Mister Woodles - latest additions

Mister Woodles - latest additions http://misterwoodles.com The latest transcribed Mister Woodles comics, powered by OhNoRobot.com en-us Tue, 15 Jun 2010 19:42:03 -0000 60 Pirates 1 http://misterwoodles.com/comic.php?comic=28 http://misterwoodles.com/comic.php?comic=28 Tue, 15 Jun 2010 19:25:31 -0000 <a href="http://misterwoodles.com/comic.php?comic=28">Pirates 1</a> PIRATE: "Shiver me timbers! Foiled again!" PIRATE: "What has two thumbs and HATES PETER PAN?!" PIRATE: "THIS GUY!" PIRATE" "Awwww..." ALT TEXT: "Yaarrggh..." Pirates 1

PIRATE: "Shiver me timbers! Foiled again!"

PIRATE: "What has two thumbs and HATES PETER PAN?!"

PIRATE: "THIS GUY!"

PIRATE" "Awwww..."

ALT TEXT: "Yaarrggh..."]]> Instinct http://misterwoodles.com/comic.php?comic=27 http://misterwoodles.com/comic.php?comic=27 Tue, 08 Jun 2010 05:18:28 -0000 <a href="http://misterwoodles.com/comic.php?comic=27">Instinct</a> He is descended from a line of mighty hunters. His forefathers ran in packs, viciously killing their rivals. Evolution has equipped him with acute hearing, A keen sense of smell, And a powerful jaw. Immensely territorial, he will not hesitate to lash out and attack when he feels threatened. This is his instinct, no matter how small and cute he looks. So when someone comes jogging by, please keep a tighter grip on the damn leash, okay? ALT TEXT: For the record, I'm not afraid of little dogs. I just don't want to get nipped in the ankle by what you refer to as 'just playing with you'. And I don't want you to have to see me punt Fido across the road. Instinct

He is descended from a line of mighty hunters.
His forefathers ran in packs, viciously killing their rivals.

Evolution has equipped him with acute hearing,
A keen sense of smell,
And a powerful jaw.

Immensely territorial, he will not hesitate to lash out and attack when he feels threatened.

This is his instinct, no matter how small and cute he looks.
So when someone comes jogging by, please keep a tighter grip on the damn leash, okay?

ALT TEXT: For the record, I'm not afraid of little dogs. I just don't want to get nipped in the ankle by what you refer to as 'just playing with you'. And I don't want you to have to see me punt Fido across the road.]]> Password http://misterwoodles.com/comic.php?comic=26 http://misterwoodles.com/comic.php?comic=26 Tue, 01 Jun 2010 15:15:35 -0000 <a href="http://misterwoodles.com/comic.php?comic=26">Password</a> NEAL (Narrative): Every six months, I have to change my password at work. For the first week, I mistakenly type the old password a lot. Then I start reminding myself of the new one. Eventually, I don't have to remind myself anymore. And the new password becomes as second-nature as the old password was. The new one fills the void in my heart that the old one left behind. And then six months pass again, and I have to lose my new password. Goodbye, old friend... I imagine this is how foster parents feel. Password

NEAL (Narrative): Every six months, I have to change my password at work. For the first week, I mistakenly type the old password a lot. Then I start reminding myself of the new one. Eventually, I don't have to remind myself anymore. And the new password becomes as second-nature as the old password was. The new one fills the void in my heart that the old one left behind. And then six months pass again, and I have to lose my new password. Goodbye, old friend... I imagine this is how foster parents feel.]]> Digression http://misterwoodles.com/comic.php?comic=25 http://misterwoodles.com/comic.php?comic=25 Tue, 25 May 2010 14:28:18 -0000 <a href="http://misterwoodles.com/comic.php?comic=25">Digression</a> NEAL: "Hi, readers! Remember on Friday when I said I was too busy to draw a new comic? Well that's still going on. So instead, here's a picture of a monster eating a unicorn." ALT TEXT: The sun is smiling because he hates unicorns. The flowers are smiling because they're the sun's little bitches. Digression

NEAL: "Hi, readers! Remember on Friday when I said I was too busy to draw a new comic? Well that's still going on. So instead, here's a picture of a monster eating a unicorn."

ALT TEXT: The sun is smiling because he hates unicorns. The flowers are smiling because they're the sun's little bitches.]]> Das Es http://misterwoodles.com/comic.php?comic=24 http://misterwoodles.com/comic.php?comic=24 Wed, 19 May 2010 14:41:18 -0000 <a href="http://misterwoodles.com/comic.php?comic=24">Das Es</a> CASHIER: "Beer, huh? Can I see your 'id'? (Hee hee)" NEAL: "My id? Heh. No, but you can see my ego and my superego." CASHIER: "Um... what?" NEAL: "Never mind." GREG: "Smooth..." NEAL: "Shut up." ALT TEXT: I've learned over the past few years that things I think are common knowledge are more esoteric than I was ever led to believe. Das Es

CASHIER: "Beer, huh? Can I see your 'id'? (Hee hee)"

NEAL: "My id? Heh. No, but you can see my ego and my superego."

CASHIER: "Um... what?"
NEAL: "Never mind."

GREG: "Smooth..."
NEAL: "Shut up."

ALT TEXT: I've learned over the past few years that things I think are common knowledge are more esoteric than I was ever led to believe.]]> Chilling http://misterwoodles.com/comic.php?comic=23 http://misterwoodles.com/comic.php?comic=23 Fri, 14 May 2010 05:38:59 -0000 <a href="http://misterwoodles.com/comic.php?comic=23">Chilling</a> [NEAL opens door to Frozen Food in grocery store] [NEAL places hand on inside of door] [Handprint in fog on inside of door] [NEAL observing handprint] [SKULL MONSTER has been drawn in the fog, YOUNG CHILD is frightened by the sight] ALT TEXT: At the end of the day, if you haven't frightened a child, you haven't done your job. Chilling

[NEAL opens door to Frozen Food in grocery store]

[NEAL places hand on inside of door]

[Handprint in fog on inside of door]

[NEAL observing handprint]

[SKULL MONSTER has been drawn in the fog, YOUNG CHILD is frightened by the sight]

ALT TEXT: At the end of the day, if you haven't frightened a child, you haven't done your job.]]> Cross-Promotion http://misterwoodles.com/comic.php?comic=22 http://misterwoodles.com/comic.php?comic=22 Tue, 11 May 2010 05:25:29 -0000 <a href="http://misterwoodles.com/comic.php?comic=22">Cross-Promotion</a> [KEITH and GREG at store. KEITH picks up bag of "Pedro's Chips."] BAG: "Try them with Miguel's Salsa!" [KEITH picks up bottle of "Miguel's Salsa"] GREG: "Sheep." [KEITH is sad] Cross-Promotion

[KEITH and GREG at store. KEITH picks up bag of "Pedro's Chips."]

BAG: "Try them with Miguel's Salsa!"

[KEITH picks up bottle of "Miguel's Salsa"]

GREG: "Sheep."

[KEITH is sad]]]> The Best Revenge http://misterwoodles.com/comic.php?comic=21 http://misterwoodles.com/comic.php?comic=21 Mon, 10 May 2010 21:28:06 -0000 <a href="http://misterwoodles.com/comic.php?comic=21">The Best Revenge</a> KEITH: "Hey, isn't that your old roommate's car?" NEAL: "Yeah..." KEITH: "Didn't he steal all your DVDs and pawn them for drug money?" [Car is vandalized, NEAL walking away with baseball bat] KEITH: "Uh, you know they say the BEST revenge is living well..." NEAL: "Trust me, I'm living better in this moment than I have in a long while." ALT TEXT: "Unfortunately, it turned out he had sold the car a month earlier. But the new owner was also an asshole, so it all worked out." The Best Revenge

KEITH: "Hey, isn't that your old roommate's car?"
NEAL: "Yeah..."

KEITH: "Didn't he steal all your DVDs and pawn them for drug money?"

[Car is vandalized, NEAL walking away with baseball bat]
KEITH: "Uh, you know they say the BEST revenge is living well..."
NEAL: "Trust me, I'm living better in this moment than I have in a long while."

ALT TEXT: "Unfortunately, it turned out he had sold the car a month earlier. But the new owner was also an asshole, so it all worked out."]]> The Man http://misterwoodles.com/comic.php?comic=20 http://misterwoodles.com/comic.php?comic=20 Mon, 10 May 2010 21:24:39 -0000 <a href="http://misterwoodles.com/comic.php?comic=20">The Man</a> GREG: "Here, stop by the store I want to pick up some beer." NEAL: "I still don't see why you're making me drive." GREG: "Ugh, this parking lot is always so full." GREG: "Why do they treat us like second-class citizens and make us park so far away? Neal, I think you should stick it to the man this time!" NEAL: "Greg, for the last time, parking in a handicapped space would not be a good way of 'sticking it to the man'." GREG: "Spoken like a true yuppie tool..." ALT TEXT: "Stealing from the Salvation Army bucket doesn't count either, though it's a lot easier not to get caught." The Man

GREG: "Here, stop by the store I want to pick up some beer."
NEAL: "I still don't see why you're making me drive."

GREG: "Ugh, this parking lot is always so full."

GREG: "Why do they treat us like second-class citizens and make us park so far away? Neal, I think you should stick it to the man this time!"

NEAL: "Greg, for the last time, parking in a handicapped space would not be a good way of 'sticking it to the man'."
GREG: "Spoken like a true yuppie tool..."

ALT TEXT: "Stealing from the Salvation Army bucket doesn't count either, though it's a lot easier not to get caught."]]> Reality http://misterwoodles.com/comic.php?comic=19 http://misterwoodles.com/comic.php?comic=19 Mon, 10 May 2010 21:22:44 -0000 <a href="http://misterwoodles.com/comic.php?comic=19">Reality</a> GREG: "Look, all I'm saying - SHOTGUN! ..." KEITH: "Dammit!" GREG: "... is that it's time to let go of the 'what if?' and live in reality." NEAL: "Reality?" GREG: "YES! Reality!" [pause] NEAL: "Didn't you slit a guy's throat in broad daylight back in January?" GREG: "Yeah, ya know I kinda got away with that awfully easily..." KEITH: "I sent his wife flowers!" ALT TEXT: "Comics have one of the most inconsistent grips on reality I've found." Reality

GREG: "Look, all I'm saying - SHOTGUN! ..."
KEITH: "Dammit!"
GREG: "... is that it's time to let go of the 'what if?' and live in reality."

NEAL: "Reality?"
GREG: "YES! Reality!"

[pause]

NEAL: "Didn't you slit a guy's throat in broad daylight back in January?"
GREG: "Yeah, ya know I kinda got away with that awfully easily..."
KEITH: "I sent his wife flowers!"

ALT TEXT: "Comics have one of the most inconsistent grips on reality I've found."]]>