The Sordid Affairs - latest additions

The Sordid Affairs - latest additions http://thesordidaffairs.net The latest transcribed The Sordid Affairs comics, powered by OhNoRobot.com en-us Sun, 19 Apr 2009 21:00:26 -0000 60 A Second Breakfast http://thesordidaffairs.net/index.php?date=2006-05-04 http://thesordidaffairs.net/index.php?date=2006-05-04 Sun, 07 May 2006 18:02:03 -0000 <a href="http://thesordidaffairs.net/index.php?date=2006-05-04">A Second Breakfast</a> Blueberry: What else to do today? Already re-recorded my answering machine message. My last one sounded so whiney and needy. "Hi! This is Blue, Private Investigator! If you've reached this message, I must've stumbled trying to pick up the phone because I always pick it up-" Banana: Hello? Blueberry: A client? A female client? A dame! Banana: My lover was murdered! Blueberry: Stay cool, Blue. Blueberry: When'd you discover that your husband was dead? Banana: Oh no... Not my husband. The cereal I'd been cheating on my husband with. Blueberry: I could tell she was easy to peel. Had probably topped a lot of cereals in her day. Blueberry: What's his name, Miss? Banana: My husband? Blueberry: No. The side breakfast. Banana: Berry Krispies. Blueberry: So, if what you've told me is right... He's berry, berry dead! I will see what I can do... A Second Breakfast

Blueberry: What else to do today? Already re-recorded my answering machine message. My last one sounded so whiney and needy. "Hi! This is Blue, Private Investigator! If you've reached this message, I must've stumbled trying to pick up the phone because I always pick it up-"

Banana: Hello?
Blueberry: A client? A female client? A dame!

Banana: My lover was murdered!
Blueberry: Stay cool, Blue.

Blueberry: When'd you discover that your husband was dead?
Banana: Oh no... Not my husband. The cereal I'd been cheating on my husband with.

Blueberry: I could tell she was easy to peel. Had probably topped a lot of cereals in her day.

Blueberry: What's his name, Miss?

Banana: My husband?
Blueberry: No. The side breakfast.

Banana: Berry Krispies.

Blueberry: So, if what you've told me is right... He's berry, berry dead! I will see what I can do...]]> The Deadliest Flop http://thesordidaffairs.net/index.php?date=2006-05-02 http://thesordidaffairs.net/index.php?date=2006-05-02 Sun, 07 May 2006 17:58:09 -0000 <a href="http://thesordidaffairs.net/index.php?date=2006-05-02">The Deadliest Flop</a> Quaker: What'll it be, gentlemen? Stud? Draw? Pinkie Donut: Hold 'em. Pinkie Donut: So, what do you do? Berry Krispies: Breakfast cereal by day, gambler by night. Quaker: The flop, good sirs. Pinkie Donut: Breakfast, huh? I've always wanted to be a breakfast food. Berry Krispies: Yeah, but it's not so easy. I doubt someone of your... small stature could handle such a responsibility. Pinkie Donut: Is that so? Berry Krispies: Yeah. Girl I'm dating right now has a husband. Imagine that. I'm just so irresistible. Berry Krispies: She dates me on the side because I know how to satisfy her taste buds. You know, since I have nine essential vitamins and minerals. Berry Krispies: Sweet. Pair of aces. I got this. Pinkie Donut: What do you wager, Mr. Krispies? A straight? How delicious... Berry Krispies: I only wager one thing. Pinkie Donut: Your wallet? Berry Krispies: My life. The Deadliest Flop

Quaker: What'll it be, gentlemen? Stud? Draw?
Pinkie Donut: Hold 'em.

Pinkie Donut: So, what do you do?
Berry Krispies: Breakfast cereal by day, gambler by night.

Quaker: The flop, good sirs.
Pinkie Donut: Breakfast, huh? I've always wanted to be a breakfast food.

Berry Krispies: Yeah, but it's not so easy. I doubt someone of your... small stature could handle such a responsibility.
Pinkie Donut: Is that so?

Berry Krispies: Yeah. Girl I'm dating right now has a husband. Imagine that. I'm just so irresistible.

Berry Krispies: She dates me on the side because I know how to satisfy her taste buds. You know, since I have nine essential vitamins and minerals.

Berry Krispies: Sweet. Pair of aces. I got this.

Pinkie Donut: What do you wager, Mr. Krispies? A straight? How delicious...

Berry Krispies: I only wager one thing.
Pinkie Donut: Your wallet?
Berry Krispies: My life.]]> Guaranteed Kisses http://thesordidaffairs.net/index.php?date=2006-04-27 http://thesordidaffairs.net/index.php?date=2006-04-27 Sun, 07 May 2006 17:52:09 -0000 <a href="http://thesordidaffairs.net/index.php?date=2006-04-27">Guaranteed Kisses</a> Sprinkles: The guitar isn't working! I'm still having no luck with make-outs! Honey Bear: Have patience! Sprinkles: Forget that! Sprinkles: I've been practicing twenty minutes a day for two weeks now! I need some lovin'! Honey Bear: It's not an ab workout, it takes time! Honey Bear: Though I do have one suggestion. It'll cost you something fierce. Sprinkles: Anything! Honey Bear: Your integrity. Sprinkles: I need kisses! Quickly! I'll do anything! Help me! Honey Bear: I can't believe I'm about to do this... What kind of music have you been playing? Sprinkles: Happy, upbeat stuff! Honey Bear: First mistake! Girls dig emotion and tears! To get the ladies, you will need whiney, pathetic music... and an album cover. Honey Bear: Do you have an out-of-focus camera... and... mascara? Sprinkles: Is this-- Honey Bear: Yes. It is completely necessary. Mr Sprinkles 100% Chance of Tears. Guaranteed Kisses

Sprinkles: The guitar isn't working! I'm still having no luck with make-outs!

Honey Bear: Have patience!
Sprinkles: Forget that!

Sprinkles: I've been practicing twenty minutes a day for two weeks now! I need some lovin'!
Honey Bear: It's not an ab workout, it takes time!

Honey Bear: Though I do have one suggestion. It'll cost you something fierce.
Sprinkles: Anything!
Honey Bear: Your integrity.

Sprinkles: I need kisses! Quickly! I'll do anything! Help me!

Honey Bear: I can't believe I'm about to do this... What kind of music have you been playing?
Sprinkles: Happy, upbeat stuff!

Honey Bear: First mistake! Girls dig emotion and tears! To get the ladies, you will need whiney, pathetic music... and an album cover.

Honey Bear: Do you have an out-of-focus camera... and... mascara?
Sprinkles: Is this--
Honey Bear: Yes. It is completely necessary.

Mr Sprinkles 100% Chance of Tears.]]> Tagged Tribute http://thesordidaffairs.net/index.php?date=2006-04-25 http://thesordidaffairs.net/index.php?date=2006-04-25 Sun, 07 May 2006 17:48:11 -0000 <a href="http://thesordidaffairs.net/index.php?date=2006-04-25">Tagged Tribute</a> Damn! The legend will be remembered! I've got mad taggin' skillz. Represent! Finish up the lettering! He'd be proud of his urban sons. Run! I hear someone! Go! Q-CUMBA LIVES. SPIT THE TROOF 4 LIFE. Fruit Juice: Darn punks! Chocolate Milk: I know! They totally messed up the feng shui! It should be on the east wall. What were they thinking?! Tagged Tribute

Damn! The legend will be remembered!
I've got mad taggin' skillz. Represent!

Finish up the lettering! He'd be proud of his urban sons.

Run! I hear someone! Go!

Q-CUMBA LIVES. SPIT THE TROOF 4 LIFE.

Fruit Juice: Darn punks!
Chocolate Milk: I know! They totally messed up the feng shui! It should be on the east wall. What were they thinking?!]]> A Sexy Question http://thesordidaffairs.net/index.php?date=2006-04-20 http://thesordidaffairs.net/index.php?date=2006-04-20 Sun, 07 May 2006 17:46:11 -0000 <a href="http://thesordidaffairs.net/index.php?date=2006-04-20">A Sexy Question</a> Ketchup Packet: Mom? Dad? Where do ketchup packets come from? Mustard: Heh... uh... I guess I'll field this one... Mustard: The Almighty Hand comes down from above... Mustard: ... and lifts Mommy into the great Beyond. Mustard: Vigorous shaking occurs, and if the results of this shaking aren't sufficient, er... Mustard: A batch of packets are released from a very, very secret cupboard! Ketchup Packet: Okay... Ketchup: C'mon, Mustard, he ought to know the real truth. Ketchup: We humped romantically. Couple months later, you were born. Ketchup Packet: Thanks, Dad! I can't wait to tell the kids at school about this! A Sexy Question

Ketchup Packet: Mom? Dad? Where do ketchup packets come from?

Mustard: Heh... uh... I guess I'll field this one...

Mustard: The Almighty Hand comes down from above...

Mustard: ... and lifts Mommy into the great Beyond.

Mustard: Vigorous shaking occurs, and if the results of this shaking aren't sufficient, er...

Mustard: A batch of packets are released from a very, very secret cupboard!
Ketchup Packet: Okay...

Ketchup: C'mon, Mustard, he ought to know the real truth.

Ketchup: We humped romantically. Couple months later, you were born.

Ketchup Packet: Thanks, Dad! I can't wait to tell the kids at school about this!]]> After the Rapture http://thesordidaffairs.net/index.php?date=2006-04-18 http://thesordidaffairs.net/index.php?date=2006-04-18 Sun, 07 May 2006 17:43:37 -0000 <a href="http://thesordidaffairs.net/index.php?date=2006-04-18">After the Rapture</a> Eggs: WE SURVIVED THE HUNT! After the Rapture

Eggs: WE SURVIVED THE HUNT!]]> Rejected http://thesordidaffairs.net/index.php?date=2006-04-13 http://thesordidaffairs.net/index.php?date=2006-04-13 Sun, 07 May 2006 17:43:05 -0000 <a href="http://thesordidaffairs.net/index.php?date=2006-04-13">Rejected</a> Apple: This is the end. Apple: My life is over. I have no reason to live. Apple: Despair! Orange: Whoa... what's going on? Apple: I got rejected from my number one college! Orange: That's it? Hey, relax. It'll be okay. Apple: No! It won't! I should just end this pain! Orange: C'mon, let's get down from here. I'm sure you've got plenty of options besides death! Apple: R-r-really? Orange: Sure. The college name doesn't even matter, it's what you put into it! Apple: I feel a lot better- WHOAAA! Apple: Oh... this is scary. Mind helping me out of here? Apple: No! Wait! Orange: Once a whiner, always a whiner. Liquify sounds good. Rejected

Apple: This is the end.

Apple: My life is over. I have no reason to live.

Apple: Despair!
Orange: Whoa... what's going on?

Apple: I got rejected from my number one college!
Orange: That's it? Hey, relax. It'll be okay.

Apple: No! It won't! I should just end this pain!
Orange: C'mon, let's get down from here. I'm sure you've got plenty of options besides death!

Apple: R-r-really?
Orange: Sure. The college name doesn't even matter, it's what you put into it!

Apple: I feel a lot better- WHOAAA!

Apple: Oh... this is scary. Mind helping me out of here?

Apple: No! Wait!

Orange: Once a whiner, always a whiner. Liquify sounds good.]]> The Return of the Burger King http://thesordidaffairs.net/index.php?date=2006-04-11 http://thesordidaffairs.net/index.php?date=2006-04-11 Sun, 07 May 2006 17:40:08 -0000 <a href="http://thesordidaffairs.net/index.php?date=2006-04-11">The Return of the Burger King</a> Frodo: We are nearly at Mt. Microwave! Lord Triple Whopper: Not so fast. TRIPLE-WHOPPER'D Burger: Just him and me. I need to become... the Burger King! Burger: HEAVE! Burger: Toss it into the radiation of Mt. Microwave! End its evil! Frodo: Done. Nuggetins: That was easy... Frodo: Too easy? Nuggetins: Nah. Just right. Nuggetins: When we get back to the Frier, I'm going to marry Rosie and have twelve nuggetlings. Frodo: That sounds nice. But what about... us? The Return of the Burger King

Frodo: We are nearly at Mt. Microwave!

Lord Triple Whopper: Not so fast.

TRIPLE-WHOPPER'D

Burger: Just him and me. I need to become... the Burger King!

Burger: HEAVE!

Burger: Toss it into the radiation of Mt. Microwave! End its evil!

Frodo: Done.

Nuggetins: That was easy...
Frodo: Too easy?
Nuggetins: Nah. Just right.

Nuggetins: When we get back to the Frier, I'm going to marry Rosie and have twelve nuggetlings.
Frodo: That sounds nice. But what about... us?]]> The Two Towering Refrigerators http://thesordidaffairs.net/index.php?date=2006-04-06 http://thesordidaffairs.net/index.php?date=2006-04-06 Sun, 07 May 2006 17:37:55 -0000 <a href="http://thesordidaffairs.net/index.php?date=2006-04-06">The Two Towering Refrigerators</a> Apple Pie: We should rest. Nuggetins is straining under the weight of the Onion. Salad: We must be careful. The enemy has many fries. Diet Gandalf: Run! The Tater Ghouls have caught our scent! Diet Gandalf: You... shall not... PASS! Fries: AYYYY! Diet Gandalf: Fly, you foods! Frodo: No! Not Diet Gandalf! NO! The Two Towering Refrigerators

Apple Pie: We should rest. Nuggetins is straining under the weight of the Onion.

Salad: We must be careful. The enemy has many fries.

Diet Gandalf: Run! The Tater Ghouls have caught our scent!

Diet Gandalf: You... shall not... PASS!

Fries: AYYYY!

Diet Gandalf: Fly, you foods!

Frodo: No! Not Diet Gandalf! NO!]]> The Fellowship http://thesordidaffairs.net/index.php?date=2006-04-04 http://thesordidaffairs.net/index.php?date=2006-04-04 Sun, 07 May 2006 17:36:21 -0000 <a href="http://thesordidaffairs.net/index.php?date=2006-04-04">The Fellowship</a> Diet Gandalf: Frodo Nuggetins, I entrust the powerful onion ring... to you. Nuggetins: You're not going anywhere without us! Salad: And you have my Light Caesar Dressing! Burger: And you have my fire-grilled beef patty! Apple Pie: And you have my dutch-crumb crust! Chicken Sandwich: And my healthy, tender chicken breast. Diet Gandalf: I was hoping it wouldn't come to this, Nuggetins. Here you have it, powerful friends to aid you in your quest. Diet Gandalf: You shall be... The Fellowship of the Onion Ring! The Fellowship

Diet Gandalf: Frodo Nuggetins, I entrust the powerful onion ring... to you.

Nuggetins: You're not going anywhere without us!

Salad: And you have my Light Caesar Dressing!

Burger: And you have my fire-grilled beef patty!

Apple Pie: And you have my dutch-crumb crust!

Chicken Sandwich: And my healthy, tender chicken breast.

Diet Gandalf: I was hoping it wouldn't come to this, Nuggetins. Here you have it, powerful friends to aid you in your quest.

Diet Gandalf: You shall be... The Fellowship of the Onion Ring!]]>