Ask Dr. Eldritch - latest additions

Ask Dr. Eldritch - latest additions http://askdreldritch.com The latest transcribed Ask Dr. Eldritch comics, powered by OhNoRobot.com en-us Sun, 13 Mar 2011 21:42:03 -0000 60 #676 - Book Tour 3 http://askdreldritch.com/comic676.html http://askdreldritch.com/comic676.html Sun, 13 Mar 2011 21:17:40 -0000 <a href="http://askdreldritch.com/comic676.html">#676 - Book Tour 3</a> Interviewer: So where do you get your ideas? Dr. Zastro: I'm so glad you asked that! I'm almost out of ideas, and I get more by tearing open the heads of people who ask me where I get my ideas. <<SPPP>> <<SPP>> Interviewer: Um... Dr. Zastro: Any last words? Interviewer: Go to commercial! #676 - Book Tour 3

Interviewer: So where do you get your ideas?
Dr. Zastro: I'm so glad you asked that! I'm almost out of ideas, and I get more by tearing open the heads of people who ask me where I get my ideas.

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Interviewer: Um...
Dr. Zastro: Any last words?
Interviewer: Go to commercial!]]> #662 - Superdilemma http://askdreldritch.com/comic662.html http://askdreldritch.com/comic662.html Sun, 13 Mar 2011 21:15:30 -0000 <a href="http://askdreldritch.com/comic662.html">#662 - Superdilemma</a> {{Comic 662}} {{Superdilemma}} [[Hallway. Gnomes Gerard and Oliver walk along.]] Oliver: I bet he said, "Hey, I've gotten crap for YEARS about talking to fish and being called the worst superhero ever, but now when you need me, you're all 'Oh we're sorry, please help us!' Well, screw you guys! Cap your own freakin' oil well!" Gerard: That would explain the lack of superhero involvement. Oliver: Exactly. As someone with a superpower of my own, I suspect I may face this one day. What do I do if my unique skills are suddenly the only thing that can save those people who rejected me for years? Can I forgive all the abuse in exchange for acceptance? Oliver: It would be tempting to tell them to sod off since they're only being nice to me because they want something. But I think I'd make a bargain: I will save them, but I can be a total dick for as many years as they ridiculed me, and they can't do anything about it. That would show them! BWAHAHAHAHAHA! Gerard: Dude, being able to remember your friends' phone numbers is not a superpower. Oliver: Yeah? Then why can't everybody do it? {{It's not like we need to anymore. Even my TOASTER has an Address Book.}} {{Appearances:}} {{Oliver}} {{Gerard}} Kicks: I remember yours: speed-dial, 6. Hero: I'm only NUMBER 6? #662 - Superdilemma

{{Comic 662}} {{Superdilemma}}

[[Hallway. Gnomes Gerard and Oliver walk along.]]
Oliver: I bet he said, "Hey, I've gotten crap for YEARS about talking to fish and being called the worst superhero ever, but now when you need me, you're all 'Oh we're sorry, please help us!' Well, screw you guys! Cap your own freakin' oil well!"
Gerard: That would explain the lack of superhero involvement.

Oliver: Exactly. As someone with a superpower of my own, I suspect I may face this one day. What do I do if my unique skills are suddenly the only thing that can save those people who rejected me for years? Can I forgive all the abuse in exchange for acceptance?

Oliver: It would be tempting to tell them to sod off since they're only being nice to me because they want something. But I think I'd make a bargain: I will save them, but I can be a total dick for as many years as they ridiculed me, and they can't do anything about it. That would show them! BWAHAHAHAHAHA!

Gerard: Dude, being able to remember your friends' phone numbers is not a superpower.
Oliver: Yeah? Then why can't everybody do it?

{{It's not like we need to anymore. Even my TOASTER has an Address Book.}}
{{Appearances:}} {{Oliver}} {{Gerard}}

Kicks: I remember yours: speed-dial, 6.
Hero: I'm only NUMBER 6?]]> #657 - Calling It http://askdreldritch.com/comic657.html http://askdreldritch.com/comic657.html Sun, 13 Mar 2011 21:10:58 -0000 <a href="http://askdreldritch.com/comic657.html">#657 - Calling It</a> {{Comic 657}} {{Calling It}} [[Kari Proctor and Guy Random are in queue at Undead Coffee]] Kari: Thanks for trying, but I'll take it from here. Guy: Okay. You're going to beat him up now? Kari: Uh, no. Guy: Put him in a headlock until he begs for mercy? Kari: I was thinking of something less lawsuit-inducing. Guy: Oh. Like what? [[pan out to include Jerk]] Kari: THAT IS *INAPPROPRIATE*! YOU CAN'T TALK TO ME THAT WAY! Jerk: Whoa! Jerk: What brought THAT on? Guy: Sure, but *I* could have done THAT. Kari: Feel free to contemplate the irony of that statement while I wrap this up. {{Wait...what?}} {{Appearances:}} {{Kari Proctor}} {{Guy Random}} {{Jerk}} #657 - Calling It

{{Comic 657}} {{Calling It}}

[[Kari Proctor and Guy Random are in queue at Undead Coffee]]
Kari: Thanks for trying, but I'll take it from here.
Guy: Okay. You're going to beat him up now?
Kari: Uh, no.

Guy: Put him in a headlock until he begs for mercy?
Kari: I was thinking of something less lawsuit-inducing.
Guy: Oh. Like what?

[[pan out to include Jerk]]
Kari: THAT IS *INAPPROPRIATE*! YOU CAN'T TALK TO ME THAT WAY!
Jerk: Whoa!

Jerk: What brought THAT on?
Guy: Sure, but *I* could have done THAT.
Kari: Feel free to contemplate the irony of that statement while I wrap this up.

{{Wait...what?}}
{{Appearances:}} {{Kari Proctor}} {{Guy Random}} {{Jerk}}]]> #656 - Guys http://askdreldritch.com/comic656.html http://askdreldritch.com/comic656.html Sun, 13 Mar 2011 21:10:00 -0000 <a href="http://askdreldritch.com/comic656.html">#656 - Guys</a> [[Undead Coffee. The menu board offers Jalepeno Latte and $4 off the price of a Cinnamon Mocha "if you can identify the armies who fought in the Battle of Puebla." Kari stands in line between Jerk and Guy Random.]] Jerk: Why all the clothes, babe? With a hot bod like that, you really should show it off. Kari: Does it occur to you that saying that might just creep me out? Jerk: Not really. Guy Random: Excuse me, is that man bothering you? Kari: Yes, he is. Guy Random: Oh. crap. Kari: Is that a problem. Guy Random: Yeah. I wasn't expecting you to say Yes. Now I feel obligated to actually DO something about it. Kari: I was going to handle it, but feel free. Guy Random: My usual technique is to wait and hope things get better by themselves. Jerk: Hey, you've got boobs! I like that in a woman! Kari: It's not working. Guy Random: Give it more time! {{title-text: And maybe it would help if I stand farther away?}} #656 - Guys

[[Undead Coffee. The menu board offers Jalepeno Latte and $4 off the price of a Cinnamon Mocha "if you can identify the armies who fought in the Battle of Puebla." Kari stands in line between Jerk and Guy Random.]]
Jerk: Why all the clothes, babe? With a hot bod like that, you really should show it off.
Kari: Does it occur to you that saying that might just creep me out?
Jerk: Not really.

Guy Random: Excuse me, is that man bothering you?
Kari: Yes, he is.
Guy Random: Oh. crap.
Kari: Is that a problem.

Guy Random: Yeah. I wasn't expecting you to say Yes. Now I feel obligated to actually DO something about it.
Kari: I was going to handle it, but feel free.
Guy Random: My usual technique is to wait and hope things get better by themselves.

Jerk: Hey, you've got boobs! I like that in a woman!
Kari: It's not working.
Guy Random: Give it more time!

{{title-text: And maybe it would help if I stand farther away?}}]]> #653 - Change of Subject http://askdreldritch.com/comic653.html http://askdreldritch.com/comic653.html Sun, 13 Mar 2011 21:04:59 -0000 <a href="http://askdreldritch.com/comic653.html">#653 - Change of Subject</a> {{Comic 653}} {[Change of Subject}} [[Foyer. Valeria Steele talks to Kari Proctor.]] Val: It's not like saving for retirement does us much good, since we generally end up going off and never coming back. Kari: Can we talk about something else? Val: Sure, how about a joke. Kari: Maybe. Val: How many old Treasure Hunters does it take to screw in a light bulb? Kari: ... Kari: I don't know. Val: None! There AREN'T any old Treasure Hunters! Kari: That's it. I'm going to go take a long, hot bath and try to think of happy things, although NOT KITTENS, thanks to someone who ruined them for me recently. [[Val sits with Dr. Eldritch in the breakfast nook, which shows a graveyard]] Eldritch: So, how did your talk with Kari go? Val: Better than expected! {{And I think she'll get over the kitten thing.}} {{Appearances:}} {{Valeria Steele}} {{Kari Proctor}} {{Dr. Eldritch}} #653 - Change of Subject

{{Comic 653}} {[Change of Subject}}

[[Foyer. Valeria Steele talks to Kari Proctor.]]
Val: It's not like saving for retirement does us much good, since we generally end up going off and never coming back.
Kari: Can we talk about something else?
Val: Sure, how about a joke.
Kari: Maybe.

Val: How many old Treasure Hunters does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Kari: ...
Kari: I don't know.

Val: None! There AREN'T any old Treasure Hunters!
Kari: That's it. I'm going to go take a long, hot bath and try to think of happy things, although NOT KITTENS, thanks to someone who ruined them for me recently.

[[Val sits with Dr. Eldritch in the breakfast nook, which shows a graveyard]]
Eldritch: So, how did your talk with Kari go?
Val: Better than expected!

{{And I think she'll get over the kitten thing.}}
{{Appearances:}} {{Valeria Steele}} {{Kari Proctor}} {{Dr. Eldritch}}]]> #652 - On Topic http://askdreldritch.com/comic652.html http://askdreldritch.com/comic652.html Sun, 13 Mar 2011 20:51:24 -0000 <a href="http://askdreldritch.com/comic652.html">#652 - On Topic</a> {{Comic 652}} {{On Topic}} Val: Just listen for a minute, okay? I'm going on a salvage mission with some guys, and it could be kinda dangerous, but I"m sure I'll make it back, and I changed my will and you get everything I own, if anything... Kari (interrupting): WHAT? THIS IS NOT OKAY!! Val: Yeah, there's the freak-out. Kari: What do you expect? First I learn about Evil Kittens, and now you're talking about dying and wills and that's just too much at once! Val: I'm not going to die. Kari: You said it was dangerous! And you made a will, and that's all grown-up and serious, and I'm just... me. I appreciate the thought, but why would you leave everything to ME? Val: Of all the people I know... Val: You're the least likely to kill me just to get my stuff. Kari: Oh, that makes me feel special. {{Hey, think of it as being #1 for Not Killing. Woohoo!}} {{Appearances:}} {{Valeria Steele}} {{Kari Proctor}} #652 - On Topic

{{Comic 652}} {{On Topic}}

Val: Just listen for a minute, okay? I'm going on a salvage mission with some guys, and it could be kinda dangerous, but I"m sure I'll make it back, and I changed my will and you get everything I own, if anything...
Kari (interrupting): WHAT? THIS IS NOT OKAY!!

Val: Yeah, there's the freak-out.
Kari: What do you expect? First I learn about Evil Kittens, and now you're talking about dying and wills and that's just too much at once!
Val: I'm not going to die.

Kari: You said it was dangerous! And you made a will, and that's all grown-up and serious, and I'm just... me. I appreciate the thought, but why would you leave everything to ME?
Val: Of all the people I know...

Val: You're the least likely to kill me just to get my stuff.
Kari: Oh, that makes me feel special.

{{Hey, think of it as being #1 for Not Killing. Woohoo!}}
{{Appearances:}} {{Valeria Steele}} {{Kari Proctor}}]]> #651 - Digression http://askdreldritch.com/comic651.html http://askdreldritch.com/comic651.html Sun, 13 Mar 2011 20:49:44 -0000 <a href="http://askdreldritch.com/comic651.html">#651 - Digression</a> {{Comic 654}} {{Digression}} [[Rainy outdoor steps. Valeria Steele, Kari Proctor, and her charge sit together.]] Val: You know that I know other people, right? Kari: Well, yeah. Of course. Val: Cool. It's just that I don't want you to freak out. Kari: WHAT? WHATS WRONG?!? Val: I said I DON'T want you to freak out. Kari: Yeah, but nobody says that if it's not something serious! Have you ever heard someone say, "Don't freak out, but I saw a really cute kitten today?" Val: What if it was an evil kitten? Kari: Kittens aren't evil! They're cute and fluffy and adorable! Val: The point is, I'm going... Kari: Hang on. [[Reference Librarian is at her reference desk in the library]] RL: Reference desk! Kari (off-panel): Kittens can't be evil, right? RL: Oh, sweetie, are you sitting down? {{If it's any comfort, VERY FEW kittens are Evil.}} {{Appearances:}} {{Valeria Steele}} {{Kari Proctor}} {{Reference Librarian}} #651 - Digression

{{Comic 654}} {{Digression}}

[[Rainy outdoor steps. Valeria Steele, Kari Proctor, and her charge sit together.]]
Val: You know that I know other people, right?
Kari: Well, yeah. Of course.
Val: Cool. It's just that I don't want you to freak out.
Kari: WHAT? WHATS WRONG?!?

Val: I said I DON'T want you to freak out.
Kari: Yeah, but nobody says that if it's not something serious! Have you ever heard someone say, "Don't freak out, but I saw a really cute kitten today?"

Val: What if it was an evil kitten?
Kari: Kittens aren't evil! They're cute and fluffy and adorable!
Val: The point is, I'm going...
Kari: Hang on.

[[Reference Librarian is at her reference desk in the library]]
RL: Reference desk!
Kari (off-panel): Kittens can't be evil, right?
RL: Oh, sweetie, are you sitting down?

{{If it's any comfort, VERY FEW kittens are Evil.}}
{{Appearances:}} {{Valeria Steele}} {{Kari Proctor}} {{Reference Librarian}}]]> #648 - Indoor Games http://askdreldritch.com/comic648.html http://askdreldritch.com/comic648.html Sun, 13 Mar 2011 20:47:51 -0000 <a href="http://askdreldritch.com/comic648.html">#648 - Indoor Games</a> {{Comic 648}} {{Indoor Games}} [[Trevor looms over Kari Proctor in the living room]] <<silence>> Trevor: I'm not touching you. Kari: Okay. Trevor: I'm not touching you. Kari: Uh huh. Next one to talk loses. Trevor: I'm not... Dang it! [[Trevor and Valeria Steele are in the Breakfast nook, which shows snowy park]] Trevor: Stop repeating everything that I say or I'll rip your arms off and stuff them up your... Oh. Never mind. [[Trevor, Dr. Eldritch, and Nahina are in Dr. Eldritch's study]] Trevor: Nobody appreciates the classics. Eldritch: Well, I'm rubber and you're glue. Everything you say bounces off me and sticks to you! Trevor: Yay! {{Actually, Trevor might consider panel 3 a challenge.}} {{Appearances:}} {{Trevor}} {{Kari Proctor}} {{Valeria Steele}} {{Dr. Eldritch}} {{Nahina}} #648 - Indoor Games

{{Comic 648}} {{Indoor Games}}

[[Trevor looms over Kari Proctor in the living room]]

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Trevor: I'm not touching you.
Kari: Okay.
Trevor: I'm not touching you.
Kari: Uh huh. Next one to talk loses.
Trevor: I'm not... Dang it!

[[Trevor and Valeria Steele are in the Breakfast nook, which shows snowy park]]
Trevor: Stop repeating everything that I say or I'll rip your arms off and stuff them up your... Oh. Never mind.

[[Trevor, Dr. Eldritch, and Nahina are in Dr. Eldritch's study]]
Trevor: Nobody appreciates the classics.
Eldritch: Well, I'm rubber and you're glue. Everything you say bounces off me and sticks to you!
Trevor: Yay!

{{Actually, Trevor might consider panel 3 a challenge.}}
{{Appearances:}} {{Trevor}} {{Kari Proctor}} {{Valeria Steele}} {{Dr. Eldritch}} {{Nahina}}]]> #646 - The Irish Holiday http://askdreldritch.com/comic646.html http://askdreldritch.com/comic646.html Sun, 13 Mar 2011 20:46:46 -0000 <a href="http://askdreldritch.com/comic646.html">#646 - The Irish Holiday</a> {{Comic 646}} {{The Irish Holiday}} [[Festively dressed Byron, Trevor, and Ping play poker in the basement]] Byron: What would you call a convention for people with leprosy? <<SPPP>> <<SPP>> Byron: I can't think of anything. You? Trevor: Nope. Ping: Me neither. {{It's OK if you can't think of anything, either.}} {{Appearances:}} {{Byron}} {{Trevor}} {{Ping}} #646 - The Irish Holiday

{{Comic 646}} {{The Irish Holiday}}

[[Festively dressed Byron, Trevor, and Ping play poker in the basement]]
Byron: What would you call a convention for people with leprosy?

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Byron: I can't think of anything. You?
Trevor: Nope.
Ping: Me neither.

{{It's OK if you can't think of anything, either.}}
{{Appearances:}} {{Byron}} {{Trevor}} {{Ping}}]]> #645 - Clocking It http://askdreldritch.com/comic645.html http://askdreldritch.com/comic645.html Sun, 13 Mar 2011 20:46:12 -0000 <a href="http://askdreldritch.com/comic645.html">#645 - Clocking It</a> Ask Dr. Eldritch! #645 - clocking it Sunday morning... [[Living Room. Gary, Walter and Kevin stand around.]] Kevin: WHOA, NINE O'CLOCK ALREADY? OH, MAN, I HATE LOSING THAT HOUR. Walter: ME TOO. IT TAKES ME DAYS TO FEEL CAUGHT UP AGAIN. Gary: UM, GUYS? WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? Walterr: OH OH! LOOKS LIKE SOMEBODY DIDN'T "SPRING FORWARD!" Kevin: HEE! THAT'S DELICIOUSLY IRONIC! Clock: HEY, NO! IT'S NOT THIS WEEK! WAIT... IS IT? Walter: HAHAHAHAHAHA! Kevin: YOU WERE RIGHT, WALTER! THAT IS FUN! Walter: TOLD YOU! Gary: DAMMIT! Walter: SO, GARY, WHAT HAS TWO HANDS BUT CAN'T PLAY WITH HIMSELF? Gary: HEY! I CAN'T HELP IT THAT... Walter: A T-REX! Gary: HAHAHAHAHA! OK, NOW THAT'S FUNNY! {{Usually that style of joke is not better than Q: What actress was in the 1938 'Adventures of Robin Hood' and is also a peccary found in the southwestern US? A: Oliva de Javalina! #645 - Clocking It

Ask Dr. Eldritch!
#645 - clocking it

Sunday morning...
[[Living Room. Gary, Walter and Kevin stand around.]]

Kevin: WHOA, NINE O'CLOCK ALREADY? OH, MAN, I HATE LOSING THAT HOUR.
Walter: ME TOO. IT TAKES ME DAYS TO FEEL CAUGHT UP AGAIN.
Gary: UM, GUYS? WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

Walterr: OH OH! LOOKS LIKE SOMEBODY DIDN'T "SPRING FORWARD!"
Kevin: HEE! THAT'S DELICIOUSLY IRONIC!
Clock: HEY, NO! IT'S NOT THIS WEEK! WAIT... IS IT?

Walter: HAHAHAHAHAHA!
Kevin: YOU WERE RIGHT, WALTER! THAT IS FUN!
Walter: TOLD YOU!
Gary: DAMMIT!

Walter: SO, GARY, WHAT HAS TWO HANDS BUT CAN'T PLAY WITH HIMSELF?
Gary: HEY! I CAN'T HELP IT THAT...
Walter: A T-REX!
Gary: HAHAHAHAHA! OK, NOW THAT'S FUNNY!

{{Usually that style of joke is not better than Q: What actress was in the 1938 'Adventures of Robin Hood' and is also a peccary found in the southwestern US? A: Oliva de Javalina!]]>