Black Dog - latest additions

Black Dog - latest additions http://blackdogcomic.com The latest transcribed Black Dog comics, powered by OhNoRobot.com en-us Sun, 19 Apr 2009 21:02:19 -0000 60 UCLAin't http://blackdogcomic.com/?p=339 http://blackdogcomic.com/?p=339 Fri, 19 Dec 2008 05:49:42 -0000 <a href="http://blackdogcomic.com/?p=339">UCLAin't</a> [[UCLA player Trey Brown is being interviewed on television.]] Reporter (Off-Panel): Trey, UCLA has lost every game it's played against the Irish. What do you think your chances are today? Trey: I'm not a big Notre Dame fan. All I know is, I don't like green. They're desperate for a win. Caption: Pregame Coverage // Trey Brown - UCLA Cornerback [[Trey is walking off the field angrily. The scoreboard reads "Home 6 // Visitor 20". Notre Dame's Evan Sharpley and Jimmy Clausen call after him. Sharpley: Hey Trey, we feel really bad about crushing UCLA-- Clausen: Again. Sharpley: On your home field. So the team and I pitched in and bought you something you can use. [[Close up of a box reading "Fisher-Price // LEARN YOUR COLORS and COUNT TO 20!"]] UCLAin't

[[UCLA player Trey Brown is being interviewed on television.]]

Reporter (Off-Panel): Trey, UCLA has lost every game it's played against the Irish. What do you think your chances are today?

Trey: I'm not a big Notre Dame fan. All I know is, I don't like green. They're desperate for a win.

Caption: Pregame Coverage // Trey Brown - UCLA Cornerback

[[Trey is walking off the field angrily. The scoreboard reads "Home 6 // Visitor 20". Notre Dame's Evan Sharpley and Jimmy Clausen call after him.

Sharpley: Hey Trey, we feel really bad about crushing UCLA--

Clausen: Again.

Sharpley: On your home field. So the team and I pitched in and bought you something you can use.

[[Close up of a box reading "Fisher-Price // LEARN YOUR COLORS and COUNT TO 20!"]]]]> Vexed Message http://blackdogcomic.com/?p=1125 http://blackdogcomic.com/?p=1125 Fri, 19 Dec 2008 05:29:42 -0000 <a href="http://blackdogcomic.com/?p=1125">Vexed Message</a> [[A supervisor leans over JOHNSON's shoulder. On top of Johnson's computer is a placard reading "CONNECT-ED."]] Supervisor: Johnson, how many students replied to our emergency alert text message? Johnson: Uh... none. Supervisor: What? Whaddaya mean, none? Johnson: Well, I thought we got one earlier, but it was just an AT&T offer for more bonus minutes. Supervisor: Dammit! My promotion's riding on this system! How can we get students to respond to our texts? Johnson: Actually, sir, I think I have a solution. [[Extreme close up on a phone screen, displaying the text message "Parietals Repealed // Reply "Y NDIRISH" 4 more info!"]] Vexed Message

[[A supervisor leans over JOHNSON's shoulder. On top of Johnson's computer is a placard reading "CONNECT-ED."]]

Supervisor: Johnson, how many students replied to our emergency alert text message?

Johnson: Uh... none.

Supervisor: What? Whaddaya mean, none?

Johnson: Well, I thought we got one earlier, but it was just an AT&T offer for more bonus minutes.

Supervisor: Dammit! My promotion's riding on this system! How can we get students to respond to our texts?

Johnson: Actually, sir, I think I have a solution.

[[Extreme close up on a phone screen, displaying the text message "Parietals Repealed // Reply "Y NDIRISH" 4 more info!"]]]]> Gnat's All, Folks! http://blackdogcomic.com/?p=338 http://blackdogcomic.com/?p=338 Fri, 19 Dec 2008 05:25:14 -0000 <a href="http://blackdogcomic.com/?p=338">Gnat's All, Folks!</a> [[Yankees pitcher Joba Chamberlain swats at a cloud of gnats swarming around him.]] [[Millions of gnats descend on him, enveloping him completely, save for his hat.]] [[Two angels stand talking.]] Angel #1: A plague of gnats? In this day and age? Angel #2: Hey, it's a good thing Cleveland was only down by 1. Any more than that and it would've been flaming hail instead. Gnat's All, Folks!

[[Yankees pitcher Joba Chamberlain swats at a cloud of gnats swarming around him.]]

[[Millions of gnats descend on him, enveloping him completely, save for his hat.]]

[[Two angels stand talking.]]

Angel #1: A plague of gnats? In this day and age?

Angel #2: Hey, it's a good thing Cleveland was only down by 1. Any more than that and it would've been flaming hail instead.]]> Navy Beaned http://blackdogcomic.com/?p=1126 http://blackdogcomic.com/?p=1126 Fri, 19 Dec 2008 05:19:36 -0000 <a href="http://blackdogcomic.com/?p=1126">Navy Beaned</a> [[A Notre Dame football player is lying on a couch, being psychoanalyzed by a psychiatrist.]] Player: I can't eat, I can't sleep, I can't get that song out of my head: "We are the Navy, mighty mighty Navy..." Player: I'm losing my mind! What should I do? Psychiatrist: Win. Navy Beaned

[[A Notre Dame football player is lying on a couch, being psychoanalyzed by a psychiatrist.]]

Player: I can't eat, I can't sleep, I can't get that song out of my head: "We are the Navy, mighty mighty Navy..."

Player: I'm losing my mind! What should I do?

Psychiatrist: Win.]]> Truck Off http://blackdogcomic.com/?p=364 http://blackdogcomic.com/?p=364 Fri, 19 Dec 2008 05:17:23 -0000 <a href="http://blackdogcomic.com/?p=364">Truck Off</a> [[Two commentators are sitting in their booth.]] Commentator #1: AND the Notre Dame coaches are not happy about THAT call. Commentator #2: Ha-ha! OUCH! I think I heard that one from here! Commentator #1: Let the expletives fly! [[Locke and Tim are in the stands watching the game.]] Locke: Wow, they're really letting those refs have it. Tim: They sound like teamsters. [[Track right: Tim is standing next to a teamster wearing flannel, a John Deere hat and sunglasses.]] Teamster: Hey, I don't talk like THAT. Truck Off

[[Two commentators are sitting in their booth.]]

Commentator #1: AND the Notre Dame coaches are not happy about THAT call.

Commentator #2: Ha-ha! OUCH! I think I heard that one from here!

Commentator #1: Let the expletives fly!

[[Locke and Tim are in the stands watching the game.]]

Locke: Wow, they're really letting those refs have it.

Tim: They sound like teamsters.

[[Track right: Tim is standing next to a teamster wearing flannel, a John Deere hat and sunglasses.]]

Teamster: Hey, I don't talk like THAT.]]> Statuary Violation http://blackdogcomic.com/?p=416 http://blackdogcomic.com/?p=416 Fri, 19 Dec 2008 04:31:56 -0000 <a href="http://blackdogcomic.com/?p=416">Statuary Violation</a> [[Tim and Locke are walking outside; Tim is reading a newspaper.]] Tim: Says here that a tourist broke off a piece of an Easter Island statue as a souvenir. What kind of person would do that? Locke: Hey, Tim? [[Tim and Locke are looking at the statue of Father Sorin; its head is missing.]] Locke: Didn't Father Sorin used to have a head? [[Two men are talking -- MARKO and his friend. The friend is holding an arm.]] Friend: Marko, you can't keep breaking statues. Are these the Venus de Milo's arms? Marko: Nah, those are Winged Victory's. Venus de Milo's are out back. [[Marko stands in the foreground; the Statue of Liberty's torch and hand stand in the background.]] Marko: Hey, how big is your garage? Statuary Violation

[[Tim and Locke are walking outside; Tim is reading a newspaper.]]

Tim: Says here that a tourist broke off a piece of an Easter Island statue as a souvenir. What kind of person would do that?

Locke: Hey, Tim?

[[Tim and Locke are looking at the statue of Father Sorin; its head is missing.]]

Locke: Didn't Father Sorin used to have a head?

[[Two men are talking -- MARKO and his friend. The friend is holding an arm.]]

Friend: Marko, you can't keep breaking statues. Are these the Venus de Milo's arms?

Marko: Nah, those are Winged Victory's. Venus de Milo's are out back.

[[Marko stands in the foreground; the Statue of Liberty's torch and hand stand in the background.]]

Marko: Hey, how big is your garage?]]> Obama Rally: Minute-by-Minute http://blackdogcomic.com/?p=483 http://blackdogcomic.com/?p=483 Fri, 19 Dec 2008 04:09:40 -0000 <a href="http://blackdogcomic.com/?p=483">Obama Rally: Minute-by-Minute</a> [[Observer Editor-in-Chief Chris Hine sits at his desk wearing a tie and suspenders, smoking a cigar. A female reporter sits across from him.]] Hine: Everyone's covering the Obama rally: cable news, local news, internet news, newspapers, wire services, Obama's press corps, the blogosphere, Wikipedia... Reporter: EXACTLY! We need in on the action. I'll do minute-by-minute coverage of the rally. Hine: ...All right. But this isn't a puff piece. I want hard-hitting journalism! Reporter: I wouldn't deliver anything less. [[The reporter stands in a sea of people, holding a notepad and interviewing a man wearing an "Obamarama 2008" t-shirt.]] Caption: 8:45 PM: There's a lot of people here. Everyone is real excited. Reporter: Excuse me, sir. Isn't Obama awesome? Man: Yeah, man. Awesome! Caption: 8:49 PM: AWESOME! [[The reporter is back in Chris Hine's office. Hine reads her notes:]] Hine: "10:00 PM: CNN declares Obama the 44th President of the United States. // 3:30 AM: We finally go to sleep." What happened in the intervening five and a half hours? Reporter: Uh... I dunno. I spilled beer on my notes. Obama Rally: Minute-by-Minute

[[Observer Editor-in-Chief Chris Hine sits at his desk wearing a tie and suspenders, smoking a cigar. A female reporter sits across from him.]]

Hine: Everyone's covering the Obama rally: cable news, local news, internet news, newspapers, wire services, Obama's press corps, the blogosphere, Wikipedia...

Reporter: EXACTLY! We need in on the action. I'll do minute-by-minute coverage of the rally.

Hine: ...All right. But this isn't a puff piece. I want hard-hitting journalism!

Reporter: I wouldn't deliver anything less.

[[The reporter stands in a sea of people, holding a notepad and interviewing a man wearing an "Obamarama 2008" t-shirt.]]

Caption: 8:45 PM: There's a lot of people here. Everyone is real excited.

Reporter: Excuse me, sir. Isn't Obama awesome?

Man: Yeah, man. Awesome!

Caption: 8:49 PM: AWESOME!

[[The reporter is back in Chris Hine's office. Hine reads her notes:]]

Hine: "10:00 PM: CNN declares Obama the 44th President of the United States. // 3:30 AM: We finally go to sleep." What happened in the intervening five and a half hours?

Reporter: Uh... I dunno. I spilled beer on my notes.]]> Harboring a Grudge http://blackdogcomic.com/?p=811 http://blackdogcomic.com/?p=811 Fri, 19 Dec 2008 03:51:58 -0000 <a href="http://blackdogcomic.com/?p=811">Harboring a Grudge</a> [[Admiral Yamamoto is standing on the deck of an aircraft carrier. An offer approaches him and salutes.]] Officer: Admiral Yamamoto, sir! Fleets report the attack was a success! Yamamoto: Yes... but at what cost? [[Closeup of Yamamoto.]] Yamamoto: I fear all we have done is to awaken a sleeping giant, and fill him with a terrible resolve. [[Wide shot. Godzilla is standing thigh-deep in the ocean, fighting battleships and swarms of airplanes.]] Officer: Nah. He was like that when we got here. Harboring a Grudge

[[Admiral Yamamoto is standing on the deck of an aircraft carrier. An offer approaches him and salutes.]]

Officer: Admiral Yamamoto, sir! Fleets report the attack was a success!

Yamamoto: Yes... but at what cost?

[[Closeup of Yamamoto.]]

Yamamoto: I fear all we have done is to awaken a sleeping giant, and fill him with a terrible resolve.

[[Wide shot. Godzilla is standing thigh-deep in the ocean, fighting battleships and swarms of airplanes.]]

Officer: Nah. He was like that when we got here.]]> Curse of the Whack Squirrel http://blackdogcomic.com/?p=814 http://blackdogcomic.com/?p=814 Fri, 19 Dec 2008 03:48:53 -0000 <a href="http://blackdogcomic.com/?p=814">Curse of the Whack Squirrel</a> [[Three squirrels are talking. One of them holds an upside-down pamphlet entitled "Family Planning and You."]] Squirrel #1: We need to find a way to minimize the people population on campus. Squirrel #3: It says here there's a thing that makes them not have babies. Squirrel #1: We looked into that. They won't use it. [[Close on Squirrel #2. It smiles menacingly and flexes its claws.]] Squirrel #2: I say we emasculate them. [[Squirrel #2 looks upward as two sets of legs walk past.]] Squirrel #2: Hey! Hey, you! You are socially awkward and are unable to satisfy a woman! [[Locke is walking down the sidewalk with his arm around a girl. She turns her head toward the squirrel, who stands lower panel left.]] Girl: Yeah. And he's getting kinda doughy, too. Squirrel: Squee! Squee squee! Chitter-chitter-chitter-squeak! Curse of the Whack Squirrel

[[Three squirrels are talking. One of them holds an upside-down pamphlet entitled "Family Planning and You."]]

Squirrel #1: We need to find a way to minimize the people population on campus.

Squirrel #3: It says here there's a thing that makes them not have babies.

Squirrel #1: We looked into that. They won't use it.

[[Close on Squirrel #2. It smiles menacingly and flexes its claws.]]

Squirrel #2: I say we emasculate them.

[[Squirrel #2 looks upward as two sets of legs walk past.]]

Squirrel #2: Hey! Hey, you! You are socially awkward and are unable to satisfy a woman!

[[Locke is walking down the sidewalk with his arm around a girl. She turns her head toward the squirrel, who stands lower panel left.]]

Girl: Yeah. And he's getting kinda doughy, too.

Squirrel: Squee! Squee squee! Chitter-chitter-chitter-squeak!]]> Squirrel Up and Die http://blackdogcomic.com/?p=813 http://blackdogcomic.com/?p=813 Fri, 19 Dec 2008 03:24:55 -0000 <a href="http://blackdogcomic.com/?p=813">Squirrel Up and Die</a> [[A group of Notre Dame administrators and faculty sit at a table.]] John Q. Administrator: Gentlemen, our squirrel population has gotten out of hand! People feed them, treat them like pets, and they're overrunning campus! Administrator McMustache: U.C. Davis is developing birth control for their squirrels. Father Jenkins: That's not in keeping with our Catholic mission. Bearded Professor: Father Jenkins is right. I propose an abstinence campaign for squirrels. Administrator McMustache: This sounds like a job for Supercatholic! [[Jenkins runs into the foreground, opening his shirt to reveal his Supercatholic costume.]] Father Jenkins: Yes. I'll... go find him. [[Supercatholic is standing on a lawn next to a hedge-trimming groundskeeper.]] Supercatholic: Where are all the squirrels? Groundskeeper: I took care of the problem. [[A small sign sits in the middle of the grass: DO NOT FEED RABID SQUIRRELS.]] Squirrel Up and Die

[[A group of Notre Dame administrators and faculty sit at a table.]]

John Q. Administrator: Gentlemen, our squirrel population has gotten out of hand! People feed them, treat them like pets, and they're overrunning campus!

Administrator McMustache: U.C. Davis is developing birth control for their squirrels.

Father Jenkins: That's not in keeping with our Catholic mission.

Bearded Professor: Father Jenkins is right. I propose an abstinence campaign for squirrels.

Administrator McMustache: This sounds like a job for Supercatholic!

[[Jenkins runs into the foreground, opening his shirt to reveal his Supercatholic costume.]]

Father Jenkins: Yes. I'll... go find him.

[[Supercatholic is standing on a lawn next to a hedge-trimming groundskeeper.]]

Supercatholic: Where are all the squirrels?

Groundskeeper: I took care of the problem.

[[A small sign sits in the middle of the grass: DO NOT FEED RABID SQUIRRELS.]]]]>