Two Lumps: The Adventures of Ebenezer and Snooch

Two Lumps: The Adventures of Ebenezer and Snooch - latest additions http://twolumps.net The latest transcribed Two Lumps: The Adventures of Ebenezer and Snooch comics, powered by OhNoRobot.com en-us Wed, 02 Nov 2011 22:42:02 -0000 60 Two Lumps http://twolumps.net/d/20101215.html http://twolumps.net/d/20101215.html Wed, 02 Nov 2011 22:36:23 -0000 <a href="http://twolumps.net/d/20101215.html">Two Lumps</a> [[Snooch and Eben are sitting on a couch, near a Christmas tree.]] Snooch: So, this Jesus guy... why do humans decorate trees for him? Eben: Well, there's some history. First off, his name wasn't "Jesus." That's a phonetic approximation of his probable real name, which was-- Snooch: Oh, I knew that already. His real name was Harold. Eben: What? No. Where would you get that idea? Snooch: "Hark, the Harold angels sing!" Eben: Stupidity levels... rising... Two Lumps

[[Snooch and Eben are sitting on a couch, near a Christmas tree.]]
Snooch: So, this Jesus guy... why do humans decorate trees for him?
Eben: Well, there's some history. First off, his name wasn't "Jesus." That's a phonetic approximation of his probable real name, which was--

Snooch: Oh, I knew that already. His real name was Harold.
Eben: What? No. Where would you get that idea?

Snooch: "Hark, the Harold angels sing!"
Eben: Stupidity levels... rising...]]> Two Lumps http://twolumps.net/d/20111005.html http://twolumps.net/d/20111005.html Thu, 20 Oct 2011 21:17:52 -0000 <a href="http://twolumps.net/d/20111005.html">Two Lumps</a> [[Eben is looking down at a book or catalogue open on the floor. Snooch is off-panel, his responses coming in without actually seeing him.]] Eben: OK, I've found some mosquito-repelling products we can order... Snooch: Don't needta! Got it covered! [[Eben looks up, ears back, irritated look.]] Eben: I told you, you can't shrink-wrap yourself. Snooch: Nah, I found a homie... homer... natural cure on the the innernets! [[Eben is now over on his side, legs splayed, claws out on the front leg that's in the air, back paw curled under, tail stiff and quivering. His eyes are dilated wide, and not both the same size and shape. Little bubbles float up. Snooch arrives in the scene, looking down at Eben and seeming quite at his ease, smiling. A green mist filled with skull-and-crossbones surrounds him, partially overlapping Eben.]] Eben: Really? What's th- BY ANUBIS' CHROME BELT BUCKLE! Snooch: They said to eat lotsa garlic! Two Lumps

[[Eben is looking down at a book or catalogue open on the floor. Snooch is off-panel, his responses coming in without actually seeing him.]]

Eben: OK, I've found some mosquito-repelling products we can order...
Snooch: Don't needta! Got it covered!

[[Eben looks up, ears back, irritated look.]]

Eben: I told you, you can't shrink-wrap yourself.
Snooch: Nah, I found a homie... homer... natural cure on the the innernets!

[[Eben is now over on his side, legs splayed, claws out on the front leg that's in the air, back paw curled under, tail stiff and quivering. His eyes are dilated wide, and not both the same size and shape. Little bubbles float up. Snooch arrives in the scene, looking down at Eben and seeming quite at his ease, smiling. A green mist filled with skull-and-crossbones surrounds him, partially overlapping Eben.]]

Eben: Really? What's th- BY ANUBIS' CHROME BELT BUCKLE!
Snooch: They said to eat lotsa garlic!]]> Two Lumps http://twolumps.net/d/20110921.html http://twolumps.net/d/20110921.html Thu, 20 Oct 2011 21:17:30 -0000 <a href="http://twolumps.net/d/20110921.html">Two Lumps</a> [ First panel ] Eben: Ok, that was traumatizing. Snooch: Yeah. That's why I picked our next guest! [ Second panel ] Eben: You what? Snooch: So say hi to Lady Gaga! Eben: You WHAT? [ Third panel ] Eben: ...that's a potato, Snooch. Snooch: Aw, BISCUITS. Sorry. Eben: No, no, it's an easy mistake to make. Two Lumps

[ First panel ]
Eben: Ok, that was traumatizing.

Snooch: Yeah. That's why I picked our next guest!

[ Second panel ]
Eben: You what?

Snooch: So say hi to Lady Gaga!

Eben: You WHAT?

[ Third panel ]

Eben: ...that's a potato, Snooch.

Snooch: Aw, BISCUITS. Sorry.

Eben: No, no, it's an easy mistake to make.]]> Two Lumps http://twolumps.net/d/20110919.html http://twolumps.net/d/20110919.html Thu, 20 Oct 2011 21:17:16 -0000 <a href="http://twolumps.net/d/20110919.html">Two Lumps</a> [[Snooch and Ebenezer face us.]] Snooch: We got a visitor! Ebenezer: It appears that if you do a webcomic, and meet Wil Wheaton, you need to put him in your comic strip. As Mel & James have met him, please welcome Wil to Two Lumps. [[Cut to the two cats, horrified, facing a cat with the head of Wil Wheaton]] Snooch: HOLY FLAMING $@&!+$!!! Wil: Why am I a cat? Nobody said I had to be a cat. Ebenezer: This is so freakin' disturbing. Wil: Yeah, I get that. Two Lumps

[[Snooch and Ebenezer face us.]]
Snooch: We got a visitor!
Ebenezer: It appears that if you do a webcomic, and meet Wil Wheaton, you need to put him in your comic strip. As Mel & James have met him, please welcome Wil to Two Lumps.

[[Cut to the two cats, horrified, facing a cat with the head of Wil Wheaton]]
Snooch: HOLY FLAMING $@&!+$!!!

Wil: Why am I a cat? Nobody said I had to be a cat.
Ebenezer: This is so freakin' disturbing.
Wil: Yeah, I get that.]]> Two Lumps http://twolumps.net/d/20110907.html http://twolumps.net/d/20110907.html Thu, 20 Oct 2011 21:17:08 -0000 <a href="http://twolumps.net/d/20110907.html">Two Lumps</a> Ebenezer: Looks like the Texas wildfires are out of control. Snooch: Fr srs, yo. I already sent 'em 10 gallons of water on the innernet! Ebenezer: They do that on the relief web site? Snooch: Nah, too slow! I dumped the bottles right into the 'puter! Snooch: An' I know it worked, 'cause all this smoke started comin' back the other way! Ebenezer: ...right. {{Make real donations at www.txwildfirerelief.org}} Two Lumps

Ebenezer: Looks like the Texas wildfires are out of control.
Snooch: Fr srs, yo. I already sent 'em 10 gallons of water on the innernet!

Ebenezer: They do that on the relief web site?
Snooch: Nah, too slow! I dumped the bottles right into the 'puter!

Snooch: An' I know it worked, 'cause all this smoke started comin' back the other way!
Ebenezer: ...right.

{{Make real donations at www.txwildfirerelief.org}}]]> Two Lumps http://twolumps.net/d/20110822.html http://twolumps.net/d/20110822.html Thu, 20 Oct 2011 21:16:52 -0000 <a href="http://twolumps.net/d/20110822.html">Two Lumps</a> [[Basic map of living room is displayed]] Eben: Okay, as you can see on the map, this is the path of the invading enemy. She'll be coming in the front door, walking to the bedroom. Snooch: And she always follows the same path... [[Two Red X's have been added to the map]] Eben: So if we plant turret bodies here and here, we should be able to stop her. Snooch: Roger! I'm on it! [[Mom trips over Snooch]] Mom: Snooch, get out of the WAAAAAUGH! Snooch: Enemy Alien is down! Eben: Well played! Two Lumps

[[Basic map of living room is displayed]]
Eben: Okay, as you can see on the map, this is the path of the invading enemy. She'll be coming in the front door, walking to the bedroom.
Snooch: And she always follows the same path...

[[Two Red X's have been added to the map]]
Eben: So if we plant turret bodies here and here, we should be able to stop her.
Snooch: Roger! I'm on it!

[[Mom trips over Snooch]]
Mom: Snooch, get out of the WAAAAAUGH!
Snooch: Enemy Alien is down!
Eben: Well played!]]> Two Lumps http://twolumps.net/d/20110819.html http://twolumps.net/d/20110819.html Thu, 20 Oct 2011 21:16:39 -0000 <a href="http://twolumps.net/d/20110819.html">Two Lumps</a> [[Close-up of fishbowl]] Angry Fish: AS PRESIDENT, I WILL HELP RETURN THIS NATION TO WHAT THE FOUNDING FATHERS WANTED: A NATION FOR FISH AND REPUBLICANS! Angry Fish: A NATION WITHOUT COMMIES, WHERE EVERYONE HAS GUNS AND NOBODY RECYCLES! BY THE FISH, FOR THE FISH, AND OF THE FISH! Angry Fish: ...OH, AND REPUBLICANS. Ebenezer: How will you live in the Governor's mansion? YOU'RE A FISH. Angry Fish: PLEASE. THAT DUMP? EVEN PERRY DOESN'T LIVE THERE. {{Author's note: James wrote this one. send all hate mail to him.}} Two Lumps

[[Close-up of fishbowl]]
Angry Fish: AS PRESIDENT, I WILL HELP RETURN THIS NATION TO WHAT THE FOUNDING FATHERS WANTED: A NATION FOR FISH AND REPUBLICANS!

Angry Fish: A NATION WITHOUT COMMIES, WHERE EVERYONE HAS GUNS AND NOBODY RECYCLES! BY THE FISH, FOR THE FISH, AND OF THE FISH!
Angry Fish: ...OH, AND REPUBLICANS.

Ebenezer: How will you live in the Governor's mansion? YOU'RE A FISH.
Angry Fish: PLEASE. THAT DUMP? EVEN PERRY DOESN'T LIVE THERE.

{{Author's note: James wrote this one. send all hate mail to him.}}]]> Two Lumps http://twolumps.net/d/20110817.html http://twolumps.net/d/20110817.html Thu, 20 Oct 2011 21:16:18 -0000 <a href="http://twolumps.net/d/20110817.html">Two Lumps</a> [[Ebenezer sits next to the fishbowl, looking skeptically at the angry fish]] Ebenezer: Wait, so now that Perry is pursuing the presidency, you're going to Austin to impersonate him and take over his life? Angry Fish: I'M HIS SPITTING IMAGE! Ebenezer: That's ridiculous. Angry Fish: OH YEAH? DESCRIBE GOVERNOR PERRY. Ebenezer: Well, he's loud, and right-wing, and... has... good hair... [[Beat. Ebenezer raises eyebrow.]] Ebenezer: Now that I think about it, you may have a chance of pulling it off... Angry Fish: HAIL TO THE KING, BABY. Two Lumps

[[Ebenezer sits next to the fishbowl, looking skeptically at the angry fish]]
Ebenezer: Wait, so now that Perry is pursuing the presidency, you're going to Austin to impersonate him and take over his life?
Angry Fish: I'M HIS SPITTING IMAGE!

Ebenezer: That's ridiculous.
Angry Fish: OH YEAH? DESCRIBE GOVERNOR PERRY.
Ebenezer: Well, he's loud, and right-wing, and... has... good hair...

[[Beat. Ebenezer raises eyebrow.]]

Ebenezer: Now that I think about it, you may have a chance of pulling it off...
Angry Fish: HAIL TO THE KING, BABY.]]> Two Lumps http://twolumps.net/d/20110815.html http://twolumps.net/d/20110815.html Thu, 20 Oct 2011 21:16:08 -0000 <a href="http://twolumps.net/d/20110815.html">Two Lumps</a> [[Ebenezer is napping on the couch. Snooch rushes past]] Ebenezer: What's the rush, sonic butterball? Snooch: Governor Rick Perry just announced he's running for President in 2010!!! Ebenezer: So what? You've never been into politics before. Snooch: I WANNA SEE WHAT THE ANGRY FISH THINKS! [[Cut to Snooch, wide-eyed, next to the fishbowl. The angry fish is wearing a wig and a toothy grin.]] Two Lumps

[[Ebenezer is napping on the couch. Snooch rushes past]]
Ebenezer: What's the rush, sonic butterball?
Snooch: Governor Rick Perry just announced he's running for President in 2010!!!
Ebenezer: So what? You've never been into politics before.
Snooch: I WANNA SEE WHAT THE ANGRY FISH THINKS!
[[Cut to Snooch, wide-eyed, next to the fishbowl. The angry fish is wearing a wig and a toothy grin.]]]]> Two Lumps http://twolumps.net/d/20110808.html http://twolumps.net/d/20110808.html Thu, 20 Oct 2011 21:15:59 -0000 <a href="http://twolumps.net/d/20110808.html">Two Lumps</a> [[Ebenezer approaches the KIT e PAN covered litterbox]] [[Eben is in the litterbox, only his tail showing outside]] [[Eben is totally inside the litterbox]] <<scratch scratch>> Ebenezer: ...what the... Snooch? [[Eben's head is sticking out of the litterbox]] Eben: Why was the TV remote in here? Snooch: I hit it cuz you never let me have it! Eben: Well, it's all yours now. Two Lumps

[[Ebenezer approaches the KIT e PAN covered litterbox]]

[[Eben is in the litterbox, only his tail showing outside]]

[[Eben is totally inside the litterbox]]
<>
Ebenezer: ...what the... Snooch?

[[Eben's head is sticking out of the litterbox]]
Eben: Why was the TV remote in here?
Snooch: I hit it cuz you never let me have it!
Eben: Well, it's all yours now.]]>