' NIGHT at the Buffet tonight!" Hee hee" / Utahraptor: For when you... beat up women?
T Rex: No, for after I beat up a dude and want to imply that he's actually a woman, in case he's the sort of guy who gets mad at that! Although I COULD also use it if I fought women - like, a cabal of sex, yet EVIL librarians! / Utahraptor: You will be prepared if that happens! The only problem is: you're not Chinese?
LATER: / T Rex: God! Can you make me Chinese so that my fist nickname makes sense? / God: ONLY IF YOU PROMISE TO PUNCH A GUY INTO THE OCEAN AND SAY AT THE BUFFET WATER IS ON THE HOUSE / T Rex: Oh that is so a deal.
http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=870
T-Rex: OH MY GOD. I just realized that yesterday when Utahraptor said "universal panacea", he was using a pleonasm!
T-Rex: (Pleonasm is the use of redundant, unnecessary words to express an idea!)
T-Rex: Hah hah! This is Utahraptor: "Hey, T-Rex, do you want to drink some cola-flavoured Coca-Cola brand carbonated cola beverages? Perhaps afterwards we'll take the public transport large road vehicle bus and buy with money or credit some submarine sub sandwiches?" / T-Rex: That's TOTALLY HIM, Domiceiomimus!
Utahraptor: IT WAS A STYLISTIC CHOICE! / T-Rex: Sorry? Could your vocal chords and mouth repeat that?
Utahraptor: Pleonasms have legitimate uses! For example, if I wasn't sure my audience (YOU, T-Rex) would know what "panacea" meant, I might use a similar word, allowing you to deduce some of my semantics without needing an explanation. / T-Rex: Maybe after the subs sandwiches we could go to a water lake beach shore?
T-Rex: We could go to the water lake beach shore in our water lake beach shore swimming shorts for swimming? In water? / Utahraptor: You know what? FINE. / T-Rex: BUT IT'S WINTER!!
http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1130
holy shit, what is your favourite food day!
Narrator: WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE FOOD DAY: / T-Rex: My favourite food is bread! It's the most delicious thing to eat before, during, and perhaps even after a meal!
Narrator: T-REX: BREAD
Dromiceiomimus: My favourite food is avocado sandwiches! They're fatty but teally really delicious. I also like orange juice. / T-Rex: Everyone loves orange juice! Well, except for people who have cuts on their lips, but they've made their choice. / Narrator: DROMICEIOMIMUS: AVOCADO SANDWICHES, ORANGE JUICE
Utahraptor: My favourite food is - a secret! / T-Rex: Aw, Utahraptor, that's dumb!
Utahraptor: No it's not! It makes me a little more mysterious, I think. It's like keeping your birthday a secret! / T-Rex: That's dumb too! The only people who do that are old people who don't want to age anymore and young people who - actually, I'm not sure if young people even do it.
T-Rex: Anyway! Back to bread: do I like it because it's so delicious, or is it so delicious because I like it? / Utahraptor: Can we avoid this conversation if I say my favourite food is sweet and sour chicken? / T-Rex: NOT ANYMORE.
http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=670
how many songs are there where they rhyme 'school' with 'golden rule'? lots?
T-Rex: Ah, the golden rule. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you!
T-Rex: Pretty crazy!
T-Rex: Following this rule, I could feed my vegetarian friends delicious steak sandwiches, because that's what I'd like, Mmm-mmm delicious! / Dromiceiomimus: Well, no, T-Rex, because you probably wouldn't want to be fed something you didn't like. / T-Rex: Aha, so much for the golden rule! There's a lot of other awesome variants anyway.
Utahraptor: Wait - are you really abandoning the ethic of reciprocity? / T-Rex: APPARENTLY, dude!
T-Rex: Now I'm all about "Do unto others AS they do unto you". Notice the lack of a "would have". Actually, NOW I'm all about "do unto others before they do unto you." No wait! "Do unto others at the same time as they are doing unto you". That one is about doing things together with friends, I think!
T-Rex: I notice you are leaving! Could my conversational stylings be partially to blame??
http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=629
T-Rex: Unicorns and flying submarines are two things that do not exist!
Narrator: T-REX IN: "THINGS THAT DO NOT EXIST"
T-Rex: Other things that don't exist include talking plants and ham and cheese sandwiches that are made out of neither ham nor cheese! / T-Rex: These things DON'T EXIST. / T-Rex: Also: Objectivity.
Utahraptor: Why are you listing things that don't exist? You could be here, literally, forever! / T-Rex: So?
T-Rex: At the end, I'll have an exhaustive list of Things That Don't Exist. Then in the future if anybody ever wants to see if something exists, they could just consult my list! / Utahraptor: But people will always be coming up with new things that don't exist!
T-Rex: Mine the task eternal!
http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=233
lots of things are pretty okay
T-Rex: Wouldn't it be pretty okay to travel at speeds FASTER than that of LIGHT ITSELF??
T-Rex: I submit that it would be pretty okay indeed!
T-Rex: With that in mind, I'm going to design an engine that can make something go faster than light. / Dromiceiomimus: Our current understanding of physics says what you are trying may well be impossible! / T-Rex: Our current understanding will have to be UPDATED, pending my success!
Utahraptor: Hey T-Rex, do you want a hand? We could do it together! / T-Rex: Sure! It'll be fun!
Narrator: MONTHS LATER: / Utahraptor: While I do feel this project has brought us closer together, I don't think it's going to work. Perhaps faster-than-light travel really is impossible. / T-Rex: Or PERHAPS we're not trying hard enough! Let's work extra hard for a bit.
T-Rex: Then, sandwiches!
http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=577
autobiography still not working out
T-Rex: Last night I started to write my own autobiography! However, I had to stop after a while because, as it turns out, my life is NOT THAT INTERESTING.
T-Rex: Imagine my dismay at coming to such a realization!
T-Rex: Therefore I have resolved to make my life better "copy" and will, from now on, style my activities such that they'll be appealing to a hyopthetical audience! / T-Rex: I will be forever on stage, performing!
Utahraptor: This is a very common fantasy among children! / T-Rex: Oh yes?
Utahraptor: Yeah! It's the idea that they're being watched on TV or by aliens or something. Not only does it make one feel important, but it's comforting to think that someone is there to share in your victories and defeats. / T-Rex: I imagine that is very true!
God: HEY T-REX IF YOU'RE TRYING TO MAKE THINGS INTERESTING THIS CONVERSATION TOTALLY ISN'T HELPING / T-Rex: God!! Hey, want to watch me go spice things up when I make...NAKED SUB SANDWICHES? / God: I'M COOL
http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=512
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