Wondermark - latest additions

Wondermark - latest additions http://wondermark.com The latest transcribed Wondermark comics, powered by OhNoRobot.com en-us Tue, 24 Apr 2012 23:42:04 -0000 60 #789; In which the World is a Masterpiece http://wondermark.com/789/ http://wondermark.com/789/ Tue, 24 Apr 2012 23:31:49 -0000 <a href="http://wondermark.com/789/">#789; In which the World is a Masterpiece</a> [[A dandy addresses ladies in an art gallery, his gloved finger raised. He says:]] My new instillation is a commentary on our experienced life. I have erected cultural artifacts -- billboards, bus ads, street signs, and so on -- all over town. [[As before, slightly zoomed in to focus on the speaker.]] To ADD to the illusion, I have placed them exactly where you would EXPECT to find these types of things. When you see them, you think "Is that REAL? It looks so REAL!" The differences between the LEGITIMATE object and my HYPER-DETAILED SATIRE of that particular object is SO SLIM as to be COMPLETELY IMPERCEPTIBLE. [[Again, a slight zoom.]] Every seemingly innocuous object now demands your closer scrutiny. [A lady speaks]] So Your installation is every single thing in the world, completely unmodified in any way. [[A close up of the dandy and the lady, the dandy speaks first]] It is my largest piece to date. [[the lady]] You forgot the assignment was due today, didn't you? {{header: think hard about WONDERMARK.COM}} {{alt-text: of course the word 'legitimate' in panel 2 is pronounced with a massive sneer}} #789; In which the World is a Masterpiece

[[A dandy addresses ladies in an art gallery, his gloved finger raised. He says:]]
My new instillation is a commentary on our experienced life.
I have erected cultural artifacts -- billboards, bus ads, street signs, and so on -- all over town.

[[As before, slightly zoomed in to focus on the speaker.]]
To ADD to the illusion, I have placed them exactly where you would EXPECT to find these types of things.
When you see them, you think "Is that REAL? It looks so REAL!"
The differences between the LEGITIMATE object and my HYPER-DETAILED SATIRE of that particular object is SO SLIM as to be COMPLETELY IMPERCEPTIBLE.

[[Again, a slight zoom.]]
Every seemingly innocuous object now demands your closer scrutiny.
[A lady speaks]]
So
Your installation is every single thing in the world, completely unmodified in any way.

[[A close up of the dandy and the lady, the dandy speaks first]]
It is my largest piece to date.
[[the lady]]
You forgot the assignment was due today, didn't you?

{{header: think hard about WONDERMARK.COM}}
{{alt-text: of course the word 'legitimate' in panel 2 is pronounced with a massive sneer}}]]> #792; The Contrary Method http://wondermark.com/792/ http://wondermark.com/792/ Sun, 22 Apr 2012 23:11:41 -0000 <a href="http://wondermark.com/792/">#792; The Contrary Method</a> Caption: DECISION-MAKING - I don't know if I should do it! - Okay, then don't do it! - Well, maybe I should! - Fine! Then do it! - Now hold on! I don't want to rush into the decision! - Whatever you want, Honey. - But I don't KNOW what I want! I need your HELP! Caption: THE SOLUTION - Okay, FINE. I will make the decision for you. - Now HOLD on! I'm suddenly compelled to make it MYSELF! {{header: choose WONDERMARK.COM}} {{alt-text: TRUE STORY: I once got out of a traffic ticket by, instead of denying that I had gone up a one-way street, sheepishly admitting it and commiserating with the officer about how badly the neighborhood was laid out. He wrote me up for a taillight instead.}} #792; The Contrary Method

Caption: DECISION-MAKING
- I don't know if I should do it!
- Okay, then don't do it!

- Well, maybe I should!
- Fine! Then do it!
- Now hold on! I don't want to rush into the decision!

- Whatever you want, Honey.
- But I don't KNOW what I want! I need your HELP!

Caption: THE SOLUTION
- Okay, FINE. I will make the decision for you.
- Now HOLD on! I'm suddenly compelled to make it MYSELF!

{{header: choose WONDERMARK.COM}}
{{alt-text: TRUE STORY: I once got out of a traffic ticket by, instead of denying that I had gone up a one-way street, sheepishly admitting it and commiserating with the officer about how badly the neighborhood was laid out. He wrote me up for a taillight instead.}}]]> #829; In which Pepper is explained http://wondermark.com/829/ http://wondermark.com/829/ Fri, 20 Apr 2012 18:21:45 -0000 <a href="http://wondermark.com/829/">#829; In which Pepper is explained</a> Plantation Hat: Is "pepper" something that adds pep? Or does "pep" describe the result of adding pepper? Which came first, I wonder? Monocled Linguist: Actually, they're false cognates! Pepper is named for Sir Davis Pepper, who was the first to import the spice from India to Britain in the seventeenth century. It was a trade name: Pepper Brand Shockening Powder, later genericized simply to pepper. Monocled Linguist: Whereas "pep" comes from the Middle Greek "pepos", meaning verve or spirit. Hence pep rally. Sometimes coincidences like that happen! Top Hat Bystander: Why are you such a liar? Monocled Linguist: Come on! I have a linguistics degree. This is all I have! {{header: shed light on WONDERMARK.COM}} {{alt-text: "How often does somebody actually WONDER ABOUT ETYMOLOGY in my PRESENCE?? You GOTTA give me this!!"}} #829; In which Pepper is explained

Plantation Hat: Is "pepper" something that adds pep? Or does "pep" describe the result of adding pepper?
Which came first, I wonder?

Monocled Linguist: Actually, they're false cognates! Pepper is named for Sir Davis Pepper, who was the first to import the spice from India to Britain in the seventeenth century.
It was a trade name: Pepper Brand Shockening Powder, later genericized simply to pepper.

Monocled Linguist: Whereas "pep" comes from the Middle Greek "pepos", meaning verve or spirit. Hence pep rally.
Sometimes coincidences like that happen!

Top Hat Bystander: Why are you such a liar?
Monocled Linguist: Come on! I have a linguistics degree.
This is all I have!

{{header: shed light on WONDERMARK.COM}}
{{alt-text: "How often does somebody actually WONDER ABOUT ETYMOLOGY in my PRESENCE?? You GOTTA give me this!!"}}]]> #828; In which Willis is not Helping http://wondermark.com/828/ http://wondermark.com/828/ Tue, 17 Apr 2012 15:10:10 -0000 <a href="http://wondermark.com/828/">#828; In which Willis is not Helping</a> [[Woman seated at table]] I know who I am. Frustrated, stressed out, unmotivated. And I know who I want to be. Content, relaxed, productive. But there's this gulf between the two. Filled with...nothing. Fog. It's not even spikes. It's just...blankness. I know how to cross the gulf, in the same way that I know how to address the President. Theoretically. But I guess I don't want it bad enough on some level. I want my comforts and my habits more. So is this it? Have I carved this sad little water-treading niche for myself forever? I'll get to sixty and look back and feel exactly like I do now except even more miserable and more regretful? [[Man enters, addresses woman.]] Man: I don't think so. Woman: Oh? Man: I think you making it to sixty is wildly optimistic. {{header: gaze over the WONDERMARK.COM}} {{alt-text: Be specific with your goals: Content, relaxed, productive, AND piloting a rocketship.}} #828; In which Willis is not Helping

[[Woman seated at table]]

I know who I am.
Frustrated, stressed out, unmotivated.
And I know who I want to be.
Content, relaxed, productive.

But there's this gulf between the two.
Filled with...nothing.
Fog.
It's not even spikes.
It's just...blankness.
I know how to cross the gulf, in the same way that I know how to address the President.
Theoretically.

But I guess I don't want it bad enough on some level.
I want my comforts and my habits more.
So is this it?
Have I carved this sad little water-treading niche for myself forever?
I'll get to sixty and look back and feel exactly like I do now except even more miserable and more regretful?

[[Man enters, addresses woman.]]

Man: I don't think so.
Woman: Oh?
Man: I think you making it to sixty is wildly optimistic.

{{header: gaze over the WONDERMARK.COM}}
{{alt-text: Be specific with your goals: Content, relaxed, productive, AND piloting a rocketship.}}]]> #796; In Which a Cat is either Lost, or Gained. http://wondermark.com/827/ http://wondermark.com/827/ Mon, 16 Apr 2012 21:40:09 -0000 <a href="http://wondermark.com/827/">#796; In Which a Cat is either Lost, or Gained.</a> [[A sign on a light pole]] LOST CAT. Kind of quirky. Playful but weird. Does not answer to any name in particular. We will accept any cat. Call 424-2366. [[A man is reading the sign]] This just seems like a scheme to get a free cat. #796; In Which a Cat is either Lost, or Gained. {{alt-text: Do not call without an offer of a cat. I get plenty of calls already about other matters. I do not want a call just to "chat". Unless you're French.}} #796; In Which a Cat is either Lost, or Gained.

[[A sign on a light pole]]
LOST CAT.
Kind of quirky.
Playful but weird.
Does not answer to any name in particular.
We will accept any cat.
Call 424-2366.

[[A man is reading the sign]]
This just seems like a scheme to get a free cat.

#796; In Which a Cat is either Lost, or Gained.

{{alt-text: Do not call without an offer of a cat. I get plenty of calls already about other matters. I do not want a call just to "chat". Unless you're French.}}]]> #816; The Tic Tac Mystery, Part 4 http://wondermark.com/816/ http://wondermark.com/816/ Fri, 23 Mar 2012 18:34:44 -0000 <a href="http://wondermark.com/816/">#816; The Tic Tac Mystery, Part 4</a> [[The entire panel is taken up with a cropped screenshot of a web forum: 'MyTacs: Share your TicTac?? Moments'. Various forum posters are discussing their love of Tic Tacs.]] kittymom: I love tic tacs I give them to my boyfriend before he kisses me ;) usaflag5: Was there ever a purpel Tic Tac? I remember from 10-12 yrs ago and maybe it was grape/??? email me if there is still grape popouri75@mapnet.pc debbieNV: Can Orange Tick Tacks dissolve in water? Someone told me they made orange soda by dissolving Orange T... [[Gerald is evidently a member of this forum, and his voluminous post does not quite fit in the panel frame. He's made 6428 other posts.]] gerardman: Have any of you other 'Taccers man... beyond the hidden message in the t... and on the billboards? I thought it u... cipher and after a little futzing around... decoded to a message that rang wh... think is a fax machine, but all the fa... got no reply. Nobody answers the ph... so I'm not sure if I should wait for a... back or what? I made sure my Calle... wasn't blocked and even downloade... utility so the fax machine spoofed a ... number but so far bupkis. Mainly I'm... to get worried that the cipher is dep... moon phases and we're already wel... waxing gibbous. If you want to PM r... promise I won't cheat ;) I'll even sh... of the license plates I decoded. The ... that deliver the Tic Tacs to the store... my area all have 'Apportioned' plate... all but four of them feature vowels... can't be a coincidence! :P ..So I've... an Excel... 20543 characters more sgallo1995: woah TicAttack: gerardman, you have had your last warning. You are hereby banned from the forum. Do not post here any longer. Your IP has been logged and added to our site-wide blacklist. Your trespassing at the homes of our corporate officers has been extensively documented. We have had no choice but to fax your picture to every Tic Tac?? retailer in the country. They will no longer sell you Tic Tacs??. If we ever hear of you illegally obtaining Tic Tacs??, interacting with our brand in any way, or even using the words "Tic Tacs??" in any form, we will levy criminal charges. You are done with Tic Tacs??. sgallo1995: burnnnn [[Gerald sits alone in the dark, in front of a laptop showing the MyTacs forum.]] Gerald: So. I must be getting close. {{header: that's it. WONDERMARK.COM}} {{alt-text: Gerard needs this.}} #816; The Tic Tac Mystery, Part 4

[[The entire panel is taken up with a cropped screenshot of a web forum: 'MyTacs: Share your TicTac?? Moments'. Various forum posters are discussing their love of Tic Tacs.]]

kittymom: I love tic tacs I give them to my boyfriend before he kisses me ;)

usaflag5: Was there ever a purpel Tic Tac? I remember from 10-12 yrs ago and maybe it was grape/???
email me if there is still grape popouri75@mapnet.pc

debbieNV: Can Orange Tick Tacks dissolve in water? Someone told me they made orange soda by dissolving Orange T...

[[Gerald is evidently a member of this forum, and his voluminous post does not quite fit in the panel frame. He's made 6428 other posts.]]

gerardman: Have any of you other 'Taccers man...
beyond the hidden message in the t...
and on the billboards? I thought it u...
cipher and after a little futzing around...
decoded to a message that rang wh...
think is a fax machine, but all the fa...
got no reply. Nobody answers the ph...
so I'm not sure if I should wait for a...
back or what? I made sure my Calle...
wasn't blocked and even downloade...
utility so the fax machine spoofed a ...
number but so far bupkis. Mainly I'm...
to get worried that the cipher is dep...
moon phases and we're already wel...
waxing gibbous. If you want to PM r...
promise I won't cheat ;) I'll even sh...
of the license plates I decoded. The ...
that deliver the Tic Tacs to the store...
my area all have 'Apportioned' plate...
all but four of them feature vowels...
can't be a coincidence! :P ..So I've...
an Excel... 20543 characters more

sgallo1995: woah

TicAttack: gerardman, you have had your last warning. You are hereby banned from the forum. Do not post here any longer. Your IP has been logged and added to our site-wide blacklist.

Your trespassing at the homes of our corporate officers has been extensively documented. We have had no choice but to fax your picture to every Tic Tac?? retailer in the country. They will no longer sell you Tic Tacs??.

If we ever hear of you illegally obtaining Tic Tacs??, interacting with our brand in any way, or even using the words "Tic Tacs??" in any form, we will levy criminal charges.

You are done with Tic Tacs??.

sgallo1995: burnnnn

[[Gerald sits alone in the dark, in front of a laptop showing the MyTacs forum.]]

Gerald: So. I must be getting close.

{{header: that's it. WONDERMARK.COM}}
{{alt-text: Gerard needs this.}}]]> #815; The Tic Tac Mystery, Part 3 http://wondermark.com/815/ http://wondermark.com/815/ Thu, 22 Mar 2012 20:42:27 -0000 <a href="http://wondermark.com/815/">#815; The Tic Tac Mystery, Part 3</a> Gerald: I think it's an anagram. 'You're wasting your life' works out to 'A Freeway: Our Noisy Guilt' or possibly 'Angularities! You Wry Foe.' Reginald: It really is just Tic Tacs. Who cares about Tic Tacs! Honestly! Gerald: To you it is just Tic Tacs. Breath mints, who cares? But to me, now, I care. Gerald: It's like realizing an acquaintance has a hidden side that's really cool. He plays games with you and sends you on quests! I respect Tic Tac as a company for building this sandbox to play in. Gerald: Besides, 'Urine Foils Your Getaway'! Reginald: Is that an anagram or a threat {{header: unravel WONDERMARK.COM}} {{alt-text: Reuinfy your wastage oil! You furry genitalia woes!}} #815; The Tic Tac Mystery, Part 3

Gerald: I think it's an anagram. 'You're wasting your life' works out to 'A Freeway: Our Noisy Guilt' or possibly 'Angularities! You Wry Foe.'
Reginald: It really is just Tic Tacs. Who cares about Tic Tacs! Honestly!

Gerald: To you it is just Tic Tacs. Breath mints, who cares? But to me, now, I care.

Gerald: It's like realizing an acquaintance has a hidden side that's really cool. He plays games with you and sends you on quests!
I respect Tic Tac as a company for building this sandbox to play in.

Gerald: Besides, 'Urine Foils Your Getaway'!
Reginald: Is that an anagram or a threat

{{header: unravel WONDERMARK.COM}}
{{alt-text: Reuinfy your wastage oil! You furry genitalia woes!}}]]> #814; Further Mysteries of Tic Tacs http://wondermark.com/814/ http://wondermark.com/814/ Wed, 21 Mar 2012 20:18:48 -0000 <a href="http://wondermark.com/814/">#814; Further Mysteries of Tic Tacs</a> Gerald: I just don't understand it! I did everything right! Why would Tic Tacs insult me for doing the puzzle they created? I'm the kind of devoted brand evangelist they want! I should be rewarded! But this-! Reginald: Maybe it's a sign to back off when even the brand doesn't care as much about their stupid campaign as you do. Gerald: No. This is a test. It goes deeper. [[Gerald raises his fist in determination.]] Gerald: It's another clue. I can figure it out. I can unlock it. Reginald: Or you could, you know... let it go. Gerald: Why do you care so much about how I amuse myself? What would you rather I do? Golf? {{header: keep looking at WONDERMARK.COM}} {{alt-text: I buy a bunch of clubs and WHAT? Hit a ball in a hole? FOR WHAT? Coupons? Swag? Exclusive downloadable wallpapers and ringtones? NOPE, NOPE, NOPE AND NO THANK YOU}} #814; Further Mysteries of Tic Tacs

Gerald: I just don't understand it! I did everything right! Why would Tic Tacs insult me for doing the puzzle they created?
I'm the kind of devoted brand evangelist they want! I should be rewarded! But this-!

Reginald: Maybe it's a sign to back off when even the brand doesn't care as much about their stupid campaign as you do.
Gerald: No. This is a test. It goes deeper.

[[Gerald raises his fist in determination.]]
Gerald: It's another clue. I can figure it out. I can unlock it.

Reginald: Or you could, you know... let it go.
Gerald: Why do you care so much about how I amuse myself?
What would you rather I do? Golf?

{{header: keep looking at WONDERMARK.COM}}
{{alt-text: I buy a bunch of clubs and WHAT? Hit a ball in a hole? FOR WHAT? Coupons? Swag? Exclusive downloadable wallpapers and ringtones? NOPE, NOPE, NOPE AND NO THANK YOU}}]]> #813; The Tic Tac Treasure http://wondermark.com/813/ http://wondermark.com/813/ Tue, 20 Mar 2012 20:33:40 -0000 <a href="http://wondermark.com/813/">#813; The Tic Tac Treasure</a> [[Gerald sits at a table, working on a large QR code. Reginald approaches.]] Reginald: Working on a puzzle? Gerald: Kind of! I'm engaging with Viral Marketing. Gerald: It's a giant QR code puzzle. I've been printing out pieces all month. I got the image files from a bus stop ad for Tic Tacs. Every day while I wait for the bus, I view that day's portion of the ad through my special Tic Tac Viewer app, which links me to a downloadable puzzle piece PDF. Gerald: I knew about the viewer because I happened to peel off the label on a box of Tic Tacs. Printed on the inside was a rebus that resolved to an App Store URL. I love how companies take risks with viral promotions! I like Tic Tacs just fine, but what I like even more are puzzles. I like feeling like someone believes I'm smart enough to figure this out. Gerald: And that's the last piece! Let's see where this QR Code takes us? It's a GIF! Animated letters! Y?O?U?A?R?E?W?A?S?T?I?N?G?Y?O?U?R?L?I?F?E?I?T?S?J?U?S?T?T?I?C?T?A?C?S? What does that spell {{header: dig deep into WONDERMARK.COM}} {{alt-text: Gerard peels back every label on every single thing, each time holding his breath and HOPING a mystery like this is waiting.}} #813; The Tic Tac Treasure

[[Gerald sits at a table, working on a large QR code. Reginald approaches.]]

Reginald: Working on a puzzle?
Gerald: Kind of! I'm engaging with Viral Marketing.

Gerald: It's a giant QR code puzzle. I've been printing out pieces all month.
I got the image files from a bus stop ad for Tic Tacs. Every day while I wait for the bus, I view that day's portion of the ad through my special Tic Tac Viewer app, which links me to a downloadable puzzle piece PDF.

Gerald: I knew about the viewer because I happened to peel off the label on a box of Tic Tacs. Printed on the inside was a rebus that resolved to an App Store URL.
I love how companies take risks with viral promotions! I like Tic Tacs just fine, but what I like even more are puzzles. I like feeling like someone believes I'm smart enough to figure this out.

Gerald: And that's the last piece! Let's see where this QR Code takes us?
It's a GIF! Animated letters! Y?O?U?A?R?E?W?A?S?T?I?N?G?Y?O?U?R?L?I?F?E?I?T?S?J?U?S?T?T?I?C?T?A?C?S?
What does that spell

{{header: dig deep into WONDERMARK.COM}}
{{alt-text: Gerard peels back every label on every single thing, each time holding his breath and HOPING a mystery like this is waiting.}}]]> #807; The Cookie Pushers http://wondermark.com/807/ http://wondermark.com/807/ Tue, 20 Mar 2012 20:32:58 -0000 <a href="http://wondermark.com/807/">#807; The Cookie Pushers</a> [[Joan is seated at a pedestal roll top desk. Girl Scout Mom approaches holding a cardboard box.]] Girl Scout Mom: Who wants to buy Girl Scout cookies? Joan, I saved you some Thin Mints! Joan: Get out of here with that stuff! What's wrong with you? Shameless! Girl Scout Mom: I? I also have Samoas? Joan: You've got some nerve strolling in here like a peanut vendor at a ballgame! Where are the girls? Where are the uniforms? Unless you've got a fifth-grader and a card table in that box, you need to step out of Accounts Receivable. Girl Scout Mom: Joan, don't be a jerk! They're for my daughter! Joan: And when your daughter comes in here, or when I see her in front of the grocery store building character, I will buy from her then. You are not her agent. Girl Scout Mom: And you speak for the whole office? Joan: Absolutely I do. [[Man with a crazed expression leaps on top of the desk.]] Man: GIVE ME ALL YOUR TAGALONGS {{header: pick up some WONDERMARK.COM}} {{alt-text: My wife gets mad whenever I mention Girl Scout Cookies without ALSO mentioning Camp Fire Candy, so sub in whichever term you prefer.}} #807; The Cookie Pushers

[[Joan is seated at a pedestal roll top desk. Girl Scout Mom approaches holding a cardboard box.]]

Girl Scout Mom: Who wants to buy Girl Scout cookies? Joan, I saved you some Thin Mints!
Joan: Get out of here with that stuff! What's wrong with you? Shameless!

Girl Scout Mom: I? I also have Samoas?
Joan: You've got some nerve strolling in here like a peanut vendor at a ballgame!
Where are the girls? Where are the uniforms? Unless you've got a fifth-grader and a card table in that box, you need to step out of Accounts Receivable.

Girl Scout Mom: Joan, don't be a jerk! They're for my daughter!
Joan: And when your daughter comes in here, or when I see her in front of the grocery store building character, I will buy from her then. You are not her agent.

Girl Scout Mom: And you speak for the whole office?
Joan: Absolutely I do.
[[Man with a crazed expression leaps on top of the desk.]]
Man: GIVE ME ALL YOUR TAGALONGS

{{header: pick up some WONDERMARK.COM}}
{{alt-text: My wife gets mad whenever I mention Girl Scout Cookies without ALSO mentioning Camp Fire Candy, so sub in whichever term you prefer.}}]]>