Showing 11 - 20 of 20 results. |
Narrator: BREAKFAST a choose-your-own-adventure comic / T-Rex: It's time for breakfast! If you decide to eat, turn to panel 3. But if you're not hungry yet, turn to panel 2!
T-Rex: Hah! YOU DIED, jerk!! NO BACKSIES. You're totally dead now!
T-Rex: Okay, Super, you're hungry! You feel as if you've somehow avoided meeting with a terrible fate, but also as if your EVERY ACTION may result in calamity for you today. So! Will you have cereal or toast? / Dromiceiomimus: If you have toast, turn to panel 4! / T-Rex: If you have way more DELICIOUS CEREAL, turn to panel 2!
T-Rex: Man, this toast is pretty okay, but you realize you should probably turn to panel 2. / Utahraptor: Turn to panel 5!
T-Rex: As you eat the toast you choke on it! Oh no! You're definitely about to die. To accept your fate, turn to panel 2! To perform the Heimlich maneuver on yourself, turn to panel 2. / Utahraptor: There's only one chance! Turn to panel 2 but then warp to panel 6!
T-Rex: You have catastrophically failed at breakfast, yet, paradoxically, won at this comic. You begin to wonder if text is the best medium for a game but there's no time for that now!! You are a Zombie. You are the dead REANIMATED. / T-Rex: Go visit a scientist, we'd all love to know how that works!
http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1954
T-Rex: Hallowe'en is coming up! Soon! Soonish, anyway. Hallowe'en is coming up in several months. I'm probably going as a pretty pretty princess. Anyway.
T-Rex: I'm writing a Hallowe'en story! A spooky story called "The Haunted Nun Who Dies!"
Dromiceiomimus: She lives in a haunted house, and then she dies? / T-Rex: No no, the ghost haunts her. Like a house? And then she dies and the ghost dies too so it's like, Russian nesting doll ghosts. This happens several times over the course of the narrative, so by the end, there's so many ghosts-within-ghosts that the only possible response is ULTIMATE TERROR.
Utahraptor: I'm not terrified! / T-Rex: Perhaps not yet!
T-Rex: But you're not realizing what I've unlocked here! I'm the first ever to realize that if one ghost is scary, then nested ghosts increase fright LINEARLY while maintaining a fixed surface area! It is the most terror possible per cubic foot! / Utahraptor: I GUESS that's true.
Narrator: THE BOOK'S A HIT! BUT... WHAT TO DO FOR A SEQUEL?? / T-Rex: Easy! I've mad all the ghosts ghosts of ZOMBIES and WEREWOLVES and VAMPYRES and MUMMIES, and then they all haunt the body of Frankenstein! / T-Rex: OR IS THAT TOO MUCH TERROR FOR THE PRINTED WORD??
http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=987
T-Rex: Hallowe'en is coming up! Soon! Soonish, anyway. Hallowe'en is coming up in several months. I'm probably going as a pretty pretty princess. Anyway.
T-Rex: I'm writing a Hallowe'en story! A spooky story called "The Haunted Nun Who Dies!"
Dromiceiomimus: She lives in a haunted house, and then she dies? / T-Rex: No no, the ghost haunts her. Like a house? And then she dies and the ghost dies too so it's like, Russian nesting doll ghosts. This happens several times over the course of the narrative, so by the end, there's so many ghosts-within-ghosts that the only possible response is ULTIMATE TERROR.
Utahraptor: I'm not terrified! / T-Rex: Perhaps not yet!
T-Rex: But you're not realizing what I've unlocked here! I'm the first ever to realize that if one ghost is scary, then nested ghosts increase fright LINEARLY while maintaining a fixed surface area! It is the most terror possible per cubic foot! / Utahraptor: I GUESS that's true.
Narrator: THE BOOK'S A HIT! BUT... WHAT TO DO FOR A SEQUEL?? / T-Rex: Easy! I've mad all the ghosts ghosts of ZOMBIES and WEREWOLVES and VAMPYRES and MUMMIES, and then they all haunt the body of Frankenstein! / T-Rex: OR IS THAT TOO MUCH TERROR FOR THE PRINTED WORD??
http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=987
alternate panel 2: i love you, t-rex! / i've got my own problems!
Narrator: CONVERSATIONAL TECHNIQUES COMICS today's technique: "I'VE GOT MY OWN PROBLEMS"
Narrator: A POWERFUL TECHNIQUE IN ANY SITUATION: / Off-Panel: Do YOU want eggs? / T-Rex: I've got my own problems!
Narrator: A WAY TO COMMUNICATE YOUR PRIVILEGING OF SELF INTEREST! / Dromiceiomimus: Hey T-Rex, do you want to come with me today to the Lengthy Exhibit of Items of Exclusively Female Interest? / T-Rex: Aw man! I've got my own problems. / Dromiceiomimus: You totally have your own problems!
Narrator: A HARBINGER OF FRIENDSHIP: / Utahraptor: I've got MY own problems! / T-Rex: Hey, me too!
Narrator: HEY, WHAT WAS THE DEAL WITH THE EGGS IN THE SECOND PANEL? OH WELL / Utahraptor: Was he an egg salesman, do you think? / T-Rex: He was wearing one of those umbrella hats, so - maybe?
Narrator: "I'VE GOT MY OWN PROBLEMS" - IN ANY SITUATION! / Off-Panel: Oh God, we're being attacked by zombies! / T-Rex: I've got my own problems! / Off-Panel and T-Rex: Hah hah hah! / Off-Panel: It's ALWAYS funny when you say that!
http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=812
this is why you have to be so careful with which charities you donate to
T-Rex: Utahraptor's started his own charity dedicated towards reanimating his body when he dies.
T-Rex: What a copycat!
T-Rex: It's MY idea, even if I did do it just by accident. Now it's like a bizarre arms race, seeing who can reanimate their dead body first. It's dumb. And yet, I'm totally going to win!
Utahraptor: This isn't a race, T-Rex! / T-Rex: It is, and you started it!
Utahraptor: Fine then - I'm ending it! I just thought it would be cool to have people working on reanimating our bodies when we die, but if it's such a big deal for you, forget it. / T-Rex: Awww! Really? You'd give up being a reanimated corpse for our friendship?
T-Rex: Because that's what my charity was looking into: reanimating long-dead corpses! We was gonna make zombies. / T-Rex: We - we was being straight out socially irresponsible.
http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=668
comics in which matters take a sudden turn for the worse (and zombies!)
Narrator: COMICS IN WHICH MATTERS TAKE A SUDDEN TURN FOR THE WORSE / T-Rex: Well, I'm perfectly content!
T-Rex: Yes indeed, life is good!
T-Rex: Wait - what's this? / T-Rex: A growth on my leg? / Narrator: THE END
Narrator: COMIC IN WHICH THE DEAD COME BACK TO LIFE TO HARASS THE LIVING / T-Rex: Run away! / Utahraptor: Run away!
T-Rex: Wait - what are we running from? / Utahraptor: Remember? The dead have come back and are harassing the living! They want to eat our brains!
T-Rex: Shit, no!
http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=251
T-Rex: Last night I dreamt I was preparing to buy a boat, and by "preparing to" I mean "stressing out about the confusing but necessary paperwork in order to".
T-Rex: Major snorefest!
T-Rex: And I am not one to say "major snorefest" lightly, Dromiceiomimus! / Dromiceiomimus: It's one of the reasons we're friends! / T-Rex: Exactly! But it helped me realize: even when I'm dreaming of interesting things like zombies or sexin', it's still kinda disappointing.
Utahraptor: Man, what's wrong with zombies and sexin'? / T-Rex: Folks have already imagined those things!!
T-Rex: I want to dream about things I CAN'T otherwise experience: new colours and impossible shapes and sounds my ears could never process! In dreams my brain is decoupled from my limited senses; why doesn't it get ON this? / Utahraptor: Sounds like you should be taking this up with your brain, not with me!
T-Rex: FINE / T-Rex (thinking): Hey brain, this is me, the conscious part! / T-Rex (thinking): Listen / T-Rex (thinking): I would like more dreams in UHF please
http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1583
What if dreams are the REAL world?
T-Rex: You know when people say "oh my GOSH what if dreams are the REAL world and this world is all a crazy mixed-up dream??"
T-Rex: Attention everyone! You should not listen to these people!!
T-Rex: If the dream world is real, then the real world is one where stuff is crazy all the time, where people are always showing up for their public speaking engagements naked, where things are stupid and then really sexy and then stupid again. And in this insane universe, people are going to bed, falling asleep, and having entirely consistent dreams about checking their email? / Dromiceiomimus: Makes sense to me!
Utahraptor: Yeah, why wouldn't that be the case? / T-Rex: Because it's helluva stupid!
T-Rex: Any universe so insane would self-destruct before its inhabitants had the chance to go to sleep and dream of filling out dream income tax forms for dream income they got at their dream job. Dream there is used in a pejorative sense. / Utahraptor: Yeah, I followed that.
Narrator: THE NEXT MORNING: / T-Rex: So apparently in the REAL world, my friends are swarmed by zombies. The zombies then advance on me, and my response is to scream, charge them, and then instantly fall into REM sleep and wake up here. / T-Rex: I say again: STUPIDEST UNIVERSE EVER.
http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1419
What if dreams are the REAL world?
T-Rex: You know when people say "oh my GOSH what if dreams are the REAL world and this world is all a crazy mixed-up dream??"
T-Rex: Attention everyone! You should not listen to these people!!
T-Rex: If the dream world is real, then the real world is one where stuff is crazy all the time, where people are always showing up for their public speaking engagements naked, where things are stupid and then really sexy and then stupid again. And in this insane universe, people are going to bed, falling asleep, and having entirely consistent dreams about checking their email? / Dromiceiomimus: Makes sense to me!
Utahraptor: Yeah, why wouldn't that be the case? / T-Rex: Because it's helluva stupid!
T-Rex: Any universe so insane would self-destruct before its inhabitants had the chance to go to sleep and dream of filling out dream income tax forms for dream income they got at their dream job. Dream there is used in a pejorative sense. / Utahraptor: Yeah, I followed that.
Narrator: THE NEXT MORNING: / T-Rex: So apparently in the REAL world, my friends are swarmed by zombies. The zombies then advance on me, and my response is to scream, charge them, and then instantly fall into REM sleep and wake up here. / T-Rex: I say again: STUPIDEST UNIVERSE EVER.
http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1419
round here, something radiates and something else shoots lightning out of its eyes
T-Rex: Guess who has thier first nightmare EVER last night? If you guessed me, then HELLS YES that was the correct guess!
Narrator: T-REX'S FIRST NIGHTMARE
T-Rex: A bunch of us were hanging out in a house, some went outside, and then a nuclear bomb was dropped in the distance and we could see a mushroom cloud in the sky. I ran to the door to close it and pressed up against it as the windows in the house blew inward and radioactive dust covered us all. THEN, after it was quier and we ventured outside, I ran into my friends who surved, but we all agreed we'd had too much radiation and wouldn't make it. It was really realistic!
Utahraptor: Sounds like a pretty standard nightmare, my friend! / T-Rex: I know! I was stoked!
T-Rex: But then these - stupid atomic zombies showed up? And they started zapping us with cheap-ass lightning bolts coming otu of thier eyes? It was super dumb, Urahraptor. It was that cheap 60s lightning where they just draw it directly on the film / T-Rex and Utahraptor: Zombies don't even have lightning powers!
T-Rex: The REAL nightmare was how poorly my subconscious understands zombies! / Voice: Also the atomic bomb being dropped on you. / T-Rex: That as well.
http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1243
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