http://birdsworth.com The latest transcribed Birdsworth comics, powered by OhNoRobot.com en-us Sun, 19 Apr 2009 21:00:50 -0000 60 http://birdsworth.com/daily.php?date=060811 http://birdsworth.com/daily.php?date=060811 Fri, 19 Jan 2007 06:39:32 -0000 <a href="http://birdsworth.com/daily.php?date=060811">75</a><br> <br> [Birdsworth]: One of the most astounding things about minced oaths is their incredible variety. <br \> [Birdsworth]: You've got some which try to convey the same meaning as the original word with a "softer" word, like 'crap', 'my goodness', or 'heck'. <br \> <br \> [Birdsworth]: Then you've got those that simply use a similar sounding word to the original, like 'darn', 'gosh', or 'fudge'. <br \> [Birdsworth]: And you've even got minced oaths to describe curses, like 'the f-bomb' or 'H-E-double-hockey-sticks'. <br \> <br \> [Birdsworth]: The potential for colorful language is nigh-infinite with all these possibilities! <br \> [Shelley]: Ok, Birdsworth, seriously, you're putting way too much thought into all this. <br \> <br \> [Shelley]: You shouldn't spend all your time deconstructing the language of swearing in an attempt to construct as elaborate of patterns and procedures as possible. <br \> [Shelley]: Swearing should be one of those things that just comes naturally when you're in a surprising or difficult situation. <br \> <br \> [Birdsworth]: You'll never improve your social standing that way! <br \> [Shelley]: You don't improve social standing by swearing! <br \> [Birdsworth]: Ha! Fuddle duddle to that attitude! 75

[Birdsworth]: One of the most astounding things about minced oaths is their incredible variety.
[Birdsworth]: You've got some which try to convey the same meaning as the original word with a "softer" word, like 'crap', 'my goodness', or 'heck'.

[Birdsworth]: Then you've got those that simply use a similar sounding word to the original, like 'darn', 'gosh', or 'fudge'.
[Birdsworth]: And you've even got minced oaths to describe curses, like 'the f-bomb' or 'H-E-double-hockey-sticks'.

[Birdsworth]: The potential for colorful language is nigh-infinite with all these possibilities!
[Shelley]: Ok, Birdsworth, seriously, you're putting way too much thought into all this.

[Shelley]: You shouldn't spend all your time deconstructing the language of swearing in an attempt to construct as elaborate of patterns and procedures as possible.
[Shelley]: Swearing should be one of those things that just comes naturally when you're in a surprising or difficult situation.

[Birdsworth]: You'll never improve your social standing that way!
[Shelley]: You don't improve social standing by swearing!
[Birdsworth]: Ha! Fuddle duddle to that attitude!]]> http://birdsworth.com/daily.php?date=060727 http://birdsworth.com/daily.php?date=060727 Fri, 19 Jan 2007 06:36:58 -0000 <a href="http://birdsworth.com/daily.php?date=060727">74</a><br> <br> [Bywren]: Ok Birdsworth, we've established that you enjoy peppering your speech with minced oaths as opposed to true profanities. <br \> [Bywren]: So what are your "minces of choice", aside from that "Jiminy Cricket" abomination? <br \> <br \> [Birdsworth]: Ooh.. well, let's see now... Moving straight down the list, I suppose it would be: <br \> [Birdsworth]: Butt <br \> [Birdsworth]: Dang <br \> [Birdsworth]: Frick <br \> [Birdsworth]: Crud <br \> [Birdsworth]: and... Jubblies <br \> <br \> [Bywren]: I don't know why, but for some reason I am deeply disturbed right now. <br \> [Birdsworth]: Jubblies! <br \> [Bywren]: NOT. ANOTHER. WORD. <br \> <br \> [Shelley]: Yeah, actually having your minced oaths worked out ahead of time seems weird to me, too. <br \> [Birdsworth]: It's just so that I'm ready to whip them out at a moment's notice! <br \> <br \> [Birdsworth]: You never know when opportunity is going to strike! <br \> [Birdsworth]: There are openings for humorous half-cussing all the time! 74

[Bywren]: Ok Birdsworth, we've established that you enjoy peppering your speech with minced oaths as opposed to true profanities.
[Bywren]: So what are your "minces of choice", aside from that "Jiminy Cricket" abomination?

[Birdsworth]: Ooh.. well, let's see now... Moving straight down the list, I suppose it would be:
[Birdsworth]: Butt
[Birdsworth]: Dang
[Birdsworth]: Frick
[Birdsworth]: Crud
[Birdsworth]: and... Jubblies

[Bywren]: I don't know why, but for some reason I am deeply disturbed right now.
[Birdsworth]: Jubblies!
[Bywren]: NOT. ANOTHER. WORD.

[Shelley]: Yeah, actually having your minced oaths worked out ahead of time seems weird to me, too.
[Birdsworth]: It's just so that I'm ready to whip them out at a moment's notice!

[Birdsworth]: You never know when opportunity is going to strike!
[Birdsworth]: There are openings for humorous half-cussing all the time!]]> http://birdsworth.com/daily.php?date=060726 http://birdsworth.com/daily.php?date=060726 Fri, 19 Jan 2007 06:34:08 -0000 <a href="http://birdsworth.com/daily.php?date=060726">73</a><br> <br> [Shelley]: You know, Bywren, many people consider the ability to turn out a well-phrased minced oath to be a sign of a master wordsmith. <br \> [Shelley]: For example, Captain Haddock's "Billions of bilious blue blistering barnacles" is far more colorful than any string of typical curse words. <br \> <br \> [Bywren]: This may be true, but the use of actual profanity demonstrates much more intense emotion. Nobody sees a criminal shoot their best friend and responds "Darn you, chucklehead!!!" <br \> [Birdsworth]: Chucklehead? <br \> [Shelley]: Ah, but minced oaths are responsible for creating that extra meaning for profanities. Without the "soft" versions to use in mundane circumstances, "hard" profanities would be overused and stale. <br \> <br \> [Birdsworth]: Wow, can you imagine if someone really did call a murderer a chucklehead? <br \> [Bywren]: And we're off on a tangent again... *sigh* <br \> <br \> [Birdsworth]: I mean, what would the murderer do? How do you respond to that? <br \> [Shelley]: I don't know, Birdsworth. What difference does it make, anyways? <br \> <br \> [Birdsworth]: Oh man, if I'm ever a murder witness, I'm totally going to call the guy a chucklehead. <br \> [Birdsworth]: The look on his face would be priceless! 73

[Shelley]: You know, Bywren, many people consider the ability to turn out a well-phrased minced oath to be a sign of a master wordsmith.
[Shelley]: For example, Captain Haddock's "Billions of bilious blue blistering barnacles" is far more colorful than any string of typical curse words.

[Bywren]: This may be true, but the use of actual profanity demonstrates much more intense emotion. Nobody sees a criminal shoot their best friend and responds "Darn you, chucklehead!!!"
[Birdsworth]: Chucklehead?
[Shelley]: Ah, but minced oaths are responsible for creating that extra meaning for profanities. Without the "soft" versions to use in mundane circumstances, "hard" profanities would be overused and stale.

[Birdsworth]: Wow, can you imagine if someone really did call a murderer a chucklehead?
[Bywren]: And we're off on a tangent again... *sigh*

[Birdsworth]: I mean, what would the murderer do? How do you respond to that?
[Shelley]: I don't know, Birdsworth. What difference does it make, anyways?

[Birdsworth]: Oh man, if I'm ever a murder witness, I'm totally going to call the guy a chucklehead.
[Birdsworth]: The look on his face would be priceless!]]> http://birdsworth.com/daily.php?date=060725 http://birdsworth.com/daily.php?date=060725 Fri, 19 Jan 2007 06:30:52 -0000 <a href="http://birdsworth.com/daily.php?date=060725">72</a><br> <br> [Bywren]: Birdsworth, I still can't get over your use of the phrase "Jiminy Cricket" as a replacement for "Jesus Christ". <br \> [Birdsworth]: I don't see how it's any different than using "heck" or "darn". Softening profanity and obscenity in polite conversation is a well-accepted practice! <br \> <br \> [Bywren]: Yeah, but there are more well-known and accepted replacements for "Jesus Christ", such as "geez", "cripes" and even "criminy"! <br \> [Bywren]: Saying "Jiminy Cricket" will make your listener lose their train of thought and be fixated on the odd usage of an old Disney character, throwing off the flow of the conversation! <br \> [Shelley]: Oh lay off, will you? You're taking this far too seriously. <br \> <br \> [Shelley]: If Birdsworth wants to use esoteric minced oaths in casual conversation as embellishments to put some extra flair into his verbal stylings, who are you to judge him? <br \> [Bywren]: Pah! Whatever! <br \> <br \> [Birdsworth]: Uh, well, uh, wow, Shelley, um, thanks for standing up for me there! <br \> [Shelley]: Think nothing of it. <br \> <br \> [Birdsworth]: (thinking) I have no idea what half those words meant. <br \> [Birdsworth]: (thinking) Did she put me down back there? <br \> [Birdsworth]: (thinking) Looks like another long night with the dictionary for me... 72

[Bywren]: Birdsworth, I still can't get over your use of the phrase "Jiminy Cricket" as a replacement for "Jesus Christ".
[Birdsworth]: I don't see how it's any different than using "heck" or "darn". Softening profanity and obscenity in polite conversation is a well-accepted practice!

[Bywren]: Yeah, but there are more well-known and accepted replacements for "Jesus Christ", such as "geez", "cripes" and even "criminy"!
[Bywren]: Saying "Jiminy Cricket" will make your listener lose their train of thought and be fixated on the odd usage of an old Disney character, throwing off the flow of the conversation!
[Shelley]: Oh lay off, will you? You're taking this far too seriously.

[Shelley]: If Birdsworth wants to use esoteric minced oaths in casual conversation as embellishments to put some extra flair into his verbal stylings, who are you to judge him?
[Bywren]: Pah! Whatever!

[Birdsworth]: Uh, well, uh, wow, Shelley, um, thanks for standing up for me there!
[Shelley]: Think nothing of it.

[Birdsworth]: (thinking) I have no idea what half those words meant.
[Birdsworth]: (thinking) Did she put me down back there?
[Birdsworth]: (thinking) Looks like another long night with the dictionary for me...]]> http://birdsworth.com/daily.php?date=060724 http://birdsworth.com/daily.php?date=060724 Fri, 19 Jan 2007 06:27:30 -0000 <a href="http://birdsworth.com/daily.php?date=060724">71</a><br> <br> [Birdsworth]: Jiminy Cricket, it's hot out today! <br \> [Bywren]: Uh, did you just say what I think you just said? <br \> [Birdsworth]: What? It's blazing out here! <br \> [Bywren]: Not that, the other part. Jiminy Cricket? <br \> <br \> [Birdsworth]: Uh, I guess... I don't really stop to take notice of my expletives. <br \> [Bywren]: You call "Jiminy Cricket" an expletive? <br \> [Birdsworth]: Well I don't like to say "Jesus Christ". I think it's kind of offensive. <br \> <br \> [Bywren]: So you replace Jesus Christ with Jiminy Cricket. <br \> [Birdsworth]: Yep! <br \> [Bywren]: Doesn't that seem kinda, you know, sacrilegious? <br \> [Birdsworth]: What? Oh no!!! I've been trying to respect people, but all this time I've only been offending them more! <br \> <br \> [Shelley]: Uh, Birdsworth. I'm pretty sure Bywren is just messing with you. I doubt anyone considers it sacrilege to not use their Lord as a curse word. <br \> [Birdsworth]: But how can we be sure? <br \> <br \> [Birdsworth]: Maybe there's a sect out there with a centuries-old tradition of "sacred cursing", and I've been inadvertently worshipping Jiminy Cricket in their eyes! <br \> [Birdsworth]: I'm like the ultimate sellout! 71

[Birdsworth]: Jiminy Cricket, it's hot out today!
[Bywren]: Uh, did you just say what I think you just said?
[Birdsworth]: What? It's blazing out here!
[Bywren]: Not that, the other part. Jiminy Cricket?

[Birdsworth]: Uh, I guess... I don't really stop to take notice of my expletives.
[Bywren]: You call "Jiminy Cricket" an expletive?
[Birdsworth]: Well I don't like to say "Jesus Christ". I think it's kind of offensive.

[Bywren]: So you replace Jesus Christ with Jiminy Cricket.
[Birdsworth]: Yep!
[Bywren]: Doesn't that seem kinda, you know, sacrilegious?
[Birdsworth]: What? Oh no!!! I've been trying to respect people, but all this time I've only been offending them more!

[Shelley]: Uh, Birdsworth. I'm pretty sure Bywren is just messing with you. I doubt anyone considers it sacrilege to not use their Lord as a curse word.
[Birdsworth]: But how can we be sure?

[Birdsworth]: Maybe there's a sect out there with a centuries-old tradition of "sacred cursing", and I've been inadvertently worshipping Jiminy Cricket in their eyes!
[Birdsworth]: I'm like the ultimate sellout!]]> http://birdsworth.com/daily.php?date=060707 http://birdsworth.com/daily.php?date=060707 Sat, 08 Jul 2006 19:53:13 -0000 <a href="http://birdsworth.com/daily.php?date=060707">54</a><br> <br> [Bywren]: You know Birdsworth, perhaps you don't need to put so much thought into your search for a new operating system. <br \> [Birdsworth]: Why is that? <br \> [Bywren]: Like most users, you probably don't care what goes on in the background of your operating system. You only care about the desktop environment and the application suite. <br \> <br \> [Bywren]: The desktop environment is the way you open files an programs, like by clicking an icon or selecting from a menu. [Bywren]: The application suite is the set of common programs that provide basic functionality, like an email reader and a text editor. <br \> [Bywren]: What's interesting is that these two components are being actively recreated by Google using web technology. <br \> [Birdsworth]: So what does that mean? <br \> <br \> [Bywren]: It means that you can basically use your web browser as your operating system! You just go to Google's <br \> page and that's your desktop. From there you choose whatever program you need, and it will run right in the browser too. <br \> [Bywren]: It'd be like every computer is your own personal computer, because everything's the same when you go to Google and log in. <br \> [Bywren]: Think about it! <br \> <br \> [Birdsworth]: Whoa... I wouldn't even need a computer anymore! <br \> [Birdsworth]: I could just use friends' computers, or go to the library or some computer lab. <br \> <br \> [Birdsworth]: I could be, like, a computing hobo, travelling from town to town to beg for spare keyboard time. <br \> [Birdsworth]: Brother, can you spare some bandwidth? <br \> [Birdsworth]: I promise I won't use it to go to Beer.com! 54

[Bywren]: You know Birdsworth, perhaps you don't need to put so much thought into your search for a new operating system.
[Birdsworth]: Why is that?
[Bywren]: Like most users, you probably don't care what goes on in the background of your operating system. You only care about the desktop environment and the application suite.

[Bywren]: The desktop environment is the way you open files an programs, like by clicking an icon or selecting from a menu. [Bywren]: The application suite is the set of common programs that provide basic functionality, like an email reader and a text editor.
[Bywren]: What's interesting is that these two components are being actively recreated by Google using web technology.
[Birdsworth]: So what does that mean?

[Bywren]: It means that you can basically use your web browser as your operating system! You just go to Google's
page and that's your desktop. From there you choose whatever program you need, and it will run right in the browser too.
[Bywren]: It'd be like every computer is your own personal computer, because everything's the same when you go to Google and log in.
[Bywren]: Think about it!

[Birdsworth]: Whoa... I wouldn't even need a computer anymore!
[Birdsworth]: I could just use friends' computers, or go to the library or some computer lab.

[Birdsworth]: I could be, like, a computing hobo, travelling from town to town to beg for spare keyboard time.
[Birdsworth]: Brother, can you spare some bandwidth?
[Birdsworth]: I promise I won't use it to go to Beer.com!]]> http://birdsworth.com/daily.php?date=060706 http://birdsworth.com/daily.php?date=060706 Fri, 07 Jul 2006 01:01:22 -0000 <a href="http://birdsworth.com/daily.php?date=060706">53</a><br> <br> [Birdsworth]: Hey guys, it looks like I'm not going to have to learn a new operating system after all! <br \> [Birdsworth]: Microsoft is releasing a new version of Windows: Vista! <br \> <br \> [Birdsworth]: It's going be really neat, too. It has this feature called Sidebar where you can put little programs called "Gadgets", just like the Dashboard in Mac OS X. <br \> [Birdsworth]: It also has lots of fun screen effects and smooth graphics processing, just like Mac OS X. <br \> [Shelley]: So... basically they're just stealing all of Mac's stuff. <br \> <br \> [Birdsworth]: Oh no! Actually it's got a lot of other new stuff as well! <br \> [Birdsworth]: A whole new way of managing files, lots of new security settings, and massive updates to all the default system programs. <br \> <br \> [Shelley]: It sounds completely different than the current versions of Windows. <br \> [Birdsworth]: Oh yeah, totally different in almost every way. <br \> [Shelley]: So if you bought it, you'd have to learn a new operating system. <br \> <br \> [Birdsworth]: But... but... it's Windows! <br \> [Birdsworth]: Therefore it can't be a new operating system, right?! <br \> [Birdsworth]: Dangit Shelley, Don't mess with my logic! 53

[Birdsworth]: Hey guys, it looks like I'm not going to have to learn a new operating system after all!
[Birdsworth]: Microsoft is releasing a new version of Windows: Vista!

[Birdsworth]: It's going be really neat, too. It has this feature called Sidebar where you can put little programs called "Gadgets", just like the Dashboard in Mac OS X.
[Birdsworth]: It also has lots of fun screen effects and smooth graphics processing, just like Mac OS X.
[Shelley]: So... basically they're just stealing all of Mac's stuff.

[Birdsworth]: Oh no! Actually it's got a lot of other new stuff as well!
[Birdsworth]: A whole new way of managing files, lots of new security settings, and massive updates to all the default system programs.

[Shelley]: It sounds completely different than the current versions of Windows.
[Birdsworth]: Oh yeah, totally different in almost every way.
[Shelley]: So if you bought it, you'd have to learn a new operating system.

[Birdsworth]: But... but... it's Windows!
[Birdsworth]: Therefore it can't be a new operating system, right?!
[Birdsworth]: Dangit Shelley, Don't mess with my logic!]]> http://birdsworth.com/daily.php?date=060622 http://birdsworth.com/daily.php?date=060622 Thu, 22 Jun 2006 10:17:12 -0000 <a href="http://birdsworth.com/daily.php?date=060622">39</a><br> <br> [Birdsworth]: I guess the truly frustrating thing about being rejected is that you never know quite why. <br \> [Birdsworth]: It seems like generally the girl wants to spare the guy's feelings, so she tries to soften the blow in any way possible. <br \> <br \> [Shelley]: Of course, what you call "softening the blow" may in fact be the actual truth. <br \> [Birdsworth]: But I'll never know that. If I could count on girls to never lie in order to spare my feelings, I could get a lot more information! <br \> <br \> [Birdsworth]: When I get rejected, I want the girl to be brutally honest with me. Sure it might hurt at the time, but the knowledge I'd gain about how I present myself would be priceless! <br \> [Shelley]: So if you were to ask me out right now, you'd prefer that instead of saying "I'm not interested in dating anyone right now", I say "I would never date you, because you're a noisy, obnoxious, self-absorbed jerk who never cares about anyone's feelings but his own"? <br \> [Birdsworth]: Yes! <br \> <br \> [Birdsworth]: Wait, you don't really think that about me, do you? <br \> [Birdsworth]: Because I- <br \> [Birdsworth]: I don't think I could take that right now! <br \> [Birdsworth]: *sob* 39

[Birdsworth]: I guess the truly frustrating thing about being rejected is that you never know quite why.
[Birdsworth]: It seems like generally the girl wants to spare the guy's feelings, so she tries to soften the blow in any way possible.

[Shelley]: Of course, what you call "softening the blow" may in fact be the actual truth.
[Birdsworth]: But I'll never know that. If I could count on girls to never lie in order to spare my feelings, I could get a lot more information!

[Birdsworth]: When I get rejected, I want the girl to be brutally honest with me. Sure it might hurt at the time, but the knowledge I'd gain about how I present myself would be priceless!
[Shelley]: So if you were to ask me out right now, you'd prefer that instead of saying "I'm not interested in dating anyone right now", I say "I would never date you, because you're a noisy, obnoxious, self-absorbed jerk who never cares about anyone's feelings but his own"?
[Birdsworth]: Yes!

[Birdsworth]: Wait, you don't really think that about me, do you?
[Birdsworth]: Because I-
[Birdsworth]: I don't think I could take that right now!
[Birdsworth]: *sob*]]> http://birdsworth.com/daily.php?date=060619 http://birdsworth.com/daily.php?date=060619 Thu, 22 Jun 2006 10:13:19 -0000 <a href="http://birdsworth.com/daily.php?date=060619">36</a><br> <br> [Birdsworth]: *sigh* <br \> [Shelley]: What's wrong, Birdsworth? <br \> [Bywren]: He probably realized what a loser he is. <br \> [Shelley]: Oh hush. Go ahead, Birdsworth. <br \> <br \> [Birdsworth]: Oh, there was this pretty lark that I've had a crush on for a long time- <br \> [Bywren]: A crush? What, are you like twelve now? <br \> [Shelley]: Bywren, be quiet! <br \> [Birdsworth]: Anyways, I've really liked her for a long time, and I finally worked up the courage to ask her on a date. <br \> [Shelley]: And? <br \> <br \> [Birdsworth]: And she totally turned me down. Like, completely. <br \> [Bywren]: *snkt* Heh.... Oh, it's ok, sport! There's other fish in the sea! You'll get your first kiss someday! <br \> [Shelley]: Bywren! <br \> <br \> [Shelley]: That is it! You are so dead, mister! <br \> [Shelley]: Birdsworth, this will only take a minute. Then we can talk. <br \> [Birdsworth]: It's cool. I'll just hang out here with my crippling emotional pain. <br \> <br \> [Birdsworth]: Ooh... Actually, that looks even more painful. <br \> [Birdsworth]: Shelley, I don't think his wing is supposed to bend that way! 36

[Birdsworth]: *sigh*
[Shelley]: What's wrong, Birdsworth?
[Bywren]: He probably realized what a loser he is.
[Shelley]: Oh hush. Go ahead, Birdsworth.

[Birdsworth]: Oh, there was this pretty lark that I've had a crush on for a long time-
[Bywren]: A crush? What, are you like twelve now?
[Shelley]: Bywren, be quiet!
[Birdsworth]: Anyways, I've really liked her for a long time, and I finally worked up the courage to ask her on a date.
[Shelley]: And?

[Birdsworth]: And she totally turned me down. Like, completely.
[Bywren]: *snkt* Heh.... Oh, it's ok, sport! There's other fish in the sea! You'll get your first kiss someday!
[Shelley]: Bywren!

[Shelley]: That is it! You are so dead, mister!
[Shelley]: Birdsworth, this will only take a minute. Then we can talk.
[Birdsworth]: It's cool. I'll just hang out here with my crippling emotional pain.

[Birdsworth]: Ooh... Actually, that looks even more painful.
[Birdsworth]: Shelley, I don't think his wing is supposed to bend that way!]]> http://birdsworth.com/daily.php?date=060618 http://birdsworth.com/daily.php?date=060618 Thu, 22 Jun 2006 10:06:58 -0000 <a href="http://birdsworth.com/daily.php?date=060618">35</a><br> <br> Romantic Poetry Slam #5 <br \> "I Am" <br \> John Clare <br \> [Bywren]: I am: yet what I am none cares or knows <br \> [Bywren]: My friends forsake me like a memory lost, <br \> [Shelley]: I am the self-consumer of my woes- <br \> [Shelley]: They rise and vanish in oblivious host, <br \> <br \> [Birdsworth]: Like shadows in love's frenzied stifled throes:- <br \> [Birdsworth]: And yet I am, and live - like vapours tost <br \> [Birdsworth]: Into nothingness of scorn and noise, <br \> [Bywren]: Into the living sea of waking dreams, <br \> [Shelley]: Where there is neither sense of life or joys, <br \> [Shelley]: But the cast shipwreck of my life's esteems; <br \> <br \> [Birdsworth]: Even the dearest, that I love the best, <br \> [Birdsworth]: Are strange - nay, rather stranger than the rest. <br \> <br \> [Shelley]: I long for scenes, where man hath never trod, <br \> [Shelley]: A place where woman never smiled or wept- <br \> [Birdsworth]: There to abide with my Creator, God, <br \> [Birdsworth]: And sleep as I in childhood sweetly slept, <br \> [Shelley]: Untroubling, and untroubled where I lie, <br \> [Shelley]: The grass below - above the vaulted sky. <br \> <br \> [Birdsworth]: Alternate title: "Lament of the Cognitive Scientist" 35

Romantic Poetry Slam #5
"I Am"
John Clare
[Bywren]: I am: yet what I am none cares or knows
[Bywren]: My friends forsake me like a memory lost,
[Shelley]: I am the self-consumer of my woes-
[Shelley]: They rise and vanish in oblivious host,

[Birdsworth]: Like shadows in love's frenzied stifled throes:-
[Birdsworth]: And yet I am, and live - like vapours tost
[Birdsworth]: Into nothingness of scorn and noise,
[Bywren]: Into the living sea of waking dreams,
[Shelley]: Where there is neither sense of life or joys,
[Shelley]: But the cast shipwreck of my life's esteems;

[Birdsworth]: Even the dearest, that I love the best,
[Birdsworth]: Are strange - nay, rather stranger than the rest.

[Shelley]: I long for scenes, where man hath never trod,
[Shelley]: A place where woman never smiled or wept-
[Birdsworth]: There to abide with my Creator, God,
[Birdsworth]: And sleep as I in childhood sweetly slept,
[Shelley]: Untroubling, and untroubled where I lie,
[Shelley]: The grass below - above the vaulted sky.

[Birdsworth]: Alternate title: "Lament of the Cognitive Scientist"]]>