[[Abraxas, Abraxus, and Burnie are in a boring room/corridor somewhere in the bowels of the the pirate ship.]]
/ Abraxus: We found your lawyer. He's a cyberzombie now.
/ Abraxas: Ashfield? He's also a demon.
[[Abraxas is now holding a large jar filled with blackness and two demonic red eyes. A laser blast streaks by, narrowly missing the Necronomi siblings and Burnie.]]
/ Abraxas: It's amazing when the dualistic nature of body and spirit allows someone...
/ <<PSHEEEEEW!!!>>
[[Skully's skull, detached from his body, bounces into frame and lands right side up near Abraxas. Abraxus has the large jar with the demon in it now and is looking at it intently.]]
/ Abraxas: SKULLY!
/ <<KLONK>>
[[Abraxas is turned twards Skully, so she does not see that Abraxus is pulling the demonic form out of the jar using some sort of red crackling magic.]]
/ Skully's skull: The pirates aren't going to help us escape from Chainy. They didn't want the pie.
/ Abraxas: What? How can they argue with free pie?
[[Legless Bill and Captain Djirk have just entered the door of the room/coridor. They both have glowing red eyes and Legless Bill is holding a large red energy cutlass.]]
/ Captain Djirk, in a creepy evil computer voice: PIE IS IRRATIONAL!
[[Abraxus is now holding an empty jar. Burnie, who's floating beside him, looks a bit sad.]]
/ Burnie: Does that mean I won't be getting any pie rations?
Scene: Necronomicorp employee entrance
/ Lucas: It's getting late. It's going to be too hard to hold them off without daylight.
/ Gibson: Run away!
Scene: Cave
/ Therin: Quick! we can hide in this cave!
/ Lucas: We're not all Dwarves, Therin! I panic in closed spaces, and Gibson would be cut off from the wireless matrix! We wouldn't stand a chance in a cavern of twisty passages, all alike.
/ Gibson: We might be eaten by a grue!
Scene: Forest
/ Lucas: Quick! We can hide in these conspicuously similarl treetops!
/ Therin: Hey, Lucas, we're not all Elves. My limbs are too short and dwarfy to climb trees, and Gibson barely looks like he'd be in good enough shape to climb a ladder!
/ Gibson: My breath hurts!
Scene: Outside Rissiprickle Cabin
/ Gibson: Look! A Cabin!
/ Lucas: It's too small. There's no way we'll all fit there!
Chompski Rissiprickle: Hello! I'm Chompski Rissiprickle, at your service. What can I do for you?
/ Gibson: Please, Mr. Gnome, you've got to let us in! we're being chased by an army of the undead!
/ Therin: And an Illithid Chaomancer in a hovercar.
Chompski Rissiprickle: I'm sorry Mr. Human, but I don't really want that knd of trouble. Besides, this is a Gnome Home. It's always been a Gnome Home. It's been in the Rissiprickle family for 16 generations, and It's never had any Dwarves, Elves, or Humans in it.
/ Chompski Rissiprickle: I doubt you'd even fit!
Gibson: BUT THEY'LL EAT OUR BRAINS!
/ Chompski Rissiprickle: Oh, all right, if you're going to be a big baby about it.
Chompski Rissiprickle: What's happening?
/ Gibson: The Chaomancer must be transmuting the stone walls into wood!
/ Lucas: The zombies are outside! They'll be able to claw through that door in no time!
/ Therin: Prepare for our last stand!
Chompski Rissiprickle: Where'd all this water come from, and why did my cabin turn to wood?
/ Gibson: Because we're all different races, and when you integrate Rissiprickle Cabin, you get log cabin plus sea!
/ Therin: That joke was pretty derivative
Scene: Necronomicorp
/ Therin: I just remembered, Lucas. Last time we worked together, you told me you were going to give up security enforcement and get a more clerical job.
/ Lucas: Well, that was mostly because of the dire okapi incident, but yeah, I was training to be a Hierophant for a while.
/ Therin: What happened?
Lucas: I was training with this human from NeoTerra. We were each supposed to design a new ceremony honoring Ruul. The one with the best idea would advance to the next level of training. My idea was to have everyone lie down outside, and stare up at the suns while wearing protective goggles, and just sort of meditate on the nature of our binary stellar system. His idea was more like a party with everyone and their extended families.
Therin: Your idea seems more like a real religious experience, but I take it wasn't well received?
/ Lucas: Yeah, and I still don't see why!
Gibson: It's because of physics.
/ Lucas: Physics?
Gibson: Sure, from the perspective of the people in your ceremony, the other guy's relativistic mass was greater than your rest mass.
Therin: Lucas, this is the guy we're after! Get him!
/ Gibson: Can this wait until we're not being chased?
/ Lucas: You guys are being chaste too?
Therin: We hardly need to worry. It's not like zombies can run all that fast.
Xyzzy: Hey! Do you guys want to ride with me?
Scene: Necronomicorp Boardroom
/ Abraxas:Of course, the zombies wouldn't have been able to unionize if someone hadn't made them all sapient!
/ Neuton: Sure, blame the Cleric of the God of Knowledge every time an inanimate object starts to think for itself!
Chair: IT'S BLATANT DISCRIMINATION! THAT'S WHAT IT IS!
/ Contract: YEAH!
/ Neuton: Not a good time, guys.
Abraxas: The penalty for breach of contract is quite severe. If we can't convince our zombies to cram explosives into their gastrul-intestinal systems and run into buildings, we're going to have to liquidate some assets.
/ Abraxas: Does anyone have any ideas?
Chainy: I propose we liquidate the cause of the problem instead.
Scene: Necronomicorp Boardroom, Astral Space
/ Chainy: FLESHKROFT!
/ Fleshkropht: MASTER?
Neuton: Wait!
/ Chainy: Liquidate the cause of the problem.
Fleshkropht: GRAAAAAAAAH!
/ Neuton: Wait! It wasn't my fault! It was a clerical error!
Neuton: Ow! My soul! Office Chair, Contract, Help me!
/ Contract: Dammit! I'm a document, not an abjurer!
Maugris: Smeg. There's not even enough left to reanimate.
