Two Lumps: The Adventures of Ebenezer and Snooch

Two Lumps: The Adventures of Ebenezer and Snooch - latest additions http://twolumps.net The latest transcribed Two Lumps: The Adventures of Ebenezer and Snooch comics, powered by OhNoRobot.com en-us Tue, 12 Jan 2010 20:42:03 -0000 60 Two Lumps http://twolumps.net/d/20100111.html http://twolumps.net/d/20100111.html Tue, 12 Jan 2010 20:14:19 -0000 <a href="http://twolumps.net/d/20100111.html">Two Lumps</a> [[Viewpoint is from outside looking toward a brick building. A tree branch is framing a window. Snooch is looking out the window]] [[Snooch glances upward, grimacing]] Snooch: BENNY! YOU'RE A LIAR! Ebenezer off panel: ...What? Snooch: THERE'S NOTHING BUT ICE OUT THERE! [[Viewpoint changes to inside where Ebenezer is sitting on the couch looking sideways]] Eben: I said it's going to be CHILLY out there today. Snooch off panel: AND I STILL DON'T SEE ANY! Eben: Put the bowl and spoon back, Snooch. Two Lumps

[[Viewpoint is from outside looking toward a brick building. A tree branch is framing a window. Snooch is looking out the window]]

[[Snooch glances upward, grimacing]]
Snooch: BENNY! YOU'RE A LIAR!
Ebenezer off panel: ...What?
Snooch: THERE'S NOTHING BUT ICE OUT THERE!

[[Viewpoint changes to inside where Ebenezer is sitting on the couch looking sideways]]
Eben: I said it's going to be CHILLY out there today.
Snooch off panel: AND I STILL DON'T SEE ANY!
Eben: Put the bowl and spoon back, Snooch.]]> Two Lumps http://twolumps.net/d/20100108.html http://twolumps.net/d/20100108.html Tue, 12 Jan 2010 20:14:11 -0000 <a href="http://twolumps.net/d/20100108.html">Two Lumps</a> [[Ebenezer is sitting on the floor, looking at the television]] Voice on TV: This just in! Cold weather dominates North America! So much for Global Warming, haw haw haw! Eben: :Yes, that makes sense. It gets cold in winter, so climate change is fake. Voice on TV: But... but the fake emails! Eben: Some paid grant-fund types fudged data to keep their money flowing. This does not change the fact that Mount Kilamanjaro now has no snowcap to speak of. The climate is changing, and you monkeys did have a hand in it. [[Ebenezer walks away]] Voice on TV: Wait a damn minute! Since when do cats care about any of this? Eben: I like having gooshyfood and slaves to serve it to me. Two Lumps

[[Ebenezer is sitting on the floor, looking at the television]]
Voice on TV: This just in! Cold weather dominates North America! So much for Global Warming, haw haw haw!
Eben: :Yes, that makes sense. It gets cold in winter, so climate change is fake.

Voice on TV: But... but the fake emails!
Eben: Some paid grant-fund types fudged data to keep their money flowing. This does not change the fact that Mount Kilamanjaro now has no snowcap to speak of. The climate is changing, and you monkeys did have a hand in it.

[[Ebenezer walks away]]
Voice on TV: Wait a damn minute! Since when do cats care about any of this?
Eben: I like having gooshyfood and slaves to serve it to me.]]> Two Lumps http://twolumps.net/d/20100106.html http://twolumps.net/d/20100106.html Wed, 06 Jan 2010 21:36:11 -0000 <a href="http://twolumps.net/d/20100106.html">Two Lumps</a> [[Ebenezer is sitting on the floor, reading from a piece of paper. Snooch is laying on the couch]] Eben: ...and finally, I resolve not to fall for any more Nigerian "you have won free uranium" scams. Snooch: That's a big ol' list! Eben: What about you? [[Snooch stretches and yawns]] Snooch: Just one. Eatin' right an' losin' weight! Eben: Really? And how long do you think you'll stick to that one? Snooch: Uh... [[Ebenezer watches as Snooch walks out of the room]] Snooch: Forget it! Can't handle the waiting. Gettin' some ice cream! Eben: So your new resolution is to uphold the status quo? Snooch: Nah, that quo thing sounds heavy. Two Lumps

[[Ebenezer is sitting on the floor, reading from a piece of paper. Snooch is laying on the couch]]
Eben: ...and finally, I resolve not to fall for any more Nigerian "you have won free uranium" scams.
Snooch: That's a big ol' list!
Eben: What about you?

[[Snooch stretches and yawns]]
Snooch: Just one. Eatin' right an' losin' weight!
Eben: Really? And how long do you think you'll stick to that one?
Snooch: Uh...

[[Ebenezer watches as Snooch walks out of the room]]
Snooch: Forget it! Can't handle the waiting. Gettin' some ice cream!
Eben: So your new resolution is to uphold the status quo?
Snooch: Nah, that quo thing sounds heavy.]]> Two Lumps http://twolumps.net/d/20100104.html http://twolumps.net/d/20100104.html Mon, 04 Jan 2010 23:52:37 -0000 <a href="http://twolumps.net/d/20100104.html">Two Lumps</a> [[Ebenezer is wearing a white shirt and gray tie. His expression is quizzical, one eye squinting, the other wide open with raised eyebrow. To his left (our right) is a square box with the image of a football and the words FOOT BAWL]] Eben: ...which is why we really don't give a tin-plated damn about the scores. Now here's Snooch, with an on-the-scenes report of going to the veterinarian. [[Close-up of Snooch's face--he has a perturbed expression, eyes bulging wide open and mouth twisted. To his left is the sign "LIVE"]] [[Ebenezer is sitting wearing a necktie and dark shades, smoking a pipe. The panel text, all in caps: The cat news channel We're cats]] Two Lumps

[[Ebenezer is wearing a white shirt and gray tie. His expression is quizzical, one eye squinting, the other wide open with raised eyebrow. To his left (our right) is a square box with the image of a football and the words FOOT BAWL]]
Eben: ...which is why we really don't give a tin-plated damn about the scores. Now here's Snooch, with an on-the-scenes report of going to the veterinarian.

[[Close-up of Snooch's face--he has a perturbed expression, eyes bulging wide open and mouth twisted. To his left is the sign "LIVE"]]

[[Ebenezer is sitting wearing a necktie and dark shades, smoking a pipe. The panel text, all in caps: The cat news channel We're cats]]]]> Two Lumps http://twolumps.net/d/20100101.html http://twolumps.net/d/20100101.html Mon, 04 Jan 2010 23:52:23 -0000 <a href="http://twolumps.net/d/20100101.html">Two Lumps</a> [[Ebenezer is sitting on the couch looking at Snooch, who is hanging over the edge of the couch]] Eben: So, I'd point out that the world didn't end, but you decided to have your own personal armageddon last night. Snooch: ...I never want to see a bottle again. [[Ebenezer washes himself as Snooch continues hanging over the edge]] Eben: I'd also take the moment to offer advice against taking a drink every time Mom's friends did. Snooch: I never want to see a shot glass again. [[Ebenezer walks out of the room as Snooch continues hanging over the edge]] Eben: But "they're showing midnight around the world every hour," you said. "We can toast each time," you said. Snooch: I never want to see a news channel again. Two Lumps

[[Ebenezer is sitting on the couch looking at Snooch, who is hanging over the edge of the couch]]
Eben: So, I'd point out that the world didn't end, but you decided to have your own personal armageddon last night.
Snooch: ...I never want to see a bottle again.

[[Ebenezer washes himself as Snooch continues hanging over the edge]]
Eben: I'd also take the moment to offer advice against taking a drink every time Mom's friends did.
Snooch: I never want to see a shot glass again.

[[Ebenezer walks out of the room as Snooch continues hanging over the edge]]
Eben: But "they're showing midnight around the world every hour," you said. "We can toast each time," you said.
Snooch: I never want to see a news channel again.]]> Two Lumps http://twolumps.net/d/20091230.html http://twolumps.net/d/20091230.html Mon, 04 Jan 2010 23:52:16 -0000 <a href="http://twolumps.net/d/20091230.html">Two Lumps</a> [[Snooch and Ebenezer are sitting on the couch. Snooch has a hand-lettered sign hanging around his neck that says THE END iS NEER]] Snooch: ...and it ends on Friday! That's it! No more days! Eben: Hmm. But that's not what the calendar in the computer room says at all. [[Ebenezer watches as Snooch races out of the room]] Snooch: ZOMG! I forgot to check that one! Let's see if it shows more days! Eben: Yeah, you do that. Better hurry. Snooch off panel: WAAAAAAUGH! WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE TONIGHT! Eben: Hooray for the word-a-day, tear-off desk calendar. Two Lumps

[[Snooch and Ebenezer are sitting on the couch. Snooch has a hand-lettered sign hanging around his neck that says THE END iS NEER]]
Snooch: ...and it ends on Friday! That's it! No more days!
Eben: Hmm. But that's not what the calendar in the computer room says at all.

[[Ebenezer watches as Snooch races out of the room]]
Snooch: ZOMG! I forgot to check that one! Let's see if it shows more days!
Eben: Yeah, you do that. Better hurry.

Snooch off panel: WAAAAAAUGH! WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE TONIGHT!
Eben: Hooray for the word-a-day, tear-off desk calendar.]]> Two Lumps http://twolumps.net/d/20091228.html http://twolumps.net/d/20091228.html Mon, 04 Jan 2010 23:52:02 -0000 <a href="http://twolumps.net/d/20091228.html">Two Lumps</a> [[Ebenezer is laying on the couch, Snooch is racing past the couch]] Snooch: BENNY! WE'RE ALL DOOMED! THE TEEVEE SAYS THE MAYAN CALENDAR ENDS IN 2012, AND THE WORLD WILL BLOW UP!!! Eben: Argh. [[Snooch sits and looks at Eben in panic]] Eben: Look, we're not Mayans. We're American cats. We don't follow the Mayan calendar. We follow the same one we always have. Snooch: ...THAT'S EVEN WORSE!!! Eben: ...wut. [[Snooch races back the way he came, Eben lays back down]] Snooch: MOM'S CALENDAR ENDS ON FRIDAY! WE'RE ALL GONNA DIEEEE! AAAAAAAAA! Eben: Argh. Two Lumps

[[Ebenezer is laying on the couch, Snooch is racing past the couch]]
Snooch: BENNY! WE'RE ALL DOOMED! THE TEEVEE SAYS THE MAYAN CALENDAR ENDS IN 2012, AND THE WORLD WILL BLOW UP!!!
Eben: Argh.

[[Snooch sits and looks at Eben in panic]]
Eben: Look, we're not Mayans. We're American cats. We don't follow the Mayan calendar. We follow the same one we always have.
Snooch: ...THAT'S EVEN WORSE!!!
Eben: ...wut.

[[Snooch races back the way he came, Eben lays back down]]
Snooch: MOM'S CALENDAR ENDS ON FRIDAY! WE'RE ALL GONNA DIEEEE! AAAAAAAAA!
Eben: Argh.]]> Two Lumps http://twolumps.net/d/20091225.html http://twolumps.net/d/20091225.html Mon, 04 Jan 2010 23:51:53 -0000 <a href="http://twolumps.net/d/20091225.html">Two Lumps</a> [[Text above photo, all in caps: To all of our friends, family, and fans: Airbrushed photo of Raistlin wearing a Santa hat. Text below photo, all in caps and a larger font: Happy holidays 2009! Text below that, same format as text above photo: From Mel and James! Comics resume on Monday! Quit emailing us!]] Two Lumps

[[Text above photo, all in caps: To all of our friends, family, and fans:
Airbrushed photo of Raistlin wearing a Santa hat.
Text below photo, all in caps and a larger font: Happy holidays 2009!
Text below that, same format as text above photo: From Mel and James! Comics resume on Monday! Quit emailing us!]]]]> Two Lumps http://twolumps.net/d/20091223.html http://twolumps.net/d/20091223.html Mon, 04 Jan 2010 23:51:41 -0000 <a href="http://twolumps.net/d/20091223.html">Two Lumps</a> {{Two Lumps, 23 Dec 09, <http://twolumps.net/d/20091223.html>}} [[Kitchen. Ebenezer enters to discover a colorful carton of egg nog, decorated with dreadlocks, beard, sunglasses and a cigarette. Snooch is sitting next to the carton, alongside scissors, tape, and a marker, with an expectant look on his face.]] [[Ebenezer studies the carton, while a huge, cheesy grin spreads across Snooch's face.]] [[A pained look crosses Ebenezer's face.]] Ebenezer: If you say "Nog Marley", I will kill you where you stand. Snooch: Nope! Snoop Noggy Nog! Ebenezer: ...very well, you die in your sleep. Two Lumps

{{Two Lumps, 23 Dec 09, }}
[[Kitchen. Ebenezer enters to discover a colorful carton of egg nog, decorated with dreadlocks, beard, sunglasses and a cigarette. Snooch is sitting next to the carton, alongside scissors, tape, and a marker, with an expectant look on his face.]]

[[Ebenezer studies the carton, while a huge, cheesy grin spreads across Snooch's face.]]

[[A pained look crosses Ebenezer's face.]]
Ebenezer: If you say "Nog Marley", I will kill you where you stand.
Snooch: Nope! Snoop Noggy Nog!
Ebenezer: ...very well, you die in your sleep.]]> Two Lumps http://twolumps.net/d/20091223.html http://twolumps.net/d/20091223.html Mon, 04 Jan 2010 23:51:41 -0000 <a href="http://twolumps.net/d/20091223.html">Two Lumps</a> {{Two Lumps, 23 Dec 09, <http://twolumps.net/d/20091223.html>}} [[Kitchen. Ebenezer enters to discover a colorful carton of egg nog, decorated with dreadlocks, beard, sunglasses and a cigarette. Snooch is sitting next to the carton, alongside scissors, tape, and a marker, with an expectant look on his face.]] [[Ebenezer studies the carton, while a huge, cheesy grin spreads across Snooch's face.]] [[A pained look crosses Ebenezer's face.]] Ebenezer: If you say "Nog Marley", I will kill you where you stand. Snooch: Nope! Snoop Noggy Nog! Ebenezer: ...very well, you die in your sleep. Two Lumps

{{Two Lumps, 23 Dec 09, }}
[[Kitchen. Ebenezer enters to discover a colorful carton of egg nog, decorated with dreadlocks, beard, sunglasses and a cigarette. Snooch is sitting next to the carton, alongside scissors, tape, and a marker, with an expectant look on his face.]]

[[Ebenezer studies the carton, while a huge, cheesy grin spreads across Snooch's face.]]

[[A pained look crosses Ebenezer's face.]]
Ebenezer: If you say "Nog Marley", I will kill you where you stand.
Snooch: Nope! Snoop Noggy Nog!
Ebenezer: ...very well, you die in your sleep.]]>