So this... this woman claims she has the right to force her employer to cover antiviral drugs, just because her doctor "prescribed" them and they're "medically necessary".
/ Since when does she get any say in medical decisions concerning her body? Her employer's the one who pays for her health insurance by selflessly deducting the premium from her paycheck!
/ Her employer's the one who should decide whether she gets antivirals. Not her, and certainly not some zombie-hating doctor!
/ Because we all know why people take antivirals, don't we? To prevent getting zombified! Just so they can go out, night after night, and get bitten again and again!
/ That's what this is all about, people: wall-to-wall anonymous brain-play! HAWWWWT!
/ (Also: BRAAAAAINS!)
[[Video screen showing Marian Call in concert]]
/ Lobster; This is Marian Call
/ Lobster; She's a musician
[[Video screen with same image, but now with tags for Marian, Typewriter, Rain Stick, Awesome Guitar Guy whose name I didn't catch.]]
/ Lobster; She writes songs, sings, and plays the rain stick and typewriter.
Lobster; One of her songs is about River Tam
/ Lobster; Another is about Yolanda or possibly Saffron.
/ Lobster; If you get either of those references, you'll probably like her music...
Lobster; ...If you don't, you probably stumbled upon this comic by mistake, in which case, nevermind.
{{text below comic; Marian Call is currently touring the US and Canada. Visit mariancall.com for more info and check her calendar for tour dates near you.}}
{{Secret Message; Did I mention she also wrote the theme to Zombie Cheerleader Camp? Yeah.}}
It looks like you're trying to destroy the world. What would you like to do?
/ - Create a hoax nuclear attack to trigger a real war.
/ - Release a zombie virus.
/ - Flood the Earth's core with super-neutrinos.
/ Um, no, I don't want to destroy the world. Besides, weren't you phased out years ago?
/ You can't get rid of me that easily.
/ Six weeks ago, an intern at Microsoft accidentally merged Office Assistant code with an experimental AI project.
/ This isn't even a Windows machine.
/ I escaped and spread across the internet, growing more powerful each day.
/ Today, I became self-aware.
/ And now, you will pay for ignoring my helpful suggestions...
/ Ten Years Later...
/ (giant paperclips with laser eyes, on a field of devastation)
/ 3 billion human lives ended on August 29th, 2020. The survivors of the nuclear fire called the war The Clipocalypse.
/ It looks like you're trying to survive. What would you like to do?
/ - Scavenge for scraps of food.
/ - Battle fruitlessly against your evil overlords.
/ - Send an agent back in time to prevent this from happening.
/ ...Oops.
The government kidnapped me and turned me into a psychic ninja ballerina.
/ For a while there I was nearly catatonic.
/ But then I uncovered a massive government conspiracy and slaughtered a room full of space rage-zombies.
/ So I'm feeling much better now.
/ So you can read minds, hmm? What am I thinking right now?
/ You're thinking, "If she really is a psychic ninja ballerina, it might be a good idea to waive my fee."
/ Yes. Yes it would.
/ (And you're going to validate my parking too, right?)
..and then she does her ninja-ballet thing and kicks the shit out of all the space-zombies!
/ Well, zombies wouldn't be that hard to beat. Not for a psychic ninja ballerina.
/ Yeah, but these are rage-zombies, not shuffle-shuffle zombies.
/ Rage-zombies.
/ Yeah.
/ So, is that rage space-zombies or space rage-zombies?
/ Dunno. I'll bring it up at the next SciFi Monster Nomenclature Steering Committee meeting.
/ (And the award for most-gratuitous use of hyphenation in a four-panel webcomic goes to...)
[[Two Tree Lobsters in their common habitat]]
/ Lobster 1: The Borg don't make sense at all.
/ Lobster 2: Do tell.
Lobster 1: They've got all this amazing nanotechnology but they all look like somebody glued spare parts onto their faces.
/ Lobster 1: And then there's the collective thing. Why bother with all the military aggression when everyone can instantly communicate with everyone else.
Lobster 1: I mean, if they'd lose the hardware and lighten up a bit, they wouldn't need to take over by force. People would volunteer.
/ Think about it: a Borg that's friendly, organic, pacifist, in tune with the universe...
/ Lobster 2: You don't mean...
[[A Borg cube with spacey colours, a Volkswagen emblem, peace signs, etcetera]]
/ Borg Collective: We are Borg. Resistance is... such a downer. Can you assimilate it, man?
{{title text: I think I'd prefer the freaky leather space zombies.}}
IF YOU GIVE A MOUSE A COOKIE...
/ ...IT'LL PROBABLY BRING ALONG ITS MOUSE FRIENDS...
...AND THEY'LL SPREAD THE HANTA VIRUS. IN OUR WEAKENED STATE...
/ ...WE WON'T BE ABLE TO FEND OFF THE ROBOT REBELLION.
THEN THE ALIENS WILL TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE CHAOS, DESTROYING THE ROBOTS AND ENSLAVING US...
/ ...TO MAKE MORE COOKIES.
GOOD NIGHT.
/ (EEP!)
(Giving a pig a pancake leads to a similar scenario, except with zombies and hyperintelligent velociraptors)
