Too Far - latest additions

Too Far - latest additions http://too-far.net The latest transcribed Too Far comics, powered by OhNoRobot.com en-us Sun, 19 Apr 2009 20:59:18 -0000 60 (For those not in the know, it is physically impossible to exceed light speed) http://too-far.net/index.php?strip_id=57 http://too-far.net/index.php?strip_id=57 Tue, 17 Jan 2006 02:57:32 -0000 <a href="http://too-far.net/index.php?strip_id=57">(For those not in the know, it is physically impossible to exceed light speed)</a> Sir, we've just recieved an encrypted message from headquarters. It looks as if they've got a hot tip that could lead us to a machine that can reportedly bend and break the laws of physics in any way that the user desires. Our orders are to investigate The anarchy device? I thought it was just a myth! Apparently they've got some pretty compelling eyewitness accounts. A guy said he was marooned in the ruined civilization at Tar-Kandon. He said he saw some strange stuff. That's not very far from here! Wow! Imagine if this is real! The ability to disregard the laws of NATURE ITSSELF! We could do the impossible! We could defy every limitation of the physical world! Wooo! Let's go for it! I'm plotting the course. How fast would you like to travel? Three hundred times the speed of light! Excellent choice, sir! (For those not in the know, it is physically impossible to exceed light speed)

Sir, we've just recieved an encrypted message from headquarters. It looks as if they've got a hot tip that could lead us to a machine that can reportedly bend and break the laws of physics in any way that the user desires. Our orders are to investigate
The anarchy device? I thought it was just a myth!

Apparently they've got some pretty compelling eyewitness accounts. A guy said he was marooned in the ruined civilization at Tar-Kandon. He said he saw some strange stuff.
That's not very far from here!

Wow! Imagine if this is real! The ability to disregard the laws of NATURE ITSSELF! We could do the impossible! We could defy every limitation of the physical world!
Wooo! Let's go for it!

I'm plotting the course. How fast would you like to travel?
Three hundred times the speed of light!
Excellent choice, sir!]]> Effeciency Inspection Already?! http://too-far.net/index.php?strip_id=36 http://too-far.net/index.php?strip_id=36 Thu, 08 Dec 2005 19:39:56 -0000 <a href="http://too-far.net/index.php?strip_id=36">Effeciency Inspection Already?!</a> Uh...Captain Torvin? Monthly efficiency inspection...? ACK! AGAIN?! ALREADY?! Well...I uh...I saved some serious time this mornong by not dressing. Plus there's this hole here. It's kind of like an extra door. With live electrical cables. ...Wow... HURRY UP! If we don't learn how to juggle these cactuses, he'll beat us again! But my hands! They're lacerated! My skin is like shredded paper! Y'know. I have to lie about this every month just because the truth is so implausible. Really? Wow. What a relief! I thought I was gonna have to bribe you! Effeciency Inspection Already?!

Uh...Captain Torvin? Monthly efficiency inspection...?
ACK! AGAIN?! ALREADY?!

Well...I uh...I saved some serious time this mornong by not dressing. Plus there's this hole here. It's kind of like an extra door. With live electrical cables.
...Wow...

HURRY UP! If we don't learn how to juggle these cactuses, he'll beat us again!
But my hands! They're lacerated! My skin is like shredded paper!

Y'know. I have to lie about this every month just because the truth is so implausible.
Really? Wow. What a relief! I thought I was gonna have to bribe you!]]> Deep Space U: Blueberry Blonde http://too-far.net/index.php?strip_id=60 http://too-far.net/index.php?strip_id=60 Thu, 08 Dec 2005 19:39:56 -0000 <a href="http://too-far.net/index.php?strip_id=60">Deep Space U: Blueberry Blonde</a> I hereby pledge not to say anything stupid today So is it just me, or is everybody blonde lately? No. The trend lately has been toward darker hair colors, from what I've seen. I mean PROFESSING blondes! Like, girls with darker and darker hair keep telling me that they're blonde! Wishful thinking. They're jealous of blondes. Like, even readheads are blondes now if they're light enough to be "strawberry blonde". I mean, what's so bad about being a redhead? Is that like, a personal stab at me for being a blueberry blonde? OK. Tomorrow is the day when I don't say anything stupid. Because you don't even have any hair at all! Deep Space U: Blueberry Blonde

I hereby pledge not to say anything stupid today
So is it just me, or is everybody blonde lately?
No.

The trend lately has been toward darker hair colors, from what I've seen.
I mean PROFESSING blondes! Like, girls with darker and darker hair keep telling me that they're blonde!
Wishful thinking. They're jealous of blondes.

Like, even readheads are blondes now if they're light enough to be "strawberry blonde". I mean, what's so bad about being a redhead?

Is that like, a personal stab at me for being a blueberry blonde?
OK. Tomorrow is the day when I don't say anything stupid.
Because you don't even have any hair at all!]]> The first efficiency inspection http://too-far.net/index.php?strip_id=37 http://too-far.net/index.php?strip_id=37 Thu, 08 Dec 2005 19:39:56 -0000 <a href="http://too-far.net/index.php?strip_id=37">The first efficiency inspection</a> Too Far by Eli Parker Ahh. Efficiency Inspector Rugi! Are you ready for this month's check? Actually, yes. I got the efficiency board to lower the minimum score. We've gone to great lengths to make this ship more efficient in several specific areas. Cleaning, for instance. What's more inneficient than pushing around a broom? With our revolutionary "foot sweeping" process, we simply let the dirt stick to our feet! And when the buildup makes it difficult to walk properly, all you need to do is use one of our conveniently located foot washing stations, and you're clean and absorbent again! Now let me show you our new filing system! We have the latest in computer filing technology, but we don't know how it works. We noticed that crew members often wrote reminders on their hands, so now we use our hands, so now we use hands for all of our important files! This is top secret information here. He's not allowed to look at his hand. Once again, the lowest possible rating makes your ship look good. Your feet are getting pretty grimy there. Wanna learn how to use a foot washer? The first efficiency inspection

Too Far by Eli Parker

Ahh. Efficiency Inspector Rugi! Are you ready for this month's check?
Actually, yes. I got the efficiency board to lower the minimum score.

We've gone to great lengths to make this ship more efficient in several specific areas. Cleaning, for instance. What's more inneficient than pushing around a broom? With our revolutionary "foot sweeping" process, we simply let the dirt stick to our feet!

And when the buildup makes it difficult to walk properly, all you need to do is use one of our conveniently located foot washing stations, and you're clean and absorbent again!
Now let me show you our new filing system!

We have the latest in computer filing technology, but we don't know how it works. We noticed that crew members often wrote reminders on their hands, so now we use our hands, so now we use hands for all of our important files!
This is top secret information here. He's not allowed to look at his hand.

Once again, the lowest possible rating makes your ship look good.
Your feet are getting pretty grimy there. Wanna learn how to use a foot washer?]]> The One Button (Guest Artist Tom Gendle) http://too-far.net/index.php?strip_id=38 http://too-far.net/index.php?strip_id=38 Thu, 08 Dec 2005 19:39:56 -0000 <a href="http://too-far.net/index.php?strip_id=38">The One Button (Guest Artist Tom Gendle)</a> This month, we have eliminated the time wasted on searching for buttons. As you can see, we have consolidated all our buttons into one BIG button! Are you quite sure that's wise? Sure! Let's say I want to fire the lasers, but I can't find the button. Now it's as easy as...Pressing the only button! Click! WARNING! WARNING! SELF DESTRUCT SEQUENCE INITIATED! 10...9...8... You idiot! ZZZZT! WHIRR! BANG! 7...6...5... You've set the ship to self destruct! 4...3...2... And normally in this sort of situation I'd have to fumble around for the 'cancel' button...BUT NO MORE! 1...0... The One Button (Guest Artist Tom Gendle)

This month, we have eliminated the time wasted on searching for buttons. As you can see, we have consolidated all our buttons into one BIG button!
Are you quite sure that's wise?

Sure! Let's say I want to fire the lasers, but I can't find the button. Now it's as easy as...Pressing the only button!

Click!
WARNING! WARNING! SELF DESTRUCT SEQUENCE INITIATED!
10...9...8...

You idiot!
ZZZZT!
WHIRR!
BANG!
7...6...5...

You've set the ship to self destruct!
4...3...2...

And normally in this sort of situation I'd have to fumble around for the 'cancel' button...BUT NO MORE!
1...0...]]> Deep Space U Part 6 http://too-far.net/index.php?strip_id=39 http://too-far.net/index.php?strip_id=39 Thu, 08 Dec 2005 19:39:56 -0000 <a href="http://too-far.net/index.php?strip_id=39">Deep Space U Part 6</a> Dude! Have you ever noticed how easy college is? The professors just totally give you the answers to all of the exams! All the information you need is in the books and lectures! All you have to do is just write down what they say, and carefully read the textbooks! Dude. That's called "taking notes" and "studying." You're just describing the parts of college that are hard, and then telling me how easy they are. It's so easy! How do they get away with it? Look. You are going to have sleepless nights, pal. You will stay up until the crack of dawn writing incoherent papers, because you spent all of your waking hours memorizing the complete "Teen Girl Squad!" Dude! Papers! I hear they let you just read a bunch of books for your material! Plus they don't even need to be handwritten! You're sick, you know that? I hope your next class is engulfed by a black hole. Deep Space U Part 6

Dude! Have you ever noticed how easy college is? The professors just totally give you the answers to all of the exams! All the information you need is in the books and lectures!

All you have to do is just write down what they say, and carefully read the textbooks!
Dude. That's called "taking notes" and "studying." You're just describing the parts of college that are hard, and then telling me how easy they are.

It's so easy! How do they get away with it?
Look. You are going to have sleepless nights, pal. You will stay up until the crack of dawn writing incoherent papers, because you spent all of your waking hours memorizing the complete "Teen Girl Squad!"

Dude! Papers! I hear they let you just read a bunch of books for your material! Plus they don't even need to be handwritten!
You're sick, you know that? I hope your next class is engulfed by a black hole.]]> Riverdancing in the Waiting Room http://too-far.net/index.php?strip_id=40 http://too-far.net/index.php?strip_id=40 Thu, 08 Dec 2005 19:39:56 -0000 <a href="http://too-far.net/index.php?strip_id=40">Riverdancing in the Waiting Room</a> Hey man. Wanna learn how to riverdance? Are you serious?! Both my legs are broken! You're a rotton liar. I can see that they're all in one piece! No! The BONES are broken! They're inside of the leg! You think I'm stupid?! I don't tolerate lies, pal! Get up now and riverdance, or you're losing your job on my ship! Do you think it's a sin to simultaneously cause someone more pain and humiliation than they've ever felt? I'd have to say it's probably the worst thing you could ever do. What if I learned a valuable lesson about the nature of bone injury? Riverdancing in the Waiting Room

Hey man. Wanna learn how to riverdance?
Are you serious?! Both my legs are broken!
You're a rotton liar. I can see that they're all in one piece!

No! The BONES are broken! They're inside of the leg!
You think I'm stupid?! I don't tolerate lies, pal! Get up now and riverdance, or you're losing your job on my ship!

Do you think it's a sin to simultaneously cause someone more pain and humiliation than they've ever felt?
I'd have to say it's probably the worst thing you could ever do.
What if I learned a valuable lesson about the nature of bone injury?]]> The Tennis Racquet Tumor http://too-far.net/index.php?strip_id=41 http://too-far.net/index.php?strip_id=41 Thu, 08 Dec 2005 19:39:56 -0000 <a href="http://too-far.net/index.php?strip_id=41">The Tennis Racquet Tumor</a> So...What are you here for? Is it brain damage? I think it's brain damage! I'm going to get this weird growth looked at. WOW! That thing is...WOW! Where did it come from?! Does it really show? I think I slept on it weird. Did you like, fall asleep on a tennis racquet mold or something? Oh crap! It looks like a tennis racquet?! It looks like we're entering the tennis CHAMPIONSHIP! CONTINUED! The Tennis Racquet Tumor

So...What are you here for? Is it brain damage? I think it's brain damage!
I'm going to get this weird growth looked at.

WOW! That thing is...WOW! Where did it come from?!
Does it really show? I think I slept on it weird.

Did you like, fall asleep on a tennis racquet mold or something?
Oh crap! It looks like a tennis racquet?!
It looks like we're entering the tennis CHAMPIONSHIP!
CONTINUED!]]> The Tennis Racquet Tumor Turns Terrible http://too-far.net/index.php?strip_id=42 http://too-far.net/index.php?strip_id=42 Thu, 08 Dec 2005 19:39:56 -0000 <a href="http://too-far.net/index.php?strip_id=42">The Tennis Racquet Tumor Turns Terrible</a> Hoo yeah! Finally I have a great doubles partner! That trophy is MINE! Actually, I just spoke with the officials. I'm not allowed to use this thing. I'm supposed to get a real racquet. Yeah right! Then how do they expect us to DOMINATE?! How do you even expect this thing to help me play? Do you think it's easy for me to hit stuff by swinging my head around?! There are so many flaws in your tennis championship scheme, I can't even begin listing them! YAAARGH! IT'S CHANGING SHAPE! CALL AN AMBULENCE! But then it turned out to be a charity tournament, and they used the money to find a cure for shape-shifting tumors. So...it all turned out OK? Yeah. I swiped the trophy while they were all busy curing stuff. The Tennis Racquet Tumor Turns Terrible

Hoo yeah! Finally I have a great doubles partner! That trophy is MINE!
Actually, I just spoke with the officials. I'm not allowed to use this thing. I'm supposed to get a real racquet.

Yeah right! Then how do they expect us to DOMINATE?!
How do you even expect this thing to help me play? Do you think it's easy for me to hit stuff by swinging my head around?!

There are so many flaws in your tennis championship scheme, I can't even begin listing them!
YAAARGH! IT'S CHANGING SHAPE! CALL AN AMBULENCE!

But then it turned out to be a charity tournament, and they used the money to find a cure for shape-shifting tumors.
So...it all turned out OK?
Yeah. I swiped the trophy while they were all busy curing stuff.]]> If these walls could talk... http://too-far.net/index.php?strip_id=43 http://too-far.net/index.php?strip_id=43 Thu, 08 Dec 2005 19:39:56 -0000 <a href="http://too-far.net/index.php?strip_id=43">If these walls could talk...</a> Man, if these walls could talk, huh? I wonder what they'd say... Do you even know what that phrase means? Meanwhile, in a far off dimension where walls can talk... Mens, haat ik zijnd een muur! Man, if these walls could speak English, huh? I wonder what they'd say... If these walls could talk...

Man, if these walls could talk, huh? I wonder what they'd say...
Do you even know what that phrase means?

Meanwhile, in a far off dimension where walls can talk...

Mens, haat ik zijnd een muur!
Man, if these walls could speak English, huh? I wonder what they'd say...]]>