Atrabile - latest additions

Atrabile - latest additions http://atrabile.net The latest transcribed Atrabile comics, powered by OhNoRobot.com en-us Mon, 12 Jul 2010 21:42:03 -0000 60 Stand up http://atrabile.net/en/123/ http://atrabile.net/en/123/ Mon, 12 Jul 2010 21:24:04 -0000 <a href="http://atrabile.net/en/123/">Stand up</a> Comedian: When I first started I was really scared of being a comedian in this country Comedian: I mean, I'm Italian, I can barely speak a rough English Comedian: I have no knowledge of your literature not even of the most famous writers Comedian: I don't understand your politics (and honestly I don't care) Comedian: You see, it was like I was drowning in a bottomless sea of ignorance Comedian: But then I thought... Comedian: Wow...we have so much in common! {{text_up: I love you, Australia! }} {{text_dn: Laughing in the face of death is a sign of courage. And yet the terminally ill still thinks you are a jerk.}} Stand up

Comedian: When I first started I was really scared of being a comedian in this country
Comedian: I mean, I'm Italian,
I can barely speak a rough English

Comedian: I have no knowledge of your literature not even of the most famous writers
Comedian: I don't understand your politics (and honestly
I don't care)

Comedian: You see, it was like
I was drowning in a bottomless sea of ignorance
Comedian: But then I thought...

Comedian: Wow...we have so much in common!

{{text_up: I love you, Australia!
}}
{{text_dn: Laughing in the face of death is a sign of courage. And yet the terminally ill still thinks you are a jerk.}}]]> Artificial life http://atrabile.net/en/122/ http://atrabile.net/en/122/ Mon, 12 Jul 2010 21:21:42 -0000 <a href="http://atrabile.net/en/122/">Artificial life</a> Patient: I've always envied computers Patient: They're way better than us Analyst: This means you would unconsciously like to be Logical Precise Reliable Patient: No, there's only a thing they have that would make life bearable Analyst: And what is it? Patient: The reboot {{text_up: And Solitaire}} {{text_dn: When we'll build computers with a consciousness they will ask us an embarassing question: "Could you stop masturbating in front of us?"}} Artificial life

Patient: I've always envied computers
Patient: They're way better than us

Analyst: This means you would unconsciously like to be Logical Precise Reliable

Patient: No, there's only a thing they have that would make life bearable
Analyst: And what is it?

Patient: The reboot

{{text_up: And Solitaire}}
{{text_dn: When we'll build computers with a consciousness they will ask us an embarassing question: "Could you stop masturbating in front of us?"}}]]> Just a theory http://atrabile.net/en/121/ http://atrabile.net/en/121/ Mon, 12 Jul 2010 21:19:24 -0000 <a href="http://atrabile.net/en/121/">Just a theory</a> Alien: Archeology has finally found the answer to the mystery of human disappearance Alien: We discovered terabytes and terabytes of fossil videos depicting humans having sex. They were called "the Internet" Alien: After careful analysis of all this material the cause of human extinction became strikingly obvious Alien: sudden inability to a properly placed ejaculation {{text_up: We are still trying to understand the videos with animals}} {{text_dn: A porn movie is like a horror movie. It's more fun if you watch it alone in the house. }} Just a theory

Alien: Archeology has finally found the answer to the mystery of human disappearance

Alien: We discovered terabytes and terabytes of fossil videos depicting humans having sex. They were called "the Internet"

Alien: After careful analysis
of all this material
the cause of human extinction became strikingly obvious

Alien: sudden inability
to a properly placed ejaculation

{{text_up: We are still trying to understand the videos with animals}}
{{text_dn: A porn movie is like a horror movie. It's more fun if you watch it alone in the house.
}}]]> Women spell trouble http://atrabile.net/en/120/ http://atrabile.net/en/120/ Mon, 12 Jul 2010 21:17:52 -0000 <a href="http://atrabile.net/en/120/">Women spell trouble</a> Eve: You should really thank me, Eden was a terrible place Eve: You have eternal life, a beautiful garden and the best man on earth all for yourself Eve: And yet you miss the only thing a woman needs to understand how happy she is... Eve: The envy of girlfriends {{text_up: And if you have everything you can't go shopping.}} {{text_dn: If Holy Mary cries blood, it's a miracle. But, honestly, I think it's the very least if you are two thousands years old and still a virgin.}} Women spell trouble

Eve: You should really thank me, Eden was
a terrible place

Eve: You have eternal life,
a beautiful garden
and the best man on earth all for yourself

Eve: And yet you miss the only thing a woman needs to understand how happy she is...

Eve: The envy of girlfriends

{{text_up: And if you have everything you can't go shopping.}}
{{text_dn: If Holy Mary cries blood, it's a miracle. But, honestly, I think it's the very least if you are two thousands years old and still a virgin.}}]]> Internal dialogue http://atrabile.net/en/119/ http://atrabile.net/en/119/ Mon, 12 Jul 2010 21:15:49 -0000 <a href="http://atrabile.net/en/119/">Internal dialogue</a> Frege: Ahah! Russell: What's so funny, Frege? Frege: We were reading Descartes today... Russell: ...and? Frege: That "I think therefore I am" thing is unbelievable Frege: If thinking means existing, the entire earth population is made of the two of us... Russell: well, thanks... Frege: ...and it would be even less if we could renounce the majestic plural {{text_up: Sorry for logical contorsionisms...and go Damasio!}} {{text_dn: There are situations where you can't be a narcissist. But then you wake up}} Internal dialogue

Frege: Ahah!
Russell: What's so funny, Frege?
Frege: We were reading Descartes today...
Russell: ...and?

Frege: That "I think therefore I am" thing is unbelievable
Frege: If thinking means existing, the entire earth population is made of the two of us...
Russell: well, thanks...

Frege: ...and it would be even less if we could renounce the majestic plural

{{text_up: Sorry for logical contorsionisms...and go Damasio!}}
{{text_dn: There are situations where you can't be a narcissist. But then you wake up}}]]> Love physiology http://atrabile.net/en/118/ http://atrabile.net/en/118/ Mon, 12 Jul 2010 21:13:09 -0000 <a href="http://atrabile.net/en/118/">Love physiology</a> Prozac: Love is like a bad cold Prozac: It takes your breath away Prozac: your heart pumps audibly Prozac: and you can't think clearly Prozac: but after a while it goes away by itself Doctor: ...and it doesn't give you a decent immunity Prozac: thanks {{text_up: Especially when it gives you aids.}} {{text_dn: A man doesn't get the difference between sex and love the first time he goes with a prostitute and she asks for money. He learns a bit later, when she asks for a divorce.}} Love physiology

Prozac: Love is like a bad cold

Prozac: It takes your breath away
Prozac: your heart pumps audibly
Prozac: and you can't think clearly

Prozac: but after a while it goes away by itself

Doctor: ...and it doesn't give you a decent immunity
Prozac: thanks

{{text_up: Especially when it gives you aids.}}
{{text_dn: A man doesn't get the difference between sex and love the first time he goes with a prostitute and she asks for money. He learns a bit later,
when she asks for a divorce.}}]]> Child's play http://atrabile.net/en/117/ http://atrabile.net/en/117/ Mon, 12 Jul 2010 21:10:46 -0000 <a href="http://atrabile.net/en/117/">Child's play</a> Journalist: The Belgian police searched the Mechelen cathedral during an investigation about clergy pedophilia [[Atrabile Channel]] Journalist: The authorities opened two cardinals' tombs in search of hidden documents which however haven't yet been found [[Atrabile Channel]] Journalist: Prompt and sharp the Vatican's response [[Atrabile Channel]] Pope: Getting warmer! [[Atrabile Channel]] {{text_up: You should search in the tabernacle...}} {{text_dn: There is only one theological truth that has been scientifically proven: pedophilia in the clergy surely isn't an original sin. }} Child's play

Journalist: The Belgian police searched the Mechelen cathedral during an investigation about clergy pedophilia
[[Atrabile Channel]]

Journalist: The authorities opened two cardinals' tombs in search of hidden documents which however haven't yet been found
[[Atrabile Channel]]

Journalist: Prompt and sharp the Vatican's response
[[Atrabile Channel]]

Pope: Getting warmer!
[[Atrabile Channel]]

{{text_up: You should search in the tabernacle...}}
{{text_dn: There is only one theological truth that has been scientifically proven: pedophilia in the clergy surely isn't an original sin.
}}]]> Know thyself http://atrabile.net/en/116/ http://atrabile.net/en/116/ Mon, 12 Jul 2010 21:08:16 -0000 <a href="http://atrabile.net/en/116/">Know thyself</a> Guy: "the most important thing in life is to know who you are" - my father said Guy: "How can I know it, dad?" - I asked Guy: "Do as I did" - he started Guy: "If you can keep your head when all around you are losing theirs..." Guy: "...you are the executioner" {{text_up:"Your mother immediatly lost her head for me" }} {{text_dn: One thing is certain, life is an erection: no matter how hard you try, it can't last forever.}} Know thyself

Guy: "the most important thing in life is to know who you are" - my father said

Guy: "How can I know it, dad?" - I asked
Guy: "Do as I did" - he started

Guy: "If you can keep your head when all around you are losing theirs..."

Guy: "...you are the executioner"

{{text_up:"Your mother immediatly lost her head for me" }}
{{text_dn: One thing is certain, life is an erection: no matter how hard you try, it can't last forever.}}]]> Creative writing http://atrabile.net/en/115/ http://atrabile.net/en/115/ Mon, 12 Jul 2010 21:05:47 -0000 <a href="http://atrabile.net/en/115/">Creative writing</a> Doctor: According to my calculations the moment is near. 19th October 2010, at dawn Doctor: It will be remembered as a turning point in the History of Man and his Thought Doctor: The day on which all the paper used since the invention of writing Doctor: will be less than the paper used for other equally useful purposes {{text_up: Subtitle: the evolution of ink}} {{text_dn: Writers can be divided into two categories: writers who have ideas and typists.}} Creative writing

Doctor: According to my calculations the moment is near. 19th October 2010, at dawn

Doctor: It will be remembered as a turning point in the History of Man and his Thought

Doctor: The day on which
all the paper used
since the invention of writing

Doctor: will be less than
the paper used for other equally useful purposes

{{text_up: Subtitle: the evolution of ink}}
{{text_dn: Writers can be divided into two categories: writers who have ideas and typists.}}]]> Optimism http://atrabile.net/en/114/ http://atrabile.net/en/114/ Mon, 12 Jul 2010 21:03:55 -0000 <a href="http://atrabile.net/en/114/">Optimism</a> Clochard: You say nothing is worse than being poor and having two hungry mouths to feed? [[I've lost my job I worked at Chernobyl]] Clochard: Well, you're wrong Clochard: I'm poor, I have two hungry mouths to feed... Clochard: ...and just a son Son: *grin* *grin* {{text_up: One mouth is to eat, the other to ruminate.}} {{text_dn: How to remain optimist while facing the increasing number of deaths and disasters? Work as a gravedigger.}} Optimism

Clochard: You say nothing is worse than being poor and having two hungry mouths to feed?
[[I've lost
my job

I worked at
Chernobyl]]

Clochard: Well, you're wrong

Clochard: I'm poor, I have two hungry mouths to feed...

Clochard: ...and just a son
Son: *grin* *grin*

{{text_up: One mouth is to eat, the other to ruminate.}}
{{text_dn: How to remain optimist while facing the increasing number of deaths and disasters? Work as a gravedigger.}}]]>