Unicellular - latest additions

Unicellular - latest additions http://unicellularcomic.com The latest transcribed Unicellular comics, powered by OhNoRobot.com en-us Fri, 30 Jul 2010 18:12:03 -0000 60 #65 Desk Holes http://unicellularcomic.com/2008/10/65-desk-holes/ http://unicellularcomic.com/2008/10/65-desk-holes/ Fri, 30 Jul 2010 18:05:41 -0000 <a href="http://unicellularcomic.com/2008/10/65-desk-holes/">#65 Desk Holes</a> Today's Topic: Wholes in Desks Stacey: Back in the day, they put holes in desks so you could dip a quill into an inkwell that was inside the desk. Stacey: But then pens were invented that didn't need to be inked, so they stopped putting holes in desks. Stacey: Later, when computers became popular, they began putting holes in desks to allow wires to connect computer parts. Stacey: But I bet someday computer parts will be wirelessly connected, eliminating the need for desk holes once more! Stacey: I wonder what what will be the cause for the next wave of desk holes? Stacey: Maybe there will be sweet little robots that pop out of desk holes to help keep your desk clean! Stacey: Or at least to look really schnazzy. {{Alt Text: I bet they'll have blinking lights that spin in circles and make you really want to procrastinate. Because obviously the internet isn't near good enough for that.}} #65 Desk Holes

Today's Topic: Wholes in Desks

Stacey: Back in the day, they put holes in desks so you could dip a quill into an inkwell that was inside the desk.

Stacey: But then pens were invented that didn't need to be inked, so they stopped putting holes in desks.

Stacey: Later, when computers became popular, they began putting holes in desks to allow wires to connect computer parts.

Stacey: But I bet someday computer parts will be wirelessly connected, eliminating the need for desk holes once more!

Stacey: I wonder what what will be the cause for the next wave of desk holes?
Stacey: Maybe there will be sweet little robots that pop out of desk holes to help keep your desk clean!
Stacey: Or at least to look really schnazzy.

{{Alt Text: I bet they'll have blinking lights that spin in circles and make you really want to procrastinate. Because obviously the internet isn't near good enough for that.}}]]> #247 Anti-Welcome Mat http://unicellularcomic.com/2010/06/247-anti-welcome-mat/ http://unicellularcomic.com/2010/06/247-anti-welcome-mat/ Wed, 02 Jun 2010 23:21:16 -0000 <a href="http://unicellularcomic.com/2010/06/247-anti-welcome-mat/">#247 Anti-Welcome Mat</a> [[In a prison]] Warden: C'mon, Paul, we're turning this cell into a hotel room to increase the prison's revenues. Warden: This is where you'll be staying from now on. [[There is a cell with a lot of prisoners]] Paul: But warden! There are like 900 guys in there already! Warden: We're making a lot of hotel rooms. Narrator: 901 PRISONERS IN ONE CELL it's UNICELLULAR [[Cut to Tom and Isto, Isto is at a table drawing the comic]] Tom: No, man, it's a comic about bacteria. Isto: Oh. [[There is an intestine]] Narrator: 901 BACTERIA IN ONE SMALL INTESTINE it's uh... WAY TOO FEW BACTERIA #247 Anti-Welcome Mat

[[In a prison]]
Warden: C'mon, Paul, we're turning this cell into a hotel room to increase the prison's revenues.

Warden: This is where you'll be staying from now on.
[[There is a cell with a lot of prisoners]]

Paul: But warden! There are like 900 guys in there already!
Warden: We're making a lot of hotel rooms.

Narrator: 901 PRISONERS IN ONE CELL it's UNICELLULAR

[[Cut to Tom and Isto, Isto is at a table drawing the comic]]
Tom: No, man, it's a comic about bacteria.
Isto: Oh.

[[There is an intestine]]
Narrator: 901 BACTERIA IN ONE SMALL INTESTINE it's uh... WAY TOO FEW BACTERIA]]> #57 Joke http://unicellularcomic.com/2008/10/57-joke/ http://unicellularcomic.com/2008/10/57-joke/ Mon, 29 Mar 2010 12:54:04 -0000 <a href="http://unicellularcomic.com/2008/10/57-joke/">#57 Joke</a> [[Kurt is (apparently) alone.]] Kurt: So, a priest, a rabbi, a lawyer, a doctor, a blonde... Kurt: ...a pony, a Superman, a skeleton, a blind man, a duck, a Chinese man, a vampire, a nun, a hydrogen atom, a little pig... [[Captain Ivan appears.]] Kurt: ...a five-dollar bill, an engineer, a mathematician, George Bush, a gorilla, a neutron, a termite, a mermaid, a pirate... Captain Ivan: Arrrr, [[Kurt is alone again.]] Kurt: ...a short man, a penguin, a frayed knot, a dog, a goat, a grasshopper, a mushroom, a kangaroo, an Irishman, a werewolf... Kurt: ...an American, the Lone Ranger, a fly, a Jew, a Red Sox fan, Abe Lincoln, a wizard, and a cowboy all walk into a bar. Kurt: The bartender says, "Can't you guys read the maximum capacity sign over there on the wall?" {{title text: Alternate last panel: The judge says, "We're getting weirder jury members all the time."}} #57 Joke

[[Kurt is (apparently) alone.]]
Kurt: So, a priest, a rabbi, a lawyer, a doctor, a blonde...

Kurt: ...a pony, a Superman, a skeleton, a blind man, a duck, a Chinese man, a vampire, a nun, a hydrogen atom, a little pig...

[[Captain Ivan appears.]]
Kurt: ...a five-dollar bill, an engineer, a mathematician, George Bush, a gorilla, a neutron, a termite, a mermaid, a pirate...
Captain Ivan: Arrrr,

[[Kurt is alone again.]]
Kurt: ...a short man, a penguin, a frayed knot, a dog, a goat, a grasshopper, a mushroom, a kangaroo, an Irishman, a werewolf...

Kurt: ...an American, the Lone Ranger, a fly, a Jew, a Red Sox fan, Abe Lincoln, a wizard, and a cowboy all walk into a bar.

Kurt: The bartender says, "Can't you guys read the maximum capacity sign over there on the wall?"

{{title text: Alternate last panel: The judge says, "We're getting weirder jury members all the time."}}]]> #56 Paperclips http://unicellularcomic.com/2008/10/56-paperclips/ http://unicellularcomic.com/2008/10/56-paperclips/ Mon, 29 Mar 2010 12:52:12 -0000 <a href="http://unicellularcomic.com/2008/10/56-paperclips/">#56 Paperclips</a> [[Gref is alone.]] Gref: They're everywhere! They're after me! The paperclips are invading! Gref: There was one sitting on the kitchen table, and I saw one by the front door, and another in the fridge. Then there was one on a test that Prof. Bonchi gave back to me! Gref: I think the government is spying on me using mini microphines inside the paperclips! Gref: There was even one on the bathroom counter and three in my backpack! [[Kurt enters.]] Gref: Kurt! I think I'm being monitored by government [sic] paperclips! They're everywhere! Kurt: Oh, did you not hear about the explosion at the paperclip factory yesterday? {{title text: There was even one in my dog's mouth!}} #56 Paperclips

[[Gref is alone.]]
Gref: They're everywhere! They're after me! The paperclips are invading!

Gref: There was one sitting on the kitchen table, and I saw one by the front door, and another in the fridge. Then there was one on a test that Prof. Bonchi gave back to me!

Gref: I think the government is spying on me using mini microphines inside the paperclips!

Gref: There was even one on the bathroom counter and three in my backpack!

[[Kurt enters.]]
Gref: Kurt! I think I'm being monitored by government [sic] paperclips! They're everywhere!

Kurt: Oh, did you not hear about the explosion at the paperclip factory yesterday?

{{title text: There was even one in my dog's mouth!}}]]> #53 Clogged Sink http://unicellularcomic.com/2008/09/53-clogged-sink/ http://unicellularcomic.com/2008/09/53-clogged-sink/ Mon, 29 Mar 2010 12:50:25 -0000 <a href="http://unicellularcomic.com/2008/09/53-clogged-sink/">#53 Clogged Sink</a> [[Professor Bonchi is standing next to a sink.]] Prof. Bonchi: Oh no! There's a jellyfish in the sink! [[A pink tentacle emerges from the sink.]] [[There is now a mass of tentacles covering Prof. Bonchi.]] [[The scene changes to a view of the earth from space, where a small mass of pink tentacles can be seen in a section of North America.]] [[The tentacles spread over most of the Western Hemisphere.]] [[The mass of tentacles completely envelops the earth.]] {{title text: The little-known theory of jellyfish being the cause of black holes.}} #53 Clogged Sink

[[Professor Bonchi is standing next to a sink.]]
Prof. Bonchi: Oh no! There's a jellyfish in the sink!

[[A pink tentacle emerges from the sink.]]

[[There is now a mass of tentacles covering Prof. Bonchi.]]

[[The scene changes to a view of the earth from space, where a small mass of pink tentacles can be seen in a section of North America.]]

[[The tentacles spread over most of the Western Hemisphere.]]

[[The mass of tentacles completely envelops the earth.]]

{{title text: The little-known theory of jellyfish being the cause of black holes.}}]]> #50 Nerd http://unicellularcomic.com/2008/09/50-nerd/ http://unicellularcomic.com/2008/09/50-nerd/ Mon, 29 Mar 2010 12:50:12 -0000 <a href="http://unicellularcomic.com/2008/09/50-nerd/">#50 Nerd</a> [[Kurt and Stacey are talking.]] Kurt: What's the nerdiest thing you've ever done? Stacey: That's only a partially ordered set, so it doesn't necessarily have a last element. {{title text: The nerdiest thing I ever did was make a webcomic where unicellular organisms reference ordered set theory.}} #50 Nerd

[[Kurt and Stacey are talking.]]
Kurt: What's the nerdiest thing you've ever done?

Stacey: That's only a partially ordered set, so it doesn't necessarily have a last element.

{{title text: The nerdiest thing I ever did was make a webcomic where unicellular organisms reference ordered set theory.}}]]> #49 Stapler http://unicellularcomic.com/2008/09/49-stapler/ http://unicellularcomic.com/2008/09/49-stapler/ Mon, 29 Mar 2010 12:49:48 -0000 <a href="http://unicellularcomic.com/2008/09/49-stapler/">#49 Stapler</a> [[Herby is alone.]] Herby: Electronic staplers are so sweet. Herby: When you're all like "Man, a normal stapler would [i]surely get[/i] jammed with this thick stack of paper," it's all like "Wham! Your bidding has been done." [[Next Saturday...]] [[Herby is dragging an electronic stapler by the power cord.]] Herby: Come on Fluffy, time for your walk! Stapler: Wham! Your bidding has been done. {{title text: Electric staplers make great birthday presents for friends and loved ones.}} #49 Stapler

[[Herby is alone.]]
Herby: Electronic staplers are so sweet.

Herby: When you're all like "Man, a normal stapler would [i]surely get[/i] jammed with this thick stack of paper," it's all like "Wham! Your bidding has been done."

[[Next Saturday...]]
[[Herby is dragging an electronic stapler by the power cord.]]
Herby: Come on Fluffy, time for your walk!
Stapler: Wham! Your bidding has been done.

{{title text: Electric staplers make great birthday presents for friends and loved ones.}}]]> #48 Rapper http://unicellularcomic.com/2008/09/48-rapper/ http://unicellularcomic.com/2008/09/48-rapper/ Mon, 29 Mar 2010 12:48:38 -0000 <a href="http://unicellularcomic.com/2008/09/48-rapper/">#48 Rapper</a> [[Kurt and Herby are approached by a yellow worm wearing a black backwards baseball cap.]] Worm: Hi Fellas, I'm the Ghetto Tapeworm. Kurt: Oh... hi? Ghetto Tapeworm: When I be tapin' you gonna be gapin' cause you can't be fakin your achin' when I be takin' yo' bacon. Ghetto Tapeworm: Don't mess, can't stress, I'll caress your intess-tine while you guess yes less. Herby: Hold on a minute. Shouldn't you be, like, way bigger than us since you're a tapeworm? [[The Ghetto Tapeworm disappears in a "POOF" of smoke.]] [[Kurt and Herby stand in awkward silence.]] #48 Rapper

[[Kurt and Herby are approached by a yellow worm wearing a black backwards baseball cap.]]
Worm: Hi Fellas, I'm the Ghetto Tapeworm.
Kurt: Oh... hi?

Ghetto Tapeworm: When I be tapin' you gonna be gapin' cause you can't be fakin your achin' when I be takin' yo' bacon.

Ghetto Tapeworm: Don't mess, can't stress, I'll caress your intess-tine while you guess yes less.

Herby: Hold on a minute. Shouldn't you be, like, way bigger than us since you're a tapeworm?

[[The Ghetto Tapeworm disappears in a "POOF" of smoke.]]

[[Kurt and Herby stand in awkward silence.]]]]> #47 A Book Named Deborah http://unicellularcomic.com/2008/09/47-a-book-named-deborah/ http://unicellularcomic.com/2008/09/47-a-book-named-deborah/ Mon, 29 Mar 2010 12:48:22 -0000 <a href="http://unicellularcomic.com/2008/09/47-a-book-named-deborah/">#47 A Book Named Deborah</a> [[Kurt and mKarla are talking.]] Kurt: I have an idea for a kamazing book! mKarla: Kamazing? Kurt: Yeah, like so amazing it needs a "k" in front of it. Anyways, it would be about a boy who goes fishing a lot cause he likes to fish. Kurt: And one day he falls in the lake where he's fishing and finds an underwater city. But the city isn't Atlantis -- that would be lame. Kurt: And then the boy figures out that fishing is mean because it hurts the fishes. But the twist at the end is that the people he met were really fish all along. mKarla: Well, that's a novel idea. {{title text: And then he grew up to become a lawyer for the fish, until they locked him away in the asylum. THE END}} #47 A Book Named Deborah

[[Kurt and mKarla are talking.]]
Kurt: I have an idea for a kamazing book!
mKarla: Kamazing?

Kurt: Yeah, like so amazing it needs a "k" in front of it. Anyways, it would be about a boy who goes fishing a lot cause he likes to fish.

Kurt: And one day he falls in the lake where he's fishing and finds an underwater city. But the city isn't Atlantis -- that would be lame.

Kurt: And then the boy figures out that fishing is mean because it hurts the fishes. But the twist at the end is that the people he met were really fish all along.

mKarla: Well, that's a novel idea.

{{title text: And then he grew up to become a lawyer for the fish, until they locked him away in the asylum. THE END}}]]> #46 White Board http://unicellularcomic.com/2008/09/46-white-board/ http://unicellularcomic.com/2008/09/46-white-board/ Mon, 29 Mar 2010 12:42:45 -0000 <a href="http://unicellularcomic.com/2008/09/46-white-board/">#46 White Board</a> [[Stacey's door is shown. On it is a whiteboard reading "something on your board".]] Herby: Hey Stacey. I wrote something on your board. Stacey: Oh really? [[sometime later...]] Herby: Stacey! I think there's something on your board! [[a few moons later...]] Herby: I bet you didn't realize that someone wrote something on your board, Stacey. [[that night...]] [[Herby is lying down; Stacey leans over him.]] Herby: zzzzZZZzzzzZZZzz... [[the next day...]] [[Written across Herby's face is "something on your face".]] Stacey: Herby, I think there's something on your face. {{title text: No, that's just the weird pattern that my facial hair grows.}} #46 White Board

[[Stacey's door is shown. On it is a whiteboard reading "something on your board".]]

Herby: Hey Stacey. I wrote something on your board.
Stacey: Oh really?

[[sometime later...]]
Herby: Stacey! I think there's something on your board!

[[a few moons later...]]
Herby: I bet you didn't realize that someone wrote something on your board, Stacey.

[[that night...]]
[[Herby is lying down; Stacey leans over him.]]
Herby: zzzzZZZzzzzZZZzz...

[[the next day...]]
[[Written across Herby's face is "something on your face".]]
Stacey: Herby, I think there's something on your face.

{{title text: No, that's just the weird pattern that my facial hair grows.}}]]>