{{The strip is titled "Lil' Calamities," owing to the usual characters being present, but in a flashback to when they were kids.}}
Aaron: From time to time we'll take a look back at when we were young.
/ Harold: We call this new feature: Lil' Calamities.
[[The kids are in school.]]
/ Teacher: Good morning children! Today in class we'll discuss what we want to do when we grow up.
Girl: I want to be an astronaut!
Boy: I want to be a doctor!
Lil' Harold: I want to live a sincere and honest life.
[[Lil' Alp wears a propeller beanie.]]
/ Lil' Alp: I want to genetically engineer a pig that is made entirely of bacon.
[[Lil' Ferdinand, instead of his familiar baseball cap, has an unruly mop of hair. Also, he wears a glittery glove and stylish jacket.]
/ Lil' Ferdinand: I want to be Michael Jackson.
Lil' Aaron: I want to be a statistic. What? Isn't that what we all eventually become anyway?
[[A classroom. A teacher stands in front of a chalkboard.]]
/ Teacher: Children, put your books away. Time for a quiz.
Quiz: Why was Christopher Columbus important?
Lil' Aaron: Columbus brought whites to America, initiating the brutal oppression of the Western Hemisphere that persists to this day.
Lil' Aaron: and if you mark me wrong, it just proves that I'm correct.
{{title text: Lil' Calamities and History}}
[[The younger versions of Harold and Ferd are talking, with the header "LIL' CALAMITIES" explaining their appearance.]]
/ Lil' Harold: Isn't it great being young? we have our whole lives ahead of us.
/ Lil' Ferdinand: Yup, we can do or be anything we want.
Lil' Harold: Just think, someday soon it'll be our generation's turn to lead the way and really make a difference in this world.
[[Adult Harold and Ferd; watching TV]]
/ TV: Up next: CSI, Miami...
{{alt text: I really hate all these crime drama shows. CSI, Criminal Minds, Bones, Without a Trace, The Closer, Cold Case, Law & Order. It's all crap.}}
[[ Lil' Calamities- in School. A teacher stands in front of a blackboard, talking to the class.]]
/ Teacher: Well class, the scores from our latest assessment test came in and the results are not good.
Teacher: We've scored poorly in Math, Reading, and especially in Science. Do you know what this means?
Lil' Aaron: It means we need to stop always taking tests and start actually learning.
{{alt text: Comic about standardized testing in the US. }}
/ {{title: Someday there'll only need to be one subject in school: test taking. }}
[[ Lil'Ferdinand, watching TV. ]]
/ Adult: TV again? Why don't you do something constructive, like read a book?
/ [[ Adult (off panel) hands a book to Lil'Ferd.]]
Lil'Ferd: Man, I hate reading! What is this?... "Curious George"?
[[ We now see a page from a "Curious George" book, where George (a monkey) encounters a large bottle of "Ether". ]]
[[ George the monkey wanders by, sees a bottle labeled "Ether". ]]
/ Caption: George was very curious.
[[ George opens the bottle...]]
/ Caption: It smelled funny!
[[ Illustration shows things going wavy, George gets dizzy ]]
/ Caption: Suddenly his head began to turn.
[[ More visual distortions ]]
/ Caption: Then he felt as if he were flying.
[[ Even more visual distortions ]]
/ Caption: Then rings and stars danced before his eyes
[[ George collapses, eyes closed, with a smile. ]]
/ Caption: Then everything went dark...
[[ Final Curious George drawing with the monkey laid out flat on his back asleep, still smiling. ]]
[[ Return to Lil'Calamities: Lil'Ferdinand with a big grin on his face ]]
/ Lil'Ferd: Reading is awesome!
{{ Alt-Text: Lil' Ferd learns about the joy of reading Curious George. }}
/ {{ Title: I came across this for the first time when I was reading to my daughter, and needless to say, it took me a little while to formulate an explanation of what was going on. }}
[[Lil' Ferdinand stands next to a broken lamp on the floor with a baseball bat in his hands]]
/ Lil' Ferdinand's Mom: What are you doing?!?
Lil' Ferdinand: It's not my fault mom! I've been conditioned by evolution to be bad. That way you won't want any more kids, and I won't have competing siblings.
Lil' Ferdinand's Mom: Well, you better have evolved to be good, otherwise you parents would have fed you to the lions!
[[Lil' Ferdinand sits in a corner, apparently in time out]]
/ Lil' Ferdinand: Evolutionary psychology would be a lot better if it could only be used to support *my* explanations.
{{alt text: I think that at the end of the day, evolutionary psychology has to be correct. But it would be a lot more useful as a science if it did more predicting and less postdicting.}}
[[A classroom. A teacher stands in front of a chalkboard.]]
/ Teacher: Okay class, for Thanksgiving we're going to reenact the meeting of the pilgrims and Native Americans.
Teacher: This lesson will demonstrate how different cultures can work together in harmony.
[[Lil' Harold and Lil' Ferdinand stand across from each other. Lil' Harold is dressed as a Native American and Lil' Ferdinand is dressed as a pilgrim. Lil' Harold offers some corn.]]
/ Lil' Harold: Here's corn. It's an important crop, which we'll teach you how to cultivate and harvest.
[[Lil' Ferdinand offers a blanket.]]
/ Lil' Ferdinand: Here's a blanket.
{{alt text: There's no better way to show your love than giving the gift of smallpox-infected blankets. Keep this in mind for the holiday season.}}
[[Aaron standing beside his desk in school...]]
/ Aaron: ...for which it stands, one nation indivisible, with liberty and justice for all.
Teacher: Excuse me Aaron, you forgot the line "under God."
Teacher: What would the forefathers think to know that you're disrespecting our pledge of allegiance by saying it incorrectly?
Aaron: They'd think, who the hell snuck that unnecessary line into the pledge in 1954!
/ {{alt text: The worst part is that "under god" may not even be used in a grammatically correct way.}}
[[ Lil' Ferdinand and Lil' Harold watching TV]]
/ Lil' Ferdinand: Saturday morning! Nothing better than wholesome cartoons!
/ Lil' Harold: Alright!
Lil' Ferdinand: Okay, this one's titled "Bugs Bunny Nips the Nips", sounds amusing!
/ Lil' Harold: What? No! What else?
Lil' Ferdinand: Here's a cartoon with Tom and Jerry doing their best Al Jolson impression, how cute!
/ Lil' Harold: Change it!
Lil' Ferdinand: Alright, Disney's Dumbo! We can learn to talk Jive from Jim Crow himself!
/ Lil' Harold: If this is for children, what are the adults watching?
{{ alt text: Bugs Bunny Nips the Nips: if only I was making this up.}}
Lil' Alp: How's school Harold?
/ Lil' Harold: It feels like everyone's priorities are all screwed up.
Lil' Harold: Instead of worrying about what they learn, students are more concerned with what brands they're wearing and whether they fit in with the cool crowd.
Lil' Alp: I'm sure people will stop being so superficial when we become adults.
{{ alt text: If only all the crap ended after school was over...}}
