http://patheticinc.com The latest transcribed Pathetic, Inc. comics, powered by OhNoRobot.com en-us Mon, 20 Apr 2009 19:11:32 -0000 60 http://patheticinc.com/2006/02/154.htm http://patheticinc.com/2006/02/154.htm Fri, 24 Feb 2006 05:12:43 -0000 <a href="http://patheticinc.com/2006/02/154.htm">Pathetic, Inc.: 54 - Frosted tang</a><br> <br> [[Quan enters the obese ninja's domicile]] <br \> Quan: Man, look at you. You have got to snap out of this! <br \> <br \> Ninja: ... *sigh* ... OK. <br \> <br \> Ninja: Go in the kitchen and get me my sword. <br \> Quan: That's what i'm talking about! <br \> <br \> Ninja: I was butterfly filleting twinkies earlier. There's... still frosting on the tang. <br \> Quan: *sigh* <br \> <br \> {{alt text: A projection by which a tool, such as a chisel or knife, is attached to its handle or stock. Also called shank.(this is funny because it's the definition of 'tang'.}} <br \> {{subtitle: In which the true depths of despair are revealed.}} Pathetic, Inc.: 54 - Frosted tang

[[Quan enters the obese ninja's domicile]]
Quan: Man, look at you. You have got to snap out of this!

Ninja: ... *sigh* ... OK.

Ninja: Go in the kitchen and get me my sword.
Quan: That's what i'm talking about!

Ninja: I was butterfly filleting twinkies earlier. There's... still frosting on the tang.
Quan: *sigh*

{{alt text: A projection by which a tool, such as a chisel or knife, is attached to its handle or stock. Also called shank.(this is funny because it's the definition of 'tang'.}}
{{subtitle: In which the true depths of despair are revealed.}}]]> http://patheticinc.com/2004/02/9.htm http://patheticinc.com/2004/02/9.htm Fri, 24 Feb 2006 02:27:40 -0000 <a href="http://patheticinc.com/2004/02/9.htm">Pathetic, Inc.: 9 - Fickle female</a><br> <br> [[Our Hero, after being delayed by an unforeseen avian attack, has finally rendezvoused with Louise at a classy patio lunch spot.]] <br \> Our Hero: Hey Louise! Sorry I'm late, but... <br \> Louise: Where is your moustache? <br \> Our Hero: This owl flew by and stole it. <br \> <br \> Louise: (implied) ... <br \> <br \> [[ Louise walks away, abandoning our lovelorn Hero]] <br \> Our Hero: Louise, Wait! <br \> <br \> [[Our Hero's thoughts reveal that his heart is now broken.]] <br \> <br \> {{alt text: Her heart wants moustaches)}} <br \> {{subtitle: The heart wants what the heart wants.}} Pathetic, Inc.: 9 - Fickle female

[[Our Hero, after being delayed by an unforeseen avian attack, has finally rendezvoused with Louise at a classy patio lunch spot.]]
Our Hero: Hey Louise! Sorry I'm late, but...
Louise: Where is your moustache?
Our Hero: This owl flew by and stole it.

Louise: (implied) ...

[[ Louise walks away, abandoning our lovelorn Hero]]
Our Hero: Louise, Wait!

[[Our Hero's thoughts reveal that his heart is now broken.]]

{{alt text: Her heart wants moustaches)}}
{{subtitle: The heart wants what the heart wants.}}]]> http://patheticinc.com/2004/02/8.htm http://patheticinc.com/2004/02/8.htm Fri, 24 Feb 2006 02:27:38 -0000 <a href="http://patheticinc.com/2004/02/8.htm">Pathetic, Inc.: 8 - Terror abates?</a><br> <br> [[The owl ceases his attack and flies away, leaving Our Hero alone in his CEO sports car]] <br \> Our Hero: Thank goodness! That owl has stopped attacking me! <br \> <br \> [[We now notice that Our Hero's power moustache is conspicuously absent.]] <br \> Our Hero: Hmm. My lip feels breezy... <br \> <br \> Our hero: GASP! OH NO! <br \> <br \> [[We see the owl, returned to his roost, adorned with the purloined golden moustache]] <br \> Owl: Hoot?! <br \> <br \> {{alt text: Anthropomorphism is funny. Except furries.)}} <br \> {{subtitle: In which our hero experiences a reversal of fortune.}} Pathetic, Inc.: 8 - Terror abates?

[[The owl ceases his attack and flies away, leaving Our Hero alone in his CEO sports car]]
Our Hero: Thank goodness! That owl has stopped attacking me!

[[We now notice that Our Hero's power moustache is conspicuously absent.]]
Our Hero: Hmm. My lip feels breezy...

Our hero: GASP! OH NO!

[[We see the owl, returned to his roost, adorned with the purloined golden moustache]]
Owl: Hoot?!

{{alt text: Anthropomorphism is funny. Except furries.)}}
{{subtitle: In which our hero experiences a reversal of fortune.}}]]> http://patheticinc.com/2004/02/7.htm http://patheticinc.com/2004/02/7.htm Fri, 24 Feb 2006 02:27:37 -0000 <a href="http://patheticinc.com/2004/02/7.htm">Pathetic, Inc.: 7 - Nature intrudes</a><br> <br> [[We see Our Hero (with moustache) cruising in his yellow sports car en route to lunch with Louise]] <br \> Our Hero: I have a big date with Louise! I hope she likes my CEO car! <br \> <br \> [[We see a perplexed owl bearing witness to this]] <br \> Owl: Hoot? <br \> <br \> [[Our Hero sits idling in his car, thinking of Louise when suddenly...]] <br \> <br \> [[The perturbed owl swoops in for the attack]] <br \> Owl: SCREECH <br \> Our Hero: Holy Crap! <br \> <br \> {{alt text: Perhaps from the air, it (the moustache) looks like a delicious golden mouse.)}} <br \> {{subtitle: They call them wild animals for a well deserved reason.}} Pathetic, Inc.: 7 - Nature intrudes

[[We see Our Hero (with moustache) cruising in his yellow sports car en route to lunch with Louise]]
Our Hero: I have a big date with Louise! I hope she likes my CEO car!

[[We see a perplexed owl bearing witness to this]]
Owl: Hoot?

[[Our Hero sits idling in his car, thinking of Louise when suddenly...]]

[[The perturbed owl swoops in for the attack]]
Owl: SCREECH
Our Hero: Holy Crap!

{{alt text: Perhaps from the air, it (the moustache) looks like a delicious golden mouse.)}}
{{subtitle: They call them wild animals for a well deserved reason.}}]]> http://patheticinc.com/2004/02/6.htm http://patheticinc.com/2004/02/6.htm Fri, 24 Feb 2006 02:27:35 -0000 <a href="http://patheticinc.com/2004/02/6.htm">Pathetic, Inc.: 6 - Power entices</a><br> <br> [[We look up at the skyscraper which houses the offices of Pathetic, Inc.]] <br \> Our Hero: (calling out from a window high above) Wow! <br \> <br \> [[We see our Hero inside of a very posh executive office]] <br \> Our Hero: My new executive office is awesome! <br \> <br \> [[Louise walks by]] <br \> Louise: Hey there Mr. New CEO! Let's do lunch! <br \> Our Hero: (implied) ... <br \> <br \> Our Hero: I'M Awesome! <br \> <br \> {{alt text: There's something wrong with that building, I'm sure of it (this is funny because the image of the skysraper is poorly cropped and the sides are cut off)}} <br \> {{subtitle: The things he wants fall into place, like tumblers in a lock.}} Pathetic, Inc.: 6 - Power entices

[[We look up at the skyscraper which houses the offices of Pathetic, Inc.]]
Our Hero: (calling out from a window high above) Wow!

[[We see our Hero inside of a very posh executive office]]
Our Hero: My new executive office is awesome!

[[Louise walks by]]
Louise: Hey there Mr. New CEO! Let's do lunch!
Our Hero: (implied) ...

Our Hero: I'M Awesome!

{{alt text: There's something wrong with that building, I'm sure of it (this is funny because the image of the skysraper is poorly cropped and the sides are cut off)}}
{{subtitle: The things he wants fall into place, like tumblers in a lock.}}]]> http://patheticinc.com/2004/02/5.htm http://patheticinc.com/2004/02/5.htm Fri, 24 Feb 2006 02:27:34 -0000 <a href="http://patheticinc.com/2004/02/5.htm">Pathetic, Inc.: 5 - Unswayed audience</a><br> <br> [[Our Hero (wearing his moustache) stands once again on stage]] <br \> Our Hero: So... Good to be back again. How are... <br \> <br \> [[A familiar Guinness bottle again whips towards Our Hero. However, unlike earlier, he manages to dodge the airborne projectile]] <br \> Our Hero: (ducking) Whoa! <br \> <br \> [[Our Hero stands again, triumphant]] <br \> HA HA HA!!! <br \> <br \> [[Another projectile emerges from the unseen audience, striking our hero squarely in the face]] <br \> <br \> {{alt text: The Itrishman is a canny marksman}} <br \> {{subtitle: The pinnacle of embarrassment may be being smote by footwear.}} Pathetic, Inc.: 5 - Unswayed audience

[[Our Hero (wearing his moustache) stands once again on stage]]
Our Hero: So... Good to be back again. How are...

[[A familiar Guinness bottle again whips towards Our Hero. However, unlike earlier, he manages to dodge the airborne projectile]]
Our Hero: (ducking) Whoa!

[[Our Hero stands again, triumphant]]
HA HA HA!!!

[[Another projectile emerges from the unseen audience, striking our hero squarely in the face]]

{{alt text: The Itrishman is a canny marksman}}
{{subtitle: The pinnacle of embarrassment may be being smote by footwear.}}]]> http://patheticinc.com/2004/02/10.htm http://patheticinc.com/2004/02/10.htm Fri, 24 Feb 2006 02:27:31 -0000 <a href="http://patheticinc.com/2004/02/10.htm">Pathetic, Inc.: 10 - Dark humor</a><br> <br> [[Our Hero once again approaches the stage, this time moustache-less.]] <br \> Our Hero: The woman I love hates me. I'm such a loser. <br \> <br \> Our Hero: I can't do this. I have to go. SOB! <br \> [[Our Hero exits the stage]] <br \> <br \> [[The microphone stands alone on stage, and the audience is hushed.]] <br \> <br \> [[Applause and laughter erupt from the unseen audience.]] <br \> <br \> {{alt text: The Irishman is either absent, or sans projectiles.)}} <br \> {{subtitle: A dream come true becomes a nightmare.}} Pathetic, Inc.: 10 - Dark humor

[[Our Hero once again approaches the stage, this time moustache-less.]]
Our Hero: The woman I love hates me. I'm such a loser.

Our Hero: I can't do this. I have to go. SOB!
[[Our Hero exits the stage]]

[[The microphone stands alone on stage, and the audience is hushed.]]

[[Applause and laughter erupt from the unseen audience.]]

{{alt text: The Irishman is either absent, or sans projectiles.)}}
{{subtitle: A dream come true becomes a nightmare.}}]]> http://patheticinc.com/2004/02/4.htm http://patheticinc.com/2004/02/4.htm Fri, 24 Feb 2006 01:57:09 -0000 <a href="http://patheticinc.com/2004/02/4.htm">Pathetic, Inc.: 4 - Sweet Success</a><br> <br> [[Our Hero (wearing his moustache) stands with the water cooler guys ]] <br \> Cooler 1: I can't beleive you told her your name was "Lando"! <br \> Cooler 2: Yeah. And then... <br \> Our Hero: Chill, dudes! It's the boss! <br \> <br \> [[The boss enters the break room]] <br \> Boss: You with the moustache! I like the cut of your jib, mister! I'm making you our new CEO! <br \> <br \> [[The boss exits, leaving everyone present amazed, though Our Hero is less bug-eyed over this turn of events]] <br \> Cooler 1: ! <br \> Cooler 2: ! <br \> Our Hero: ! <br \> <br \> [[The cooler guys now look upon their new CEO, apparently aghast]] <br \> Our Hero: (thinking) Hooray! <br \> <br \> {{alt text: Nautical. A triangular sail stretching from the foretopmast head to the jib boom and in small craft to the bowsprit or the bow. (This is funny because it's the definition of "jib")}} <br \> {{subtitle: You didn't think it took hard work, did you?}} Pathetic, Inc.: 4 - Sweet Success

[[Our Hero (wearing his moustache) stands with the water cooler guys ]]
Cooler 1: I can't beleive you told her your name was "Lando"!
Cooler 2: Yeah. And then...
Our Hero: Chill, dudes! It's the boss!

[[The boss enters the break room]]
Boss: You with the moustache! I like the cut of your jib, mister! I'm making you our new CEO!

[[The boss exits, leaving everyone present amazed, though Our Hero is less bug-eyed over this turn of events]]
Cooler 1: !
Cooler 2: !
Our Hero: !

[[The cooler guys now look upon their new CEO, apparently aghast]]
Our Hero: (thinking) Hooray!

{{alt text: Nautical. A triangular sail stretching from the foretopmast head to the jib boom and in small craft to the bowsprit or the bow. (This is funny because it's the definition of "jib")}}
{{subtitle: You didn't think it took hard work, did you?}}]]> http://patheticinc.com/2004/02/3.htm http://patheticinc.com/2004/02/3.htm Fri, 24 Feb 2006 01:57:07 -0000 <a href="http://patheticinc.com/2004/02/3.htm">Pathetic, Inc.: 3 - Power play</a><br> <br> [[Two guys are standing by a water cooler]] <br \> Cooler 2: So then I was all like, "You're lying, bitch! I'm gonna take your ass to jail!!!" <br \> Cooler 1: ha ha ha <br \> <br \> [[Our Hero approaches in silhouette, his appearance, unseen by the reader, shocks the water cooler guys into bug-eyed wonder.]] <br \> Our Hero: What's up, dudes? Oh well, I'm going to the washroom! <br \> <br \> [[Still aghast, the water cooler guys watch Our Hero exit]] <br \> Our Hero: Later, dudes! <br \> <br \> [[In the washroom we see Our Hero's reflection, revealing he has a giant, golden moustache]] <br \> Our Hero: I am so cool... <br \> <br \> {{alt text: The carpet doesn't match the curtains. Or something.}} <br \> {{subtitle: Our hero makes his bid for status and the respect of his peers.}} Pathetic, Inc.: 3 - Power play

[[Two guys are standing by a water cooler]]
Cooler 2: So then I was all like, "You're lying, bitch! I'm gonna take your ass to jail!!!"
Cooler 1: ha ha ha

[[Our Hero approaches in silhouette, his appearance, unseen by the reader, shocks the water cooler guys into bug-eyed wonder.]]
Our Hero: What's up, dudes? Oh well, I'm going to the washroom!

[[Still aghast, the water cooler guys watch Our Hero exit]]
Our Hero: Later, dudes!

[[In the washroom we see Our Hero's reflection, revealing he has a giant, golden moustache]]
Our Hero: I am so cool...

{{alt text: The carpet doesn't match the curtains. Or something.}}
{{subtitle: Our hero makes his bid for status and the respect of his peers.}}]]> http://patheticinc.com/2004/01/2.htm http://patheticinc.com/2004/01/2.htm Fri, 24 Feb 2006 01:57:05 -0000 <a href="http://patheticinc.com/2004/01/2.htm">Pathetic, Inc.: 2 - The bitter taste</a><br> <br> [[Our Hero stands on a beach with Louise]] <br \> Our Hero: So, Louise... I was wondering if you might want to... <br \> <br \> [[Michael, who has a moustache, approaches]] <br \> Michael: Shut up, DORK! <br \> Louise: Tee Hee! <br \> <br \> [[Louise and Michael walk away]] <br \> <br \> Our Hero: (thinking) I wish I had a cool Moustache <br \> <br \> {{alt text: and on such a nice day, too.}} <br \> {{In which rejection becomes a familiar flavor.}} Pathetic, Inc.: 2 - The bitter taste

[[Our Hero stands on a beach with Louise]]
Our Hero: So, Louise... I was wondering if you might want to...

[[Michael, who has a moustache, approaches]]
Michael: Shut up, DORK!
Louise: Tee Hee!

[[Louise and Michael walk away]]

Our Hero: (thinking) I wish I had a cool Moustache

{{alt text: and on such a nice day, too.}}
{{In which rejection becomes a familiar flavor.}}]]>