Rock, Paper, Cynic - latest additions

Rock, Paper, Cynic - latest additions http://rockpapercynic.com The latest transcribed Rock, Paper, Cynic comics, powered by OhNoRobot.com en-us Fri, 02 Mar 2012 02:12:02 -0000 60 When Pokemon Finally Evolve (Magikarp's Revenge)... http://rockpapercynic.com/index.php?date=2012-01-27 http://rockpapercynic.com/index.php?date=2012-01-27 Fri, 02 Mar 2012 01:45:13 -0000 <a href="http://rockpapercynic.com/index.php?date=2012-01-27">When Pokemon Finally Evolve (Magikarp's Revenge)...</a> [[Magikarp and Gyarados]] How you like me now? {{Poor Magikarp, filled such impotent rage...}} When Pokemon Finally Evolve (Magikarp's Revenge)...

[[Magikarp and Gyarados]]
How you like me now?
{{Poor Magikarp, filled such impotent rage...}}]]> Greeting Cards for Every Occasion, My Ass http://rockpapercynic.com/index.php?date=2012-01-13 http://rockpapercynic.com/index.php?date=2012-01-13 Fri, 02 Mar 2012 01:44:19 -0000 <a href="http://rockpapercynic.com/index.php?date=2012-01-13">Greeting Cards for Every Occasion, My Ass</a> [[Two spindly-limbed humanoids (of the same sort evident throughout "you're not so great" and apparently highly favored by Peter of late) with mottled camo-style torsos/garments are falling towards a smoking... cephalopod? Whose mouth is on fire? It is lying in a blob of green with leafy bits, which is on a sandy-looking blob, which is in turn on a blue background. To the left is a plane-like object, which is very tiny, and snapped relatively cleanly in half and also smoking like the cephalopod, which is probably actually a volcano. Seen from above. Anyway, no method by which the creatures (which couldn't possibly survive long enough to be worth naming) could have possibly come from the plane-like thing is in evidence, as the cockpit is closed and intact, no hatches are visible, and the break clearly happened mere instants before the snapshot as is evidenced by the near juxtaposition of the pieces, so they must have come from an actual plane which shot down the other thing before exploding into powder with enough warning for Thing #1 and Thing #2 to jump out (but not enough time to get parachutes. Unless they are secretly bird-people? Or those trapezoidal torsos are actually flat gliding surfaces rather than the flabby organ sacks i had imagined. Perhaps most of their organs are located in what I had mistaken for a head, and the "limbs" are used for controlling their glides? Still, the lack of a mouth is troubling, unless it is on the ventral surface opposite the eyes. Though that would imply other sensory organs on that surface to locate food... But maybe they're like flounders? Further investigation is warranted). Anyway, if you've read this far, you must be really interested in what Peter has to say (or Peter himself, doomed to read all of this to make sure I don't slip in something insulting or offensive, i.e. [redacted] or something which [redacted] .]] Words: Okay, so your stealth jet has exploded over a secret volcano island of hyper-intelligent marmosets, and to safely land among them you need a gift to pacify their wily king! [[There is ablack line separating this text from that above. One of the following words is written in red italics (it is REALLY emphasized), but until I figure out how to do that in this unformattable text block, you'll just have to guess for yourself. It's not really hard, you can probably manage it.]] More Words: Dear Hallmark Cards, don't you dare tell me you have greeting cards for every occasion. {{Man, I should really apologize for calling the marmoset king "wily" in case some of my readers are marmosets. I mean, some of my best friends are marmosets, so it's probably cool.}} Greeting Cards for Every Occasion, My Ass

[[Two spindly-limbed humanoids (of the same sort evident throughout "you're not so great" and apparently highly favored by Peter of late) with mottled camo-style torsos/garments are falling towards a smoking... cephalopod? Whose mouth is on fire? It is lying in a blob of green with leafy bits, which is on a sandy-looking blob, which is in turn on a blue background. To the left is a plane-like object, which is very tiny, and snapped relatively cleanly in half and also smoking like the cephalopod, which is probably actually a volcano. Seen from above. Anyway, no method by which the creatures (which couldn't possibly survive long enough to be worth naming) could have possibly come from the plane-like thing is in evidence, as the cockpit is closed and intact, no hatches are visible, and the break clearly happened mere instants before the snapshot as is evidenced by the near juxtaposition of the pieces, so they must have come from an actual plane which shot down the other thing before exploding into powder with enough warning for Thing #1 and Thing #2 to jump out (but not enough time to get parachutes. Unless they are secretly bird-people? Or those trapezoidal torsos are actually flat gliding surfaces rather than the flabby organ sacks i had imagined. Perhaps most of their organs are located in what I had mistaken for a head, and the "limbs" are used for controlling their glides? Still, the lack of a mouth is troubling, unless it is on the ventral surface opposite the eyes. Though that would imply other sensory organs on that surface to locate food... But maybe they're like flounders? Further investigation is warranted). Anyway, if you've read this far, you must be really interested in what Peter has to say (or Peter himself, doomed to read all of this to make sure I don't slip in something insulting or offensive, i.e. [redacted] or something which [redacted] .]]
Words: Okay, so your stealth jet has exploded over a secret volcano island of hyper-intelligent marmosets, and to safely land among them you need a gift to pacify their wily king!

[[There is ablack line separating this text from that above. One of the following words is written in red italics (it is REALLY emphasized), but until I figure out how to do that in this unformattable text block, you'll just have to guess for yourself. It's not really hard, you can probably manage it.]]
More Words: Dear Hallmark Cards, don't you dare tell me you have greeting cards for every occasion.

{{Man, I should really apologize for calling the marmoset king "wily" in case some of my readers are marmosets. I mean, some of my best friends are marmosets, so it's probably cool.}}]]> What You Actually Are Doing for a Klondike Bar http://rockpapercynic.com/index.php?date=2011-12-23 http://rockpapercynic.com/index.php?date=2011-12-23 Fri, 02 Mar 2012 01:43:27 -0000 <a href="http://rockpapercynic.com/index.php?date=2011-12-23">What You Actually Are Doing for a Klondike Bar</a> [[We are apparently in WALMART, there are large purple letters (and precious little else in the way of background) to tell us this. Unlike any Walmart I know of, it has an old-timey cash register which is not actually a computer with a drawer for money. The same species of humanoids as featured in "you're not so great[sic]" are evident here as well, one with a long, narrow, indigo garment/torso, the other perhaps half his/her height and in red; the latter is also more consistent in width along its torso, while the former is wider at the base. Because I can do this, I am naming the tall one Ringo and the short one Dave. They are apparently immature/deformed representatives of the species, lacking the elongated, oddly jointed arms of the other members of the type. Dave's left arm is slightly elongated, but otherwise they seem aberrant in that respect. Ringo is apparently operating the cash register and smiling, holding out a wrapper which may or may not contain a klondike bar, while Dave looks sad and is holding out a green paper rectangle with a couple dollar signs and a darker green circle on it. He... is probably not optimistic about his poor forgery and its frankly dismal prospects of succeeding. I guess Ringo is in turn smirking at the poor attempt, while holding out the klondike bar well out of Dave's reach? And I bet he's going to pull it even farther away if Dave moves forward to try to grab it. Ringo is such a jerk, but he's a pretty funny guy, really. I feel like retail jobs would all have a much higher job satisfaction if we could all just do something like this occasionally.]] Caption: What would /I/ do for a klondike bar? Buy into an economic system that promotes gargantuan wage gaps between the rich and the poor, I guess? {{That whole "What would you do for a Klondike Bar?" advertising campaign always seemed like it was asking to be screwed with.}} What You Actually Are Doing for a Klondike Bar

[[We are apparently in WALMART, there are large purple letters (and precious little else in the way of background) to tell us this. Unlike any Walmart I know of, it has an old-timey cash register which is not actually a computer with a drawer for money. The same species of humanoids as featured in "you're not so great[sic]" are evident here as well, one with a long, narrow, indigo garment/torso, the other perhaps half his/her height and in red; the latter is also more consistent in width along its torso, while the former is wider at the base. Because I can do this, I am naming the tall one Ringo and the short one Dave. They are apparently immature/deformed representatives of the species, lacking the elongated, oddly jointed arms of the other members of the type. Dave's left arm is slightly elongated, but otherwise they seem aberrant in that respect. Ringo is apparently operating the cash register and smiling, holding out a wrapper which may or may not contain a klondike bar, while Dave looks sad and is holding out a green paper rectangle with a couple dollar signs and a darker green circle on it. He... is probably not optimistic about his poor forgery and its frankly dismal prospects of succeeding. I guess Ringo is in turn smirking at the poor attempt, while holding out the klondike bar well out of Dave's reach? And I bet he's going to pull it even farther away if Dave moves forward to try to grab it. Ringo is such a jerk, but he's a pretty funny guy, really. I feel like retail jobs would all have a much higher job satisfaction if we could all just do something like this occasionally.]]
Caption: What would /I/ do for a klondike bar?
Buy into an economic system that promotes gargantuan wage gaps between the rich and the poor, I guess?

{{That whole "What would you do for a Klondike Bar?" advertising campaign always seemed like it was asking to be screwed with.}}]]> You're Not So Great: A Children's Poem by Charles Darwin (Part IV) - a Rock, Paper, Cynic comic http://rockpapercynic.com/index.php?date=2011-12-19 http://rockpapercynic.com/index.php?date=2011-12-19 Fri, 02 Mar 2012 01:42:42 -0000 <a href="http://rockpapercynic.com/index.php?date=2011-12-19">You're Not So Great: A Children's Poem by Charles Darwin (Part IV) - a Rock, Paper, Cynic comic</a> [[Once again, these words bear a pastel blue background.]] you're not so great! a children's poem by Charles Darwin (part 4) [[To the right, and on a pink background, is a real travesty of a DNA drawing which is frankly offensive to me and to my biochemistry degree, Peter. D? R? H? These are not nucleobases. The only correct base you have is U, and that's strictly RNA. Even if you try to tell me that those are the French letters for them, you still have U and R each bonding to themselves. Which would not happen. A-T and C-G, and maybe the occasional MeC-G, that's really all there is to it (in a general sense and ignoring stuff that would take more words than even I am willing to use to explain here). Anyway, there's more of that poem too. I really thought it ended with part 3, but I guess not? Darwin's narration is, once again, ambiguous.]] Poetry: Your genome is mostly junk code anyway, like nature wrote "DURR" into your DNA, [["Junk" DNA is currently theorized to serve many purposes, such as structural or regulatory functions, but I digress. As usual. On yellow, "#1" has apparently passed on his baby garment to a monkey. Apparently said garments ARE dresses, as this one ends above the chimp's waist, because apparently Peter is okay with simian nudity. Alternately, maybe #1 is actually like the Hulk, but he turns into a monkey instead? There is not enough evidence to make a reasonable conjecture; thus, the second option is taken as truth by virtue of being funnier. Either way, he is significantly less likely than Darwin to be narrating the following.]] More Words: ...which isn't original! Experts agree, it's four-score-and-sixteen percent chimpanzee! [[That's /only/ about 120,000,000 differences. Whereas less than 50,000,000 bases code for protein. That's right, you could literally lose every single gene you have in the supposedly minor difference between you and chimps. Oh, right, and also #1 was cloned 9 times, that's probably significant, since last I heard, no human clone had survived past being about 6 cells (this was admittedly several years ago, but I suspect not much has changed. Epigenetics is crazy, man). The cloning was only partially successful, as none of the clones have the disproportionate arms (or elbows at all) unless the humanoid I have assumed is the original is actually another clone which was more successful than the others. They are on a green surface. Also they have very squiggly shadows. The lighting arrangements which could cause this must be unimaginably complex. And I think I've run out of ways (having already run out of clever ways) to state or imply that I'm really not sure whether Darwin is saying the stuff to the left of the image, excepting the majority of this sentence.]] Words: Though common genetics are hardly your weakness, I sure wouldn't bank on your so-called uniqueness. [[This blue, flabby X is presumably a chromosome pair. The lack of a centromere seems to imply that this particular pair will not be separating properly in the upcoming cell division (whether meiotic or mitotic really doesn't matter at this point), presumably leading to apoptosis or severe genetic problems for the daughter cells; trisomy for one and monosomy for the other. That... may be survivable. If it's not an important chromosome. A tag attached to it states "96% off," meaning it's a human gene. I hope this isn't meiosis, that aneuploidy could kill/handicap someone. Seriously, Peter, that is really dangerous. Also the background is orange, and Darwin words?]] Words: Those hand-me-down genes are completely innate! Like your second-hand chromosomes, you're not so great! [[By the way, that 96% figure really ignores the epigenetic modifications which, in significant part, regulate which genes are expressed and when. Which is arguably even more important than which genes you have- you could be genetically identical (in the strict sense of base pair homology) to another individual and still not be very similar just because of regulation differences accumulated after gestation (which is when all the really important stuff happens) as is true of identical twins raised separately. Um, also there is a happy onion, on blue, and more words.]] Words: Nope, you're not special. It's sad but it's true. Onions have twelve times more genes than you do! [[And quantity over quality, right? But seriously, is this in number of genes, or number of bp in the genome? Because I'm getting a figure of 5x for the latter, and am too lazy to find the former. And onions are largely dependent on humans both for the creation (via selective breeding) and propagation of their current form. Anyway, onions taste bad. And there's an image for this last bit of the poem? One of #1's clones (minus the signature insignia on his orange garment) is looking sad and hunched as a sad-looking Darwin reaches into his brain? Or pats him on the back. I don't know.]] Poem: It's sure not your fault, but it's likely your fate. SCIENCE HAS SPOKEN [larger, and bold] You're not so great! {{And that's the whole thing! I hope you liked it! I accidentally saved over the original high-res art for the third part, so I might have to go back and redraw a bit of the art, but that won't be happening until I have a little free time!}} You're Not So Great: A Children's Poem by Charles Darwin (Part IV) - a Rock, Paper, Cynic comic

[[Once again, these words bear a pastel blue background.]]
you're not so great!
a children's poem by Charles Darwin
(part 4)

[[To the right, and on a pink background, is a real travesty of a DNA drawing which is frankly offensive to me and to my biochemistry degree, Peter. D? R? H? These are not nucleobases. The only correct base you have is U, and that's strictly RNA. Even if you try to tell me that those are the French letters for them, you still have U and R each bonding to themselves. Which would not happen. A-T and C-G, and maybe the occasional MeC-G, that's really all there is to it (in a general sense and ignoring stuff that would take more words than even I am willing to use to explain here). Anyway, there's more of that poem too. I really thought it ended with part 3, but I guess not? Darwin's narration is, once again, ambiguous.]]

Poetry: Your genome is mostly
junk code anyway,
like nature wrote "DURR"
into your DNA,

[["Junk" DNA is currently theorized to serve many purposes, such as structural or regulatory functions, but I digress. As usual. On yellow, "#1" has apparently passed on his baby garment to a monkey. Apparently said garments ARE dresses, as this one ends above the chimp's waist, because apparently Peter is okay with simian nudity. Alternately, maybe #1 is actually like the Hulk, but he turns into a monkey instead? There is not enough evidence to make a reasonable conjecture; thus, the second option is taken as truth by virtue of being funnier. Either way, he is significantly less likely than Darwin to be narrating the following.]]
More Words: ...which isn't original!
Experts agree,
it's four-score-and-sixteen
percent chimpanzee!

[[That's /only/ about 120,000,000 differences. Whereas less than 50,000,000 bases code for protein. That's right, you could literally lose every single gene you have in the supposedly minor difference between you and chimps. Oh, right, and also #1 was cloned 9 times, that's probably significant, since last I heard, no human clone had survived past being about 6 cells (this was admittedly several years ago, but I suspect not much has changed. Epigenetics is crazy, man). The cloning was only partially successful, as none of the clones have the disproportionate arms (or elbows at all) unless the humanoid I have assumed is the original is actually another clone which was more successful than the others. They are on a green surface. Also they have very squiggly shadows. The lighting arrangements which could cause this must be unimaginably complex. And I think I've run out of ways (having already run out of clever ways) to state or imply that I'm really not sure whether Darwin is saying the stuff to the left of the image, excepting the majority of this sentence.]]
Words: Though common genetics
are hardly your weakness,
I sure wouldn't bank on
your so-called uniqueness.

[[This blue, flabby X is presumably a chromosome pair. The lack of a centromere seems to imply that this particular pair will not be separating properly in the upcoming cell division (whether meiotic or mitotic really doesn't matter at this point), presumably leading to apoptosis or severe genetic problems for the daughter cells; trisomy for one and monosomy for the other. That... may be survivable. If it's not an important chromosome. A tag attached to it states "96% off," meaning it's a human gene. I hope this isn't meiosis, that aneuploidy could kill/handicap someone. Seriously, Peter, that is really dangerous. Also the background is orange, and Darwin words?]]
Words: Those hand-me-down genes
are completely innate!
Like your second-hand chromosomes,
you're not so great!

[[By the way, that 96% figure really ignores the epigenetic modifications which, in significant part, regulate which genes are expressed and when. Which is arguably even more important than which genes you have- you could be genetically identical (in the strict sense of base pair homology) to another individual and still not be very similar just because of regulation differences accumulated after gestation (which is when all the really important stuff happens) as is true of identical twins raised separately. Um, also there is a happy onion, on blue, and more words.]]
Words: Nope, you're not special.
It's sad but it's true.
Onions have twelve times
more genes than you do!

[[And quantity over quality, right? But seriously, is this in number of genes, or number of bp in the genome? Because I'm getting a figure of 5x for the latter, and am too lazy to find the former. And onions are largely dependent on humans both for the creation (via selective breeding) and propagation of their current form. Anyway, onions taste bad. And there's an image for this last bit of the poem? One of #1's clones (minus the signature insignia on his orange garment) is looking sad and hunched as a sad-looking Darwin reaches into his brain? Or pats him on the back. I don't know.]]
Poem: It's sure not your fault,
but it's likely your fate.
SCIENCE HAS SPOKEN
[larger, and bold] You're not so great!

{{And that's the whole thing! I hope you liked it!
I accidentally saved over the original high-res art for the third part, so I might have to go back and redraw a bit of the art, but that won't be happening until I have a little free time!}}]]> Apparently Katy Perry Hates Depressed People http://rockpapercynic.com/index.php?date=2011-11-18 http://rockpapercynic.com/index.php?date=2011-11-18 Fri, 02 Mar 2012 01:41:03 -0000 <a href="http://rockpapercynic.com/index.php?date=2011-11-18">Apparently Katy Perry Hates Depressed People</a> [[Hey. Did... Did you just search "Katy Perry" on this site? Are you kidding? If you are here for any reason other than to see her mocked (at literally great length, I might add) then I hate you and everything you stand for. {{Not from comic's author to readers: Sorry, the guy who does these transcriptions is some psychotic American, I think he does them from the terminal in an insane asylum. You can basically disregard him. You get what you pay for with free labor, you know? /Legitimately,/ -Peter. {{Note from transcriber guy to comic's author, Peter: Don't worry, man, I got your back. I am ANTICIPATING your VERY THOUGHTS. Your very non-confrontational, Canadian thoughts. I also note that you did not say you disagreed in that disclaimer I just wrote for you. And I figure you owe me some fun with this one, this might be worse than the lightbulb jokes. Illegitimately, Drew.}}}} Did you get past all that? And you still want to continue? Okay, it's a picture of a firework, the tail of which is approximately actual size. It is not a particularly vivid one (fittingly); its main colors are the white and pale yellow of the "filler" fireworks, with hints of pastel green and pink (and perhaps a blue/violet in the back there) which I'm not sure are even possible in fireworks. Also, there are words, there are just so many words, you cannot imagine. Or, I guess it's not really all that many, but they're in a long column, mostly.]] Logorrhea: Katy Perry, you're a firework: Entertaining one night of the year. Beyond that, kind of obnoxious. Honestly, I don't know why she thinks she's empowering depressed people by comparing them to cheap, unstable explosives that are always seconds away from detonating and vanishing into darkness. For [I'm not typing that]'s sake, how did we let this [nope] go quadruple-platinum? I mean, this woman rhymes the word "oh" with "sky"! Because nothing rhymes with "sky." Except, you know... [Very small font from here on out] Ally Alumni Apply Awry Aye Bely Bi Birds-eye Bonsai Bullseye Buy Bye Cacti Catseye Chai Comply Cry Decry Defy Deny Die Drip-Dry Drive-by Dry Dubai Dye Eye Foci Fly Fry Fye Goodbye Guy Hereby Hi Hippopotami Hi-fi I Imply Lie Lye Mai tai Misapply Mumbai Nigh Nearby Octopi Orange [Nice try] Oversupply Phi Pi Pie Ply Private-eye Pry Psi Radii Red-eye Rely Reply Resupply Retry Rye Samurai Sci-fi Scry Shanghai Sigh Sly Spry Spy Standby Sty Supply Syllabi Thai Thereby Thigh Thy Tie Tri Underlie Untie Uteri Versailles Vie Whereby Why WHY WHY? WHY? WHYYYYYYYYY!? {{I think I was a little generous when I said she was entertaining one night of the year...}} Apparently Katy Perry Hates Depressed People

[[Hey. Did... Did you just search "Katy Perry" on this site? Are you kidding? If you are here for any reason other than to see her mocked (at literally great length, I might add) then I hate you and everything you stand for. {{Not from comic's author to readers: Sorry, the guy who does these transcriptions is some psychotic American, I think he does them from the terminal in an insane asylum. You can basically disregard him. You get what you pay for with free labor, you know? /Legitimately,/ -Peter. {{Note from transcriber guy to comic's author, Peter: Don't worry, man, I got your back. I am ANTICIPATING your VERY THOUGHTS. Your very non-confrontational, Canadian thoughts. I also note that you did not say you disagreed in that disclaimer I just wrote for you. And I figure you owe me some fun with this one, this might be worse than the lightbulb jokes. Illegitimately, Drew.}}}} Did you get past all that? And you still want to continue? Okay, it's a picture of a firework, the tail of which is approximately actual size. It is not a particularly vivid one (fittingly); its main colors are the white and pale yellow of the "filler" fireworks, with hints of pastel green and pink (and perhaps a blue/violet in the back there) which I'm not sure are even possible in fireworks. Also, there are words, there are just so many words, you cannot imagine. Or, I guess it's not really all that many, but they're in a long column, mostly.]]
Logorrhea: Katy Perry, you're a firework:
Entertaining one night of the year. Beyond that, kind of obnoxious.
Honestly, I don't know why she thinks she's empowering depressed people by comparing them to cheap, unstable explosives that are always seconds away from detonating and vanishing into darkness.
For [I'm not typing that]'s sake, how did we let this [nope] go quadruple-platinum? I mean, this woman rhymes the word "oh" with "sky"!
Because nothing rhymes with "sky."
Except, you know...
[Very small font from here on out]
Ally
Alumni
Apply
Awry
Aye
Bely
Bi
Birds-eye
Bonsai
Bullseye
Buy
Bye
Cacti
Catseye
Chai
Comply
Cry
Decry
Defy
Deny
Die
Drip-Dry
Drive-by
Dry
Dubai
Dye
Eye
Foci
Fly
Fry
Fye
Goodbye
Guy
Hereby
Hi
Hippopotami
Hi-fi
I
Imply
Lie
Lye
Mai tai
Misapply
Mumbai
Nigh
Nearby
Octopi
Orange [Nice try]
Oversupply
Phi
Pi
Pie
Ply
Private-eye
Pry
Psi
Radii
Red-eye
Rely
Reply
Resupply
Retry
Rye
Samurai
Sci-fi
Scry
Shanghai
Sigh
Sly
Spry
Spy
Standby
Sty
Supply
Syllabi
Thai
Thereby
Thigh
Thy
Tie
Tri
Underlie
Untie
Uteri
Versailles
Vie
Whereby
Why
WHY
WHY?
WHY?
WHYYYYYYYYY!?

{{I think I was a little generous when I said she was entertaining one night of the year...}}]]> Bob-omb Pick-up Lines http://rockpapercynic.com/index.php?date=2011-11-14 http://rockpapercynic.com/index.php?date=2011-11-14 Fri, 02 Mar 2012 01:40:17 -0000 <a href="http://rockpapercynic.com/index.php?date=2011-11-14">Bob-omb Pick-up Lines</a> [[In a heart-shaped window, there are two animate explosives whose specific name is probably pretty thoroughly copyrighted. They're wind-up bombs with legs and faces; and if that's not enough for you, you won't be getting these jokes anyway. The one on the right is pink, and has a red bow on her... carapace? casing? forehead? Whatever. She's probably that one, from that game. The other one is in the standard color and such. They're on a red surface, in front of a brown surface, asymmetrically bifurcated horizontally, perhaps 1/5th of the distance from the top (though it varies). Above this is a pale gray surface (yeah, gray; suck it, Canada!). Interlocution occurs as follows!]] Generic Bomb-creature: Is my face turning red? 'Cause I'm having a blast! Effeminate Bomb-creature: Is your name Mario? 'Cause you keep picking me up and blowing my mind. Explanatory subtext: Bob-ombs get all of the best pick-up lines. {{How to package this joke for real life: Why don't bob-ombs like getting hit on? Because every time someone picks them up, they explode!}} Bob-omb Pick-up Lines

[[In a heart-shaped window, there are two animate explosives whose specific name is probably pretty thoroughly copyrighted. They're wind-up bombs with legs and faces; and if that's not enough for you, you won't be getting these jokes anyway. The one on the right is pink, and has a red bow on her... carapace? casing? forehead? Whatever. She's probably that one, from that game. The other one is in the standard color and such. They're on a red surface, in front of a brown surface, asymmetrically bifurcated horizontally, perhaps 1/5th of the distance from the top (though it varies). Above this is a pale gray surface (yeah, gray; suck it, Canada!). Interlocution occurs as follows!]]
Generic Bomb-creature: Is my face turning red?
'Cause I'm having a blast!
Effeminate Bomb-creature: Is your name Mario?
'Cause you keep picking me up and blowing my mind.
Explanatory subtext: Bob-ombs get all of the best pick-up lines.

{{How to package this joke for real life:

Why don't bob-ombs like getting hit on? Because every time someone picks them up, they explode!}}]]> A Prank to End All Pranks? http://rockpapercynic.com/index.php?date=2011-11-11 http://rockpapercynic.com/index.php?date=2011-11-11 Fri, 02 Mar 2012 01:39:28 -0000 <a href="http://rockpapercynic.com/index.php?date=2011-11-11">A Prank to End All Pranks?</a> [[What is this? There appear to be numerous tarp-structures, or perhaps one large one, with maybe police tape and such around? This sinister edifice is obscured by numerous people. I'm not describing them all. But over to the right, there is an arm. The person it is attached to (one of the people it is attached to) is not visible, but it appears to be grabbing a woman by the hair? Maybe this is one of those "Occupy" protests, there are at least 2 signs of the sort one might see, though slogans are not visible. But seriously, why is that one guy grabbing a woman's head? is this, perhaps, evidence of a crime? Seriously, Peter, what was going on over there? Did you even notice that? Anyway, also Peter wrote a joke on top of the crime scene photo, he probably wants me to type that in too.]] Joke: I have an idea for a prank. For a whole day we say nice things and listen to each other. The world won't know what hit it. {{It's weird that there's a recognized day for appreciating_bubble_wrap [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bubble_wrap], but none for being nice to each other.}} A Prank to End All Pranks?

[[What is this? There appear to be numerous tarp-structures, or perhaps one large one, with maybe police tape and such around? This sinister edifice is obscured by numerous people. I'm not describing them all. But over to the right, there is an arm. The person it is attached to (one of the people it is attached to) is not visible, but it appears to be grabbing a woman by the hair? Maybe this is one of those "Occupy" protests, there are at least 2 signs of the sort one might see, though slogans are not visible. But seriously, why is that one guy grabbing a woman's head? is this, perhaps, evidence of a crime? Seriously, Peter, what was going on over there? Did you even notice that? Anyway, also Peter wrote a joke on top of the crime scene photo, he probably wants me to type that in too.]]
Joke: I have an idea for a prank.
For a whole day we say nice things and listen to each other.
The world won't know what hit it.

{{It's weird that there's a recognized day for appreciating_bubble_wrap [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bubble_wrap], but none for being nice to each other.}}]]> One of the Many Things Turtles Can't Do http://rockpapercynic.com/index.php?date=2011-11-07 http://rockpapercynic.com/index.php?date=2011-11-07 Fri, 02 Mar 2012 01:38:58 -0000 <a href="http://rockpapercynic.com/index.php?date=2011-11-07">One of the Many Things Turtles Can't Do</a> [[It's a turtle. I don't know that I will ever understand Peter's obsession with such creatures. Does he, perhaps, feel some sort of kinship to these consummate laggards? Or is it, perhaps, that Peter hides behind the metaphorical shell of this comic? Or maybe it is something more sordid? It is probably not just that he thinks that turtles are cool, that seems like the least likely prospect. But tied to the turtle's tail is a string. This is wrapped once, and loosely at that, around a stump. Beyond this loop is a kite, quartered in red and blue. The turtle can apparently talk, perhaps fulfilling some deep-seated desire of Peter's, or maybe just for the sake of making this comic work. Far be it from me to judge, except that I totally can since I do this on a volunteer basis, and I am convinced that Peter has an unhealthy affection for shelled reptiles.]] Turtle: i'm bad at kites. {{The most noble act of kindness is to run through an open field carrying a kite-festooned turtle over your head. At Comikaze Expo today I ran out of business cards so I ended up hand-drawing turtles onto some cover stock I had leftover. My girlfriend is an amazing cartoonist so she helped me draw half of them, and then came up with the idea of having him fly a kite, which we later decided should be dragging on the ground since... you know... it's making me sad just thinking about it.}} One of the Many Things Turtles Can't Do

[[It's a turtle. I don't know that I will ever understand Peter's obsession with such creatures. Does he, perhaps, feel some sort of kinship to these consummate laggards? Or is it, perhaps, that Peter hides behind the metaphorical shell of this comic? Or maybe it is something more sordid? It is probably not just that he thinks that turtles are cool, that seems like the least likely prospect. But tied to the turtle's tail is a string. This is wrapped once, and loosely at that, around a stump. Beyond this loop is a kite, quartered in red and blue. The turtle can apparently talk, perhaps fulfilling some deep-seated desire of Peter's, or maybe just for the sake of making this comic work. Far be it from me to judge, except that I totally can since I do this on a volunteer basis, and I am convinced that Peter has an unhealthy affection for shelled reptiles.]]
Turtle: i'm bad at kites.

{{The most noble act of kindness is to run through an open field carrying a kite-festooned turtle over your head.
At Comikaze Expo today I ran out of business cards so I ended up hand-drawing turtles onto some cover stock I had leftover. My girlfriend is an amazing cartoonist so she helped me draw half of them, and then came up with the idea of having him fly a kite, which we later decided should be dragging on the ground since... you know... it's making me sad just thinking about it.}}]]> If You Want to Make God Laugh http://rockpapercynic.com/index.php?date=2011-11-04 http://rockpapercynic.com/index.php?date=2011-11-04 Fri, 02 Mar 2012 01:38:30 -0000 <a href="http://rockpapercynic.com/index.php?date=2011-11-04">If You Want to Make God Laugh</a> [[This is surely the keyboard of a laptop,with flat keys like that. They are a pale gray, and blurred to illegibility. That big funny-shaped one is probably "Enter," but most of the rest remain a mystery. There is a blue light reflecting off of the upper-right portion of the keyboard, and a red light (perhaps indicating power) above it and to the left. Not much else going on here, except maybe some words. I guess you want to know what they are?]] Words: You know how the saying goes, "If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your blog." {{Woody Allen said that if you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans. Anyway, as a (supposedly) humour-driven webcomic artist, I'm into making people (and deities both minor and major) laugh, and that's why _I've_decided_to_start_blogging_ [http://pchiykowski.wordpress.com/] about some of my plans, projects, and experiences after working pretty dang hard as a writer of comics, short stories, and poems for three years. [[Here there is an icon/ad/whatever for Peter's blog. It has a little doodle of a stickman on a pogo-stick next to the moon, and also the blog name, "LITTLE MISCHIEF." But what is it doing in this section? You're just ruining the whole format! You maniac! Damn you! Damn you all to hell!]] So if you want to hear advice on starting and promoting your writing career or finding out about my upcoming failures, projects, and publications, you might enjoy following _Little_Mischief,_ [http://pchiykowski.wordpress.com/] my blog about plans going awry.}} If You Want to Make God Laugh

[[This is surely the keyboard of a laptop,with flat keys like that. They are a pale gray, and blurred to illegibility. That big funny-shaped one is probably "Enter," but most of the rest remain a mystery. There is a blue light reflecting off of the upper-right portion of the keyboard, and a red light (perhaps indicating power) above it and to the left. Not much else going on here, except maybe some words. I guess you want to know what they are?]]
Words: You know how the saying goes,
"If you want to make God laugh,
tell him about your blog."

{{Woody Allen said that if you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans.
Anyway, as a (supposedly) humour-driven webcomic artist, I'm into making people (and deities both minor and major) laugh, and that's why _I've_decided_to_start_blogging_ [http://pchiykowski.wordpress.com/] about some of my plans, projects, and experiences after working pretty dang hard as a writer of comics, short stories, and poems for three years.
[[Here there is an icon/ad/whatever for Peter's blog. It has a little doodle of a stickman on a pogo-stick next to the moon, and also the blog name, "LITTLE MISCHIEF." But what is it doing in this section? You're just ruining the whole format! You maniac! Damn you! Damn you all to hell!]]
So if you want to hear advice on starting and promoting your writing career or finding out about my upcoming failures, projects, and publications, you might enjoy following _Little_Mischief,_ [http://pchiykowski.wordpress.com/] my blog about plans going awry.}}]]> How to Design the Best Ninja Costume Ever http://rockpapercynic.com/index.php?date=2011-10-31 http://rockpapercynic.com/index.php?date=2011-10-31 Fri, 02 Mar 2012 01:38:17 -0000 <a href="http://rockpapercynic.com/index.php?date=2011-10-31">How to Design the Best Ninja Costume Ever</a> [[There is a moon-like object, maybe even meant to be The Moon, maybe back before it got all crater'd up. It is also far more perfectly circular. Craters are too hard to draw anyway. Eclipsing part of this is the silhouette of someone. This one is a photograph; otherwise, the flesh-tone of the hand and arm and face would not be so, and he wouldn't be blue around the edges of his well-delineated t-shirt. Is it Peter? Maybe, but if so, that's gotta be a hood, since his hair is probably not that large and regular. Plus, he can't jump that high. Someone has inscribed words onto the natural satellite-like object (with a laser? I bet it was with a laser).]] Words: No one even noticed my awesome ninja costume this year. Doing something right. [[Beneath the pictorial representation of the moon is darkness. The darkness also has words.]] Darkness: Happy three-year anniversary from Rock, Paper, Cynic {{You can use the ninja costume excuse anytime you don't bother to show up to someone's costume party. You were there as a ninja, and the proof is that no one saw you. Also, happy three years, everyone! Thank you so much for standing by the comic for so long. The dark ages of my Master's thesis are finally over, and so I finally have time to work on the comic again. Anyway, that's why this seems like a particularly good time to renew my vows. I'm going to work harder at keeping the updates regular and putting out new material on time. You guys have been amazingly supportive readers. It's time I returned the favour With much gratitude, -Peter}} How to Design the Best Ninja Costume Ever

[[There is a moon-like object, maybe even meant to be The Moon, maybe back before it got all crater'd up. It is also far more perfectly circular. Craters are too hard to draw anyway. Eclipsing part of this is the silhouette of someone. This one is a photograph; otherwise, the flesh-tone of the hand and arm and face would not be so, and he wouldn't be blue around the edges of his well-delineated t-shirt. Is it Peter? Maybe, but if so, that's gotta be a hood, since his hair is probably not that large and regular. Plus, he can't jump that high. Someone has inscribed words onto the natural satellite-like object (with a laser? I bet it was with a laser).]]
Words: No one even noticed my awesome ninja costume this year.
Doing something right.

[[Beneath the pictorial representation of the moon is darkness. The darkness also has words.]]
Darkness: Happy three-year anniversary from
Rock, Paper, Cynic

{{You can use the ninja costume excuse anytime you don't bother to show up to someone's costume party. You were there as a ninja, and the proof is that no one saw you.
Also, happy three years, everyone! Thank you so much for standing by the comic for so long. The dark ages of my Master's thesis are finally over, and so I finally have time to work on the comic again.
Anyway, that's why this seems like a particularly good time to renew my vows. I'm going to work harder at keeping the updates regular and putting out new material on time.
You guys have been amazingly supportive readers. It's time I returned the favour
With much gratitude,
-Peter}}]]>