Calamities of Nature - latest additions

Calamities of Nature - latest additions http://calamitiesofnature.com/ The latest transcribed Calamities of Nature comics, powered by OhNoRobot.com en-us Sat, 17 Mar 2012 20:42:04 -0000 60 Fairies http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=653 http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=653 Sat, 17 Mar 2012 20:13:10 -0000 <a href="http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=653">Fairies</a> [[ A nighttime scene with silhouettes of Aaron and Harold sitting on a hill-top under starry skies. ]] Aaron: Douglas Adams eloquently asked: "Isn't it enough to see that a garden is beautiful without having to believe that there are fairies at the bottom of it too?" Aaron: But there is something at the bottom of that garden, and all of reality too: a vast, interconnected, logical structure beyond our wildest imaginations. Aaron: It's full of amazing things, like curved spacetime, superfluids that climb walls, the process of mitosis, billions of galaxies with billions of stars and planets, tunneling particles, the incompleteness theorem, dark energy, and of course the occurrence of life. Harold: So, in a sense, it's _not_ that we shouldn't believe in fairies,... Aaron: It's just that we shouldn't be satisfied with such mundane ones. {{title: And of course the most amazing thing about reality, which we should never take for granted, is that we can understand any of it. }} Fairies

[[ A nighttime scene with silhouettes of Aaron and Harold sitting on a hill-top under starry skies. ]]
Aaron: Douglas Adams eloquently asked: "Isn't it enough to see that a garden is beautiful without having to believe that there are fairies at the bottom of it too?"

Aaron: But there is something at the bottom of that garden, and all of reality too: a vast, interconnected, logical structure beyond our wildest imaginations.

Aaron: It's full of amazing things, like curved spacetime, superfluids that climb walls, the process of mitosis, billions of galaxies with billions of stars and planets, tunneling particles, the incompleteness theorem, dark energy, and of course the occurrence of life.

Harold: So, in a sense, it's _not_ that we shouldn't believe in fairies,...
Aaron: It's just that we shouldn't be satisfied with such mundane ones.

{{title: And of course the most amazing thing about reality, which we should never take for granted, is that we can understand any of it. }}]]> Parasites http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=652 http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=652 Sat, 17 Mar 2012 20:12:45 -0000 <a href="http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=652">Parasites</a> [[ Aaron and Harold take a walk. ]] Aaron: The many instances in Biology of parasites controlling the minds of their hosts are truly amazing. Aaron: There are ants that are forced to crawl up blades of grass to meet their deaths, rats that are suddenly attracted to cats, fish that try to get eaten by birds, and numerous other examples. Harold: That makes me wonder, are any of our own actions and thoughts actually caused by parasites? [[ Panel Caption: At that very moment, in Harold's brain... ]] [[ Panel shows a microscopic image of some sort of blue stained organisms... ]] One organism: Ha! Did you hear what I just made him say? Is that ironic or what? Another organism: You idiot! You're going to get us caught! {{title: I predict that someday in the future an important event in a history book will be explained as being due to parasitic mind control...}} Parasites

[[ Aaron and Harold take a walk. ]]
Aaron: The many instances in Biology of parasites controlling the minds of their hosts are truly amazing.

Aaron: There are ants that are forced to crawl up blades of grass to meet their deaths, rats that are suddenly attracted to cats, fish that try to get eaten by birds, and numerous other examples.

Harold: That makes me wonder, are any of our own actions and thoughts actually caused by parasites?

[[ Panel Caption: At that very moment, in Harold's brain... ]]
[[ Panel shows a microscopic image of some sort of blue stained organisms... ]]
One organism: Ha! Did you hear what I just made him say? Is that ironic or what?
Another organism: You idiot! You're going to get us caught!

{{title: I predict that someday in the future an important event in a history book will be explained as being due to parasitic mind control...}}]]> Transgenesis http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=651 http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=651 Mon, 12 Mar 2012 07:13:32 -0000 <a href="http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=651">Transgenesis</a> [[ Ferdinand and Alp take a walk. ]] Alp: Using genes extracted from jellyfish, scientists created fluorescent fish, called "glofish". Alp: More recently, researchers have even used jellyfish genes to make glowing cats. Ferdinand: Well, you have some scientific know-how, what else could you make glow? Alp: Hmmm... [[ Later... ]] Alp: Nice, my own personal night light! Ferdinand: The Schwartz is strong with this one! [[ ...as both Alp and Ferd look down inside the front of their pants, where something glows... ]] {{Title: The scientists claim that the glowing cat research was for studying AIDS, but we all know that they really did it for the web traffic! }} Transgenesis

[[ Ferdinand and Alp take a walk. ]]

Alp: Using genes extracted from jellyfish, scientists created fluorescent fish, called "glofish".

Alp: More recently, researchers have even used jellyfish genes to make glowing cats.

Ferdinand: Well, you have some scientific know-how, what else could you make glow?
Alp: Hmmm...

[[ Later... ]]
Alp: Nice, my own personal night light!
Ferdinand: The Schwartz is strong with this one!
[[ ...as both Alp and Ferd look down inside the front of their pants, where something glows... ]]

{{Title: The scientists claim that the glowing cat research was for studying AIDS, but we all know that they really did it for the web traffic! }}]]> Crackpot Scorecard http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=648 http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=648 Mon, 12 Mar 2012 07:13:30 -0000 <a href="http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=648">Crackpot Scorecard</a> [[Comic shows a sheet titled "CRACKPOT SCORECARD". Text as follows:]] Not sure whether something is legit or crackpot garbage? Add up the points below and then check the key at the bottom. 1 point for each mention of the word "quantum" followed by "healing", "wellness", "meditation", "therapy", or "jumping" ___ 5 points for each mention of energy that cannot be measured in units of force times distance ___ 10 points for each comparison of oneself to Einstein or Hawking ___ 20 points for claiming that water or magnets do something really freakin' amazing ___ 50 points for solving a longstanding problem in theoretical physics with absolutely no math ___ 100 points for using the line "the establishment doesn't want you to know about this" ___ 150 points if ideas were implanted during alien abduction ___ 200 points for each famous physicist that has a restraining order on the author ___ Total points: _____ [[Line break]] 1-25 points: Probably best to burn whatever you're reading and pretend you never saw it 26-100 points: Your only hope is to get a lobotomy to get the stupid out of your brain 101-200 points: This stuff will probably be featured on the Oprah Winfrey Network soon 200+ points: Why are you wasting your time reading Deepak Chopra?! [[ Image caption: "Have fun filling out your own *crackpot scorecard*. You never know when it might come in handy!" ]] {{title: In case there's any confusion, let me make it clear: you do NOT want to get a high score!}} Crackpot Scorecard

[[Comic shows a sheet titled "CRACKPOT SCORECARD". Text as follows:]]

Not sure whether something is legit or crackpot garbage? Add up the points below and then check the key at the bottom.

1 point for each mention of the word "quantum" followed by "healing", "wellness", "meditation", "therapy", or "jumping" ___

5 points for each mention of energy that cannot be measured in units of force times distance ___

10 points for each comparison of oneself to Einstein or Hawking ___

20 points for claiming that water or magnets do something really freakin' amazing ___

50 points for solving a longstanding problem in theoretical physics with absolutely no math ___

100 points for using the line "the establishment doesn't want you to know about this" ___

150 points if ideas were implanted during alien abduction ___

200 points for each famous physicist that has a restraining order on the author ___

Total points: _____

[[Line break]]

1-25 points: Probably best to burn whatever you're reading and pretend you never saw it

26-100 points: Your only hope is to get a lobotomy to get the stupid out of your brain

101-200 points: This stuff will probably be featured on the Oprah Winfrey Network soon

200+ points: Why are you wasting your time reading Deepak Chopra?!

[[ Image caption: "Have fun filling out your own *crackpot scorecard*. You never know when it might come in handy!" ]]

{{title: In case there's any confusion, let me make it clear: you do NOT want to get a high score!}}]]> Tachyons http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=650 http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=650 Thu, 23 Feb 2012 21:30:02 -0000 <a href="http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=650">Tachyons</a> [[Aaron and Harold are walking across a natural landscape.]] Harold: Einstein's Theory of Relatively forbids accelerating something to go faster than light. Harold: But there could still exist particles called Tachyons that ALWAYS exceed the speed of light. Harold: Amazingly, in the frame of reference of a Tachyon, cause and effect will actually appear reversed. Aaron: So a Tachyon would say that God really did create humans. {{alt-text: I really hope this inspires a religious fundamentalist somewhere to learn about Minkowski diagrams.}} Tachyons

[[Aaron and Harold are walking across a natural landscape.]]

Harold: Einstein's Theory of Relatively forbids accelerating something to go faster than light.

Harold: But there could still exist particles called Tachyons that ALWAYS exceed the speed of light.

Harold: Amazingly, in the frame of reference of a Tachyon, cause and effect will actually appear reversed.

Aaron: So a Tachyon would say that God really did create humans.

{{alt-text: I really hope this inspires a religious fundamentalist somewhere to learn about Minkowski diagrams.}}]]> Lil' Calamities and Modern Schooling http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=649 http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=649 Thu, 23 Feb 2012 21:29:20 -0000 <a href="http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=649">Lil' Calamities and Modern Schooling</a> {{Title: Lil' Calamaties}} [[A classroom.]] Teacher: Students, open your books for the reading lesson. Lil' Harold: [[Hand up]] Teacher, all we study is reading and math. This is such a narrow focus compared to the range of interests and talents we might have. Lil' Harold: [[Shrugging]] We might excel at art, cooking, problem solving, mechanical devices, dance, music, programming, or any number of things. Why can't we be exposed to a broader range of experiences, which would help us explore our place in the world, and give us a sense of confidence and self-worth? Teacher: Because that's not going to get us better scores of assessment tests. {{alt-text: When I'm looking at public schools for my daughter I can't help but keep thinking about that scene from The Wall where all of the school children are being squeezed through a meat grinder.}} Lil' Calamities and Modern Schooling

{{Title: Lil' Calamaties}}

[[A classroom.]]

Teacher: Students, open your books for the reading lesson.

Lil' Harold: [[Hand up]] Teacher, all we study is reading and math. This is such a narrow focus compared to the range of interests and talents we might have.

Lil' Harold: [[Shrugging]] We might excel at art, cooking, problem solving, mechanical devices, dance, music, programming, or any number of things. Why can't we be exposed to a broader range of experiences, which would help us explore our place in the world, and give us a sense of confidence and self-worth?

Teacher: Because that's not going to get us better scores of assessment tests.

{{alt-text: When I'm looking at public schools for my daughter I can't help but keep thinking about that scene from The Wall where all of the school children are being squeezed through a meat grinder.}}]]> (Mis)construe http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=647 http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=647 Sun, 19 Feb 2012 07:29:24 -0000 <a href="http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=647">(Mis)construe</a> [[ Aaron and Ferdinand taking a walk. ]] Ferdinand: "Construe" and "misconstrue" are a pair of funny words... Ferdinand: ... Let's say I tell a chick that she has a big rump. When she relates this story to her girlfriends she might say she *construed* that I was calling her fat. Ferdinand: But I would contend that she *misconstrued* whether I was calling her fat, because I really *like* big rumps and was paying her a compliment. Ferdinand: But from her point of view, that is really what she *construed*, even though she *misconstrued* it. Ferdinand: She was right in using the word *construed*, but at the same time she *misconstrued* which word she should have used. Ferdinand: Until the full information is available, you're in an *indeterminate state* where you don't know if you should use "construe" or "misconstrue". Ferdinand: ... *That's* why I've coined a new word "strue," which is intermediate between construe and misconstrue. Aaron: Let me try it out, I *strue* that you're a moron. Ferdinand: No, you're using it all wrong! {{ alt: "Construe and misconstrue are a funny pair of words... }} {{ hover-text: This is actually an older comic that I've never posted on this site (although I did share it on Facebook a couple of weeks ago). Sorry about this, I've been a little short on time this week. }} (Mis)construe

[[ Aaron and Ferdinand taking a walk. ]]
Ferdinand: "Construe" and "misconstrue" are a pair of funny words...

Ferdinand: ... Let's say I tell a chick that she has a big rump. When she relates this story to her girlfriends she might say she *construed* that I was calling her fat.

Ferdinand: But I would contend that she *misconstrued* whether I was calling her fat, because I really *like* big rumps and was paying her a compliment.

Ferdinand: But from her point of view, that is really what she *construed*, even though she *misconstrued* it.

Ferdinand: She was right in using the word *construed*, but at the same time she *misconstrued* which word she should have used.

Ferdinand: Until the full information is available, you're in an *indeterminate state* where you don't know if you should use "construe" or "misconstrue".

Ferdinand: ... *That's* why I've coined a new word "strue," which is intermediate between construe and misconstrue.

Aaron: Let me try it out, I *strue* that you're a moron.
Ferdinand: No, you're using it all wrong!

{{ alt: "Construe and misconstrue are a funny pair of words... }}
{{ hover-text: This is actually an older comic that I've never posted on this site (although I did share it on Facebook a couple of weeks ago). Sorry about this, I've been a little short on time this week. }}]]> Be Cool http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=646 http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=646 Sun, 19 Feb 2012 07:29:13 -0000 <a href="http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=646">Be Cool</a> [[ Harold and Ferdinand in the city! They're standing behind a brick wall, city skyline in the background. ]] Harold: I'm tired of always being a loser. From now on I'm going to be cool like you Ferd. Ferdinand: Alright Harold! Ferdinand: You the Man! [[ gives 2 thumbs up ]] Harold: Yeah, I the Man! [[ happily returns 2 thumbs up ]] [[ Ferdinand gives Harold a blank, unhappy look... ]] Ferdinand: Even if you're trying to be cool, you can't drop the equative verb "to be" after a first person singular pronoun. Harold: [[ Hiding his face in his hands... ]] I can't even speak wrong the right way! {{ alt: Harold's going to try to be cool now? }} {{ hover-text: When it comes to not being able to speak wrong the right way, I blame the education system! }} Be Cool

[[ Harold and Ferdinand in the city! They're standing behind a brick wall, city skyline in the background. ]]
Harold: I'm tired of always being a loser. From now on I'm going to be cool like you Ferd.
Ferdinand: Alright Harold!

Ferdinand: You the Man! [[ gives 2 thumbs up ]]
Harold: Yeah, I the Man! [[ happily returns 2 thumbs up ]]

[[ Ferdinand gives Harold a blank, unhappy look... ]]

Ferdinand: Even if you're trying to be cool, you can't drop the equative verb "to be" after a first person singular pronoun.
Harold: [[ Hiding his face in his hands... ]] I can't even speak wrong the right way!

{{ alt: Harold's going to try to be cool now? }}
{{ hover-text: When it comes to not being able to speak wrong the right way, I blame the education system! }}]]> Divine Evidence http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=645 http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=645 Sun, 12 Feb 2012 08:18:53 -0000 <a href="http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=645">Divine Evidence</a> [[ Harold and Arron take a walk ]] Harold: You criticize people who believe in God despite a lack of empirical evidence... Harold: ... but one could just as well turn the question back on you-- Can you describe what evidence would make you admit that God really does exist? Aaron: Sure, I can tell you what I'd need to believe in God... Aaron: ...if you can give me a logically coherent description of what God is. {{ alt-text: That's easy! God is an omnipotent being that can create a stone that is so heavy that even he can not lift it... oh wait! }} Divine Evidence

[[ Harold and Arron take a walk ]]

Harold: You criticize people who believe in God despite a lack of empirical evidence...

Harold: ... but one could just as well turn the question back on you-- Can you describe what evidence would make you admit that God really does exist?

Aaron: Sure, I can tell you what I'd need to believe in God...

Aaron: ...if you can give me a logically coherent description of what God is.

{{ alt-text: That's easy! God is an omnipotent being that can create a stone that is so heavy that even he can not lift it... oh wait! }}]]> Accomplishing Greatness http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=644 http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=644 Sun, 12 Feb 2012 08:18:42 -0000 <a href="http://calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=644">Accomplishing Greatness</a> [[ Harold and Arron take a walk ]] Harold: When I was younger, I always had this notion that someday I would accomplish something great. My whole life was ahead of me, and greatness was just around the corner. Harold: But each year that I grow older, I look at when some of the biggest minds had their great ideas, and I realize that my best days are probably behind me. Harold: For example, Newton invented calculus at 24, Godel published his incompleteness theorem at 25, Dirac was 26 when he predicted the existence of anti-particles. And Einstein was 26 when he published E=mc^2. Aaron: So what's been your greatest accomplishment up until now? Harold: I watched all six Star Wars movies in a row! [[ alt-text: C'mon Harold, if you're going to spend 14+ hours watching movies, at least watch all three of the extended versions of The Lord of the Rings! ]] Accomplishing Greatness

[[ Harold and Arron take a walk ]]
Harold: When I was younger, I always had this notion that someday I would accomplish something great. My whole life was ahead of me, and greatness was just around the corner.

Harold: But each year that I grow older, I look at when some of the biggest minds had their great ideas, and I realize that my best days are probably behind me.

Harold: For example, Newton invented calculus at 24, Godel published his incompleteness theorem at 25, Dirac was 26 when he predicted the existence of anti-particles. And Einstein was 26 when he published E=mc^2.

Aaron: So what's been your greatest accomplishment up until now?
Harold: I watched all six Star Wars movies in a row!

[[ alt-text: C'mon Harold, if you're going to spend 14+ hours watching movies, at least watch all three of the extended versions of The Lord of the Rings! ]]]]>