Lori, you skanky bitch. / Hello, Greta. What brings you skulking back here after all these years?
I heard you were a zombie. So tacky. So trailer park. / This from a woman who has never seen a bar of soap.
Oh, don't get huffy, my little American imperialist. I am just playing. / Move your hand or I add it to my extensive collection.
What's left to do for the site? / Well, we've automated the shipping, Jerrell's doing customer support, zombie-related deaths are down, and we're rolling in dough.
So we're done? / Yup. Time for a well-deserved vacation.
Time to finally try out that new Speedo. / Dammit. The pub doesn't open until noon.
Why shouldn't I? It's an untapped demographic. / You just can't sell brains to zombies over the internet.
They prefer the term "Zombie-Americans." / And how do you propose to get the brains for your little venture?
Phillip, you said I get 30,000 options, not 3,000. / Oh. Yeah. That must be a typo. / How many options do I get?
If we're going to help Jon and Phillip keep that dirty zombie Lori out of here, we'll need a plan of attack.
Bob, try to create a distraction. / A distraction from what?
Jerrell... Jerrell, go gnaw on something in a manner that will scare zombies. / Die Die Die / Does distraction mean "Blow stuff up"? I can do that.
Why did you sell Fish an uzi? / Jon, you know me. I live by few rules. I like to pee off the top of the awning outside the nursing home on First Avenue.
I know. / But there is one steadfast maxim that I hold dear: an immortal superintelligent combat-trained zombie cyborg goldfish with a machine gun can have whatever the hell he wants.
He didn't have a machine gun until you GAVE it to him. / Don't be like that. You know how I feel about causality.
Diablo, where in the world have you been? Why is Lori here? Why isn't she a zombie anymore?
Well, Jon, it's a long, convoluted and almost entirely true story. As you know, I blamed myself for Fish's untimely demise. It was my misguided advice that drove him to his tragic end, and I felt guilty as a Catholic version of O.J. Simpson.
There was only one man with the scientific expertise to help me right the wrongs I had brought about. And there was only one man courageous (or insane) enough to help me convince him to do it.
My humble apologies m'lord, but we... we lost the dolphin. / It's not a dolphin, cretinous sashimi.
Your incompetence and your stupidity compete for first place in a tournament of folly.
/ No matter. I am patient. 50,000 years of fruitless questing have not stopped me, and neither will this setback.
I will have the zombie goldfish. And if he will not give his secrets to me willingly, I will pry them from his skull. / The end...?
C'mon. Let's put down the rocket launcher and go get some tacos. / You don't get it, Jon. We have no CHOICE.
Buddha's out there. I saw him myself, walking around like he's been at the all-you-can-eat barbeque joint for the last 2500 years and not, say, rotting in a grave. It doesn't take a genius to realize if you see Buddha walking around, he's a goddamn zombie.
It clearly doesn't. / And if video games have taught us anything, it's that zombies need to be put down.
Diablo, don't listen to him! He's not real! / It's like the time you licked all those food stamps at once!
The guy with the knife gets to decide who's real around here. / One question. Why did you get sent to Hell, Ernesto's clone? You seemed like a pretty decent guy.
You constructed me out of ZOMBIE PEANUT BUTTER, which is 95% partially hydrogenated EVIL. And that is why now, on my 18th birthday, you will finally PAY.
Jeez, Skullburger's prices have gone up. / We're going to play in the ball pit.
New York's zombie situation is nothing new, but the problem has reached epidemic status as of late. Last month alone, over 3,000 zombies filed for unemployment with the New York Department of Labor. / NY 1
/ Keith Shellac
/ 9:30
/ 55
These zombies are unable to keep jobs due to their "brains" addictions, spending all their time in the pursuit of brains instead of contributing to the local economy like other productive citizens. One can only hope that a solution to this problem will soon be found.
I have an idea. / No. No you don't. Stop thinking.
